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Author Topic: Dislocated Soul  (Read 862 times) Average Rating: 0
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militantsparrow
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militantsparrow
« on: June 01, 2014, 12:03:08 PM »

My spiritual life has been such a mess for so long now. There was a time when I was a very happy and devout Catholic. But things started to feel uneasy when I woke up one day with Orthodoxy on my heart. I've been Orthodox for a few years now, but that uneasyness hasn't left.

It's constant doubt. It's regret. It's feeling out of place. Feeling like I don't belong. It's a lack of hope and joy. God has been so good to me. Why can't/don't I feel at home in his church?

Please pray for me.
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« Reply #1 on: June 01, 2014, 12:08:29 PM »

Lord have mercy.
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« Reply #2 on: June 01, 2014, 12:22:22 PM »

Lord have mercy
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« Reply #3 on: June 01, 2014, 01:25:27 PM »

Lord have mercy.
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« Reply #4 on: June 01, 2014, 05:32:09 PM »

Lord, have mercy on militantsparrow.
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« Reply #5 on: June 01, 2014, 06:11:27 PM »

Lord, have mercy on militant sparrow.
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« Reply #6 on: June 01, 2014, 10:17:34 PM »

Lord have mercy.
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« Reply #7 on: June 02, 2014, 11:19:09 AM »

Lord, have mercy.
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« Reply #8 on: June 02, 2014, 11:31:26 AM »

Lord, have mercy.

Most holy lady Mother of God, pray to God for militantsparrow.
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« Reply #9 on: June 02, 2014, 12:03:46 PM »

Lord Have Mercy Lord Have Mercy Lord Have Mercy
Most Holy Theotokos Save Us
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militantsparrow
« Reply #10 on: June 04, 2014, 09:48:27 PM »

Thank you.
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« Reply #11 on: June 04, 2014, 09:52:24 PM »

Lord have mercy!
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« Reply #12 on: June 04, 2014, 10:18:55 PM »

Lord have mercy and maybe take the questions you answered yourself to one for the forums to be discussed.
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« Reply #13 on: June 05, 2014, 03:17:42 AM »


Lord, have mercy upon militantsparrow.
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« Reply #14 on: June 05, 2014, 04:01:17 AM »

"Lord have mercy" +++


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« Reply #15 on: June 05, 2014, 11:51:58 AM »

Beloved of God militantsparrow:

You are not alone. I am with you. Many others are with you. Even the Psalmist proclaims: I am a stranger in the earth: hide not thy commandments from me. My soul breaketh for the longing that it hath unto thy judgments at all times.

We intuitively grasp at the truth and beauty of God, but we are never comfortable with it. We look to our future hope, but is as through a mirror darkly. We stand in the Church, the embassy of the Kingdom of Heaven which surrounds us and yet seems obscured, and we approach the chalice as the woman with the issue of blood, hoping that by reaching out and touching the hem of His garment we will be healed.

But we approach, again and again. That is the essence of faith, getting up every time we fall and reaching for that garment once again, hoping — and beyond that, believing — that even though we know we do not belong there, God in his mercy will push us through the Gates of Heaven.

And Christ does not merely content himself with letting us be healed with a brush of his cloak. He turns and tells us to go in peace. It is through his strength  that we are able to get up and walk again, and it is his strength that will carry us home when our own strength is too small.

I have been thinking a lot about my own conversion, the struggles I went through and the flawed reasons I sought out the Orthodox Church. None of those matter now, at least not to the degree of importance to which I attached them. What matters to me is — to paraphrase +Kallistos Ware’s infamous paraphrase — I cannot tell you where I won’t find Christ, but I know where I will. I meet him in the Church, and through communion I can become his tabernacle. It is in the Church we can meet Christ. We cannot brush his garment, but we can receive him in faith through his true body and true blood.

This doesn’t mean things will be easy. Things may never be easy — the Scriptures tell us even those who knew Christ struggled to believe in his Resurrection and his promises. How much moreso must it be for us?

I don’t know if I will ever be truly comfortable in his Church, or if comfort is even possible — who, when met with fire, stands still? Joy, I think, will come for me — and for you — as we are purified as gold by the fire, but who knows if this process will ever be easier?

It is not the beauty of the liturgy, or the connection to our ancient forerunners, that keeps me going back to the Church. It is Christ. It is in him I find my comfort in these uncomforting days. May he grant me — and you, and all of us — rest on that great and glorious last day.

I stand with you a stranger in a strange land.

