Author Topic: Marriage and Children  (Read 1290 times)

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Online beebert

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Marriage and Children
« on: January 30, 2017, 02:07:45 PM »
Hi everyone! I was wondering. Is it considered wrong to marry but to wait like 5 or 10 years with having children according to orthodoxy even if the married couple live together as brother and sister during that time? And also, is Children a must in marriage at all?
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Re: Marriage and Children
« Reply #1 on: January 30, 2017, 02:56:58 PM »
Hi everyone! I was wondering. Is it considered wrong to marry but to wait like 5 or 10 years with having children according to orthodoxy even if the married couple live together as brother and sister during that time?

It depends on the reasons and the circumstances.
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Re: Marriage and Children
« Reply #2 on: January 30, 2017, 03:10:05 PM »
Hi everyone! I was wondering. Is it considered wrong to marry but to wait like 5 or 10 years with having children according to orthodoxy even if the married couple live together as brother and sister during that time?

It depends on the reasons and the circumstances.
In what circumstances is it wrong?
'Thou shalt not follow a multitude to do evil' (Exodus 23:2)

Offline Dominika

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Re: Marriage and Children
« Reply #3 on: January 30, 2017, 03:17:53 PM »
Hi everyone! I was wondering. Is it considered wrong to marry but to wait like 5 or 10 years with having children according to orthodoxy even if the married couple live together as brother and sister during that time?

It depends on the reasons and the circumstances.
In what circumstances is it wrong?

Above all, egoism. If you're healthy and have stabile situation (in marriage, at work), have enough money to get by, there are no bombs flying above your head and you still think to wait to have a child. That's an example of course.
I'm not experienced in these issues, so probaly other forumers should write something more.
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Offline Agabus

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Re: Marriage and Children
« Reply #4 on: January 30, 2017, 03:19:07 PM »
Why get married now if one plans to live as brother and sister for five years?
Blessed Nazarius practiced the ascetic life. His clothes were tattered. He wore his shoes without removing them for six years.

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Re: Marriage and Children
« Reply #5 on: January 30, 2017, 03:19:24 PM »
Hi everyone! I was wondering. Is it considered wrong to marry but to wait like 5 or 10 years with having children according to orthodoxy even if the married couple live together as brother and sister during that time?

It depends on the reasons and the circumstances.
In what circumstances is it wrong?

Above all, egoism. If you're healthy and have stabile situation (in marriage, at work), have enough money to get by, there are no bombs flying above your head and you still think to wait to have a child. That's an example of course.
I'm not experienced in these issues, so probaly other forumers should write something more.

But could it not be considered selfish to HAVE kids as well? But yes I understand what you mean!
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Offline Dominika

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Re: Marriage and Children
« Reply #6 on: January 30, 2017, 03:21:43 PM »
Hi everyone! I was wondering. Is it considered wrong to marry but to wait like 5 or 10 years with having children according to orthodoxy even if the married couple live together as brother and sister during that time?

It depends on the reasons and the circumstances.
In what circumstances is it wrong?

Above all, egoism. If you're healthy and have stabile situation (in marriage, at work), have enough money to get by, there are no bombs flying above your head and you still think to wait to have a child. That's an example of course.
I'm not experienced in these issues, so probaly other forumers should write something more.

But could it not be considered selfish to HAVE kids as well? But yes I understand what you mean!

Yes. For example, if you want with/by your children to fullfill your own not done dreams, ambitions etc.
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Re: Marriage and Children
« Reply #7 on: January 30, 2017, 04:11:30 PM »
So to marry and then wait with having children is generally sinful? I ask because I am a Classical musician and would like to study music some more years before having Children and then it just came to me and I just started wonder if it is sinful to wait with having Children if you are married (I am not married)
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Re: Marriage and Children
« Reply #8 on: January 31, 2017, 04:22:33 AM »
So to marry and then wait with having children is generally sinful? I ask because I am a Classical musician and would like to study music some more years before having Children and then it just came to me and I just started wonder if it is sinful to wait with having Children if you are married (I am not married)

