Author Topic: 2006 Darwin Awards  (Read 1489 times)

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Offline aurelia

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2006 Darwin Awards
« on: May 11, 2006, 11:49:38 AM »
My mother sent this to me today.  #9 is a local for me, too funny!
The Annual 2006 Darwin Awards         

Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us. Here then, are the glorious winners:
1.       When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long  Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked..... 
And now, the honorable mentions:

2.       The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little s hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company, expecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he  also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

3.       A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in
Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4.       After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental 
patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital,  telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.  The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5.       An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received
from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6.       A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. 
When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer --  $15.   (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)

7.       Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a
cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his head at the window.  The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8.       As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. 
The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed   description of the snatcher.  Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher.   They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID.  To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
9.       The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down  because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated,  walked away. 
10.     When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he  got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man  admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it  was the best laugh he'd ever had.

Offline Fr. George

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Re: 2006 Darwin Awards
« Reply #1 on: May 13, 2006, 10:03:33 AM »
I've got someone here at HC who deserves multiple Darwin awards, but has already reproduced, which is kind of against the spirit of the award's namesake - I mean, who cares if he does something so stupid that his arms might get ripped off, when he's already passed the genes on?
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Offline Sloga

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Re: 2006 Darwin Awards
« Reply #2 on: May 13, 2006, 10:34:41 AM »

3.  ÃƒÆ’‚  ÃƒÆ’‚  ÃƒÆ’‚ A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in
Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

It's funny because I believe atleast 50% of the ppulation would react like that LOL
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Offline aurelia

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Re: 2006 Darwin Awards
« Reply #3 on: May 16, 2006, 08:48:34 AM »
Have you ever tried to GET a parking spot on the street in Chicago, let alone do that much work for one? It's understandable.  Wrong, but understandable.  ;)