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Author Topic: Rudeness?  (Read 2221 times) Average Rating: 0
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Jennifer
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« on: August 29, 2005, 07:39:10 PM »

Recently I made an offer to help out someone at my church.  This person has not even bothered to respond to my offer (made through e-mail).  It's been five days which IMHO is more than enough time to get my e-mail. 

I find this behavior to be very rude but do you think I'm being too 'touchy?'  I can understand if he didn't want my help but I think it's common courtesy to say "no thank you." 

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MaryCecilia
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« Reply #1 on: August 29, 2005, 07:46:05 PM »

Recently I made an offer to help out someone at my church. This person has not even bothered to respond to my offer (made through e-mail). It's been five days which IMHO is more than enough time to get my e-mail.

I find this behavior to be very rude but do you think I'm being too 'touchy?' I can understand if he didn't want my help but I think it's common courtesy to say "no thank you."



Jennifer,
   Did they ask you for help before you offered to help them? Maybe they're just shy or they may not have had a chance to go online to read their email...is there another way you could contact them and ask them if they still need help with whatever you offered to help them with?  It's best to try all options before jumping to conclusions and thinking that they're rude and stuff.  That's how I'd want to be treated at least, I hate being accused of being rude or forgetting to do something as simple as replying back to someone, we all do it though, although the thing I fear the worst is a confrontation of any kind.  I'd suggest giving it a few more days maybe, and then if you see them at Church again you could ask them there even.  Just a thought. 

Mary
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« Reply #2 on: August 29, 2005, 08:14:10 PM »

Jen

I think you are a good hearted soul. Let it blow by. You made the offer and as they say, "the ball's in his court."

(Who are they anyway?)
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Jennifer
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« Reply #3 on: August 29, 2005, 08:25:46 PM »

What I find very annoying is that in churches, people go on and on about about how we all need to help out but what they really mean is that the church is their private club. 

I debated saying something but I think I'll let it go but I'm annoyed.  It makes me not want to help out in the future. 

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« Reply #4 on: August 29, 2005, 08:47:57 PM »

Of course, there could also be well-meaning (or at least not ill-intentioned) reasons for no response.  Not having received the e-mail yet, received it and not had a chance to respond, thought they already did respond...  Or they could just be blowing it off.  You never know.
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« Reply #5 on: August 29, 2005, 09:00:20 PM »

What I find very annoying is that in churches, people go on and on about about how we all need to help out but what they really mean is that the church is their private club.

You and me both!  Sad

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FrChris
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« Reply #6 on: August 30, 2005, 12:40:03 AM »

Quote
 
Recently I made an offer to help out someone at my church. This person has not even bothered to respond to my offer (made through e-mail). It's been five days which IMHO is more than enough time to get my e-mail.

I find this behavior to be very rude but do you think I'm being too 'touchy?' I can understand if he didn't want my help but I think it's common courtesy to say "no thank you."

Oh, I know exactly what you're going through.

In my case, I participate sometimes in a board on the Internet that is focused on Orthodox Christianity. One Sunday several weeks ago, a pretty regular poster indicated s/he would feel unwelcome in a Greek church.

I looked up this person's location through the Member's List and found out s/he was actually not that far from my parish (within a day's easy drive), which is Greek. I offered to this poster the opportunity to come visit my parish. I thought this might be a great opportunity for this poster to determine if s/he really wouldn't feel all that unwelcome.

I still haven't heard back from this person! I can understand if s/he didn't want my assistance but I'd think it common courtesy to say "no thank you", maybe by PM or something....
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« Reply #7 on: August 30, 2005, 09:39:45 AM »

Was this offer something that you cold have done by phone?  It may be better to try that.."hey I emailed you but I don't know if you had time to read it, and I just wanted to make sure that you knew I was available to help."  that way you look gracious, and they have a chance to either accept or deny gracefully.  They really may not have got it...i myself lost internet service for a while and could not get to the library to check mail.

Of course they may just be total jerks, but still... Grin
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Justin Kissel
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« Reply #8 on: August 30, 2005, 11:16:07 AM »

Maybe the person doesn't want you in particular helping them. Maybe you should examine whether something is wrong with YOU, instead of them. Like, gee, I don't know, constantly finding fault with people and then running to others to gossip about how horrible they are.
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« Reply #9 on: August 30, 2005, 12:14:03 PM »

There are lots of reasons why they didn't answer your email.

1. You may have accidentally addressed it wrong, so it never arrived.

2. Their spam filter may have filtered it out for some reason, or stuck it in a bulk folder that the recipient never scrutinizes.

3. They may not have a spam filter, in which case they have to go through dozens or hundreds of messages each day, and overlooked yours.

4. etc., etc., etc.

The point is, you may not be getting snubbed at all.  Stop obsessing over it.
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« Reply #10 on: August 30, 2005, 12:24:15 PM »

There's also computer trouble... so many things...

Just a thought

Ebor

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« Reply #11 on: August 30, 2005, 01:53:32 PM »

you're asking US why he hasnt replied? i would think that asking HIM should have been your first thought and course of action.
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Jennifer
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« Reply #12 on: August 30, 2005, 03:32:29 PM »

Maybe the person doesn't want you in particular helping them. Maybe you should examine whether something is wrong with YOU, instead of them. Like, gee, I don't know, constantly finding fault with people and then running to others to gossip about how horrible they are.

I should have expected a rude response like this from Paradosis.  You are a real piece of work. 

You know what...I find fault with you.  I think there's wrong with you

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irene
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« Reply #13 on: September 01, 2005, 10:44:59 AM »


   It may be he feels uncomfortable emailing someone of the opposite sex.   There are some people who totally avoid doing so.

    Unless he said to specifically email him about helping out.    If so, it would be very courteous to respond, but not everyone is 
    always that way.    They don't mean to be rude, they just don't get around to corresponding. 

   He may also make a mental note of it, and talk to you next time he sees you in church.

   Sooner or later, you'll find out! Shocked)

   Irene  (away from the convert board, time to go back before I get caught, haha) 
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browneyedgirl
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« Reply #14 on: September 01, 2005, 01:02:36 PM »

im my opinion, if he didnt ask for the help, he is not obligated to reply to your offer (although that would have been nice)
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Jennifer
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« Reply #15 on: September 01, 2005, 01:08:15 PM »

im my opinion, if he didnt ask for the help, he is not obligated to reply to your offer (although that would have been nice)

Actually he did ask for help. 
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browneyedgirl
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« Reply #16 on: September 01, 2005, 01:12:49 PM »

he asked you specifically for help?
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Jennifer
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« Reply #17 on: September 01, 2005, 01:18:08 PM »

he asked you specifically for help?

He asked a group that included me for help. 

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