I wouldn't say so. It all depends on the circumstances, with the reasons of such decision etc. It's quite individual question. I understand you since I'd like to wait also some time o have the first child, I mean for sure not in the 1st year of the marriage - to build stronger relation with the husband, to get used to each other and also because of other causes.
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Re: Marriage and Children
« Reply #9 on: January 31, 2017, 05:23:27 AM »
So to marry and then wait with having children is generally sinful? I ask because I am a Classical musician and would like to study music some more years before having Children and then it just came to me and I just started wonder if it is sinful to wait with having Children if you are married (I am not married)

There's nothing wrong, in principle, with wanting the companionship of marriage before one is ready to start a family. It is, however, an issue to discuss in detail with one's spouse and spiritual father, to make sure everyone is on the same page.
'Evil isn't the real threat to the world. Stupid is just as destructive as evil, maybe more so, and it's a hell of a lot more common. What we really need is a crusade against stupid. That might actually make a difference.'~Harry Dresden

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Online beebert

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Re: Marriage and Children
« Reply #10 on: January 31, 2017, 07:58:56 AM »
So to marry and then wait with having children is generally sinful? I ask because I am a Classical musician and would like to study music some more years before having Children and then it just came to me and I just started wonder if it is sinful to wait with having Children if you are married (I am not married)

There's nothing wrong, in principle, with wanting the companionship of marriage before one is ready to start a family. It is, however, an issue to discuss in detail with one's spouse and spiritual father, to make sure everyone is on the same page.
But I have thought that It is considered sinful to Marry and to not have children as soon as you can according to orthodoxy. At the same time I wonder why It matters
'Thou shalt not follow a multitude to do evil' (Exodus 23:2)

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Re: Marriage and Children
« Reply #11 on: January 31, 2017, 09:07:58 AM »
So to marry and then wait with having children is generally sinful? I ask because I am a Classical musician and would like to study music some more years before having Children and then it just came to me and I just started wonder if it is sinful to wait with having Children if you are married (I am not married)

There's nothing wrong, in principle, with wanting the companionship of marriage before one is ready to start a family. It is, however, an issue to discuss in detail with one's spouse and spiritual father, to make sure everyone is on the same page.
But I have thought that It is considered sinful to Marry and to not have children as soon as you can according to orthodoxy. At the same time I wonder why It matters

That's why it is important to keep your priest in the loop.
'Evil isn't the real threat to the world. Stupid is just as destructive as evil, maybe more so, and it's a hell of a lot more common. What we really need is a crusade against stupid. That might actually make a difference.'~Harry Dresden

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Online beebert

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Re: Marriage and Children
« Reply #12 on: January 31, 2017, 09:35:55 AM »
So to marry and then wait with having children is generally sinful? I ask because I am a Classical musician and would like to study music some more years before having Children and then it just came to me and I just started wonder if it is sinful to wait with having Children if you are married (I am not married)

There's nothing wrong, in principle, with wanting the companionship of marriage before one is ready to start a family. It is, however, an issue to discuss in detail with one's spouse and spiritual father, to make sure everyone is on the same page.
But I have thought that It is considered sinful to Marry and to not have children as soon as you can according to orthodoxy. At the same time I wonder why It matters

That's why it is important to keep your priest in the loop.
Sure. But would the priest say "it is sinful of you to wait" really? Does not the married couple have the right to decide when and if to have kids?
'Thou shalt not follow a multitude to do evil' (Exodus 23:2)

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Re: Marriage and Children
« Reply #13 on: January 31, 2017, 09:43:43 AM »
So to marry and then wait with having children is generally sinful? I ask because I am a Classical musician and would like to study music some more years before having Children and then it just came to me and I just started wonder if it is sinful to wait with having Children if you are married (I am not married)

There's nothing wrong, in principle, with wanting the companionship of marriage before one is ready to start a family. It is, however, an issue to discuss in detail with one's spouse and spiritual father, to make sure everyone is on the same page.
But I have thought that It is considered sinful to Marry and to not have children as soon as you can according to orthodoxy. At the same time I wonder why It matters

That's why it is important to keep your priest in the loop.
Sure. But would the priest say "it is sinful of you to wait" really? Does not the married couple have the right to decide when and if to have kids?

