Author Topic: Please hold your laughter! New Bible Shows Christ as a Woman, God as Female!  (Read 3496 times)

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Offline Nacho

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http://www.klfy.com/Global/story.asp?S=3409650

WorldNow & klfy.com/Newswire
May 31, 2005

<EXCERPT>

WASHINGTON -- A new edition of the Gospels of the Bible for the first time shows Christ as a woman, named Judith Christ of Nazareth, and God as female. In all other respects, the classic texts of the Gospels remain unchanged.

<snip>

"This long-awaited revised text of the Gospels makes the moral message of Christ more accessible to many, and more illuminating to all," says Billie Shakespeare, V.P. for the publisher. "It is empowering. We published this new Bible to acknowledge the rise of women in society."

This new Bible includes: The Parable of the Prodigal Daughter, The Lady's Prayer, and other revised favorite passages, such as:

* Her birth -- Luke 2:4 And Joseph went to Bethlehem. 5 To be enrolled with Mary, his wife, who was then pregnant. 7 And she brought forth her firstborn child. 21 And her name was chosen to be Judith. * Her crucifixion -- John 19:17 And She bearing her cross went forth. 18 There they crucified Judith. * Her resurrection -- Matthew 28:1 Mary Magdalene and the other Mary came to see the tomb. 5 But the angel said to the women, "Do not be afraid, for I know that you seek Judith who was crucified." 6 "She is not here; for She is risen."

<snip>

----What will they think of next? I'm wondering why the feminist waited 2000 years for this? Sign of the times.......? Noooo! Not at all!! ;D
"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world."--Mere Christianity

Offline observer

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And a new version for those others...  Adam and Steve
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Offline sin_vladimirov

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Lord have mercy!
Lord have mercy.

Offline jayjay

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Maybe a version for the tree huggers, and at the crucifixion, the cross can be made out of 100% man made material, and instead of the sign above Christ reading 'INRI', it can now read 'No trees were harmed during this crucifixion'

What next?????
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Offline Justionios

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Lord have mercy ! How long can the humuliation continoue.
 I would like to say god forgive but it is exremly difucult some times.

In Christ
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Offline Donna Rose

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what scares me about this is, in many many many years, what if THIS is the bible that a person discovers in their attic, a person who knows nothing of Christianity? i mean, THAT is the "version of the truth" (if you can even call it that) some people might be raised with now, under the guise of "Christianity"...it's a scary thought. Lord have mercy on us all!

In Christ,
Donna Mary
hmmmm...

Offline sin_vladimirov

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It all has to happen! So that evil will be evil and good be good.

Lord, have mercy on us, and give us to be good.

It will just get worse.
Lord have mercy.

Offline ozgeorge

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So now, not only does man make God in his own image, so does woman.
Even the Sophia heresy of some "feminist theologians" makes more sense than "Judith".
Oy vey ::)

At a dinner party some years ago, one of our guests was a female Roman Catholic theologian. Another guest asked her if she followed "femenist theology", and she replied: "There is no such thing as feminist theology, there is only theology."


« Last Edit: June 05, 2005, 09:20:27 AM by ozgeorge »
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Offline Landon77

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Well, if their "Bible" doesn't have Christ, then they can't very well claim to be Christians.   :laugh:  Christ - ians  They are Judithians.
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Offline Keble

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So far, I think the evidence shows that this is some sort of hoax, actually. The Amazon link to the book doesn't really work, I can't find a website for the supposed institute, there's no real quotes of the text anywhere......

... and there are just as bad real works out there.

Oh, and the website that everyone is linking to doesn't look like a real media website.
« Last Edit: June 05, 2005, 12:32:26 PM by Keble »

Offline Nacho

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Quote
Oh, and the website that everyone is linking to doesn't look like a real media website.

Actually, it is a real news website. I also went to PRNewswire and they also have the story.
Here is the direct link to buy it from Amazon:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN%3D0966143728/102-5506627-2129758

check out all the rave reviews lol.......... ::)
"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world."--Mere Christianity

Offline Ntinos

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Alas, it is things like this that make me intolerant of others from time to time.

What else will we hear?

Offline Matthew777

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In all honesty, this is probably nothing more than the logical conclusion to "gender-neutral" Bible versions.
He who has a why to live for can bear with almost any how. - Friedrich Nietzsche
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Offline Nacho

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In all honesty, this is probably nothing more than the logical conclusion to "gender-neutral" Bible versions.

