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JamesR
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« on: June 16, 2012, 12:48:22 AM »

Well, I've sort of run into a problem and I don't know what to do. The Orthodox Churches in my area are organizing a huge week-long camp for the Orthodox youth. And, my Priest keeps trying to invite me to come and even offered me a scholarship. The thing is, I don't want to go. But I also do not want to appear rude or hurt his feelings if I say no. The reason is because (don't laugh) I have a strange phobia of being away from my home and family for longer than a day at a time. So how should I turn his offer down without appearing to be rude?
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« Reply #1 on: June 16, 2012, 01:01:31 AM »

Well, I've sort of run into a problem and I don't know what to do. The Orthodox Churches in my area are organizing a huge week-long camp for the Orthodox youth. And, my Priest keeps trying to invite me to come and even offered me a scholarship. The thing is, I don't want to go. But I also do not want to appear rude or hurt his feelings if I say no. The reason is because (don't laugh) I have a strange phobia of being away from my home and family for longer than a day at a time. So how should I turn his offer down without appearing to be rude?

Say exactly what you just wrote here.
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« Reply #2 on: June 16, 2012, 01:02:15 AM »

My approach might not work for you... or for me for that matter... but it's all I can mention, so: I'd just be honest with him. I'd say what you just said in your post, verbatim if necessary. "I have a strange phobia of being away from my home and family for longer than a day at a time, therefore I can't go". He may press. "Well wouldn't this be a good time to get over the phobia?" he might ask. I'd just reiterate that I couldn't do so. I'm sure he has some irrational fears--we all do (except Chuck Norris and Bruce Campbell). Hopefully he'd understand. But I do work at the Jerk Store, so I'm not sure how far any of this qualifies as not being rude.

EDIT--James beat me by 45 seconds! Why did I add all that other crap!?  Grin
« Last Edit: June 16, 2012, 01:02:46 AM by Asteriktos » Logged
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« Reply #3 on: June 16, 2012, 01:49:00 PM »

Just go.  You've got to cut the umbilical cord at some point, so this would be good way to start. 
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« Reply #4 on: June 16, 2012, 02:36:30 PM »

This is a phobia you will absolutely have to get over if you ever want to have fun in your life, sounds like a great way to start.
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« Reply #5 on: June 16, 2012, 02:40:58 PM »

I just did this for ten days for the first time in my life. Didn't even realize it till I read your OP. You'll be fine.
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« Reply #6 on: June 16, 2012, 03:03:17 PM »

This is a phobia you will absolutely have to get over if you ever want to have fun do anything at all in your life, sounds like a great way to start.

Yeah, this.
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« Reply #7 on: June 16, 2012, 03:13:39 PM »

Well, I've sort of run into a problem and I don't know what to do. The Orthodox Churches in my area are organizing a huge week-long camp for the Orthodox youth. And, my Priest keeps trying to invite me to come and even offered me a scholarship. The thing is, I don't want to go. But I also do not want to appear rude or hurt his feelings if I say no. The reason is because (don't laugh) I have a strange phobia of being away from my home and family for longer than a day at a time. So how should I turn his offer down without appearing to be rude?
I don't know where you are, but the Greek Orthodox churches in my Metropolis (Atlanta) have 4 week-long sessions at the Diakonia center in North Carolina. I've never been  Embarrassed It's less about being scared to be away from home, and more about being afraid to be with the other teens, embarrassment. I'm embarrassed to be embarrassed though! I'm pretty sure I'm forcing myself to go next year, all accounts say it's a great experience, and I can get my sister to come with me Wink Just be brave. I'm not brave at all, but it's something I try to work on all the time. God bless you, and good luck! Cheesy
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« Reply #8 on: June 16, 2012, 06:06:31 PM »

Well, I've sort of run into a problem and I don't know what to do. The Orthodox Churches in my area are organizing a huge week-long camp for the Orthodox youth. And, my Priest keeps trying to invite me to come and even offered me a scholarship. The thing is, I don't want to go. But I also do not want to appear rude or hurt his feelings if I say no. The reason is because (don't laugh) I have a strange phobia of being away from my home and family for longer than a day at a time. So how should I turn his offer down without appearing to be rude?

Is this the OCA youth camp at St. Nicholas Ranch at Dunlop with a deadline of tomorrow? If so, you might convince your parents to spend a week vacation at Kings Canyon National Park (25 min away) with trips to Sequoia as a side benifit. The camp might also be a good place to "meet an Orthodox girl my age who's at least decently attractive, intelligent and could actually hold her weight in a deep, philosophical discussion" (to quote you from the Orthonorm's Dating and Relationship Advice Column thread). As a warning I lost the true love of my life discussing Plato, she was Greek and it is possible that OCA girls are less opinionated about philosophers.
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« Reply #9 on: June 16, 2012, 06:10:12 PM »

Just go.  You've got to cut the umbilical cord at some point, so this would be good way to start.