As it has been mentioned above, why you want to wait matters too.
'Evil isn't the real threat to the world. Stupid is just as destructive as evil, maybe more so, and it's a hell of a lot more common. What we really need is a crusade against stupid. That might actually make a difference.'~Harry Dresden

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Online beebert

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Re: Marriage and Children
« Reply #14 on: January 31, 2017, 10:05:41 AM »
So to marry and then wait with having children is generally sinful? I ask because I am a Classical musician and would like to study music some more years before having Children and then it just came to me and I just started wonder if it is sinful to wait with having Children if you are married (I am not married)

There's nothing wrong, in principle, with wanting the companionship of marriage before one is ready to start a family. It is, however, an issue to discuss in detail with one's spouse and spiritual father, to make sure everyone is on the same page.
But I have thought that It is considered sinful to Marry and to not have children as soon as you can according to orthodoxy. At the same time I wonder why It matters

That's why it is important to keep your priest in the loop.
Sure. But would the priest say "it is sinful of you to wait" really? Does not the married couple have the right to decide when and if to have kids?

As it has been mentioned above, why you want to wait matters too.
In my case the will to focus on music a few more years. I guess that is selfish?
'Thou shalt not follow a multitude to do evil' (Exodus 23:2)

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Re: Marriage and Children
« Reply #15 on: January 31, 2017, 10:40:17 AM »
If it's part of the way you are going to earn a living, but you will have kids later, then I don't think it's a sin. You will get there when you get there.
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Re: Marriage and Children
« Reply #16 on: January 31, 2017, 10:44:39 AM »
If it's part of the way you are going to earn a living, but you will have kids later, then I don't think it's a sin. You will get there when you get there.

I see!  Thanks
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Re: Marriage and Children
« Reply #17 on: January 31, 2017, 10:45:42 AM »
So to marry and then wait with having children is generally sinful? I ask because I am a Classical musician and would like to study music some more years before having Children and then it just came to me and I just started wonder if it is sinful to wait with having Children if you are married (I am not married)

There's nothing wrong, in principle, with wanting the companionship of marriage before one is ready to start a family. It is, however, an issue to discuss in detail with one's spouse and spiritual father, to make sure everyone is on the same page.
But I have thought that It is considered sinful to Marry and to not have children as soon as you can according to orthodoxy. At the same time I wonder why It matters

That's why it is important to keep your priest in the loop.
Sure. But would the priest say "it is sinful of you to wait" really? Does not the married couple have the right to decide when and if to have kids?

As it has been mentioned above, why you want to wait matters too.
In my case the will to focus on music a few more years. I guess that is selfish?

That's for us not to pronounce on and for you to discuss with your priest and your putative wife.
'Evil isn't the real threat to the world. Stupid is just as destructive as evil, maybe more so, and it's a hell of a lot more common. What we really need is a crusade against stupid. That might actually make a difference.'~Harry Dresden

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Offline ialmisry

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Re: Marriage and Children
« Reply #18 on: January 31, 2017, 12:27:00 PM »
So to marry and then wait with having children is generally sinful? I ask because I am a Classical musician and would like to study music some more years before having Children and then it just came to me and I just started wonder if it is sinful to wait with having Children if you are married (I am not married)

There's nothing wrong, in principle, with wanting the companionship of marriage before one is ready to start a family. It is, however, an issue to discuss in detail with one's spouse and spiritual father, to make sure everyone is on the same page.
But I have thought that It is considered sinful to Marry and to not have children as soon as you can according to orthodoxy. At the same time I wonder why It matters

That's why it is important to keep your priest in the loop.
Sure. But would the priest say "it is sinful of you to wait" really? Does not the married couple have the right to decide when and if to have kids?

As it has been mentioned above, why you want to wait matters too.
In my case the will to focus on music a few more years. I guess that is selfish?

That's for us not to pronounce on and for you to discuss with your priest and your putative wife.
It is sinful to obsess about in the absence of at least a prospective spouse.
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Re: Marriage and Children
« Reply #19 on: January 31, 2017, 12:28:41 PM »
Hi everyone! I was wondering. Is it considered wrong to marry but to wait like 5 or 10 years with having children according to orthodoxy even if the married couple live together as brother and sister during that time? And also, is Children a must in marriage at all?
The intent to have them is.

