Random Postings

[SouthSerb99]

Put them on the liver doner list.  You get a brand spankin new one to mess up!

[Fr. George]

Oh boy... nothin like having a guy with cirrosis get a new liver, only to alkey the new one up too...
Of course, that's the Balkain spirit, now isn't it SS?

[SouthSerb99]

The ultimate Serbian inheritance, "a fresh liver", to get a new start! 

[Fr. George]

Hmmm.... see, I think in our culture, that inheritence would rank slightly below an olive farm or a herd of goats... but it's still up there!

[sdcheung]

Hmmm.... see, I think in our culture, that inheritence would rank slightly below an olive farm or a herd of goats... but it's still up there!

Beats getting an Inheritence in the boondocks of China where your family gives you a piece of land only big enough for a Port-A-Potty.

[Fr. George]

Does it come with the port-a-potty?  Cause that would be marketable, at least...

[Zoe]

The port-a-potty is perhaps the worst invention in history.

[sdcheung]

Does it come with the port-a-potty?  Cause that would be marketable, at least...

I think we have to Install one.

[Fr. George]

Why?  Isn't a small, uncomfortable, smelly, ackward portable toilet exactly what we need?

(BTW: In England, don't they have public toilets built in the middle of the sidewalk in some places - i.e. London?)

[Fr. George]

Yes - A Port-o-potty!  And then we can install - a shrubery!

[Zoe]

...and be sure to get the two-level effect!


NI!!!!!!!!

[Fr. George]

Only if you're brave enough to go out and acquire that shrubbery...

Bring out your dead!

[Zoe]

Please, I cut trees down with herrings for a living.  No shrubbery can stop me.

HELP! HELP! I'M BEIN' OPPRESSED!

[Fr. George]

Methinks the oppression should not be too much for you to handle...

But I can handle the peril....
No, it's too... perilous!

[Mor Ephrem]

"I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!"

[Fr. George]

Nnnnnnnnnnnnuuuu!

Eh, not quite...

Nu!

[Fr. David]

My favorite scene:

DENNIS: What I object to is you automatically treat me like an inferior!
ARTHUR: Well, I AM king...
DENNIS: Oh king, eh, very nice. An' how'd you get that, eh? By exploitin' the workers -- by 'angin' on to our outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic an' social differences in our society! If there's ever going to be any progress--
WOMAN: Dennis, there's some lovely filth down here. Oh -- how d'you do?
ARTHUR: How do you do, good lady. I am Arthur, King of the Britons. Who's castle is that?
WOMAN: King of the who?
ARTHUR: The Britons.
WOMAN: Who are the Britons?
ARTHUR: Well, we all are. we're all Britons and I am your king.
WOMAN: I didn't know we had a king. I thought we were an autonomous collective.
DENNIS: You're fooling yourself. We're living in a dictatorship.  A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes--
WOMAN: Oh there you go, bringing class into it again.
....
DENNIS: I told you. We're an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We take it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week.
ARTHUR: Yes.
DENNIS: But all the decisions of that officer have to be ratified at a special biweekly meeting.
ARTHUR: Yes, I see.
DENNIS: By a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs,--
ARTHUR: Be quiet!
DENNIS: --but by a two-thirds majority in the case of more--
ARTHUR: Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!
WOMAN: Order, eh -- who does he think he is?
ARTHUR: I am your king!
WOMAN: Well, I didn't vote for you.
ARTHUR: You don't vote for kings.
WOMAN: Well, 'ow did you become king then?
ARTHUR: The Lady of the Lake, [angels sing] her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of
the water signifying by Divine Providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. [singing stops] That is why I am your king!
DENNIS: Listen -- strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
ARTHUR: Be quiet!
DENNIS: Well you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!
ARTHUR: Shut up!
DENNIS: I mean, if I went around sayin' I was an emperor just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me they'd put me away!
ARTHUR: Shut up! Will you shut up!
DENNIS: Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system.
ARTHUR: Shut up!
DENNIS: Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! HELP! HELP! I'm being repressed!
ARTHUR: Bloody peasant!
DENNIS: Oh, what a give away. Did you hear that, did you hear that, eh? That's what I'm on about -- did you see him repressing me, you saw it didn't you?

