Author Topic: Girlfriends in 9th grade  (Read 23762 times)

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Offline Cyrillic

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Re: Girlfriends in 9th grade
« Reply #180 on: November 17, 2014, 06:49:07 PM »
So this is what a walking stereotype of the nouveau riche looks like?

People who stay rich don't flaunt their money, both because that would be classless and because it's always better to invest. Ever noticed how old money drives dusty Volvos?
« Last Edit: November 17, 2014, 06:55:10 PM by Cyrillic »

Offline SolEX01

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Re: Girlfriends in 9th grade
« Reply #181 on: November 17, 2014, 06:58:14 PM »
A weekly bus pass is around £15

That's why the bike was invented.

It's nice to live in a place where it's safe to ride a bike, isn't it?

If the place where you live isn't safe for bikes, you could blackmail pop and mom.

"I'm going with the bike tomorrow. I need to cut spending. I hope I won't get under a truck"

That'll get them to pay for the bus fare.

My parents drove me around like personal chauffeurs because they didn't trust me to drive and thought that I'd get killed or eaten if I used public transportation.
Lol. I already have a car picked out. BMW 2014 750i sedan. But it's going to be 2014 and I'm getting my license in 2016 so.
http://cars.findthebest.com/l/4339/2014-BMW-750i-xDrive
Not the best but it'll do.

That's an expensive car for a young person.   :P  Are you sure you don't have Affluenza?
Lol. Come to my town and you will see, why I said that wasn't the best. I am not an "Affluenzer" lolol. My parents handle my debt;D ;D ;D ;D

Yup, that's the definition of Affluenza.   ::)

Offline Jonathan Gress

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Re: Girlfriends in 9th grade
« Reply #182 on: November 17, 2014, 07:11:20 PM »
So this is what a walking stereotype of the nouveau riche looks like?

People who stay rich don't flaunt their money, both because that would be classless and because it's always better to invest. Ever noticed how old money drives dusty Volvos?

Says the guy who's always drinking some fancy shmancy Trappist ale. That stuff can't be cheap. ;)

Offline Cyrillic

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Re: Girlfriends in 9th grade
« Reply #183 on: November 17, 2014, 07:23:47 PM »
So this is what a walking stereotype of the nouveau riche looks like?

People who stay rich don't flaunt their money, both because that would be classless and because it's always better to invest. Ever noticed how old money drives dusty Volvos?

Says the guy who's always drinking some fancy shmancy Trappist ale. That stuff can't be cheap. ;)

LOL.

At least I don't buy it on credit.

You could get trappist ales for under €2. I have to find the first BMW to cost less than that.
« Last Edit: November 17, 2014, 07:25:38 PM by Cyrillic »

Offline charbelkaleab

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Re: Girlfriends in 9th grade
« Reply #184 on: November 17, 2014, 07:34:20 PM »
So this is what a walking stereotype of the nouveau riche looks like?

People who stay rich don't flaunt their money, both because that would be classless and because it's always better to invest. Ever noticed how old money drives dusty Volvos?

Says the guy who's always drinking some fancy shmancy Trappist ale. That stuff can't be cheap. ;)

LOL.

At least I don't buy it on credit.

You could get trappist ales for under €2. I have to find the first BMW to cost less than that.
Mhm.

Offline charbelkaleab

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Re: Girlfriends in 9th grade
« Reply #185 on: November 17, 2014, 07:34:52 PM »
So this is what a walking stereotype of the nouveau riche looks like?

People who stay rich don't flaunt their money, both because that would be classless and because it's always better to invest. Ever noticed how old money drives dusty Volvos?
Maybe I am a stereotype lol. Currently drinking Herbal Tea.

Offline hecma925

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Re: Girlfriends in 9th grade
« Reply #186 on: November 17, 2014, 07:44:47 PM »
So this is what a walking stereotype of the nouveau riche looks like?

Stereotype of children of nouveau riche.
Happy shall he be, that shall take and dash thy little ones against the rock. Alleluia.

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Offline charbelkaleab

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Re: Girlfriends in 9th grade
« Reply #187 on: November 17, 2014, 08:18:30 PM »
So this is what a walking stereotype of the nouveau riche looks like?

Stereotype of children of nouveau riche.
But I'm not spoiled and my parents don't want me to think we are rich. Parents: We are poor in spirit and that is all that matters. The rich that are not thankful and do not give to those less then themselves are not welcomed into the kingdom of God.

Offline DeniseDenise

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Re: Girlfriends in 9th grade
« Reply #188 on: November 17, 2014, 08:23:25 PM »
So this is what a walking stereotype of the nouveau riche looks like?

Stereotype of children of nouveau riche.
But I'm not spoiled and my parents don't want me to think we are rich. Parents: We are poor in spirit and that is all that matters. The rich that are not thankful and do not give to those less then themselves are not welcomed into the kingdom of God.


Just a hint then....


Don't tell a bunch of people on the internet that you spent more on sweaters than some of them make in a week.


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Offline Marc1152

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Re: Girlfriends in 9th grade
« Reply #189 on: November 17, 2014, 08:30:37 PM »
I think there should be no one on one dating until you are of an age when it is reasonable for you to get married.

Before then, you should see your friends in a group which can include both boys and girls.

But one on one dating is a form of "courtship".. You are exploring how compatible you are in terms of finding a wife or husband.

Your idea has been debunked 1000 times already.. Maybe 1001 will be the charm

Offline Jonathan Gress

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Re: Girlfriends in 9th grade
« Reply #190 on: November 17, 2014, 08:34:51 PM »
I think there should be no one on one dating until you are of an age when it is reasonable for you to get married.

Before then, you should see your friends in a group which can include both boys and girls.

But one on one dating is a form of "courtship".. You are exploring how compatible you are in terms of finding a wife or husband.



I wonder how much you can really find out about the other person that would be relevant to marriage, without actually living together first. If that's out of bounds, might as well just have arranged marriages.

Offline yeshuaisiam

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Re: Girlfriends in 9th grade
« Reply #191 on: November 17, 2014, 08:39:26 PM »
My parents were high school sweethearts who got married right when they turned 18. And despite all their problems, they're still married today. Don't let anyone tell you that your young relationships are meaningless and will never amount to anything.

Anyway, I dated when I was a Freshman and Sophomore. But it was with the same girl and it was only 3 or 4 times. It was fun but it was kind of pointless in the grand scheme of things.

Many parents don't want their kids dating, although mine are a bit different in that they want me to date and be in a relationship or something. They get mad when I tell them I don't want to get married. I think they just want me to find a woman so I get out of the house more often.

My wife and I were married young.  We love it!  Being married has been an awesome experience! :)  We knew each other as well in High School (not the same school). 

