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Author Topic: One couple, two churches  (Read 3426 times) Average Rating: 0
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Anastasia1
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« on: June 10, 2014, 03:05:27 AM »

How bad is it for a couple to often attend different churches (but maybe share on some holidays and other days)?
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TheTrisagion
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« Reply #1 on: June 10, 2014, 09:31:41 AM »

My wife and I do it.  I go to her church at 9am and then to DL by myself at 10.  It is not ideal, but it keeps the peace in our house.
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« Reply #2 on: June 10, 2014, 09:46:53 AM »

How bad is it for a couple to often attend different churches (but maybe share on some holidays and other days)?

It depends on the individual. It's not ideal, and (IMHO) adds another layer of difficulty to the marriage. But it really depends on what your non-negotiables are. It is very important to me that my husband and I attend the same church, and share the same faith. It may not be that important to others. Anecdotally, friends have told me that it gets a little lonely going to church by yourself, and perhaps not being able to participate fully in the life of the parish. Also, with kids, it gets even more difficult.
I grew up in a family like this. While my mother and father loved and respected each other and had a wonderful relationship, it was still hard on all of us being split between two churches. Maybe that's why it was so important to me for my husband and I to share the same faith. Also, I don't want my faith, which is the deepest, truest part of me, to be a subject of constant negotiation and compromise. I want to be able to share that part of me fully with my husband.
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« Reply #3 on: June 10, 2014, 09:51:49 AM »


Children are a big deal.  If your Church is important to you, and you wish to raise your children in the Church, it is best if your spouse were also Orthodox.

The hopping from one to the other is very confusing for children, and they wouldn't wish to betray either parent, and therefore, wouldn't really grow to love one Church over another....and they will most likely grow up not caring for either one, as neither was close to their heart.

If there are no children, it would still be best if both went to the same church, or at least belonged to the same Church.  However, as noted above, and I know many such situations, that in order to keep the peace at home, one or the other spouse will visit the other spouse's church.
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TheTrisagion
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« Reply #4 on: June 10, 2014, 09:55:22 AM »

My kids call my church "Daddy's crazy church", which is because my wife makes jabs about it when she is feeling moody. I just try to let it go and hope that as they get older they will become interested and see the beauty in it.  I taught my oldest daughter the Trisagion Hymn and before bed, we sing that together and my wife has let that go.
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JoeS2
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« Reply #5 on: June 10, 2014, 10:03:41 AM »

My kids call my church "Daddy's crazy church", which is because my wife makes jabs about it when she is feeling moody. I just try to let it go and hope that as they get older they will become interested and see the beauty in it.  I taught my oldest daughter the Trisagion Hymn and before bed, we sing that together and my wife has let that go.

My former wife was a RC but not a fervent one.  It wasn't an issue at all...  I went to church and she didn't.....
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« Reply #6 on: June 15, 2014, 06:19:11 AM »

I wonder how OO/OO and WRO/EO couples solve this kind of problems.
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ialmisry
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« Reply #7 on: June 15, 2014, 08:38:26 AM »

I've seen it both fail (in that the whole family was lost to Orthodoxy), or succeed (in one family, the children evidently have been the choice to choose which one they want-which is a concession in reality to the beliefs of the other church.  The children so far, however, have picked Orthodoxy).

It will be as big a deal as one wants to make it. Btw, from personal experience, I can tell you that marrying an Orthodox is not a guarantee of success in this matter of having one Church.
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