If you wait to have them when you are ready, you will not have them.

If you live together as brother and sister, there is no reason to get married.
Question a friend, perhaps he did not do it; but if he did anything so that he may do it no more.
A hasty quarrel kindles fire,
and urgent strife sheds blood.
If you blow on a spark, it will glow;
if you spit on it, it will be put out;
                           and both come out of your mouth

Online beebert

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Re: Marriage and Children
« Reply #20 on: January 31, 2017, 12:49:25 PM »
Hi everyone! I was wondering. Is it considered wrong to marry but to wait like 5 or 10 years with having children according to orthodoxy even if the married couple live together as brother and sister during that time? And also, is Children a must in marriage at all?
The intent to have them is.

If you wait to have them when you are ready, you will not have them.

If you live together as brother and sister, there is no reason to get married.

So you are saying that as soon as one marries one must have Children?
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Online beebert

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Re: Marriage and Children
« Reply #21 on: January 31, 2017, 12:50:21 PM »
So to marry and then wait with having children is generally sinful? I ask because I am a Classical musician and would like to study music some more years before having Children and then it just came to me and I just started wonder if it is sinful to wait with having Children if you are married (I am not married)

There's nothing wrong, in principle, with wanting the companionship of marriage before one is ready to start a family. It is, however, an issue to discuss in detail with one's spouse and spiritual father, to make sure everyone is on the same page.
But I have thought that It is considered sinful to Marry and to not have children as soon as you can according to orthodoxy. At the same time I wonder why It matters

That's why it is important to keep your priest in the loop.
Sure. But would the priest say "it is sinful of you to wait" really? Does not the married couple have the right to decide when and if to have kids?

As it has been mentioned above, why you want to wait matters too.
In my case the will to focus on music a few more years. I guess that is selfish?

That's for us not to pronounce on and for you to discuss with your priest and your putative wife.
It is sinful to obsess about in the absence of at least a prospective spouse.
So I am comitting a sin when I ask this question you mean?
'Thou shalt not follow a multitude to do evil' (Exodus 23:2)

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Re: Marriage and Children
« Reply #22 on: January 31, 2017, 01:12:00 PM »
Oh boy...
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Online beebert

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Re: Marriage and Children
« Reply #23 on: January 31, 2017, 01:21:51 PM »
'Thou shalt not follow a multitude to do evil' (Exodus 23:2)

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Re: Marriage and Children
« Reply #24 on: January 31, 2017, 05:43:07 PM »
Oh boy...
was there something wrong with my question?
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Re: Marriage and Children
« Reply #25 on: February 01, 2017, 01:22:43 AM »
So to marry and then wait with having children is generally sinful? I ask because I am a Classical musician and would like to study music some more years before having Children and then it just came to me and I just started wonder if it is sinful to wait with having Children if you are married (I am not married)

There's nothing wrong, in principle, with wanting the companionship of marriage before one is ready to start a family. It is, however, an issue to discuss in detail with one's spouse and spiritual father, to make sure everyone is on the same page.
But I have thought that It is considered sinful to Marry and to not have children as soon as you can according to orthodoxy. At the same time I wonder why It matters

That's why it is important to keep your priest in the loop.
Sure. But would the priest say "it is sinful of you to wait" really? Does not the married couple have the right to decide when and if to have kids?

As it has been mentioned above, why you want to wait matters too.
In my case the will to focus on music a few more years. I guess that is selfish?

What if your hypothetical wife is not on board with living as brother and sister [stupid euphemism] not having sex with her husband which is her right since neither spouse's body is their own anymore? 
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Re: Marriage and Children
« Reply #26 on: February 01, 2017, 04:38:07 AM »
So to marry and then wait with having children is generally sinful? I ask because I am a Classical musician and would like to study music some more years before having Children and then it just came to me and I just started wonder if it is sinful to wait with having Children if you are married (I am not married)

There's nothing wrong, in principle, with wanting the companionship of marriage before one is ready to start a family. It is, however, an issue to discuss in detail with one's spouse and spiritual father, to make sure everyone is on the same page.
But I have thought that It is considered sinful to Marry and to not have children as soon as you can according to orthodoxy. At the same time I wonder why It matters

That's why it is important to keep your priest in the loop.
Sure. But would the priest say "it is sinful of you to wait" really? Does not the married couple have the right to decide when and if to have kids?