I think it varies on personality type..... I dunno.  I won't prevent my children from being married "early" if they are mature about it.  I do believe in biblical courtship though.
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Offline hecma925

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Re: Girlfriends in 9th grade
« Reply #192 on: November 17, 2014, 08:44:27 PM »
My wife and I were married young.  We love it!  Being married has been an awesome experience! :)  We knew each other as well in High School (not the same school). 

I think it varies on personality type..... I dunno.  I won't prevent my children from being married "early" if they are mature about it.  I do believe in biblical courtship though.

I would agree that a woman should have a say so in how she wants to live.  In context of old Judaism and the arranged marriages, I'm absolutely not comfortable with...  Biblical courtship with the daughter's father's permission sounds better.   Perfect situations of course vary and there are lots of variables in life.... The biblical headship I would see as a perfect thing.

I believe in biblical courtship.   Faith based courtship with the intent on finding a spouse.  So yes, I think in the way I see courtship dating more than one would be bad.

Which one?  Working for 14 years to get the right girl?  The courtship of Dinah in Schechem?  David and Batsheba post-Uriah?  Maybe Hosea and Gomer's courtship is a good example.

You say you believe in "biblical courtship".  What are some examples?

You keep saying it without providing any examples.  Did you and your wife have a biblical or faith-based courtship?
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Offline SolEX01

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Re: Girlfriends in 9th grade
« Reply #193 on: November 17, 2014, 09:00:46 PM »
My parents were high school sweethearts who got married right when they turned 18. And despite all their problems, they're still married today. Don't let anyone tell you that your young relationships are meaningless and will never amount to anything.

Anyway, I dated when I was a Freshman and Sophomore. But it was with the same girl and it was only 3 or 4 times. It was fun but it was kind of pointless in the grand scheme of things.

Many parents don't want their kids dating, although mine are a bit different in that they want me to date and be in a relationship or something. They get mad when I tell them I don't want to get married. I think they just want me to find a woman so I get out of the house more often.

My wife and I were married young.  We love it!  Being married has been an awesome experience! :)  We knew each other as well in High School (not the same school). 

I think it varies on personality type..... I dunno.  I won't prevent my children from being married "early" if they are mature about it.  I do believe in biblical courtship though.

Why not explain what you mean by 'biblical courtship?'  I don't think the Bible has any such examples.

Offline Marc1152

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Re: Girlfriends in 9th grade
« Reply #194 on: November 17, 2014, 11:02:29 PM »
I think there should be no one on one dating until you are of an age when it is reasonable for you to get married.

Before then, you should see your friends in a group which can include both boys and girls.

But one on one dating is a form of "courtship".. You are exploring how compatible you are in terms of finding a wife or husband.



I wonder how much you can really find out about the other person that would be relevant to marriage, without actually living together first. If that's out of bounds, might as well just have arranged marriages.

I have done both. I lived with my first wife (deceased) for four years before we got married.

My second marriage was after I was Orthodox so no living together. Both ways worked fine.

Women are at a big disadvantage living with a man without the benefit of marriage. The guy can string things along for so long she starts to lose her options, and then if he dumps her, she has no legal recourse.
Your idea has been debunked 1000 times already.. Maybe 1001 will be the charm

Offline TheTrisagion

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Re: Girlfriends in 9th grade
« Reply #195 on: November 17, 2014, 11:46:51 PM »
My parents were high school sweethearts who got married right when they turned 18. And despite all their problems, they're still married today. Don't let anyone tell you that your young relationships are meaningless and will never amount to anything.

Anyway, I dated when I was a Freshman and Sophomore. But it was with the same girl and it was only 3 or 4 times. It was fun but it was kind of pointless in the grand scheme of things.

Many parents don't want their kids dating, although mine are a bit different in that they want me to date and be in a relationship or something. They get mad when I tell them I don't want to get married. I think they just want me to find a woman so I get out of the house more often.

My wife and I were married young.  We love it!  Being married has been an awesome experience! :)  We knew each other as well in High School (not the same school). 

I think it varies on personality type..... I dunno.  I won't prevent my children from being married "early" if they are mature about it.  I do believe in biblical courtship though.

Why not explain what you mean by 'biblical courtship?'  I don't think the Bible has any such examples.
You must be totally out of step with all the latest evangelical lingo.  That is when you date people but call it something else because the word "dating" is a bad word.  :P
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Offline hecma925

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Re: Girlfriends in 9th grade
« Reply #196 on: November 17, 2014, 11:49:28 PM »
My parents were high school sweethearts who got married right when they turned 18. And despite all their problems, they're still married today. Don't let anyone tell you that your young relationships are meaningless and will never amount to anything.

Anyway, I dated when I was a Freshman and Sophomore. But it was with the same girl and it was only 3 or 4 times. It was fun but it was kind of pointless in the grand scheme of things.

Many parents don't want their kids dating, although mine are a bit different in that they want me to date and be in a relationship or something. They get mad when I tell them I don't want to get married. I think they just want me to find a woman so I get out of the house more often.

My wife and I were married young.  We love it!  Being married has been an awesome experience! :)  We knew each other as well in High School (not the same school).  

I think it varies on personality type..... I dunno.  I won't prevent my children from being married "early" if they are mature about it.  I do believe in biblical courtship though.

Why not explain what you mean by 'biblical courtship?'  I don't think the Bible has any such examples.
You must be totally out of step with all the latest evangelical lingo.  That is when you date people but call it something else because the word "dating" is a bad word.  :P

I know the term was in vogue years ago, but now I only hear it when my wife watches 19 Kids and Counting.  From what I gather, it involves a lot of side hugs.
« Last Edit: November 17, 2014, 11:49:56 PM by hecma925 »
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Offline TheTrisagion

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Re: Girlfriends in 9th grade
« Reply #197 on: November 17, 2014, 11:52:24 PM »
Oh, I guess I'm getting old.  I remember when Joshua Harris was being considered for the title of "Modern Day Apostle to the Unmarried".
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Offline SolEX01

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Re: Girlfriends in 9th grade
« Reply #198 on: November 17, 2014, 11:53:40 PM »
My parents were high school sweethearts who got married right when they turned 18. And despite all their problems, they're still married today. Don't let anyone tell you that your young relationships are meaningless and will never amount to anything.

Anyway, I dated when I was a Freshman and Sophomore. But it was with the same girl and it was only 3 or 4 times. It was fun but it was kind of pointless in the grand scheme of things.

Many parents don't want their kids dating, although mine are a bit different in that they want me to date and be in a relationship or something. They get mad when I tell them I don't want to get married. I think they just want me to find a woman so I get out of the house more often.

My wife and I were married young.  We love it!  Being married has been an awesome experience! :)  We knew each other as well in High School (not the same school). 

