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Author Topic: Please hold your laughter! New Bible Shows Christ as a Woman, God as Female!  (Read 3219 times) Average Rating: 0
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Nacho
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« on: June 05, 2005, 01:43:05 AM »

http://www.klfy.com/Global/story.asp?S=3409650

WorldNow & klfy.com/Newswire
May 31, 2005

<EXCERPT>

WASHINGTON -- A new edition of the Gospels of the Bible for the first time shows Christ as a woman, named Judith Christ of Nazareth, and God as female. In all other respects, the classic texts of the Gospels remain unchanged.

<snip>

"This long-awaited revised text of the Gospels makes the moral message of Christ more accessible to many, and more illuminating to all," says Billie Shakespeare, V.P. for the publisher. "It is empowering. We published this new Bible to acknowledge the rise of women in society."

This new Bible includes: The Parable of the Prodigal Daughter, The Lady's Prayer, and other revised favorite passages, such as:

* Her birth -- Luke 2:4 And Joseph went to Bethlehem. 5 To be enrolled with Mary, his wife, who was then pregnant. 7 And she brought forth her firstborn child. 21 And her name was chosen to be Judith. * Her crucifixion -- John 19:17 And She bearing her cross went forth. 18 There they crucified Judith. * Her resurrection -- Matthew 28:1 Mary Magdalene and the other Mary came to see the tomb. 5 But the angel said to the women, "Do not be afraid, for I know that you seek Judith who was crucified." 6 "She is not here; for She is risen."

<snip>

----What will they think of next? I'm wondering why the feminist waited 2000 years for this? Sign of the times.......? Noooo! Not at all!! Grin
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« Reply #1 on: June 05, 2005, 01:53:02 AM »

And a new version for those others...  Adam and Steve
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« Reply #2 on: June 05, 2005, 02:42:11 AM »

Lord have mercy!
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« Reply #3 on: June 05, 2005, 03:00:03 AM »

Maybe a version for the tree huggers, and at the crucifixion, the cross can be made out of 100% man made material, and instead of the sign above Christ reading 'INRI', it can now read 'No trees were harmed during this crucifixion'

What next?Huh?
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« Reply #4 on: June 05, 2005, 06:00:38 AM »

Lord have mercy ! How long can the humuliation continoue.
 I would like to say god forgive but it is exremly difucult some times.

In Christ
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« Reply #5 on: June 05, 2005, 09:00:15 AM »

what scares me about this is, in many many many years, what if THIS is the bible that a person discovers in their attic, a person who knows nothing of Christianity? i mean, THAT is the "version of the truth" (if you can even call it that) some people might be raised with now, under the guise of "Christianity"...it's a scary thought. Lord have mercy on us all!

In Christ,
Donna Mary
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hmmmm...
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« Reply #6 on: June 05, 2005, 09:05:36 AM »

It all has to happen! So that evil will be evil and good be good.

Lord, have mercy on us, and give us to be good.

It will just get worse.
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« Reply #7 on: June 05, 2005, 09:19:59 AM »

So now, not only does man make God in his own image, so does woman.
Even the Sophia heresy of some "feminist theologians" makes more sense than "Judith".
Oy vey Roll Eyes

At a dinner party some years ago, one of our guests was a female Roman Catholic theologian. Another guest asked her if she followed "femenist theology", and she replied: "There is no such thing as feminist theology, there is only theology."


« Last Edit: June 05, 2005, 09:20:27 AM by ozgeorge » Logged

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« Reply #8 on: June 05, 2005, 10:14:30 AM »

Well, if their "Bible" doesn't have Christ, then they can't very well claim to be Christians.   laugh  Christ - ians  They are Judithians.
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« Reply #9 on: June 05, 2005, 12:31:27 PM »

So far, I think the evidence shows that this is some sort of hoax, actually. The Amazon link to the book doesn't really work, I can't find a website for the supposed institute, there's no real quotes of the text anywhere......

... and there are just as bad real works out there.

Oh, and the website that everyone is linking to doesn't look like a real media website.
« Last Edit: June 05, 2005, 12:32:26 PM by Keble » Logged
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« Reply #10 on: June 05, 2005, 01:11:25 PM »

Quote
Oh, and the website that everyone is linking to doesn't look like a real media website.

Actually, it is a real news website. I also went to PRNewswire and they also have the story.
Here is the direct link to buy it from Amazon:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN%3D0966143728/102-5506627-2129758

check out all the rave reviews lol.......... Roll Eyes
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« Reply #11 on: June 05, 2005, 04:27:55 PM »

Alas, it is things like this that make me intolerant of others from time to time.