[sdcheung]

teeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeereeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeremmmmmTerrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirem...

[Fr. George]

I love that exchange!  I laugh at it every time!

How about this? (http://www.rit.edu/~smo4215/monty.htm)

 ARTHUR: You fight with the strength of many men, Sir knight.
[pause]
I am Arthur, King of the Britons.
[pause]
I seek the finest and the bravest knights in the land to
join me in my Court of Camelot.
[pause]
You have proved yourself worthy; will you join me?
[pause]
You make me sad. So be it. Come, Patsy.
BLACK KNIGHT: None shall pass.
ARTHUR: What?
BLACK KNIGHT: None shall pass.
ARTHUR: I have no quarrel with you, good Sir knight, but I must
cross this bridge.
BLACK KNIGHT: Then you shall die.
ARTHUR: I command you as King of the Britons to stand aside!
BLACK KNIGHT: I move for no man.
ARTHUR: So be it!
[hah]
[parry thrust]
[ARTHUR chops the BLACK KNIGHT's left arm off]
ARTHUR: Now stand aside, worthy adversary.
BLACK KNIGHT: 'Tis but a scratch.
ARTHUR: A scratch? Your arm's off!
BLACK KNIGHT: No, it isn't.
ARTHUR: Well, what's that then?
BLACK KNIGHT: I've had worse.
ARTHUR: You liar!
BLACK KNIGHT: Come on you pansy!
[hah]
[parry thrust]
[ARTHUR chops the BLACK KNIGHT's right arm off]
ARTHUR: Victory is mine!
[kneeling]
We thank thee Lord, that in thy merc-
[Black Knight kicks Arthur in the head while he is praying]
BLACK KNIGHT: Come on then.
ARTHUR: What?
BLACK KNIGHT: Have at you!
ARTHUR: You are indeed brave, Sir knight, but the fight is mine.
BLACK KNIGHT: Oh, had enough, eh?
ARTHUR: Look, you stupid bastard, you've got no arms left.
BLACK KNIGHT: Yes I have.
ARTHUR: Look!
BLACK KNIGHT: Just a flesh wound.
[Headbutts Arthur in the chest]
ARTHUR: Look, stop that.
BLACK KNIGHT: Chicken! Chicken!
ARTHUR: Look, I'll have your leg. Right!
[whop]
[ARTHUR chops the BLACK KNIGHT's leg off]
BLACK KNIGHT: Right, I'll do you for that!
ARTHUR: You'll what?
BLACK KNIGHT: Come 'ere!
ARTHUR: What are you going to do, bleed on me?
BLACK KNIGHT: I'm invincible!
ARTHUR: You're a loony.
BLACK KNIGHT: The Black Knight always triumphs! Have at you!
Come on then.
[whop]
[ARTHUR chops the BLACK KNIGHT's other leg off]
BLACK KNIGHT: All right; we'll call it a draw.
ARTHUR: Come, Patsy.
BLACK KNIGHT: Oh, oh, I see, running away then. You yellow
bastards! Come back here and take what's coming to you. I'll bite
your legs off!

[ania]

"She turned me into a newt"
[pause]
"...I got better."

...and they ate Sir Robin's minstral, and there was great rejoicing ("yeeay")

"Book of Armaments" ("Chapter 2, verses 9-21"):

    "And the LORD spake, saying, first shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three. No more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, is counted, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it."

 "O Lord, bless this, Thy hand grenade, that with it, Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits in Thy mercy."

Heehee

[Zoe]

GOD: Arthur! Arthur, King of the Britons! Oh, don't grovel! If
there's one thing I can't stand, it's people groveling.
ARTHUR: Sorry--
GOD: And don't apologize. Every time I try to talk to someone
it's "sorry this" and "forgive me that" and "I'm not worthy". What
are you doing now!?
ARTHUR: I'm averting my eyes, oh Lord.
GOD: Well, don't. It's like those miserable Psalms -- they're so
depressing. Now knock it off!
ARTHUR: Yes, Lord.

