I do not hear the voice of experience here
What you hear is the voice of someone who has been formally diagnosed with a half dozen depressive disorders and anxieties, and very seriously contemplated suicide (not as a "cry for help," but as a real "solution") for a period of about 5 years. I also have social anxiety disorder and I'm pretty sure bipolar disorder to this day. I had years of struggling with behavioral problems in grade school, when I would get pulled from class to go see a counseller on a weekly basis, I dealt with tourettes syndrome, phyiscal abuse, and other childhood issues; then when I got older I had repeated periods of unemployment (work 3 months, unemployed 9 months, repeat cycle) and feeling useless for years on end. I would have killed myself had it not been for my fearing hell. I had no reason to live, none at all. I have never "felt" love, ever, from anyone. Not to this day--not in the mushy, warm way that other people speak of it. I'm a cold person, whether made that way through nature or life experience.
, while I am probably not "healthy" by most people's standards (nor will I ever be), I am not suicidal. But I know what it is like to be that way, to be caught in a cycle of depression for years on end. At one point in my life I didn't go out of the house for something like 6 months. I was living with my Grand Mother who was my legal guardian, and she got all the food and whatnot, and I just literally did the same thing every day for 6 months straight: get up, watch TV, go on computer, go to bed. I am not unfamiliar with the type of depression that makes you just not want to live, and also that tricks you into thinking that it's no use trying. But I escaped, and I refuse to play the game that other people play, where they cuddle and emotionally shower love on someone depressed. Such things are what a suicidal person wants, but they are not what they need
, because tomorrow the other person will not be there to cuddle and shower, and the depressed person will resume their cyclical life.
I know because I've been there. I know because people did it for me, and to me, for years.
It was not until I grew up and had to deal with things myself, and look for answers and stability myself, and look for reasons to live for myself, that true answers came to me. But this is hard for someone caught in the cycle to take in and apply to their lives.They hear it, and maybe believe it, and maybe think that they will apply it; but it is extremely difficult. Thus the reason that I speak of just living, of focusing on the positive, of doing what you can. Because as long as you focus on the negative, on what you don't have, then you will never escape the cycle, because no matter how much good happens, you will always find the hint of a cloud in the distance in the 99% clear, picture-perfect blue sky. Again, I've been there. For example, I don't know how many jobs I've quit which would have been very good to keep, simply because I didn't feel like I could go, I didn't feel alive enough, I felt worthless, I wanted to die. And if I hadn't believed in hell, I would have killed myself. To this day I know the "plan" I had down to the last little detail, and I had enough precautions thrown in to make sure that if one part of the attempt didn't end things, the other part would.
PS. I'm not sure which angers me more, that I let my pride coax me into coming to my own defense, though paradoxically making that defense by airing my own dirty laundry, or that you made the comment in the first place.