What else will we hear?
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« Reply #12 on: June 05, 2005, 08:12:55 PM »

In all honesty, this is probably nothing more than the logical conclusion to "gender-neutral" Bible versions.
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« Reply #13 on: June 05, 2005, 08:52:16 PM »

Quote
In all honesty, this is probably nothing more than the logical conclusion to "gender-neutral" Bible versions.

Yea, I see what you mean. I'm wondering how they treat the Holy Spirit in this new Bible? Also, what are you going to do with the Apostles? Let's see, add an a to the end of Paul and you got Paula! I don't know what they could do with John, Mathew,Luke or Mark. Those names are much harder to deal with, but I'm sure they would think of something crafy seeing how creative they are! Also, if I'm not mistaken the male version name for Judith is not Jesus, but Judas!
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« Reply #14 on: June 06, 2005, 04:01:01 AM »



Yea, I see what you mean. I'm wondering how they treat the Holy Spirit in this new Bible? Also, what are you going to do with the Apostles? Let's see, add an a to the end of Paul and you got Paula! I don't know what they could do with John, Mathew,Luke or Mark. Those names are much harder to deal with, but I'm sure they would think of something crafy seeing how creative they are! Also, if I'm not mistaken the male version name for Judith is not Jesus, but Judas!

Ha ha You right Nacho
Judit (F)= Judas (m)
Christos (m) Christina (f) =uppligthing (gr)
Matheos (m) Mathea (f) = Iearning (gr)

But I wonder if even the bad person will have female names ? The females often use to give female names only to the good characters.
So Barnabas and Judas will still be males

Kurie eleisson
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« Reply #15 on: June 06, 2005, 04:59:38 AM »

Hold off buying it guys. The price appears to be dropping fast and they'll be giving them away soon. At least wait until it is cheaper than firewood Grin
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« Reply #16 on: June 06, 2005, 06:59:39 AM »



Yea, I see what you mean. I'm wondering how they treat the Holy Spirit in this new Bible? Also, what are you going to do with the Apostles? Let's see, add an a to the end of Paul and you got Paula! I don't know what they could do with John, Mathew,Luke or Mark. Those names are much harder to deal with, but I'm sure they would think of something crafy seeing how creative they are! Also, if I'm not mistaken the male version name for Judith is not Jesus, but Judas!

John=Juan (in Spanish), so f is Juana

The others...man, I don't know.  Probably resort to the Gk, as most names' female counterparts are easily rendered.

And btw--Judah=Yehuda in Hebrew, which is masculine...don't know what the f version is.
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« Reply #17 on: June 06, 2005, 09:27:02 AM »

The plan of the Anti-Christ? Maybe?  Evil :flame:

HO HO HO  Grin

God Help Us All!

I hate to ask, what will they think of next  Shocked

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« Reply #18 on: June 07, 2005, 08:23:54 PM »

Mabey Moby would love this edition of the Bible??
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« Reply #19 on: June 07, 2005, 08:50:07 PM »

But I wonder if even the bad person will have female names ?

I doubt it. The feminist backlash would be too great if "The Father of Lies" became "The Mother of Lies".
After all, we all know that mothers never lie. Wink
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« Reply #20 on: June 07, 2005, 08:59:42 PM »

Quote
Mabey Moby would love this edition of the Bible??

 Grin I would hope it's "diverse" enough for him.
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« Reply #21 on: June 08, 2005, 11:01:15 AM »

Bogze Moi is all I can say.  :-(
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« Reply #22 on: June 08, 2005, 03:14:42 PM »

I've wondered, on whose authority were these "corrections" made?
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« Reply #23 on: June 08, 2005, 03:47:21 PM »

What's next a "furry" bible?  Roll Eyes
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« Reply #24 on: June 08, 2005, 03:54:31 PM »

I think that next they'll have a gay Jesus named "Jethuth Chritht" (lisp) who grew up raised as, rather than a carpenter, an interior designer.  He falls in love with St. John the Beloved, rather than Mary Magdalene a la Dan Brown. ....and He says things like "Will and Grace unto you">.....
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« Reply #25 on: June 08, 2005, 04:30:12 PM »

Enlighten me: what's the story with Moby?
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« Reply #26 on: June 08, 2005, 07:04:20 PM »

Enlighten me: what's the story with Moby?

http://www.orthodoxchristianity.net/forum/index.php?topic=6322.0
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« Reply #27 on: June 12, 2005, 06:25:43 AM »

Is that ever dumb!  Huh
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« Reply #28 on: June 12, 2005, 12:51:36 PM »

Quote
I think that next they'll have a gay Jesus named "Jethuth Chritht" (lisp)

Just like Mr.Slave on South Park!! Ha ha ha ha ha

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