I will pray for you.
Is there an Orthodox church near you? ÃƒÆ’Ã¢â‚¬Å¡Ãƒâ€š I would recommend you attend services there when you can. ÃƒÆ’Ã¢â‚¬Å¡Ãƒâ€š You don't have to get involved, or anything. ÃƒÆ’Ã¢â‚¬Å¡Ãƒâ€š Just stand in the back and experience the prayers around you. ÃƒÆ’Ã¢â‚¬Å¡Ãƒâ€š When you feel the time is right, think about approaching the priest and talking to him. ÃƒÆ’Ã¢â‚¬Å¡Ãƒâ€š If you don't want to talk face-to-face with someone right now, that's fine. ÃƒÆ’Ã¢â‚¬Å¡Ãƒâ€š But at least go to the services.
Also, do you have a Bible? ÃƒÆ’Ã¢â‚¬Å¡Ãƒâ€š If you do, you may want to read the Gospels. ÃƒÆ’Ã¢â‚¬Å¡Ãƒâ€š Or perhaps some of the Psalms--Psalm 42 is one of my favorites when I am yearning for God's presence but don't feel Him.
Sometimes finding God is not so much an intellectual pursuit, as it is just opening yourself to Him and letting Him ÃƒÆ’Ã¢â‚¬Å¡Ãƒâ€š come to you. ÃƒÆ’Ã¢â‚¬Å¡Ãƒâ€š They say the steeples on western churches represent man reaching up to God and the domes on eastern churches represent God reaching down to man. ÃƒÆ’Ã¢â‚¬Å¡Ãƒâ€š Both are necessary, but waiting for God to reach down to us can take so much more patience and, at times, humility. ÃƒÆ’Ã¢â‚¬Å¡Ãƒâ€š If you open yourself to Him, however, I believe you will eventually find Him.