Yea, I see what you mean. I'm wondering how they treat the Holy Spirit in this new Bible? Also, what are you going to do with the Apostles? Let's see, add an a to the end of Paul and you got Paula! I don't know what they could do with John, Mathew,Luke or Mark. Those names are much harder to deal with, but I'm sure they would think of something crafy seeing how creative they are! Also, if I'm not mistaken the male version name for Judith is not Jesus, but Judas!
"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world."--Mere Christianity

Offline Justionios

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Yea, I see what you mean. I'm wondering how they treat the Holy Spirit in this new Bible? Also, what are you going to do with the Apostles? Let's see, add an a to the end of Paul and you got Paula! I don't know what they could do with John, Mathew,Luke or Mark. Those names are much harder to deal with, but I'm sure they would think of something crafy seeing how creative they are! Also, if I'm not mistaken the male version name for Judith is not Jesus, but Judas!

Ha ha You right Nacho
Judit (F)= Judas (m)
Christos (m) Christina (f) =uppligthing (gr)
Matheos (m) Mathea (f) = Iearning (gr)

But I wonder if even the bad person will have female names ? The females often use to give female names only to the good characters.
So Barnabas and Judas will still be males

Kurie eleisson
« Last Edit: June 06, 2005, 04:02:30 AM by Justionios »
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Offline prodromos

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Hold off buying it guys. The price appears to be dropping fast and they'll be giving them away soon. At least wait until it is cheaper than firewood ;D

Offline Fr. David

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Yea, I see what you mean. I'm wondering how they treat the Holy Spirit in this new Bible? Also, what are you going to do with the Apostles? Let's see, add an a to the end of Paul and you got Paula! I don't know what they could do with John, Mathew,Luke or Mark. Those names are much harder to deal with, but I'm sure they would think of something crafy seeing how creative they are! Also, if I'm not mistaken the male version name for Judith is not Jesus, but Judas!

John=Juan (in Spanish), so f is Juana

The others...man, I don't know.  Probably resort to the Gk, as most names' female counterparts are easily rendered.

And btw--Judah=Yehuda in Hebrew, which is masculine...don't know what the f version is.
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Offline Hadel

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The plan of the Anti-Christ? Maybe?  >:D :flame:

HO HO HO  ;D

God Help Us All!

I hate to ask, what will they think of next  :o

In Christ,
Hadel
Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.

Offline Bono Vox

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Mabey Moby would love this edition of the Bible??
Troparion - Tone 1:
O Sebastian, spurning the assemblies of the wicked,You gathered the wise martyrs Who with you cast down the enemy; And standing worthily before the throne of God, You gladden those who cry to you:Glory to him who has strengthened you! Glory to him who has granted you a crown!

Offline ozgeorge

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But I wonder if even the bad person will have female names ?

I doubt it. The feminist backlash would be too great if "The Father of Lies" became "The Mother of Lies".
After all, we all know that mothers never lie. ;)
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Offline Nacho

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Mabey Moby would love this edition of the Bible??

 ;D I would hope it's "diverse" enough for him.
"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world."--Mere Christianity

Offline ania

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Bogze Moi is all I can say.  :-(
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Offline Matthew777

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I've wondered, on whose authority were these "corrections" made?
He who has a why to live for can bear with almost any how. - Friedrich Nietzsche
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Offline PhosZoe

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What's next a "furry" bible?  ::)

Offline idontlikenames

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I think that next they'll have a gay Jesus named "Jethuth Chritht" (lisp) who grew up raised as, rather than a carpenter, an interior designer.  He falls in love with St. John the Beloved, rather than Mary Magdalene a la Dan Brown. ....and He says things like "Will and Grace unto you">.....
laa ilaah illa al-Maal wa Rothschild howa nabeehi

Offline idontlikenames

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Enlighten me: what's the story with Moby?
laa ilaah illa al-Maal wa Rothschild howa nabeehi

Offline Matthew777

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He who has a why to live for can bear with almost any how. - Friedrich Nietzsche
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Offline erracht

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Is that ever dumb!  ???
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Offline Bono Vox

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I think that next they'll have a gay Jesus named "Jethuth Chritht" (lisp)

Just like Mr.Slave on South Park!! Ha ha ha ha ha

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Troparion - Tone 1:
O Sebastian, spurning the assemblies of the wicked,You gathered the wise martyrs Who with you cast down the enemy; And standing worthily before the throne of God, You gladden those who cry to you:Glory to him who has strengthened you! Glory to him who has granted you a crown!