Ha, the Church was locked tight as a lobster's butt. Luckily it was scheduled for 6 (according to the OCA site), so I had time to go home and look for another option. I found an Antiochian parish about a half hour away that was having a service at 7, so I went to that one instead. It also happened to be the parish I was chrismated in (though with a new priest). Didn't go well, frankly, but such is life.
And now I need to decide whether to go to bed. I was going to wake up early and go to the gym, but if I go to sleep now (2am here) I'll probably just turn the alarm off in the morning and not go. Bah.