I think it varies on personality type..... I dunno.  I won't prevent my children from being married "early" if they are mature about it.  I do believe in biblical courtship though.

Why not explain what you mean by 'biblical courtship?'  I don't think the Bible has any such examples.
You must be totally out of step with all the latest evangelical lingo.  That is when you date people but call it something else because the word "dating" is a bad word.  :P

From where do the evangelicals derive the term?  Yesh isn't an evangelical and he hasn't explained why he uses the term.

Offline Maria

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Re: Girlfriends in 9th grade
« Reply #199 on: November 17, 2014, 11:54:43 PM »


Women are at a big disadvantage living with a man without the benefit of marriage. The guy can string things along for so long she starts to lose her options, and then if he dumps her, she has no legal recourse.

Not only is the above true, but also men are more likely to encourage their live-in GF to have an abortion, which should be an immediate red flag. When God is out of the picture due to an ungodly relationship, then sin will abound.

If she were to give in to his pressure to abort, and have an abortion, he will probably dump her or force her into yet another abortion should she continue in that relationship. If she does not have an abortion, he might kill her, so that he would not have to pay child support.
The memory of God should be treasured in our hearts like the precious pearl mentioned in the Holy Gospel. Our life's goal should be to nurture and contemplate God always within, and never let it depart, for this steadfastness will drive demons away from us. - Paraphrased from St. Philotheus of Sinai
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Offline hecma925

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Re: Girlfriends in 9th grade
« Reply #200 on: November 17, 2014, 11:58:38 PM »
My parents were high school sweethearts who got married right when they turned 18. And despite all their problems, they're still married today. Don't let anyone tell you that your young relationships are meaningless and will never amount to anything.

Anyway, I dated when I was a Freshman and Sophomore. But it was with the same girl and it was only 3 or 4 times. It was fun but it was kind of pointless in the grand scheme of things.

Many parents don't want their kids dating, although mine are a bit different in that they want me to date and be in a relationship or something. They get mad when I tell them I don't want to get married. I think they just want me to find a woman so I get out of the house more often.

My wife and I were married young.  We love it!  Being married has been an awesome experience! :)  We knew each other as well in High School (not the same school). 

I think it varies on personality type..... I dunno.  I won't prevent my children from being married "early" if they are mature about it.  I do believe in biblical courtship though.

Why not explain what you mean by 'biblical courtship?'  I don't think the Bible has any such examples.
You must be totally out of step with all the latest evangelical lingo.  That is when you date people but call it something else because the word "dating" is a bad word.  :P

From where do the evangelicals derive the term?  Yesh isn't an evangelical and he hasn't explained why he uses the term.

From Joshua Harris and his writings.
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Offline SolEX01

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Re: Girlfriends in 9th grade
« Reply #201 on: November 17, 2014, 11:59:03 PM »


Women are at a big disadvantage living with a man without the benefit of marriage. The guy can string things along for so long she starts to lose her options, and then if he dumps her, she has no legal recourse.

Not only is the above true, but also men are more likely to encourage their live-in GF to have an abortion, which should be an immediate red flag. When God is out of the picture due to an ungodly relationship, then sin will abound.

If she were to give in to his pressure to abort, and have an abortion, he will probably dump her or force her into yet another abortion should she continue in that relationship. If she does not have an abortion, he might kill her, so that he would not have to pay child support.

You didn't watch last Friday's 20/20 episode about women having sex with random men just to have a baby - no child support strings attached.

Offline TheTrisagion

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Re: Girlfriends in 9th grade
« Reply #202 on: November 18, 2014, 12:01:11 AM »
My parents were high school sweethearts who got married right when they turned 18. And despite all their problems, they're still married today. Don't let anyone tell you that your young relationships are meaningless and will never amount to anything.

Anyway, I dated when I was a Freshman and Sophomore. But it was with the same girl and it was only 3 or 4 times. It was fun but it was kind of pointless in the grand scheme of things.

Many parents don't want their kids dating, although mine are a bit different in that they want me to date and be in a relationship or something. They get mad when I tell them I don't want to get married. I think they just want me to find a woman so I get out of the house more often.

My wife and I were married young.  We love it!  Being married has been an awesome experience! :)  We knew each other as well in High School (not the same school). 

I think it varies on personality type..... I dunno.  I won't prevent my children from being married "early" if they are mature about it.  I do believe in biblical courtship though.

Why not explain what you mean by 'biblical courtship?'  I don't think the Bible has any such examples.
You must be totally out of step with all the latest evangelical lingo.  That is when you date people but call it something else because the word "dating" is a bad word.  :P

From where do the evangelicals derive the term?  Yesh isn't an evangelical and he hasn't explained why he uses the term.
Amongst conservative non-denominational types, there was a book that came out in the 90's called I Kissed Dating Goodbye by an author Joshua Harris. That is where the whole "biblical courtship" craze started. I remember I was in college right around the time that book came out.  Tons of girls told their boyfriends that they couldn't date anymore or tried to figure how to transition their dating life to courtship. Of course, trying to have your father "mentor" you and your suitor while your in college ends up with a whole other level of complications. It caused all kinds of complications and widespread debates on my conservative Presbyterian college campus. Hilarity ensued for all four years of college. I would bet dollars to donuts that Yesh read Harris' book.
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Offline Randa

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Re: Girlfriends in 9th grade
« Reply #203 on: November 18, 2014, 07:57:55 AM »
I think there should be no one on one dating until you are of an age when it is reasonable for you to get married.

Before then, you should see your friends in a group which can include both boys and girls.

But one on one dating is a form of "courtship".. You are exploring how compatible you are in terms of finding a wife or husband.



I wonder how much you can really find out about the other person that would be relevant to marriage, without actually living together first. If that's out of bounds, might as well just have arranged marriages.

Considering that fornication is a sin, I'd say it should be out of bounds.

Arranged marriages should be brought back IMO as the cultures who still practice it still have the lowest divorce rates.

Offline Arachne

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Re: Girlfriends in 9th grade
« Reply #204 on: November 18, 2014, 08:20:27 AM »
Arranged marriages should be brought back IMO as the cultures who still practice it still have the lowest divorce rates.

Staying together because of social pressure all around is not the same as having a successful marriage.
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Offline Randa

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Re: Girlfriends in 9th grade
« Reply #205 on: November 18, 2014, 09:19:36 AM »
Arranged marriages should be brought back IMO as the cultures who still practice it still have the lowest divorce rates.

Staying together because of social pressure all around is not the same as having a successful marriage.

Judging from the results, the old system yielded better results, there's no disputing this.

Offline Fabio Leite

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Re: Girlfriends in 9th grade
« Reply #206 on: November 18, 2014, 09:32:31 AM »
To sum up

Learn to be friendly and comfortable with girls before anything (but never let them make you "one of the girls"! That's friendzone for life!).