Hahahaha.

[Fr. George]

Well, if we could just build a large wooden badger....

[Zoe]

Well its only because you don't brush my teeth.

[Fr. George]

And now for something completely different...

[Zoe]

What is your name, handsome knight?

 

[Zoe]

No!  I shant let this topic die a needless death!

[GiC]

I doubt this thread will die a needless death, if all else fails it will probably be resurrected on future occasions when we want to discuss important issues relating to orthodox like when the total number of posts on this board reaches 150k or 200k

[ania]

My goodness, you guys are still at it?  Well, good for you, wish I had that much time on my hands.

[Pravoslavbob]

WE want.....A SHRUBBERY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Ebor]

eki-eki-eki-eki-P'TANG-zuu-POing!-a-ning-a-ning-a-ning-a....................

Ebor

[Ntinos]

Θανατος στο άχρηστο αυτό τόπικ!!! 

[Fr. George]

Γιατί, φίλε?  Δεν σ'αρέσει να έχουμε ένα "τόπικ" που είναι λίγο άχριστο?  Όλα τα άλλα "τόπικα" που έχουμε είναι τόσα σοβαρά, δύσκολα, κτλ.  Είναι καλύτερα να έχοθμε ένα τόπικ που μπορούμε να είμαστε λίγοι ανόητοι!

For the non-Greek speakers who may read this:
(Why, friend?  Don't you like for us to have one "topic" which is a little useless?  All the other "topics" which we have are so serious, difficult, etc.  It is better for us to have one topic where we are able to be little silly!)

[Fr. George]

Ελευθερία (να είμαστε ανόητοι) η θάνατος!

(Freedom - for us to be silly - or death!)

[Zoe]

Χαíρεω, Χαíρε ελευθεριά!

[GiC]

His Inebriatedness the Bishop of Bourbon, Supreme Pontiff of All Alcohol, and Servant of the Servants of the Great Distiller, President of the Holy Synod of the Spirits.
His All-Imbibedness the Metropolitan of Metaxa and all Brandy, Chief Secretariat of the Holy Synod of Spirits.
His All-Imbibedness the Metropolitan of Mead and all Beer.
His Imbibedness the Bishop of Schlivo and the Vodkas.
And All The Holy Synod of the Spirits.

To the Cardinal, Patriarch, Archbishop, Metropolitan, Bishop, Priest, Deacon, Monastic, and Faithful Consumers of Alcohol,

It is with great joy that the Holy Synod of the Spirits hereby anounces the elevation of serb1389 to the Patriarchate of Ouzo by the laying on of hands and consumption of alcohol on the 29th day of the month of January in the year of the Great Distiller 2006. In accordance with ancient custom His Imbibedness was ordained by three Bishops, the Bishop of Burbon, the Metropolitan of Metaxa, and the Metropolitan of Mead and all Beer with the consent of the Holy Synod of the Spirits. Thus by the Fifth Canon of the Fourth Ecumenical Synod to be held in the Makers Mark Distillery in the City of Loretto, the See of the Bishop of Bourbon, in the 1215 year of the Great Distiller as Patriarch of Ouzo His Imbibedness and his see shall the third place after the Bishop of Burbon, Supreme Pontiff of All Alcohol, and the Metropolitan of Metaxa.

The Holy Synod of the Spirits.

His Inebriatedness the Bishop of Bourbon, Supreme Pontiff of All Alcohol, and Servant of the Servants of the Great Distiller, President.
His All-Imbibedness the Metropolitan of Metaxa and all Brandy, Chief Secretariat.
His All-Imbibedness the Metropolitan of Mead and all Beer.
His Imbibedness the Bishop of Schlivo and the Vodkas.

