His Inebriatedness the Bishop of Bourbon, Vicar of the Great Distiller, Successor to the Prince of the Apprentices of the Great Distiller, Supreme Pontiff of All Alcohol, Patriarch of all Grain-Based Alcohols, Primate of Kentucky, Archbishop and Metropolitan of All Whisky, Sovereign of Loretto, and Servant of the Servants of the Great Distiller, Presiding Bishop of the Holy Synod of the Spirits.
To His Imbibedness +ROBERT, the Cardinal Archbishop of Scotch, and all Cardinal, Patriarch, Archbishop, Metropolitan, Bishop, Priest, Deacon, Monastic, and Faithful Consumers of Alcohol,
With a yea vote from all save one member of the Holy Synod of Spirits, and the abstaining hierarch +CHRIS of Mead and all Beer objecting on grounds not of suitability for the posistion but for the outlandish claim that Robert could drink more Burbon than not only Our Inebriatedness, but more than the entire Synod Combined. Thus the Synod Elevates +ROBERT to the Archbishopric of Scotch. Furthermore, as this See is within the Jurisdiction of the Bishop of Bourbon, Archbishop and Metropolitan of All Whiskey, and Supreme Pontiff of All Alcohol, Our Inebriatedness further elevates His Imbibedness +ROBERT, Archbishop of Scotch, to the posistion of Alcoholic Cardinal, for a See as estemed as Scotch should certainly be held in high regard amongst the Whiskeys. However, this is all done on the understanding that His Imbibedness will present himself before this most Holy and Alcoholic Synod, with Spirits in hand, representing the Fruits of His Imbibedness See, and gifts representing the Fruits of Our Inebriatedness' See, and attempt to prove his claim of being the Drinker-Under-the-Table of the Entire Synod, and in doing so he shall either vindicate himself showing the unbelievable to be true, that is to say outdrinking the entire Synod; or, as is more likely to be the case, by kneeling before the porcelain throne be brought to humility and repentance.
His Inebriatedness the Bishop of Bourbon, Supreme Pontiff of All Alcohol, and Servant of the Servants of the Great Distiller, President of the Holy Synod of the Spirits.