Go out in groups to start with.

Don't rush or force things just because of hormones or peer pressure, but don't follow advices of actively closing doors and windows against the possibility of something good and wonderful happenning early in life (don't count on that either!). Let God decide your life story for you.

And one more: since you have time and can afford it, learn some ballroom dance if you don't already know it.

It makes wonders to solve shyness issues towards approaching women and most girls love a man who can dance, *even if they don't know it yet*.

You should see which styles have classes in you area:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ballroom_dance#Style_classification
« Last Edit: November 18, 2014, 09:33:35 AM by Fabio Leite »
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Offline TheTrisagion

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Re: Girlfriends in 9th grade
« Reply #207 on: November 18, 2014, 10:11:39 AM »
Arranged marriages should be brought back IMO as the cultures who still practice it still have the lowest divorce rates.

Staying together because of social pressure all around is not the same as having a successful marriage.
Being a single mom on ChristianMingle.com desperately trying to find a guy who will date you and your 3 kids is also a bad option though.
God bless!

Offline Arachne

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Re: Girlfriends in 9th grade
« Reply #208 on: November 18, 2014, 10:17:54 AM »
Arranged marriages should be brought back IMO as the cultures who still practice it still have the lowest divorce rates.

Staying together because of social pressure all around is not the same as having a successful marriage.
Being a single mom on ChristianMingle.com desperately trying to find a guy who will date you and your 3 kids is also a bad option though.

Putting up with serial infidelity or absenteeism is par for the course. If you're gonna go it alone anyway, you might as well be officially single, whether you're looking or not.
'Evil isn't the real threat to the world. Stupid is just as destructive as evil, maybe more so, and it's a hell of a lot more common. What we really need is a crusade against stupid. That might actually make a difference.'~Harry Dresden

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Offline Fabio Leite

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Re: Girlfriends in 9th grade
« Reply #209 on: November 18, 2014, 10:23:26 AM »
Arranged marriages should be brought back IMO as the cultures who still practice it still have the lowest divorce rates.

Staying together because of social pressure all around is not the same as having a successful marriage.
Being a single mom on ChristianMingle.com desperately trying to find a guy who will date you and your 3 kids is also a bad option though.

Putting up with serial infidelity or absenteeism is par for the course. If you're gonna go it alone anyway, you might as well be officially single, whether you're looking or not.

Or domestic abuse. These are the situations that show how the absolute no-divorce policy is completely wrong.
Many Energies, 3 Persons, 2 Natures, 1 God, 1 Church, 1 Baptism, and 1 Cup. The Son begotten only from the Father, the Spirit proceeding only from the Father, Each glorifying the Other. The Son sends the Spirit, the Spirit Reveals the Son, the Father is seen in the Son. The Spirit spoke through the Prophets and Fathers and does so even today.

Offline Jonathan Gress

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Re: Girlfriends in 9th grade
« Reply #210 on: November 18, 2014, 10:25:12 AM »
I think there should be no one on one dating until you are of an age when it is reasonable for you to get married.

Before then, you should see your friends in a group which can include both boys and girls.

But one on one dating is a form of "courtship".. You are exploring how compatible you are in terms of finding a wife or husband.



I wonder how much you can really find out about the other person that would be relevant to marriage, without actually living together first. If that's out of bounds, might as well just have arranged marriages.

I have done both. I lived with my first wife (deceased) for four years before we got married.

My second marriage was after I was Orthodox so no living together. Both ways worked fine.

Women are at a big disadvantage living with a man without the benefit of marriage. The guy can string things along for so long she starts to lose her options, and then if he dumps her, she has no legal recourse.

With the latter, Orthodox marriage, I suspect you had the advantage of a previous marriage and greater age and maturity all round, so you could probably tell that your future wife was a good prospect. When you're young and inexperienced and stupid and naive, basically the only thing you have to go on is you find your prospective partner really attractive. It makes sense that, if society wants to promote stable marriages, either it will encourage elders to make more informed choices on your behalf, or society will relax the restrictions on cohabitation and premarital sex and allow you to "try out" different partners before finding "the one". The latter approach seems to be associated with higher divorce rates, though, so the old way is probably best, even if more frustrating for the young.

Offline Marc1152

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Re: Girlfriends in 9th grade
« Reply #211 on: November 18, 2014, 10:43:42 AM »
As a parent of a girl 18, a girl 21 and a boy 25 let me catch you up on how things roll these days at least around here.

They go out as a group. I have seen very very little "dating"  in the way I used to date in the Stone Age. I would ask a girl out, go to a movie and dinner. Often it would be at a restraint where many of our friends would hang out. Bowling was not out of the question.

Today, they go out six and seven of them at a time.. Only until much later do they get above water and form a close one on one relationship and ditch the crowd.They wait until they are more ready then we used to be to open their hearts.

There are exceptions of course. One girl my daughters age (21) "dated" an older man, a cop with children from another marriage as old as her.. She turned up pregnant but to his credit he married her and they just had their second child.... My daughter is on her first very serious boyfriend at age 21 and marriage would not be out of the question

He is 26 and a Phd grad student in engineering........She is going to his home for Thanksgiving to meet his parents........Thank god Thank God Thank God.....  :)
Your idea has been debunked 1000 times already.. Maybe 1001 will be the charm

Offline Randa

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Re: Girlfriends in 9th grade
« Reply #212 on: November 18, 2014, 12:35:21 PM »
Being a single mom on ChristianMingle.com desperately trying to find a guy who will date you and your 3 kids is also a bad option though.

Nothing's impossible but yeah, certain situations yield lower success rates.

Putting up with serial infidelity or absenteeism is par for the course. If you're gonna go it alone anyway, you might as well be officially single, whether you're looking or not.

Or domestic abuse. These are the situations that show how the absolute no-divorce policy is completely wrong.

I agree that the "absolutely no divorce" policy is completely wrong, not to mention it isn't Scriptural. However there is a, surprisingly, more effective alternative to dealing with bad behaviour than the "stay and put up with it" and "get a divorce" options: Separation.

I don't mean legal separation, I mean: "So you wanna get drunk/get high/beat me/gamble/sleep around/watch porn/disappear/not work/squander our money? OK then get out of my house!" (Or you move out with the kids). To maximize the effectiveness of this method you wanna implement it as early as possible, the longer you put up with behaviour like this the less effective this method becomes and the longer it takes to be effective. Next you would tell all your family and friends and they should all shun your spouse once you've kicked them out. Then you tell your church and the elders kick him/her out of the church. This is how the Church is meant to deal with bad behaviour according to St. Paul, so that the perpetrator will come to repentance. Unbelievers are another matter but this behaviour is not to be found among Christians and those who tolerate it are only being enablers for the perpetrators.