This is a phobia you will absolutely have to get over if you ever want to have fun in your life, sounds like a great way to start.

I like these!
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« Reply #10 on: June 16, 2012, 06:22:53 PM »

Just go.  You've got to cut the umbilical cord at some point, so this would be good way to start.

This is a phobia you will absolutely have to get over if you ever want to have fun in your life, sounds like a great way to start.
[/quote]

Unless of course this is a true phobia that really ought to be dealt with, slowly, by a therapist, in which case going to this Church camp could be quite damaging for him.
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« Reply #11 on: June 16, 2012, 10:53:48 PM »

Just go.  You've got to cut the umbilical cord at some point, so this would be good way to start.

This is a phobia you will absolutely have to get over if you ever want to have fun in your life, sounds like a great way to start.

Unless of course this is a true phobia that really ought to be dealt with, slowly, by a therapist, in which case going to this Church camp could be quite damaging for him.

Its church camp not the junior Waffen brigade.
« Last Edit: June 16, 2012, 10:54:08 PM by Jason.Wike » Logged
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« Reply #12 on: June 16, 2012, 10:54:48 PM »

Just go.  You've got to cut the umbilical cord at some point, so this would be good way to start.

This is a phobia you will absolutely have to get over if you ever want to have fun in your life, sounds like a great way to start.

Unless of course this is a true phobia that really ought to be dealt with, slowly, by a therapist, in which case going to this Church camp could be quite damaging for him.

Its church camp not the junior Waffen brigade.

It's all fun and games till someone loses an eye...
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JamesRottnek
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« Reply #13 on: June 16, 2012, 11:03:31 PM »

Just go.  You've got to cut the umbilical cord at some point, so this would be good way to start.

This is a phobia you will absolutely have to get over if you ever want to have fun in your life, sounds like a great way to start.

Unless of course this is a true phobia that really ought to be dealt with, slowly, by a therapist, in which case going to this Church camp could be quite damaging for him.

Its church camp not the junior Waffen brigade.

Your point?  A phobia is generally irrational.  If he really does have a phobia, and wasn't just using hyperbole, then going to this camp could cause a great deal of distress and be in no way beneficial to him.  Have you ever suffered from a phobia?  I'm guessing you haven't.
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« Reply #14 on: June 16, 2012, 11:22:25 PM »

Just go.  You've got to cut the umbilical cord at some point, so this would be good way to start.

This is a phobia you will absolutely have to get over if you ever want to have fun in your life, sounds like a great way to start.

Unless of course this is a true phobia that really ought to be dealt with, slowly, by a therapist, in which case going to this Church camp could be quite damaging for him.

Its church camp not the junior Waffen brigade.

Your point?  A phobia is generally irrational.  If he really does have a phobia, and wasn't just using hyperbole, then going to this camp could cause a great deal of distress and be in no way beneficial to him.  Have you ever suffered from a phobia?  I'm guessing you haven't.

Yes I have, I got over them by doing what I was afraid of.
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« Reply #15 on: June 16, 2012, 11:25:48 PM »

Just go.  You've got to cut the umbilical cord at some point, so this would be good way to start.

This is a phobia you will absolutely have to get over if you ever want to have fun in your life, sounds like a great way to start.

Unless of course this is a true phobia that really ought to be dealt with, slowly, by a therapist, in which case going to this Church camp could be quite damaging for him.

Its church camp not the junior Waffen brigade.

Your point?  A phobia is generally irrational.  If he really does have a phobia, and wasn't just using hyperbole, then going to this camp could cause a great deal of distress and be in no way beneficial to him.  Have you ever suffered from a phobia?  I'm guessing you haven't.

Yes I have, I got over them by doing what I was afraid of.

Are you sure you were actually phobic, as opposed to merely afraid?
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« Reply #16 on: June 17, 2012, 12:04:11 AM »

I have to agree with JamesRottnek.

If you don't want to go, I really doubt he'll be offended. If breaking away from your family and home is something that you'll eventually need to do, you'll find a good way to learn to do that. Don't feel that you owe it to him to go. Your priest should be able to handle it if you refuse. He hears confession, so he's heard worse things than "no" during his tenure.
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« Reply #17 on: June 18, 2012, 05:52:42 PM »

Just go.  You've got to cut the umbilical cord at some point, so this would be good way to start.

This is a phobia you will absolutely have to get over if you ever want to have fun in your life, sounds like a great way to start.

Unless of course this is a true phobia that really ought to be dealt with, slowly, by a therapist, in which case going to this Church camp could be quite damaging for him.

Its church camp not the junior Waffen brigade.

