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Author Topic: pray for me and my wife  (Read 1066 times) Average Rating: 0
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« on: December 04, 2005, 08:50:41 PM »

Went to the Antiochian church today, it was St Nicholas day, and a great day to visit, expecially for my daughter, who got a present.  It was my second time attending an Orthodox service, and my wife's first.

Anyway, as I suspected, my wife hated it. I enjoyed it a lot. So much that I am ready to start attending. My wife enjoyed meeting the people and the Father, but said she just didn't like the service.  Her main excuse, beside it being weird to her was that it was so far from home (30 miles each way).  When I tried to bridge our gap and said at least the music was nice, she said she hated the music. I am frustrated and don't know what to do. One lady at the church pulled me aside and said the worst thing I could do would be to dig my heels in and fight, so I need advice from some of you who have been there. Do I attend by myself, and risk further alienation, or do I just keep studying Orhtodoxy and model it for her as best as I can, or do I just give up in the interest of family unity?  I am a very non confrontational person.

I think my wife feels that this is just another phase I am going through.

Help, the main thing I believe I need is prayers, because God knows best, I just need Him to enlighten me.

Mike
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« Reply #1 on: December 04, 2005, 09:22:28 PM »

Lord, have mercy.

do I just keep studying Orhtodoxy and model it for her as best as I can 

That's my vote.
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« Reply #2 on: December 04, 2005, 09:24:34 PM »

Christ is Among Us!
 ÃƒÆ’‚  I also am a non-confrontational convert to the Orthodox Church. I am not exactly in your position but if I could imagine myself there I hope I would do this: Orthodoxy is beyond doubt the most satisfying and full Christianity I have ever experienced. Were I married to a wife who was not interested, I hope I would have the strength to attend the services and live the Faith without compromise as the head of the household- leading by example. Never judge her and always hope to be half the Christian she is in her errors as you are in your Truth. When a woman is convinced that the thing that makes you a BETTER MAN is your adherance to the Truth of Holy Orthodoxy rather than your ability to win an argument, THEN she may see the beauty of the ancient Faith to which she may be blinded to now.
In Christ,
Rd. David
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« Reply #3 on: December 04, 2005, 09:29:06 PM »

I'd do the live a model Orthodox life approach, attending occasionally but mostly going with her to her church for about a year. THen after a year I'd start waning her off of you attending her church, and then finally after about 18 months I would just say now honey I'm only going to be attending the Orthodox Church in as loving and non-confrontational way as possible. I found that with my wife, it wasn't until I said this is really what I am going to do and started living it daily (as best as I can) that she decided to come over. But your wife may never come over, or may come over suddenly.ÂÂ  One poster I know's wife converted after 19 years.

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« Reply #4 on: December 04, 2005, 09:40:20 PM »

My prayers will join others for you.

Y'know what? In the conversion experience between my wife and myself, it was I who disliked the Liturgy...my wife didn't mind it one bit! I remember driving back from my first Liturgy and saying "Well, I gave it a try, and I'm glad I did, but this just isn't for me."

Later that week, though, my mind kept dwelling on the hymns I had heard that day. By Friday I had decided I would be back, and that was such a long time ago I'm now at the point where I am uncomfortable being anywhere else---it just doesn't make sense to me.

So, my suggestion is to stay with it. Perhaps your wife will also change her mind, as people are wont to do, especially within a marriage when one spouse sees how much certain things matter to the other spouse.

Just don't quit. The mark of a saint is to love continually, and to love despite all obstacles, human or otherwise.
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« Reply #5 on: December 05, 2005, 11:40:26 AM »

Brother Mike,   
Although my situation is not exactly like yours ( I am Orthodox  and my husband is Agnostic) I think for now the best thing you can do is to just show love and patience for your wife.  If you are able to attend the Divine Liturgy without offending or ruffling her feathers then great.  But if she needs you to attend Church with her then out of love you comply.  However,  you should tell her that you feel the Orthodox Church is where the One True Faith resides.  Over time she will realize how much your love and devotion to her is...and her love for you will allow you to follow your heart and attend the Orthodox Church.  Of course this is my insignificant opinion;  a priest would know far better how to advise you.  You and your wife will be in my prayers.  God will lead you.
Blessings to you both,     Juliana
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« Reply #6 on: December 05, 2005, 12:06:56 PM »

Mike:

Your wife is my wife's twin.  TO a TEE!!!!!!  Let's pray for each other and stay in touch. I have returned to Orthodoxy for three years now and my wife is still adamantly opposed to it; yet, she likes the people. Go figure.

I like DavidH's response to you.

Quote
When a woman is convinced that the thing that makes you a BETTER MAN is your adherence to the Truth of Holy Orthodoxy rather than your ability to win an argument, THEN she may see the beauty of the ancient Faith to which she may be blinded to now.

This is priceless wisdom, one that I had to find out the hard way as I tend to be a confrontational person,  unlike you. 

Lover her and stay the course brother.

Dan
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« Reply #7 on: December 05, 2005, 12:44:51 PM »

Thanks for the encouragement guys.  I have contacted the priest at the church, and I will talk to him in depth about it over lunch this week.  He says he sees it a lot, men accept it pretty quickly, but women don't.  Seems the opposite of what I would expect, because Orthodoxy is full of mystery and stuff which is just accepted, not logical or rational at all.  So you would think men would have a harder time with it.  (I am just generalizing, no offense meant to the women in the forum).

As an aside, yesterday after the service, Fr. MacGregor showed us a relic the church had been given.  It was from the first monk (I can't remember his name).  He opened the little box, and it was a gold button or something similar.  After telling us the relic was over 1500 years old, he held it up to our nose.  The beautiful smell of myrrh was very strong.  He insisted it was no joke or forgery, and I believe it.  That was so awe inspiring!

I believe I will convert over a long period, while studying and modeling the lifestyle for my wife.  I am not going to push, but am going to attend when I can.  I will let everyone know how it goes. 

Thanks again for thinking of me and especially for your prayers!

Mike
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« Reply #8 on: December 05, 2005, 01:40:15 PM »

I had to respond to this...

Mike, you're an inspiration.  Will continue to pray on this end (is Mike short for Michael?).  I read posts like this and it helps me realize how good I've got it--my wife and I both converted while we were in college together (dating).  The question for her that mostly comes up every once in a great while is, "Did I convert because he was adamant about marrying an Orthodox woman, or did I convert for me, or for a little of both reasons?" but we never went round and round as a couple about religion.  Regardless, she is a faithful and dedicated Orthodox Christian, and the contrast that our relationship provides for y'all's makes me both thankful for the ease in which we both came into the Faith, as well as impressed by the cross you apparently have been deemed worthy of bearing.

Keep on, man.
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« Reply #9 on: December 05, 2005, 02:11:59 PM »

Had to tell you guys this-it is an affirmation of your prayers!

I just got a call from the priest at the church we visited yesterday. My office is in a residential condo, and I had a consultant working in the larger area with me when the phone rang, so I went into the small bedroom area to talk with the priest, so I wouldn't disturb the consultant.  I had a 10-15 minute conversation and the priest told me to take it slow, even attend church with my wife, but occasionally visit the Orthodox church while I study and pray.  He said God knows and will work it all out if I fervently pray, and that faith is a long journey.  I thanked him and we hung up.  As soon as I came back into the larger room to my desk, I smelled burning incense.  The consultant even smelled it too, but I didn't make a big deal out of it.

Just an affirmation by God of his love and grace.

Mike
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