Author Topic: Choose your spouse carefully  (Read 632 times)

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Offline mikeforjesus

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Choose your spouse carefully
« on: August 08, 2017, 01:04:47 PM »
You should not go into a marriage which is likely to end in divorce. It is your fault
For example if you marry a non religious person such as on a dating show and they divorce you they can take half your money
Such recklessness is an insult to marrriage. It is better not to get married. Do you want children from a spouse who can influence your children not to respect you ? I see that nothing different than donating sperm to a bank. I would always be thinking of my child though it is not treated as mine. I do not approve of that except maybe some cases I do not know of but I don't think there are any cases ivf is justified except the obvious maybe if for some married couples it is impossible to conceive without ivf but I don't think that is ever a problem. There is the case to remove the negative genes through ivf but I won't get into that
« Last Edit: August 08, 2017, 01:15:26 PM by mikeforjesus »

Offline Porter ODoran

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Re: Choose your spouse carefully
« Reply #1 on: August 08, 2017, 04:37:47 PM »
Human beings are protean creatures; freedom of will makes them unpredictable. You may need to develop a better system for ensuring a happy marriage than avoiding dating shows, tho that's admittedly a good start.
"Love ... is an abyss of illumination, a mountain of fire ... . It is the condition of angels, the progress of eternity" (Climacus).

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Offline RobS

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Re: Choose your spouse carefully
« Reply #2 on: August 08, 2017, 04:42:16 PM »
You should not go into a marriage which is likely to end in divorce. It is your fault
For example if you marry a non religious person such as on a dating show and they divorce you they can take half your money
Such recklessness is an insult to marrriage. It is better not to get married. Do you want children from a spouse who can influence your children not to respect you ? I see that nothing different than donating sperm to a bank. I would always be thinking of my child though it is not treated as mine. I do not approve of that except maybe some cases I do not know of but I don't think there are any cases ivf is justified except the obvious maybe if for some married couples it is impossible to conceive without ivf but I don't think that is ever a problem. There is the case to remove the negative genes through ivf but I won't get into that
I'm with you on this Mike, especially the marriage part.
"The business of the Christian is nothing else than to be ever preparing for death (μελεπᾷν ἀποθνήσκειν)."

— Saint Irenaeus of Lyons, Fragment XI

Offline Hinterlander

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Re: Choose your spouse carefully
« Reply #3 on: August 08, 2017, 04:56:16 PM »
I love this stream-of-consciousness Orthodox wisdom. Although I doubt many people get married assuming they will inevitably divorce the person.

Offline RobS

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Re: Choose your spouse carefully
« Reply #4 on: August 08, 2017, 04:59:29 PM »
I love this stream-of-consciousness Orthodox wisdom. Although I doubt many people get married assuming they will inevitably divorce the person.
I think Mike asked a great question:
Quote
Do you want children from a spouse who can influence your children not to respect you ?
Wisdom!
"The business of the Christian is nothing else than to be ever preparing for death (μελεπᾷν ἀποθνήσκειν)."

— Saint Irenaeus of Lyons, Fragment XI

Offline Porter ODoran

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Re: Choose your spouse carefully
« Reply #5 on: August 08, 2017, 06:21:27 PM »
What spouse cannot? Are we looking for very low IQ matches here?
"Love ... is an abyss of illumination, a mountain of fire ... . It is the condition of angels, the progress of eternity" (Climacus).

Quote from: Seekingtrue
Yes we who are far from sainthood we can recognize a living saint and I'm talking from personal experience.Yes they are gentle soo gentle it can not be described it is like gentleness and humility in one and also they have this light this energy it's beyond words...and when you are near them you feel ecstatic and very happy

Offline mikeforjesus

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Re: Choose your spouse carefully
« Reply #6 on: August 08, 2017, 06:55:29 PM »
You should not go into a marriage which is likely to end in divorce. It is your fault
For example if you marry a non religious person such as on a dating show and they divorce you they can take half your money
Such recklessness is an insult to marrriage. It is better not to get married. Do you want children from a spouse who can influence your children not to respect you ? I see that nothing different than donating sperm to a bank. I would always be thinking of my child though it is not treated as mine. I do not approve of that except maybe some cases I do not know of but I don't think there are any cases ivf is justified except the obvious maybe if for some married couples it is impossible to conceive without ivf but I don't think that is ever a problem. There is the case to remove the negative genes through ivf but I won't get into that
I'm with you on this Mike, especially the marriage part.

