It's too bad that you're having this happen. I have to confess I'm a little surprised to read of how many people also had problems with families and planning a wedding.
We paid for our own wedding (at 29 and 33 we were old enough and established enough to do things right). Both sides were very agreeable, and not just because one family was in Montana and the other in Maryland
. Some ladies at church cooked the rehersal dinner and handled my father not eating red meat easily with a nice bit of fish. My great-aunt, the family matriarch, sang a comic song about "Who'll do the cookin'" (I'd never heard her sing in my life).
We had a nice older gentleman as DJ (recco'd by the lady from church who was a semi-professional photographer and did our pictures) who even played "Hail to the Redskins" (football team) for my father and one of the priests. For months afterwards guests would remark on what a nice party it had been and how good the wedding cake was(small cake baking business that had just moved out of the lady's house into a small industrial kitchen, with everything done fresh and by hand.)
It sounds like our experience might be not as common as the stories others have mentioned.