Under Dr. Viktor Frankl’s psychiatry, love is not the byproduct of an animalistic will to self-gratification; an aspired ideal despite being an accident of the evolutionary process. In breaking from Sigmund Freud’s pessimism, love is considered the opportunity to help another human being find meaning in life.
Human sexuality, in turn, is not understood as a hedonistic desire in the propagation of the species but as an expression of love that is justified only in love. Given that love is not considered a mere side-effect of human sexuality, the intimacy shared in sex is placed with higher importance than the satisfaction of personal urges.
This is not to say that personal pleasure is unimportant in sexual activity. However, the opportunity to fulfill the desires of another human being should be measured as equally important if not more so than satisfying one’s own. This way, if both partners have empathy for each other’s needs, shared enjoyment and transcendence will be accomplished. On the other hand, one should avoid trying so hard at achieving orgasm that the intended result becomes impossible. If the expression of love is performed for its own sake, mutual orgasm should follow.
Despite the fact that human sexuality is not to be taken for granted but instead must be held sacred, scores of males in our society seek out sexual partners for the sole purpose of feeding one’s own selfishness. Such chauvinism can be displayed in the disparity between the rates of male and female orgasm in the general population.
A 1994 study entitled Sex in America: A Definitive Survey reported that
while 75% of men always achieve orgasm with their partner, only 29% of women are regularly brought to orgasm in the sexual experience. Apparently, a great deal of men either do not know or do not care that the average female requires more time and attention to attain orgasm than the average male.
According to sexual researcher Alfred Kinsey, only 30% of women regularly reach orgasm by penile-penetration alone, thus making foreplay not only a preliminary but a necessity. What stand-up comedians scoff as a chore should be deemed equally an expression of love as intercourse itself.
Women would perhaps demand more from their partners if sexual assertiveness were not considered unfeminine. In a male-denominated culture, it is commonplace for women to be treated as objects for domination rather than beings to be loved. The rate of female orgasm would not be such an important issue if it were not indicative of a much broader societal disorder, one which rape and sexual assault are also symptoms.
In 1990, the FBI concluded that rape is the most under-reported crime in the United States. The U.S. Justice Department stated in 1998 that one in six women are raped in their lifetimes. Furthermore, as Lenore Walker wrote in her Handbook on Sexual Abuse of Children, one in three girls have been sexually assaulted by the age of eighteen.
In clear crystal, the objectification of women is responsible for not only poor sexual experiences but the mutilation of souls. In separating sexuality from love, both were inevitable.
Whenever constructive criticism of our American civilization is brought forward, the people turn their heads and close their eyes unless a practical solution is also provided. In my mind, the answer is obvious but may not be what the pride of many men allow themselves to admit. Quite simply, women are the most precious of God’s creatures and deserve to be treated as such, both in the bedroom and wherever other place that is graced with their presence. When will we ever learn?