Thankyou RobS :)

Offline mikeforjesus

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Re: Choose your spouse carefully
« Reply #7 on: August 08, 2017, 07:04:38 PM »
I love this stream-of-consciousness Orthodox wisdom. Although I doubt many people get married assuming they will inevitably divorce the person.

Thankyou Hinterlander :) If your desperate to get married you could make promises like I will be  the perfect husband more than what you can actually do and not just I will try to be. She should know you can't be that she has to accept you now and you should not promise that you are at fault

Offline mikeforjesus

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Re: Choose your spouse carefully
« Reply #8 on: August 08, 2017, 07:10:00 PM »
What spouse cannot? Are we looking for very low IQ matches here?

what do you mean low intelligence matches ? I wish to comment more later
« Last Edit: August 08, 2017, 07:18:49 PM by mikeforjesus »

Offline mikeforjesus

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Re: Choose your spouse carefully
« Reply #9 on: August 08, 2017, 07:22:31 PM »
I love this stream-of-consciousness Orthodox wisdom. Although I doubt many people get married assuming they will inevitably divorce the person.

Thankyou Hinterlander :) If your desperate to get married you could make promises like I will be  the perfect husband more than what you can actually do and not just I will try to be. She should know you can't be that she has to accept you now and you should not promise that you are at fault

I don't mean about the duty all Christians can be but beyond what you as a person and Christian can do. Also what is perfect in her eyes may not be what is in Gods
« Last Edit: August 08, 2017, 07:33:06 PM by mikeforjesus »

Offline Indocern

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Re: Choose your spouse carefully
« Reply #10 on: August 09, 2017, 08:31:46 AM »
You should not go into a marriage which is likely to end in divorce. It is your fault
For example if you marry a non religious person such as on a dating show and they divorce you they can take half your money
Such recklessness is an insult to marrriage. It is better not to get married. Do you want children from a spouse who can influence your children not to respect you ? I see that nothing different than donating sperm to a bank. I would always be thinking of my child though it is not treated as mine. I do not approve of that except maybe some cases I do not know of but I don't think there are any cases ivf is justified except the obvious maybe if for some married couples it is impossible to conceive without ivf but I don't think that is ever a problem. There is the case to remove the negative genes through ivf but I won't get into that

Religion have nothing to do with women. They do what they want no matter of their religion. Only the God's law in their heart matters if they have. As you can see everybody is going to church, some of them fasting, everybody is called christian and everybody do all religious things. But they don't act like christians. Islam forbid marriage to non-muslim, but they do it. Christianity forbid marriage to non-christian but they do it. Orthodoxy forbid marriage to non-orthodox but they do it. I talked to virgin jew girl from Israel but she wanted jew. So maybe only jews keep these things for marriage.
« Last Edit: August 09, 2017, 08:34:21 AM by Indocern »

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Re: Choose your spouse carefully
« Reply #11 on: August 09, 2017, 08:42:07 AM »
Religion have nothing to do with women. They do what they want no matter of their religion.

As do men. Nothing to see here.
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Offline Lepanto

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Re: Choose your spouse carefully
« Reply #12 on: August 09, 2017, 09:09:11 AM »
This problem field is as old as mankind, and - alas - no generally applicable solution has been found.
Your judgement can always be clouded by infatuation or disproportionate scrupulosity.
There is no way to make a fully objective decision as a human being on such matters.
Just use good judgement and hope and pray for the best.

A frequently overlooked insight is that the main point of marriage is not to make oneself happy.

