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Author Topic: "If media personalities were Orthodox."  (Read 1022 times) Average Rating: 0
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Donna Rose
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« on: August 19, 2005, 02:45:24 PM »

Got this on an email list, it's pretty funny... D

"If media personalities were Orthodox."

> Here is an attempt at a bit of humor,
> although I'm not sure most will "get" or even
> recognize some of these "new-style type" quotes.
>
> If comic Jerry Seinfeld were Orthodox:
>
> "And what's the deal with assessments. I mean, aren't
> we supposed to be making 'free will offerings?' Don't
> assessments actually tear away at the very fiber of
> the theology which is supposed to uphold the concept
> of our God-given 'free will' in the first place?
>
> If comic Steven Wright were Orthodox:
>
> "A deacon walks into an advertising firm and demands
> to talk to an executive. When the receptionist asks
> him why, he says, 'Because I'm a consumer'."
>
> If comic George Carlin were Orthodox:
>
> "Prokomedia? Pros - ko - media? Prosko - media? Man,
> this sounds like a really far out media concept."
>
> If Timothy Leary were Orthodox:
>
> "Turn on, tune in, and listen to 'Come Receive the
> Light' radio broadcasts."
>
> If Garrison Keiller were Orthodox:
>
> "And that's the news from Lake Ladoga, where all of
> the monks have beards, the temples look good, and the
> spirituality is above average."
>
> If Yogi Barra were Orthodox:
>
> "It ain't over until twenty minutes after the priest
> says, 'let us depart in peace'."
>
> If Ronald Reagan were Orthodox:
>
> "We have just declared war on the Vatican....we begin
> bombing in five minutes."
>
> If Mao Tse-tung were Orthodox:
>
> "Calendar changes come through the barrel of a gun."
>
> If Winston Churchill were Orthodox:
>
> "The Holy Trinity to me is in-explainable. It is a
> riddle wrapped in a mystery inside of an enigma."
>
> If JFK were Orthodox:
>
> "Therefore, as an Orthodox Christian parishioner, I
> take great pride in the words: 'Ya Pravoslavni
> Kristian!'"
>
> If Abraham Lincoln were Orthodox:
>
> "Of course were are not going to the theater - it's
> Great and Holy Friday!"
>
> If comedian Henny Youngman were Orthodox:
>
> "Take my priest....please!"
>
> If Muhammad Ali were Orthodox:
>
> "I am the humblest!"
>
> If Rene Descartes were Orthodox:
>
> "I pray therefore I am."
>
> If Mae West were Orthodox:
>
> "Why don't you come up to our church sometime?"
>
> If Greta Garbo were Orthodox:
>
> "I vant to be a monastic."
>
> If Rodney Dangerfield were Orthodox:
>
> "My priest doesn't get any respect."
>
> If rapper Snoop Dogg were Orthodox:
>
> "JC's ra-shizzen to the livin'!"
>
> If Paris Hilton were Orthodox:
>
> "Vestments, they're hot."
>
> If Clint Eastwood were Orthodox:
>
> "Being that the Orthodox Church is over two thousand
> years old with an unbroken line of apostolic
> succession and full theological truths, coupled with
> the fact that it has the most beautiful earthly
> worship style known to man, you have to ask yourself
> this question, can your faith claim all of the
> 'fullness' punk?"
>
> If Chevy Chase were Orthodox:
>
> "I'm Harolumbus Chase and you're not!"
>
> If Andy Warhol were Orthodox:
>
> "In the eschaton, everyone will be Orthodox."
>
> If Jack Nicholson were Orthodox:
>
> "You're not ready to handle the dogma! That's why we
> have kyrigma."
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hmmmm...
Keble
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« Reply #1 on: August 19, 2005, 03:51:23 PM »


"If media personalities were Orthodox."

> If Garrison Keiller were Orthodox:
>
> "And that's the news from Lake Ladoga, where all of
> the monks have beards, the temples look good, and the
> spirituality is above average."


I said it first!

[...] it's a Woebegonograd land where all the priests are godly, all the monks are wise, and all the babushkas are above average in their piety.
« Last Edit: August 19, 2005, 03:54:57 PM by Keble » Logged
Elisha
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« Reply #2 on: August 19, 2005, 04:18:17 PM »

Not bad, but there is a lot better Orthodox humor out there.
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Donna Rose
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« Reply #3 on: August 19, 2005, 05:40:27 PM »

Quote
Not bad, but there is a lot better Orthodox humor out there.

Hey well I had never seen anything like it and I thought it was cute and clever in places.

Just sharing for those who aren't exposed to a lot of Orthodox humor.

D
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hmmmm...
Elisha
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« Reply #4 on: August 19, 2005, 06:30:14 PM »

Hey well I had never seen anything like it and I thought it was cute and clever in places.

Just sharing for those who aren't exposed to a lot of Orthodox humor.

D

Hey, I got standards.  For exmample, around 99% of all puns just suck.  They are way lame!
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cizinec
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There ain't no way but the hard way.


« Reply #5 on: August 20, 2005, 07:51:05 AM »

I got standards two.  Fur exmample, 99.32& of all pimple who thin that like puns are all like way totally incredibly like stoopid are just way totaly wrongish.  They are like totally like not very smart!
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