[Fr. George]

From the Bazaar,
to the Plentitude of the Faithful over the age of 21 in the US of A, and to all the faithful in the world abroad,
To the reverened Distillery Metropolitans, Distribution Despotas, Pricing Presbyters, Imbibing Deacons,
Instructors and students at the Bartending Universities,

The Great Distiller is presented to the temple!

According to the ancient typikon of the Grand Taverna of the Great Distiller, and the practice of the Holy Synod of Spirits, in conjunction with the canons that guide the consumption of Alchohols everywhere, it is our duty as Chief Secretariat of the Holy Synod of Spirits to announce the ordination of the servant of the Great Distiller +SERB1389 to the episcopacy, as the Archbishop of Ouzo, Patriarch of All Similar Clear-Alchohols, through the ancient custom of the laying on of drinking glasses (in hand) by the servants, the His Inebriatedness the Bishop of Bourbon, His All-Imbibedness the Metropolitan of Metaxa, and His All-Imbibedness the Metropolitan of Mead.

As with the ancient custom, it is now required for the Cheif Secretariat to publish the text of the Holy 5th Canon of the Fourth Holy Synod of All-Alchoholics, in conjunction with the ordination of one of the heads of the Autocephalous Spirit-doms.

Renewing the ancient privileges of the patriarchal sees, we decree, with the approval of this sacred universal synod, that after the Bourbon church, which through the Great Distiller's disposition has a primacy of ordinary power over all other churches inasmuch as it is the mother and mistress of all the Great Distiller's faithful, the church of Brandy shall have the first place, the church of Ouzo the second place, the church of Rum the third place, and the church of Gin the fourth place, each maintaining its own rank. Thus after their pontiffs have received from the Bourbon pontiff the shot-glass, which is the sign of the fullness of the pontifical office, and have taken an oath of fidelity and obedience to him they may lawfully confer the shot-glass on their own suffragans, receiving from them for themselves canonical profession and for the Bourbon church the promise of obedience. They may have a standard of the Great Distiller's still carried before them anywhere except in the city of Loretto or wherever there is present the supreme pontiff or his legate wearing the insignia of the Great Apprentices' dignity. In all the provinces subject to their jurisdiction let appeal be made to them, when it is necessary, except for appeals made to the See of the Prince of the Apprentices of the Great Distiller, to which all must humbly defer.

It is in the joy of the Great Distiller that we welcome the new Archbishop of Ouzo, Patriarch of All Similar Clear-Alchohols, and raise a glass of his episcopal drink, hoping that the Great Distiller shows mercy on his liver, and on the livers of us all.

+GEORGE
Metropolitan of Metaxa and All Brandy
Chief Secretariat of the Holy Synod of Spirits

[nikolaos]

Great board. . I really love it.Congratulations to all of you

           +Nikolaos Reverend of wine ouzo and tsipouro

[Fr. George]

Thank you for your kind words, Nikolaos.  We try our best to entertain.

[serb1389]

In my great humility, which only I can truly express, I accept this blessing and honor. 
AXIOS! 

Zivela rakija! 

[FrChris]

In the time-honored tradition of the Synod of Spirits, and as one of the ordaiing hierarchs, let me be the first:

AC-Ci-DENT!

AC-CI-DENT!

AC-CI-DENT!

[GiC]

ACCIDENT! ACCIDENT! ACCIDENT!

[Fr. George]

{chanting}

AAAA-CCIIII-DEEEEEENT
AAAA-CCIIII-DEEEEEENT
AA-CCIIIIIIII-DEEENT!

{/chanting}

[Zoe]

haha, very nice

[Fr. George]

In my great humility, which only I can truly express, I accept this blessing and honor. 
AXIOS! 

Zivela rakija! 

2 things:

1. Who says AXIOS to themselves?  In great humility and honor, only serb1389, eh?

2. Please translate Zivela rakja for me... will I need to use it for that Serb wedding I'm going to over the summer?

[SouthSerb99]

Long live whiskey!!!  I guess is the closest I can come up with.

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