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Offline mikeforjesus

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Re: Choose your spouse carefully
« Reply #13 on: August 09, 2017, 04:45:17 PM »
I'm not sure how perfectly accurate I am here which is why I didn't send this yesterday but I made some few corrections today it seems right

It's not about making yourself happy but it is about responsibility in bearing children. You are responsible before God if you bear an ungodly child not if you have one and cared for his faith and raising him in it. A person will still not go to hell if he does not deserve it but you might because you could have helped unless you repent but God can give extra grace for sake of the righteous parent who loves his children and suffers from their loss
That is why a person who did not care for his children to be raised with correct beliefs and not repentant can not be a bishop. That is the meaning of his children not being accused of subordination

Offline mikeforjesus

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Re: Choose your spouse carefully
« Reply #14 on: August 21, 2017, 04:02:30 AM »
Can the church marry a spouse and you choose to have no civil stamp of marriage ? You won't share property then. If I am rich I would support my ex wife anyway but if I was poor and she was not helping in marriage she chose to harm herself. I suppose half property is not a problem anyway if I don't think I was working enough and I was lazy even unintentionally and didn't do enough to make her happy though  I don't think that justifies divorce if it is a weakness I must overcome. That is if it won't destroy me

The Australian law if I heard correctly says even those who live together and are not married have to share property. Therefore I think you should have long engagements if that person needs proving to see if they changed and that they love you if you think their past is an issue without living together

Because I think non virgins should be given a chance like anyone else I did not say this earlier because I thought I don't need to preach if God wants a non virgin to get married they will find someone but the way He does so is changing someone to be open and for them to look

I do not think I am compatible with a virgin because of my previous and current struggles and them being insistent to have problems with my weaknesses but with a beautiful non virgin I may not desire another but some virgins are not virgin in spirit like myself. I prefer to show unconditional love because that is what I prefer

I do not believe you should go after after a non Virgin for charity and I believe you never should if that will lead to immorality being more but I am not aware of that so will ignore that. Even a virgin is a sinner and needs redemption. I would especially not go after one who acts bad to get attention I don't mean losing virginity.
I mean you should not make a distinction who you should date but date any and who will fall in love. All are   beautiful only if their personality is good. Therefore it is said in a meme he is ugly in pictures and uglier in person. There are some born with more beauty but a mature person wouldn't care too much about that. I believe if you are the best version of yourself many will fall for you and I would think you would not desire someone who you are not meant for. Example I would not desire a multi millionaire woman who is way more productive and talented than me. It wouldn't be fair to force it and her parents would disapprove but it is her choice.

 
« Last Edit: August 21, 2017, 04:12:52 AM by mikeforjesus »

Offline mikeforjesus

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Re: Choose your spouse carefully
« Reply #15 on: August 21, 2017, 04:37:36 PM »
Can the church marry a spouse and you choose to have no civil stamp of marriage ? You won't share property then. If I am rich I would support my ex wife anyway but if I was poor and she was not helping in marriage she chose to harm herself. I suppose half property is not a problem anyway if I don't think I was working enough and I was lazy even unintentionally and didn't do enough to make her happy though  I don't think that justifies divorce if it is a weakness I must overcome. That is if it won't destroy me

The Australian law if I heard correctly says even those who live together and are not married have to share property. Therefore I think you should have long engagements if that person needs proving to see if they changed and that they love you if you think their past is an issue without living together

Because I think non virgins should be given a chance like anyone else I did not say this earlier because I thought I don't need to preach if God wants a non virgin to get married they will find someone but the way He does so is changing someone to be open and for them to look

I do not think I am compatible with a virgin because of my previous and current struggles and them being insistent to have problems with my weaknesses but with a beautiful non virgin I may not desire another but some virgins are not virgin in spirit like myself. I prefer to show unconditional love because that is what I prefer

I do not believe you should go after after a non Virgin for charity and I believe you never should if that will lead to immorality being more but I am not aware of that so will ignore that. Even a virgin is a sinner and needs redemption. I would especially not go after one who acts bad to get attention I don't mean losing virginity.
I mean you should not make a distinction who you should date but date any and who will fall in love. All are   beautiful only if their personality is good. Therefore it is said in a meme he is ugly in pictures and uglier in person. There are some born with more beauty but a mature person wouldn't care too much about that. I believe if you are the best version of yourself many will fall for you and I would think you would not desire someone who you are not meant for. Example I would not desire a multi millionaire woman who is way more productive and talented than me. It wouldn't be fair to force it and her parents would disapprove but it is her choice.