With the latter, Orthodox marriage, I suspect you had the advantage of a previous marriage and greater age and maturity all round, so you could probably tell that your future wife was a good prospect. When you're young and inexperienced and stupid and naive, basically the only thing you have to go on is you find your prospective partner really attractive. It makes sense that, if society wants to promote stable marriages, either it will encourage elders to make more informed choices on your behalf, or society will relax the restrictions on cohabitation and premarital sex and allow you to "try out" different partners before finding "the one". The latter approach seems to be associated with higher divorce rates, though, so the old way is probably best, even if more frustrating for the young.

Firstly young and inexperienced people need not be stupid and naive, they can be wise if their parents raise them to be wise and if they honour their parents by listening to their counsel.

Secondly premarital sex is a sin according to both Scripture and Church Tradition. Western society has long relaxed restrictions on both cohabitation and premarital sex and western society has the highest divorce rate in the world (as you've already noted).

Thirdly the old way would be less frustrating for the young if the young are taught the truth about how to make marriage successful, starting with getting rid of the bogus soul-mate concept.

Offline Arachne

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Re: Girlfriends in 9th grade
« Reply #213 on: November 18, 2014, 12:54:32 PM »
The fewer people are involved in the matchmaking process, the better. Too many arranged marriages were, and still are, held together by nothing but pressure, so that their failure (which is nothing more and nothing less than two people's failure to communicate) may not reflect badly on those who arranged them.
'Evil isn't the real threat to the world. Stupid is just as destructive as evil, maybe more so, and it's a hell of a lot more common. What we really need is a crusade against stupid. That might actually make a difference.'~Harry Dresden

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Offline charbelkaleab

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Re: Girlfriends in 9th grade
« Reply #214 on: November 18, 2014, 01:02:49 PM »
Being a single mom on ChristianMingle.com desperately trying to find a guy who will date you and your 3 kids is also a bad option though.

Nothing's impossible but yeah, certain situations yield lower success rates.

Putting up with serial infidelity or absenteeism is par for the course. If you're gonna go it alone anyway, you might as well be officially single, whether you're looking or not.

Or domestic abuse. These are the situations that show how the absolute no-divorce policy is completely wrong.

I agree that the "absolutely no divorce" policy is completely wrong, not to mention it isn't Scriptural. However there is a, surprisingly, more effective alternative to dealing with bad behaviour than the "stay and put up with it" and "get a divorce" options: Separation.

I don't mean legal separation, I mean: "So you wanna get drunk/get high/beat me/gamble/sleep around/watch porn/disappear/not work/squander our money? OK then get out of my house!" (Or you move out with the kids). To maximize the effectiveness of this method you wanna implement it as early as possible, the longer you put up with behaviour like this the less effective this method becomes and the longer it takes to be effective. Next you would tell all your family and friends and they should all shun your spouse once you've kicked them out. Then you tell your church and the elders kick him/her out of the church. This is how the Church is meant to deal with bad behaviour according to St. Paul, so that the perpetrator will come to repentance. Unbelievers are another matter but this behaviour is not to be found among Christians and those who tolerate it are only being enablers for the perpetrators.

With the latter, Orthodox marriage, I suspect you had the advantage of a previous marriage and greater age and maturity all round, so you could probably tell that your future wife was a good prospect. When you're young and inexperienced and stupid and naive, basically the only thing you have to go on is you find your prospective partner really attractive. It makes sense that, if society wants to promote stable marriages, either it will encourage elders to make more informed choices on your behalf, or society will relax the restrictions on cohabitation and premarital sex and allow you to "try out" different partners before finding "the one". The latter approach seems to be associated with higher divorce rates, though, so the old way is probably best, even if more frustrating for the young.

Firstly young and inexperienced people need not be stupid and naive, they can be wise if their parents raise them to be wise and if they honour their parents by listening to their counsel.

Secondly premarital sex is a sin according to both Scripture and Church Tradition. Western society has long relaxed restrictions on both cohabitation and premarital sex and western society has the highest divorce rate in the world (as you've already noted).

Thirdly the old way would be less frustrating for the young if the young are taught the truth about how to make marriage successful, starting with getting rid of the bogus soul-mate concept.
We all have our true love. Prearranged marriage is not okay in my eyes

Offline Marc1152

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Re: Girlfriends in 9th grade
« Reply #215 on: November 18, 2014, 01:18:11 PM »
I think there should be no one on one dating until you are of an age when it is reasonable for you to get married.

Before then, you should see your friends in a group which can include both boys and girls.

But one on one dating is a form of "courtship".. You are exploring how compatible you are in terms of finding a wife or husband.



I wonder how much you can really find out about the other person that would be relevant to marriage, without actually living together first. If that's out of bounds, might as well just have arranged marriages.

I have done both. I lived with my first wife (deceased) for four years before we got married.

My second marriage was after I was Orthodox so no living together. Both ways worked fine.

Women are at a big disadvantage living with a man without the benefit of marriage. The guy can string things along for so long she starts to lose her options, and then if he dumps her, she has no legal recourse.

With the latter, Orthodox marriage, I suspect you had the advantage of a previous marriage and greater age and maturity all round, so you could probably tell that your future wife was a good prospect. When you're young and inexperienced and stupid and naive, basically the only thing you have to go on is you find your prospective partner really attractive. It makes sense that, if society wants to promote stable marriages, either it will encourage elders to make more informed choices on your behalf, or society will relax the restrictions on cohabitation and premarital sex and allow you to "try out" different partners before finding "the one". The latter approach seems to be associated with higher divorce rates, though, so the old way is probably best, even if more frustrating for the young.

When I hear some Orthodox condemn living together as always harmful I usually object. It worked well for us. But she had a strong personality and eventually opened up her calendar and told me to pick a date sometime before her 30th birthday.... I picked the day before.... Not a good move on my part BTW.

I have a co worker who has been living with the same man for many years who has a dominating personality.She is now 43. Her child bearing years are slipping away. She is very regretful that he wont marry her. She was strung along. Women have much more at stake in a mock marriage.

The Orthodox approach is not based on worldly concerns as much as it is based on spiritual progress.
« Last Edit: November 18, 2014, 01:18:39 PM by Marc1152 »
Your idea has been debunked 1000 times already.. Maybe 1001 will be the charm

Offline Fabio Leite

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Re: Girlfriends in 9th grade
« Reply #216 on: November 18, 2014, 01:18:14 PM »
Being a single mom on ChristianMingle.com desperately trying to find a guy who will date you and your 3 kids is also a bad option though.

Nothing's impossible but yeah, certain situations yield lower success rates.

Putting up with serial infidelity or absenteeism is par for the course. If you're gonna go it alone anyway, you might as well be officially single, whether you're looking or not.

Or domestic abuse. These are the situations that show how the absolute no-divorce policy is completely wrong.

