Encyclical Letter 2102
From the Bazaar,
to the Plentitude of the Faithful over the age of 21 in the US of A, and to all the faithful in the world abroad,
To the reverened Distillery Metropolitans, Distribution Despotas, Pricing Presbyters, Imbibing Deacons,
Instructors and students at the Bartending Universities,
The Great Distiller is revealed to us!
It is with these words that the Lord begins His sermon on the Plain, to His disciples and the multitudes. These multitudes were the common people of the area, the fishermen, tradesmen, tax-collectors, carpenters, and their families. Often times they had barely enough to scrape by, and were forced to make the best use of what they had - conserve their wine, and not distill any, since the wine they had was scarce. These were the people of God, the people whom Christ tells "yours is the Kingdom of God."
It is to the multitude of the poor that it is especially important to reach out and proclaim the Good News of the Great Distiller. The message of the joys and saving benefits of alchohol can and will help these people deal with the difficulties of life, and provide for them an escape from the mundane realities of daily life.
We promote and encourage those who are in the most distress and hardship to do those things which will make this healing drinking more possible: purchase/create alchohols within their means, cooperate with those closest to them in production and procurement, and use glass to imbibe, since the glass is cleanable and reusable quite easily.
But it is also understood by our divinely-instituted office that there are those who possess not glass, but rather have plastic - and they use this plastic as they would use glass, washing and reusing it, and in the process saving funds for the procurement of liquors. To this we say, all is well, good and faithful servants; while glass is the preferrable way to go, there is dispensation and allowance for the use of plasic, with the understanding that if life's circumstances change, and resources increase, that glass will be procured for proper imbibing.
Always yours, in the love of the Great Distiller, who imbibes with all and for all.
Metropolitan of Metaxa and all Brandy,
Cheif Secretariat of the Holy Synod of Spirits