Author Topic: Is it really important  (Read 3843 times)

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Offline calligraphqueen

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Is it really important
« on: October 11, 2006, 01:26:22 PM »
to be at Liturgy IF you are only going to be carrying out children the whole time?  I mean, if I am downstairs (despite the fact there is a live feed from the service) tending a sn child-or any other number of little ones-what is the point?  I know everyone says it's still important that I show up, that the children see that I drove to this building.  But I can't cope with pointlessness, and it really looks pointless.
Dh lets my sn child make more noise in the Liturgy than I do, but he also ends up bringing her down to me or taking her out.  I haven't been attending at all lately due to sick kids or my own health.  I am fried by Friday night as it is-being a single parent of 7 does that to a person.
but I feel bad because Fr. drives up from NC every weekend.  I don't want to be motivated to just jump through hoops out of guilt, but I can't find a reason to just go sit in a chair downstairs dealing with Heather and whichever other child is noisy.

Kinda torn here.  suggestions?

Offline Fr. David

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Re: Is it really important
« Reply #1 on: October 11, 2006, 03:23:51 PM »
I've had those liturgies you speak of--where you spend more time out of the nave than in--and I only have one daughter!  I've spent almost an entire liturgy out of the actual building because she and I were going round and round (bad day).  Wife and I switch Sundays watching Hope, so perhaps you could suggest this to dh.

Question...if there IS a dh, why are you a "single mom"?

Try to remember, regardless, that not only is it important for your kids to see you go there, but also for them to be in there...are there some of your kids who stay up there while you're downstairs?  Also, and most of all, remember that when you became a parent, you (perhaps unwittingly!) signed a contract with God that said that you would, for all intents and purposes, forego full and undivided attention in worship services for a good long while.  Your ministry, your worship, and your prayer is all in your kids right now.  This probably doesn't make it any easier, but it's what my wife and I keep telling ourselves.

Prayers for you...
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Offline aurelia

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Re: Is it really important
« Reply #2 on: October 11, 2006, 05:16:40 PM »
Sweetie, I feel for you!  Is there any one you can leave them home with if only once a month so you can BE in liturgy, for yourself? I'm guessing they dont have it pipe fed downstairs. I really think DH needs to step it up a bit more, but you've heard me on that one already.  I'm sure he's wonderful, but he seems to just not get it.  YOU need a BREAK from the 24/7 thing, and if I were closer i'd switch off Sundays with you. (((((hugs))))

Offline Ebor

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Re: Is it really important
« Reply #3 on: October 12, 2006, 10:24:44 AM »
For a while our youngest, who has mild Down Syndrome, would go to the Nursery while we were both in the choir (the 2 older being in Sunday School/Church with us).  Then the Nursery got less support and there came to be many Sundays where there was no one there, so one of us stayed.  It came down to "Why spend the hours in the Nursery with him, when he has all he needs and likes at home?"  So it became one parent went to church with other 2, the other stayed home with him.    Now one of us goes to the early service, then comes home and 'tag-teams' so the other and siblings go to the later one.

Some day he will be able to sit quietly through a service (mostly) and look at books or the like and we can both be in the choir again.

Have you had any kind of diagnosis on what your sn child has, if it's not too impertinent to ask? 

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Offline choirfiend

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Re: Is it really important
« Reply #4 on: October 12, 2006, 05:12:03 PM »
Well, I dont know. Is caring for the child God has entrusted to you worth it? Is receiving the Eucharist worth it? Is understanding that caring for your children may be both the cross given to you to bear and the way in which you pray and worship God during church? I think that's a better way to think of it, and it's what Ive heard from priests concerning raising children.
Qui cantat, bis orat

Offline calligraphqueen

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Re: Is it really important
« Reply #5 on: October 14, 2006, 03:49:18 PM »
My dh is "here" technically, but with his apnea only his employer gets 100% of him, and on weekends (since he isn't at work) he is shut down.
I am sure this isn't what he imagined in life either, but it would help if he would get back in shape.  Of course, the apnea is as good as an excuse as any NOT to.

He doesnt' mean to overload me, it just happens.  It's far easier to stay home with the sn child where she has everything and won't disrupt anyone.  I think the sickness we have had in the house lately has just discouraged me, attendance is spottier than usual.  Usually dh will take the two older boys who serve behind the altar and I will stick at home with everyone else.  If he goes to Matins, there isn't any way he could take the 5yo on down, or he could not read.  I CAN'T focus on ANY part of the service with small children, I am too busy trying to keep them all quiet.  It's a VERY small parish and every little sound carries.  I used to be a baptist so keeping kids quiet in service is an expectation, maybe that's part of my stress.
I just do all of the parenting by myself, so the intensity of sunday services after a week of active duty sometimes just wears me down.  I am getting better finally, adrenal issues are deeply affected by stress.
It's just complicated and confusing. such is life.
Just needed a kick in the pants, so to speak. :)

Offline Protokletos

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Re: Is it really important
« Reply #6 on: October 16, 2006, 10:38:58 PM »
Dear calligraph queen:

I really appreicate your example and your honesty here. My wife and I have a baby girl, but we keep saying we want 5 or 6 if the Lord gives them to us. It sounds like you are fighting against insurmountable odds, and you may have to skip church more often than the rest of us, but I always tell people that I would rather hear loud kids in church than NOT hear loud kids in church.  I've been to churches where there are no kids making noise, and frankly it's depressing because those are the churches that probably won't be around for more than another generation. 

So keep doing the best you can, knowing that you are laboring for your family's salvation!