From the Bazaar,
to the Plentitude of the Faithful over the age of 21 in the US of A, and to all the faithful in the world abroad,
To the Holy Synod of Spirits, and its President, His Inebriatedness the Bishop of Bourbon and Supreme Pontiff,
To the reverened Distillery Metropolitans, Distribution Despotas, Pricing Presbyters, Imbibing Deacons,
Instructors and students at the Bartending Universities of the Holy Ecumenoi and the Patriarchate of All Fruit-Based Alchohols,
The Great Distiller is presented into the Tavern for our salvation!
In accordance with the ancient typikon of the Grand Taverna of the Great Distiller, and the practice of the Holy Synod of Spirits, in conjunction with the canons that guide the consumption of Alchohols everywhere, it is our duty as Chief Secretariat of the Holy Synod of Spirits to announce the ordinations of the servants of the Great Distiller listed below to the episcopacy, to the vacant sees listded, through the ancient custom of the laying on of drinking glasses (in hand) by the servants, the His Inebriatedness the Bishop of Bourbon, His All-Imbibedness the Metropolitan of Metaxa, and His All-Imbibedness the Metropolitan of Mead.
+RED DEACON, Archbishop of Port and All Drinks Passed to the Left, Keeper of the Cheese-board, Chartophylax of the Ecumenical Throne.
It is in the joy of the Great Distiller that we welcome the new Archbishop of Port and raise a glass of his episcopal drink, hoping that the Great Distiller shows mercy on his liver, and on the livers of us all.
Metropolitan of Metaxa and All Brandy, and All Fruit-Based Alchohols, Ecumenical Patriarch
Chief Secretariat of the Holy Synod of Spirits