Imagine Sts. Cyril and Methodios attending the next SCOBA meeting
I know this is a repeat...but it makes you wonder:
Imagine Sts Cyril and Methodios showing up at the next SCOBA meeting. As
the two enter the room, the presiding officer goes around the table and
makes the introductions.
"This is His Beatitude Herman, primate of the Orthodox Church in America.
His Beatitude's church is the original church on the continent, founded by
the Russians, and has since attracted various ethnic dioceses including the
Romanians, Albanians, and Bulgarians."
"Very nice," respond the saints.
"This is Metropolitan Joseph, he is the primate of the Bulgarian Eastern
Orthodox Church in America, representing the Bulgarian patriarchate..."
"But I thought you said the first man had Bulgarians..." respond the saints
"Yes, he does, but we do not recognize him as an autocephalous church, and
he only has some of the Bulgarians.." answers Abp Demetrios very matter of
"Huh...an 'auto-what' kind of church?" continue the saints.
"Next is Bishop Ilia, of the Albanian Orthodox Diocese, which is a diocese
of the Greek Orthodox Church in America," continues Abp Demetrios.
"Now wait a minute! You just said the first man had the Albanians in his
church," respond the two saints, beginning to be irritated, and beginning
to chatter to each other in Slavonic.
"Well, yes he does, but we have some other Albanian churches under this
man, who is a member of my archdiocese," continues the archbishop very
matter of factly.
"Why, don't the other Albanians like you?" continue the saints, searching
for some logic in the discussion.
"Never mind all of that," continue the saints, "Now when do all the bishops
get together? We would like to talk to them all...we have some ideas about
the translations into this new language of yours...we think it will be
"Oh, we don't do that!" exclaims the archbishop.
"We tried getting together one time, my predecessor was fired by the
patriarch of Constantinople..." continues the archbishop.
"And you call this church 'Orthodox'"
" ask the saints, not believing
"I've only been trying to tell them all that for about 50 years," responds
a gruff older gentleman, chewing on a cigar in the corner.
"Who's that?" ask the saints, pointing to the man.
"That's Metropolitan Philip, please forgive him...he has this crazy idea
about us all getting together as a unified church in this country. A couple
of them think it's a good idea, but I worry about how it would interfere
with preserving Hellenism," continues the archbishop.
"Preserving hel...you mean paganism!!!? That's a job for the Church now?"
exclaim the saints, now visibly shaken and chattering to each other in
"Is there a Catholic Church around here..." ask the saints, packing their
things and leaving the room.
If it wasn't so close to being true, it would be funny.
Posted by Dean Calvert on 8/19/2005, on the St. Andrew House Discussion Forum
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