As it has been mentioned above, why you want to wait matters too.
In my case the will to focus on music a few more years. I guess that is selfish?

What if your hypothetical wife is not on board with living as brother and sister [stupid euphemism] not having sex with her husband which is her right since neither spouse's body is their own anymore?
yes of course; But IF she is. This is all just hypothetical :)
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Re: Marriage and Children
« Reply #27 on: February 01, 2017, 06:04:13 AM »
So to marry and then wait with having children is generally sinful? I ask because I am a Classical musician and would like to study music some more years before having Children and then it just came to me and I just started wonder if it is sinful to wait with having Children if you are married (I am not married)

There's nothing wrong, in principle, with wanting the companionship of marriage before one is ready to start a family. It is, however, an issue to discuss in detail with one's spouse and spiritual father, to make sure everyone is on the same page.
But I have thought that It is considered sinful to Marry and to not have children as soon as you can according to orthodoxy. At the same time I wonder why It matters

That's why it is important to keep your priest in the loop.
Sure. But would the priest say "it is sinful of you to wait" really? Does not the married couple have the right to decide when and if to have kids?

As it has been mentioned above, why you want to wait matters too.
In my case the will to focus on music a few more years. I guess that is selfish?

What if your hypothetical wife is not on board with living as brother and sister [stupid euphemism] not having sex with her husband which is her right since neither spouse's body is their own anymore?
yes of course; But IF she is. This is all just hypothetical :)

And this is why Isa said, further up, that you shouldn't obsess over hypotheticals.
'Evil isn't the real threat to the world. Stupid is just as destructive as evil, maybe more so, and it's a hell of a lot more common. What we really need is a crusade against stupid. That might actually make a difference.'~Harry Dresden

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Re: Marriage and Children
« Reply #28 on: February 01, 2017, 06:39:36 AM »
I don't obsess... basically at least I get the impression that marriage means having kids and that as soon as possible. All I wanted was to know the orthodox view.
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Re: Marriage and Children
« Reply #29 on: February 01, 2017, 07:16:27 AM »
I don't obsess... basically at least I get the impression that marriage means having kids and that as soon as possible. All I wanted was to know the orthodox view.

Marriage means creating a stable environment for a family to grow. Which means wanting kids. The timeframe is different for each family, depending on their circumstances. If there is too much unfinished business already, like studies to be completed, perhaps it is better to delay even the marriage. A partner who won't wait a couple of years for a degree to be completed may prove impatient in other things too.

Also, don't fret too much about the whole 'being ready for kids' idea. No one is ever completely ready for kids. Not even those who have been wanting them and actively trying for months or years. Parenthood is learned strictly on the job. Prep is good, but no amount of prep will ever cover all the possible ways a kid can throw your life off balance. Only rolling with it works.
« Last Edit: February 01, 2017, 07:16:48 AM by Arachne »
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Re: Marriage and Children
« Reply #30 on: February 01, 2017, 07:45:14 AM »
I don't obsess... basically at least I get the impression that marriage means having kids and that as soon as possible. All I wanted was to know the orthodox view.

Marriage means creating a stable environment for a family to grow. Which means wanting kids. The timeframe is different for each family, depending on their circumstances. If there is too much unfinished business already, like studies to be completed, perhaps it is better to delay even the marriage. A partner who won't wait a couple of years for a degree to be completed may prove impatient in other things too.