I agree that the "absolutely no divorce" policy is completely wrong, not to mention it isn't Scriptural. However there is a, surprisingly, more effective alternative to dealing with bad behaviour than the "stay and put up with it" and "get a divorce" options: Separation.

I don't mean legal separation, I mean: "So you wanna get drunk/get high/beat me/gamble/sleep around/watch porn/disappear/not work/squander our money? OK then get out of my house!" (Or you move out with the kids). To maximize the effectiveness of this method you wanna implement it as early as possible, the longer you put up with behaviour like this the less effective this method becomes and the longer it takes to be effective. Next you would tell all your family and friends and they should all shun your spouse once you've kicked them out. Then you tell your church and the elders kick him/her out of the church. This is how the Church is meant to deal with bad behaviour according to St. Paul, so that the perpetrator will come to repentance. Unbelievers are another matter but this behaviour is not to be found among Christians and those who tolerate it are only being enablers for the perpetrators.

With the latter, Orthodox marriage, I suspect you had the advantage of a previous marriage and greater age and maturity all round, so you could probably tell that your future wife was a good prospect. When you're young and inexperienced and stupid and naive, basically the only thing you have to go on is you find your prospective partner really attractive. It makes sense that, if society wants to promote stable marriages, either it will encourage elders to make more informed choices on your behalf, or society will relax the restrictions on cohabitation and premarital sex and allow you to "try out" different partners before finding "the one". The latter approach seems to be associated with higher divorce rates, though, so the old way is probably best, even if more frustrating for the young.

Firstly young and inexperienced people need not be stupid and naive, they can be wise if their parents raise them to be wise and if they honour their parents by listening to their counsel.

Secondly premarital sex is a sin according to both Scripture and Church Tradition. Western society has long relaxed restrictions on both cohabitation and premarital sex and western society has the highest divorce rate in the world (as you've already noted).

Thirdly the old way would be less frustrating for the young if the young are taught the truth about how to make marriage successful, starting with getting rid of the bogus soul-mate concept.
We all have our true love. Prearranged marriage is not okay in my eyes

Bogus soul-mate concept?

So you have faith that God's providence works in everything in your life, to provide the best for your salvation, except in the case of who you are to marry? God arranges everything for our best, but not in the area most important for the formation of a family?

I can agree that we have a fake romanticism ingrained by movies, books and songs. That is to be avoided. But I can't see how one can not trust God to provide things so that X and Y were meant for each other for their own path towards salvation. And that may or may not include parental intervention.
Many Energies, 3 Persons, 2 Natures, 1 God, 1 Church, 1 Baptism, and 1 Cup. The Son begotten only from the Father, the Spirit proceeding only from the Father, Each glorifying the Other. The Son sends the Spirit, the Spirit Reveals the Son, the Father is seen in the Son. The Spirit spoke through the Prophets and Fathers and does so even today.

Offline charbelkaleab

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Re: Girlfriends in 9th grade
« Reply #217 on: November 18, 2014, 01:24:45 PM »
Being a single mom on ChristianMingle.com desperately trying to find a guy who will date you and your 3 kids is also a bad option though.

Nothing's impossible but yeah, certain situations yield lower success rates.

Putting up with serial infidelity or absenteeism is par for the course. If you're gonna go it alone anyway, you might as well be officially single, whether you're looking or not.

Or domestic abuse. These are the situations that show how the absolute no-divorce policy is completely wrong.

I agree that the "absolutely no divorce" policy is completely wrong, not to mention it isn't Scriptural. However there is a, surprisingly, more effective alternative to dealing with bad behaviour than the "stay and put up with it" and "get a divorce" options: Separation.

I don't mean legal separation, I mean: "So you wanna get drunk/get high/beat me/gamble/sleep around/watch porn/disappear/not work/squander our money? OK then get out of my house!" (Or you move out with the kids). To maximize the effectiveness of this method you wanna implement it as early as possible, the longer you put up with behaviour like this the less effective this method becomes and the longer it takes to be effective. Next you would tell all your family and friends and they should all shun your spouse once you've kicked them out. Then you tell your church and the elders kick him/her out of the church. This is how the Church is meant to deal with bad behaviour according to St. Paul, so that the perpetrator will come to repentance. Unbelievers are another matter but this behaviour is not to be found among Christians and those who tolerate it are only being enablers for the perpetrators.

With the latter, Orthodox marriage, I suspect you had the advantage of a previous marriage and greater age and maturity all round, so you could probably tell that your future wife was a good prospect. When you're young and inexperienced and stupid and naive, basically the only thing you have to go on is you find your prospective partner really attractive. It makes sense that, if society wants to promote stable marriages, either it will encourage elders to make more informed choices on your behalf, or society will relax the restrictions on cohabitation and premarital sex and allow you to "try out" different partners before finding "the one". The latter approach seems to be associated with higher divorce rates, though, so the old way is probably best, even if more frustrating for the young.

Firstly young and inexperienced people need not be stupid and naive, they can be wise if their parents raise them to be wise and if they honour their parents by listening to their counsel.

Secondly premarital sex is a sin according to both Scripture and Church Tradition. Western society has long relaxed restrictions on both cohabitation and premarital sex and western society has the highest divorce rate in the world (as you've already noted).

Thirdly the old way would be less frustrating for the young if the young are taught the truth about how to make marriage successful, starting with getting rid of the bogus soul-mate concept.
We all have our true love. Prearranged marriage is not okay in my eyes

Bogus soul-mate concept?

So you have faith that God's providence works in everything in your life, to provide the best for your salvation, except in the case of who you are to marry? God arranges everything for our best, but not in the area most important for the formation of a family?

I can agree that we have a fake romanticism ingrained by movies, books and songs. That is to be avoided. But I can't see how one can not trust God to provide things so that X and Y were meant for each other for their own path towards salvation. And that may or may not include parental intervention.
Someone choosing my life mate is not what God choose. It is what a human chose.

Offline Randa

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Re: Girlfriends in 9th grade
« Reply #218 on: November 18, 2014, 01:30:50 PM »
We all have our true love. Prearranged marriage is not okay in my eyes

As much as I LOL'd at your exchange with Jonathan Gress there's actually a lot of truth to everything he said in that exchange.

I'll elaborate on the whole soul-mate nonsense later but question for you:

Would you be okay with arranged (not prearranged, there's a difference) marriage if you agreed with your parents choice? If you liked who they chose for you? The right way to do it is for them to let you make the ultimate decision.