Your point?  A phobia is generally irrational.  If he really does have a phobia, and wasn't just using hyperbole, then going to this camp could cause a great deal of distress and be in no way beneficial to him.  Have you ever suffered from a phobia?  I'm guessing you haven't.

Yes I have, I got over them by doing what I was afraid of.

And one medicine should cure all maladies, right?
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« Reply #18 on: June 18, 2012, 06:17:36 PM »

As a warning I lost the true love of my life discussing Plato, she was Greek and it is possible that OCA girls are less opinionated about philosophers.

 laugh laugh Wish I was a fly on the wall to hear how that discussion went. did you somehow disrespect the venerable Plato to her or what? laugh I am sorry I am not laughing at the loss, that's not funny to me at all, but the scenario leading to it and the way you tell it is quite hilarious my dear brother  angel
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« Reply #19 on: June 19, 2012, 11:41:58 AM »

As a warning I lost the true love of my life discussing Plato, she was Greek and it is possible that OCA girls are less opinionated about philosophers.

 laugh laugh Wish I was a fly on the wall to hear how that discussion went. did you somehow disrespect the venerable Plato to her or what? laugh I am sorry I am not laughing at the loss, that's not funny to me at all, but the scenario leading to it and the way you tell it is quite hilarious my dear brother  angel

It was the opposite Hiwot. I was reading The Republic for entertainment at the time and perhaps I was somewhat enthusiastic. She was a wilting Trotskyist/Sparticist who wouldn't give Plato any slack. The only thing entertaining was my efforts to keep myself from fainting. I adored her for five years prior to this first date and never spoke to her during that period. To be next to her, to hear her speak to me, to look into her eyes, the list goes on and on, was totally overwhelming. She was probably somewhat disturbed by the fact that I cooked and baked all day but I was unable to eat when the time came. There was also the issue of my being a Greek Francophile and her being a Greek Germanophile. However, I am still guessing that Plato determined my fate.

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« Reply #20 on: June 19, 2012, 11:56:19 AM »

Alas, the foibles of young love, so concerned with philosophy and religion, often becomes a tsunami of intellection which sweeps us away almost without warning. Why can't young people be more shallow and carefree, more jovial and flippant, and not as concerned with meaning and truth? How many of us have found misery and heartbreak over a discussion of Plato or Nietzsche?  Sad
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« Reply #21 on: June 19, 2012, 11:58:21 AM »

In my experience Spartacists live to argue and start pointless debates with random people on the street. I'm surprised she didn't marry you.  Wink
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« Reply #22 on: June 20, 2012, 12:07:34 AM »

In my experience Spartacists live to argue and start pointless debates with random people on the street. I'm surprised she didn't marry you.  Wink

Thank you Iconodule, I probably should have used the term waning Sparticisit (I am not sure how long they survive past college, in general).  Perhaps I might have had a chance when she was a waxing Sparticist in Germany when I was introduced to her in abstentia through the good will of research scientists at the same German University.
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« Reply #23 on: June 20, 2012, 01:02:58 AM »

Alas, the foibles of young love, so concerned with philosophy and religion, often becomes a tsunami of intellection which sweeps us away almost without warning. Why can't young people be more shallow and carefree, more jovial and flippant, and not as concerned with meaning and truth? How many of us have found misery and heartbreak over a discussion of Plato or Nietzsche?  Sad
Not to put you into a corner Asteriktos, has misery and heartbreak made your life vibrant and meaningful? Can one truly love a woman without idolizing her? I find the separation between idolatry and love in its purist unselfish sense problematical so I am curious.

ps - I gave up on philosophers after this episode. I have read some Nietzsche in order to keep up with some posts on this forum but that is pretty much it..
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« Reply #24 on: June 20, 2012, 01:24:57 AM »

Unless of course this is a true phobia that really ought to be dealt with, slowly, by a therapist, in which case going to this Church camp could be quite damaging for him.

I agree 100%.  Although true phobias are often irrational, they are very real.  And though most therapists favor exposure to the fear as a means of controlling it, the exposure is gradual.  If you truly have a phobia and not simply nervousness at trying something new, then you would probably benefit from therapy.  Some things to think about before you decline your priest:

1.  What makes you think this might be a phobia?  What has happened in the past when you were away from home/family?

2.  Can you arrange for a friend to go with you?  Someone you can trust with your situation?  How about the priest?  Can he help you while you are there?

Whether or not this is a real phobia, you won't want to let this control you.  Fears have caused a lot of pain and heartache for people because they let the fear control them and missed out on so much in life.  Take it from someone who's gone through it- fear controlled me for quite awhile, even to the point where I avoided situations.  But, with therapy, I control the fear nowadays and not the other way around.  There's help, bubba.  Smiley  
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« Reply #25 on: June 20, 2012, 02:24:09 AM »

Opus, what a delight.

Your posts are pure gold here.
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