My dh is "here" technically, but with his apnea only his employer gets 100% of him, and on weekends (since he isn't at work) he is shut down.
I am sure this isn't what he imagined in life either, but it would help if he would get back in shape. Of course, the apnea is as good as an excuse as any NOT to.
He doesnt' mean to overload me, it just happens. It's far easier to stay home with the sn child where she has everything and won't disrupt anyone. I think the sickness we have had in the house lately has just discouraged me, attendance is spottier than usual. Usually dh will take the two older boys who serve behind the altar and I will stick at home with everyone else. If he goes to Matins, there isn't any way he could take the 5yo on down, or he could not read. I CAN'T focus on ANY part of the service with small children, I am too busy trying to keep them all quiet. It's a VERY small parish and every little sound carries. I used to be a baptist so keeping kids quiet in service is an expectation, maybe that's part of my stress.
I just do all of the parenting by myself, so the intensity of sunday services after a week of active duty sometimes just wears me down. I am getting better finally, adrenal issues are deeply affected by stress.
It's just complicated and confusing. such is life.
Just needed a kick in the pants, so to speak.