Or you turn the tables and do what Samson did:

Quote
11. When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, "I have seen a ... woman; now get her for me." If your parents question your decision, simply say, "Get her for me. She's the one for me." - Samson (Judges 14:1-3)

http://www.orthodoxchristianity.net/forum/index.php/topic,61924.msg1212205.html#msg1212205

Offline Jonathan Gress

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Re: Girlfriends in 9th grade
« Reply #219 on: November 18, 2014, 01:38:25 PM »
Being a single mom on ChristianMingle.com desperately trying to find a guy who will date you and your 3 kids is also a bad option though.

Nothing's impossible but yeah, certain situations yield lower success rates.

Putting up with serial infidelity or absenteeism is par for the course. If you're gonna go it alone anyway, you might as well be officially single, whether you're looking or not.

Or domestic abuse. These are the situations that show how the absolute no-divorce policy is completely wrong.

I agree that the "absolutely no divorce" policy is completely wrong, not to mention it isn't Scriptural. However there is a, surprisingly, more effective alternative to dealing with bad behaviour than the "stay and put up with it" and "get a divorce" options: Separation.

I don't mean legal separation, I mean: "So you wanna get drunk/get high/beat me/gamble/sleep around/watch porn/disappear/not work/squander our money? OK then get out of my house!" (Or you move out with the kids). To maximize the effectiveness of this method you wanna implement it as early as possible, the longer you put up with behaviour like this the less effective this method becomes and the longer it takes to be effective. Next you would tell all your family and friends and they should all shun your spouse once you've kicked them out. Then you tell your church and the elders kick him/her out of the church. This is how the Church is meant to deal with bad behaviour according to St. Paul, so that the perpetrator will come to repentance. Unbelievers are another matter but this behaviour is not to be found among Christians and those who tolerate it are only being enablers for the perpetrators.

With the latter, Orthodox marriage, I suspect you had the advantage of a previous marriage and greater age and maturity all round, so you could probably tell that your future wife was a good prospect. When you're young and inexperienced and stupid and naive, basically the only thing you have to go on is you find your prospective partner really attractive. It makes sense that, if society wants to promote stable marriages, either it will encourage elders to make more informed choices on your behalf, or society will relax the restrictions on cohabitation and premarital sex and allow you to "try out" different partners before finding "the one". The latter approach seems to be associated with higher divorce rates, though, so the old way is probably best, even if more frustrating for the young.

Firstly young and inexperienced people need not be stupid and naive, they can be wise if their parents raise them to be wise and if they honour their parents by listening to their counsel.

Secondly premarital sex is a sin according to both Scripture and Church Tradition. Western society has long relaxed restrictions on both cohabitation and premarital sex and western society has the highest divorce rate in the world (as you've already noted).

Thirdly the old way would be less frustrating for the young if the young are taught the truth about how to make marriage successful, starting with getting rid of the bogus soul-mate concept.
We all have our true love. Prearranged marriage is not okay in my eyes

Bogus soul-mate concept?

So you have faith that God's providence works in everything in your life, to provide the best for your salvation, except in the case of who you are to marry? God arranges everything for our best, but not in the area most important for the formation of a family?

I can agree that we have a fake romanticism ingrained by movies, books and songs. That is to be avoided. But I can't see how one can not trust God to provide things so that X and Y were meant for each other for their own path towards salvation. And that may or may not include parental intervention.
Someone choosing my life mate is not what God choose. It is what a human chose.

Well that's just a truism. It's like saying that if you choose your own mate it's "just a human" choice. The real issue is this: can you tell whether someone will be a good lifelong match simply after a few weeks or months of courtship? There's a romantic idea that when you meet "the one", you'll just know. Now, I think that can happen from time to time, but it's not a guarantee. There are many cases where high school sweethearts fall in love and marry, but later on find they aren't a good fit. On the others side, often in a culture with arranged marriages you'll hear about how couples come to love each other, showing that their elders made wise choices even if the couple didn't realize this at first.

I like the idea of trying to bring up your children to understand who the best choice will be, while leaving it up to them. But it's worth noting that letting the young choose their own spouses was not always the norm, not even in Orthodox countries. Maybe rather than arranged marriages, which imply a lack of choice on the part of the couple, active matchmaking is a better concept. Parents, priests and other elders of the community ought to be good at finding prospective spouses, but the ultimate choice has to be left up to the ones getting married. But if you have no matchmaker, at least get your parents and priest's advice about who you date.

I don't think there's a panacea in all this. Whatever system you choose will not make everyone happy. I think at the least the numbers show that having relations with more than one person before marriage is associated with increased divorce rate, so there's definitely something behind the traditional prohibition on premarital relations. Whether arranged marriages themselves are the best way is another matter.

Offline Mor Ephrem

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Re: Girlfriends in 9th grade
« Reply #220 on: November 18, 2014, 02:29:03 PM »
"Girlfriends in 9th grade" --> "arranged marriage" 

LOL. 

Who here comes from a culture where arranged marriages are at least as normal as finding one's own spouse?  Maybe everyone does, I don't know, but I know I do, and when viewed up close and not through some third party literature of varying degrees of scholarship, well, it's different. 

Offline Fabio Leite

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Re: Girlfriends in 9th grade
« Reply #221 on: November 18, 2014, 02:29:07 PM »
Being a single mom on ChristianMingle.com desperately trying to find a guy who will date you and your 3 kids is also a bad option though.

Nothing's impossible but yeah, certain situations yield lower success rates.

Putting up with serial infidelity or absenteeism is par for the course. If you're gonna go it alone anyway, you might as well be officially single, whether you're looking or not.

Or domestic abuse. These are the situations that show how the absolute no-divorce policy is completely wrong.

I agree that the "absolutely no divorce" policy is completely wrong, not to mention it isn't Scriptural. However there is a, surprisingly, more effective alternative to dealing with bad behaviour than the "stay and put up with it" and "get a divorce" options: Separation.

I don't mean legal separation, I mean: "So you wanna get drunk/get high/beat me/gamble/sleep around/watch porn/disappear/not work/squander our money? OK then get out of my house!" (Or you move out with the kids). To maximize the effectiveness of this method you wanna implement it as early as possible, the longer you put up with behaviour like this the less effective this method becomes and the longer it takes to be effective. Next you would tell all your family and friends and they should all shun your spouse once you've kicked them out. Then you tell your church and the elders kick him/her out of the church. This is how the Church is meant to deal with bad behaviour according to St. Paul, so that the perpetrator will come to repentance. Unbelievers are another matter but this behaviour is not to be found among Christians and those who tolerate it are only being enablers for the perpetrators.

With the latter, Orthodox marriage, I suspect you had the advantage of a previous marriage and greater age and maturity all round, so you could probably tell that your future wife was a good prospect. When you're young and inexperienced and stupid and naive, basically the only thing you have to go on is you find your prospective partner really attractive. It makes sense that, if society wants to promote stable marriages, either it will encourage elders to make more informed choices on your behalf, or society will relax the restrictions on cohabitation and premarital sex and allow you to "try out" different partners before finding "the one". The latter approach seems to be associated with higher divorce rates, though, so the old way is probably best, even if more frustrating for the young.