Also, don't fret too much about the whole 'being ready for kids' idea. No one is ever completely ready for kids. Not even those who have been wanting them and actively trying for months or years. Parenthood is learned strictly on the job. Prep is good, but no amount of prep will ever cover all the possible ways a kid can throw your life off balance. Only rolling with it works.
thanks for the fine answer. So basically, it all depends. So waiting with having kids just for the sake of waiting might be wrong
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Re: Marriage and Children
« Reply #31 on: Yesterday at 04:02:53 PM »
Hi everyone! I was wondering. Is it considered wrong to marry but to wait like 5 or 10 years with having children according to orthodoxy even if the married couple live together as brother and sister during that time? And also, is Children a must in marriage at all?

No need to have kids. I think you alone know what will make you happy. And if you are like me to think children will be something not good for you then there is no law against happiness.

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Re: Marriage and Children
« Reply #32 on: Yesterday at 04:05:37 PM »
Hi everyone! I was wondering. Is it considered wrong to marry but to wait like 5 or 10 years with having children according to orthodoxy even if the married couple live together as brother and sister during that time? And also, is Children a must in marriage at all?

No need to have kids. I think you alone know what will make you happy. And if you are like me to think children will be something not good for you then there is no law against happiness.

If everyone actually knew what would make them happy, everyone would be, you know, happy.

Also, as we've said before, don't believe everything you think.
'Evil isn't the real threat to the world. Stupid is just as destructive as evil, maybe more so, and it's a hell of a lot more common. What we really need is a crusade against stupid. That might actually make a difference.'~Harry Dresden

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Re: Marriage and Children
« Reply #33 on: Yesterday at 05:31:04 PM »
Hi everyone! I was wondering. Is it considered wrong to marry but to wait like 5 or 10 years with having children according to orthodoxy even if the married couple live together as brother and sister during that time? And also, is Children a must in marriage at all?

No need to have kids. I think you alone know what will make you happy. And if you are like me to think children will be something not good for you then there is no law against happiness.

If everyone actually knew what would make them happy, everyone would be, you know, happy.

Also, as we've said before, don't believe everything you think.

But you know that all we need is good health and a spouse. So I don't know why all are not happy. If you can feel the warmth of the other person this is enough... God I think will say if you ask Him "why I can't become happy": Because you don't seek the answer where is your happiness. And your only happiness is where your warmth is.
« Last Edit: Yesterday at 05:40:29 PM by Indocern »

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Re: Marriage and Children
« Reply #34 on: Yesterday at 06:43:56 PM »
But you know that all we need is good health and a spouse. So I don't know why all are not happy.

Plenty of people have both and are miserable.
Plenty of people have only one and are happy.
Even more people have neither and are happy too.

There's a lot more to consider here. Not everyone wants or needs what you do.

If you can feel the warmth of the other person this is enough... God I think will say if you ask Him "why I can't become happy": Because you don't seek the answer where is your happiness. And your only happiness is where your warmth is.

The only thing worse than not getting what you believe will make you happy is getting it and realising that you were wrong.
« Last Edit: Yesterday at 06:44:24 PM by Arachne »
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Offline scamandrius

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Re: Marriage and Children
« Reply #35 on: Today at 12:22:34 AM »
Hi everyone! I was wondering. Is it considered wrong to marry but to wait like 5 or 10 years with having children according to orthodoxy even if the married couple live together as brother and sister during that time? And also, is Children a must in marriage at all?

1) I don't think it's ever wrong to wait to have children especially if you feel you don't have the temperament for it (I think rearing kids is definitely for when one is younger. I'm 40 and have a 15 month old and it's difficult) or if you do not have the financial means to do so.

2)  Is children a must?  I'm going to say that if you're going to get married, you should expect to have children.  Now, that may not be popular and I know that not all couples are even capable of having children.  However, if you go through the Orthodox wedding service and just see how many references there are to the couple to having children, I think it's pretty obvious that the two are expected to go hand and hand. 

Here are a few from the wedding service.

Quote
The opening psalm: Your wife shall be as a fruitful vine on the sides of your house.  Your children like young olive plants around your table.

The Litany: That there may be given unto them soberness of life, and fruit of the womb as may be most expedient for them; let us pray to the Lord. That they may rejoice in the beholding of sons and daughters; let us pray to the Lord. That there may be granted unto them the happiness of abundant fertility, and a course of life blameless and unashamed; let us pray to the Lord.