I meant if it won't destroy me I could give half my money. Divorce destroys me if I allow anyone to divorce me 

Offline mikeforjesus

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Re: Choose your spouse carefully
« Reply #16 on: September 12, 2017, 02:47:13 AM »
Never marry someone who does not appear to change but you are free to date any but not free from the consequences.
« Last Edit: September 12, 2017, 02:59:46 AM by mikeforjesus »

Offline mikeforjesus

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Re: Choose your spouse carefully
« Reply #17 on: September 12, 2017, 03:01:51 AM »
I stand by what I said before on august 21 but no one should feel forced to do what they don't want and that they are bad if they marry a person without flaws and mistakes. It is not about what makes you happy but you have to think what will lead to the persons repentance if for example they have fornicated. If they can marry someone else it is probably best they do but you might feel they will not be able to and I think you can proceed. Topic is not so simple needs more discussion.  You have to think about yourself will someone marry me again if my marriage fails if not maybe you should marry a virgin. But you may not care and want to give a chance. You don't have to get married and have children. It depends what is most important to you.
I think I may have to teach it is important to teach everyone should be open to a non virgin if you think they have shown great repentance and appear trustworthy and loving
« Last Edit: September 12, 2017, 03:13:19 AM by mikeforjesus »

Offline mikeforjesus

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Re: Choose your spouse carefully
« Reply #18 on: September 12, 2017, 03:24:19 AM »
Actually you don't have to be open but let us not condemn those who think it good.

This problem doesn't bother me but someones opinions made me think again that is why I started replying more today
« Last Edit: September 12, 2017, 03:28:18 AM by mikeforjesus »

Offline mikeforjesus

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Re: Choose your spouse carefully
« Reply #19 on: September 13, 2017, 03:21:12 AM »
Why should I let someone make me without kids for nothing and not allow my virginity to be of any value ? I won't worry about other people but myself. I will choose who I want to marry for myself. If I find no good virgin for me I will choose non virgin
« Last Edit: September 13, 2017, 03:22:04 AM by mikeforjesus »

Offline mikeforjesus

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Re: Choose your spouse carefully
« Reply #20 on: September 13, 2017, 03:57:08 AM »
Or I may choose a non virgin first who I am sure is very good
« Last Edit: September 13, 2017, 03:57:23 AM by mikeforjesus »

Offline Indocern

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Re: Choose your spouse carefully
« Reply #21 on: September 13, 2017, 04:05:54 AM »
It is not up to us, it is God who give us spouse.
« Last Edit: September 13, 2017, 04:06:28 AM by Indocern »

Offline mikeforjesus

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Re: Choose your spouse carefully
« Reply #22 on: September 13, 2017, 06:00:05 AM »
Yes without God all our efforts are in vain but you have to seek someone. The question is should you only seek the person who is the best in the world from first impressions or can you fall in love with someone who is decently attractive or even average  and find them later the best. Or is it limited to one person having a best quality from the start whatever it is ? People personalities is what God finds attractive. He looks not on the outer man. A very godly person will be able to look past many flaws
« Last Edit: September 13, 2017, 06:04:33 AM by mikeforjesus »

Offline mikeforjesus

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Re: Choose your spouse carefully
« Reply #23 on: September 14, 2017, 01:29:59 AM »
Why Hosea was instructed to marry a prostitute and a priest has to marry a virgin ?
Firstly there were few virgins during Hosea prophecy second the priests are not prophets. Aaron was close to one but he was not like Moses.
We can not bring most people to repentance like prophet can we are not holy and as guided by God
Thirdly Hosea marriage did fail though he forgave  but overall the land was mostly corrupt already and his choosing would not corrupt it more. Now if the world plans to corrupt itself more that grace may come paul rebukes this and God already made the story through Hosea and it won't happen again to make a point. There are no more prophets. Jesus is last
That does not mean you can't marry a non virgin who is trustworthy not to make marriage fail and you are sure Spirit is in her and she is making good progress in repentance and maybe even better than you but not to convert one like Hosea did
« Last Edit: September 14, 2017, 01:34:34 AM by mikeforjesus »

Offline mikeforjesus

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Re: Choose your spouse carefully
« Reply #24 on: September 14, 2017, 01:59:48 AM »
Why should I let someone make me without kids for nothing and not allow my virginity to be of any value ? I won't worry about other people but myself. I will choose who I want to marry for myself. If I find no good virgin for me I will choose non virgin

By good virgin I meant mainly a virgin who accepts me for marriage