Firstly young and inexperienced people need not be stupid and naive, they can be wise if their parents raise them to be wise and if they honour their parents by listening to their counsel.

Secondly premarital sex is a sin according to both Scripture and Church Tradition. Western society has long relaxed restrictions on both cohabitation and premarital sex and western society has the highest divorce rate in the world (as you've already noted).

Thirdly the old way would be less frustrating for the young if the young are taught the truth about how to make marriage successful, starting with getting rid of the bogus soul-mate concept.
We all have our true love. Prearranged marriage is not okay in my eyes

Bogus soul-mate concept?

So you have faith that God's providence works in everything in your life, to provide the best for your salvation, except in the case of who you are to marry? God arranges everything for our best, but not in the area most important for the formation of a family?

I can agree that we have a fake romanticism ingrained by movies, books and songs. That is to be avoided. But I can't see how one can not trust God to provide things so that X and Y were meant for each other for their own path towards salvation. And that may or may not include parental intervention.
Someone choosing my life mate is not what God choose. It is what a human chose.

Well that's just a truism. It's like saying that if you choose your own mate it's "just a human" choice. The real issue is this: can you tell whether someone will be a good lifelong match simply after a few weeks or months of courtship? There's a romantic idea that when you meet "the one", you'll just know. Now, I think that can happen from time to time, but it's not a guarantee. There are many cases where high school sweethearts fall in love and marry, but later on find they aren't a good fit. On the others side, often in a culture with arranged marriages you'll hear about how couples come to love each other, showing that their elders made wise choices even if the couple didn't realize this at first.

I like the idea of trying to bring up your children to understand who the best choice will be, while leaving it up to them. But it's worth noting that letting the young choose their own spouses was not always the norm, not even in Orthodox countries. Maybe rather than arranged marriages, which imply a lack of choice on the part of the couple, active matchmaking is a better concept. Parents, priests and other elders of the community ought to be good at finding prospective spouses, but the ultimate choice has to be left up to the ones getting married. But if you have no matchmaker, at least get your parents and priest's advice about who you date.

I don't think there's a panacea in all this. Whatever system you choose will not make everyone happy. I think at the least the numbers show that having relations with more than one person before marriage is associated with increased divorce rate, so there's definitely something behind the traditional prohibition on premarital relations. Whether arranged marriages themselves are the best way is another matter.

The point is that there is no risk-free option. Love includes putting yourself in a position that is to some degree vulnerable. And people freak out about that. Do your best. Don't give up for anything less serious then your partner somehow becoming an aggressor (physical, social, psychological or spiritual). That is what I understand adultery to mean. It is far more than just sexual cheating. It's to pervert the relation somehow, twisting it to be something evil instead of good. Sexual cheating is just one of the ways of doing it.

If things go really wrong do not compromise yourself or your children. Seek help and get away. When we enter a dead-end alley the only way of going ahead is by going back.

The idea that people were happier when parents and matchmakers made the choices for them sounds like romanticizing the past to me. Some people were happy, some lived miserable lives because there was no other option and they had to live with a person they did not love or maybe even despised.

The advantage of choosing yourself is that, whatever happen, you won't be able to blame your parents or the matchmaker.

Our current promiscuity has less to do with us being able to choose and more with the fact that we *don't* want to choose and want to try everything. Being forced to take a person by parents or society wouldn't make it any better.

Many Energies, 3 Persons, 2 Natures, 1 God, 1 Church, 1 Baptism, and 1 Cup. The Son begotten only from the Father, the Spirit proceeding only from the Father, Each glorifying the Other. The Son sends the Spirit, the Spirit Reveals the Son, the Father is seen in the Son. The Spirit spoke through the Prophets and Fathers and does so even today.

Offline Fabio Leite

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Re: Girlfriends in 9th grade
« Reply #222 on: November 18, 2014, 02:34:21 PM »
We all have our true love. Prearranged marriage is not okay in my eyes

As much as I LOL'd at your exchange with Jonathan Gress there's actually a lot of truth to everything he said in that exchange.

I'll elaborate on the whole soul-mate nonsense later but question for you:

Would you be okay with arranged (not prearranged, there's a difference) marriage if you agreed with your parents choice? If you liked who they chose for you? The right way to do it is for them to let you make the ultimate decision.

Or you turn the tables and do what Samson did:

Quote
11. When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, "I have seen a ... woman; now get her for me." If your parents question your decision, simply say, "Get her for me. She's the one for me." - Samson (Judges 14:1-3)

http://www.orthodoxchristianity.net/forum/index.php/topic,61924.msg1212205.html#msg1212205

Asking parents for advice or their help as "wingmen" is ok if you're not awkward with that. Actually, sometimes you may get to the other person's heart by "conquering" his/her parents first. Caution: it only works if the person tends to like what his/her parents like. It may lead to "adopted-siblingzone" in other contexts.
Many Energies, 3 Persons, 2 Natures, 1 God, 1 Church, 1 Baptism, and 1 Cup. The Son begotten only from the Father, the Spirit proceeding only from the Father, Each glorifying the Other. The Son sends the Spirit, the Spirit Reveals the Son, the Father is seen in the Son. The Spirit spoke through the Prophets and Fathers and does so even today.

Offline TheTrisagion

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Re: Girlfriends in 9th grade
« Reply #223 on: November 18, 2014, 02:36:45 PM »
"Girlfriends in 9th grade" --> "arranged marriage" 

LOL. 

Who here comes from a culture where arranged marriages are at least as normal as finding one's own spouse?  Maybe everyone does, I don't know, but I know I do, and when viewed up close and not through some third party literature of varying degrees of scholarship, well, it's different. 
You are just mad because I submitted a request to your parents to take you as my second wife and they accepted.  Speaking of which, can you iron my pants, hon?  They were a bit wrinkly when wife #1 took them out of the dryer.
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Offline Theophania

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Re: Girlfriends in 9th grade
« Reply #224 on: November 18, 2014, 02:37:18 PM »
"Girlfriends in 9th grade" --> "arranged marriage" 

LOL. 

Who here comes from a culture where arranged marriages are at least as normal as finding one's own spouse?  Maybe everyone does, I don't know, but I know I do, and when viewed up close and not through some third party literature of varying degrees of scholarship, well, it's different. 
You are just mad because I submitted a request to your parents to take you as my second wife and they accepted.  Speaking of which, can you iron my pants, hon?  They were a bit wrinkly when wife #1 took them out of the dryer.

 >:( >:( >:(
It's common knowledge that you secretly want to be born in early 17th century Russia.  As a serf or a royal, I know not.  Chances are serf.