The first prayer: O God most pure, Author of all creation, Who through Your man-befriending love transformed a rib of Adam the forefather into a woman, and blessed them and said, "Increase and multiply, and have dominion over the earth," and, by the conjoining, declared them both to be one member, for because of this a man shall forsake his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife, and the two shall be one flesh‑and whom God has joined together let not man put asunder;

Who did also bless Your servant Abraham, and opened the womb of Sara, and made him the father of many nations; Who bestowed Isaac upon Rebecca, and blessed her offspring; Who joined Jacob and Rachel, and from them made manifest the twelve patriarchs; Who yoked Joseph and Asenath together, and as the fruit of generation did bestow upon them Ephrem and Manasse; Who accepted Zacharias and Elizabeth, and declared their offspring the ForerunnerWho out of the root of Jesse, according to the flesh, produced the Ever‑Virgin Mary, and from her were Incarnate-born for the salvation of the human race; Who through Your unspeakable Grace and plentiful goodness were present in Cana of Galilee, and blessed the marriage there, that You might show a lawful union, and a generation there from, is according to Your Will; do You Yourself, O Most Holy Master, accept the prayer of us, Your servants; and as You were present there, be present also here with Your invisible protection.

Bless (+) this marriage and grant unto these Your servants (Name) and (Name) a peaceful life, length of days, chastity, love for one another in a bond of peace, offspring long‑lived, fair fame by reason of their children, and a crown of glory that does not fade away.

Account them worthy to see their children's children. Keep their wedlock safe against every hostile scheme; give them of the dew from the Heavens above, and of the fatness of the earth. Fill their houses with bountiful food, and with every good thing, that they may have to give to them that are in need, bestowing also on them that are here assembled with us all their supplications that are unto salvation.

Is it a must?  I think it's just naturally expected but not in a legal sense. However, imho, I do not understand why people get married and not expect to have children.  I think that is a very narrow view of what marriage is about.
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Offline Porter ODoran

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Re: Marriage and Children
« Reply #36 on: Today at 12:46:37 AM »
Hi everyone! I was wondering. Is it considered wrong to marry but to wait like 5 or 10 years with having children according to orthodoxy even if the married couple live together as brother and sister during that time? And also, is Children a must in marriage at all?

1) I don't think it's ever wrong to wait to have children especially if you feel you don't have the temperament for it (I think rearing kids is definitely for when one is younger. I'm 40 and have a 15 month old and it's difficult) or if you do not have the financial means to do so.

Studies have shown pretty definitively that the children of older parents do better than the children of younger. Forties is supposed to show very good parenting results. (Of course this is in the modern, fragmented milieu.)

Quote
2)  Is children a must?  I'm going to say that if you're going to get married, you should expect to have children.  Now, that may not be popular and I know that not all couples are even capable of having children.  However, if you go through the Orthodox wedding service and just see how many references there are to the couple to having children, I think it's pretty obvious that the two are expected to go hand and hand.

Do you not see a contradiction between your points one and two?
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Offline scamandrius

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Re: Marriage and Children
« Reply #37 on: Today at 10:09:58 AM »
Hi everyone! I was wondering. Is it considered wrong to marry but to wait like 5 or 10 years with having children according to orthodoxy even if the married couple live together as brother and sister during that time? And also, is Children a must in marriage at all?

1) I don't think it's ever wrong to wait to have children especially if you feel you don't have the temperament for it (I think rearing kids is definitely for when one is younger. I'm 40 and have a 15 month old and it's difficult) or if you do not have the financial means to do so.

Studies have shown pretty definitively that the children of older parents do better than the children of younger. Forties is supposed to show very good parenting results. (Of course this is in the modern, fragmented milieu.)

Quote
2)  Is children a must?  I'm going to say that if you're going to get married, you should expect to have children.  Now, that may not be popular and I know that not all couples are even capable of having children.  However, if you go through the Orthodox wedding service and just see how many references there are to the couple to having children, I think it's pretty obvious that the two are expected to go hand and hand.

Do you not see a contradiction between your points one and two?

Maybe, but it's interesting how temperaments can change especially when circumstances force you to do so.  I know mine did; it had to.

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