May the Holy Trinity bolster you in your weakness; may the blessed Theotokos protect you by her intercession, and by the prayers of our holy Fathers, may our Lord Jesus Christ have mercy on you —and us — and save us.
« Last Edit: June 05, 2014, 11:52:17 AM by Agabus » Logged

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« Reply #16 on: June 05, 2014, 04:15:32 PM »

may God guide you and give you peace in your search for a deeper relationship with Him.
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militantsparrow
« Reply #17 on: July 06, 2014, 08:53:32 PM »

Beloved of God militantsparrow:

You are not alone. I am with you. Many others are with you. Even the Psalmist proclaims: I am a stranger in the earth: hide not thy commandments from me. My soul breaketh for the longing that it hath unto thy judgments at all times.

We intuitively grasp at the truth and beauty of God, but we are never comfortable with it. We look to our future hope, but is as through a mirror darkly. We stand in the Church, the embassy of the Kingdom of Heaven which surrounds us and yet seems obscured, and we approach the chalice as the woman with the issue of blood, hoping that by reaching out and touching the hem of His garment we will be healed.

But we approach, again and again. That is the essence of faith, getting up every time we fall and reaching for that garment once again, hoping — and beyond that, believing — that even though we know we do not belong there, God in his mercy will push us through the Gates of Heaven.

And Christ does not merely content himself with letting us be healed with a brush of his cloak. He turns and tells us to go in peace. It is through his strength  that we are able to get up and walk again, and it is his strength that will carry us home when our own strength is too small.

I have been thinking a lot about my own conversion, the struggles I went through and the flawed reasons I sought out the Orthodox Church. None of those matter now, at least not to the degree of importance to which I attached them. What matters to me is — to paraphrase +Kallistos Ware’s infamous paraphrase — I cannot tell you where I won’t find Christ, but I know where I will. I meet him in the Church, and through communion I can become his tabernacle. It is in the Church we can meet Christ. We cannot brush his garment, but we can receive him in faith through his true body and true blood.

This doesn’t mean things will be easy. Things may never be easy — the Scriptures tell us even those who knew Christ struggled to believe in his Resurrection and his promises. How much moreso must it be for us?

I don’t know if I will ever be truly comfortable in his Church, or if comfort is even possible — who, when met with fire, stands still? Joy, I think, will come for me — and for you — as we are purified as gold by the fire, but who knows if this process will ever be easier?

It is not the beauty of the liturgy, or the connection to our ancient forerunners, that keeps me going back to the Church. It is Christ. It is in him I find my comfort in these uncomforting days. May he grant me — and you, and all of us — rest on that great and glorious last day.

I stand with you a stranger in a strange land.

May the Holy Trinity bolster you in your weakness; may the blessed Theotokos protect you by her intercession, and by the prayers of our holy Fathers, may our Lord Jesus Christ have mercy on you —and us — and save us.


Thank you very much.
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« Reply #18 on: July 06, 2014, 11:01:44 PM »

Lord have mercy.
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My replies should not be taken as representing Orthodox teaching - I am only just learning myself.

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.
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« Reply #19 on: July 25, 2014, 04:53:08 PM »

Any updates?

Lord have mercy.
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militantsparrow
« Reply #20 on: July 25, 2014, 09:35:47 PM »

Any updates?

Lord have mercy.

Thank you for asking. I have been feeling better the past few weeks. I'm not entirely sure why. I know it's obviously partly due to grace. What part I've played in it is unknown. I have been trying NOT to figure things out or get depressed over various internal and external flaws. I've been attempting to just live in the moment and be content with what God has given me. I'm placing my hope in the reality that God will lead me as He wishes and I just need to get out of the way.

I'm still lacking any real Joy during Liturgy or even from the Eucharist. I remember as a Catholic being so filled with Joy leading up to Mass and especially upon receiving the Eucharist. I was trying to figure out why that joy is gone, but as I stated above, I've decided to just accept it...for now. Sorry my response is all over the place. It's very difficult to explain these internal battles.
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« Reply #21 on: July 25, 2014, 09:38:01 PM »

Continued prayers. Lord, have mercy.
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« Reply #22 on: July 29, 2014, 01:20:34 AM »

Lord Have Mercy
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« Reply #23 on: July 29, 2014, 02:03:35 AM »

Lord, have mercy.
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« Reply #24 on: July 29, 2014, 05:17:06 AM »

Lord Have Mercy
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« Reply #25 on: August 01, 2014, 09:25:01 PM »

Continued prayers for you.
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My replies should not be taken as representing Orthodox teaching - I am only just learning myself.

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.
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« Reply #26 on: August 01, 2014, 09:30:34 PM »

Lord have mercy!
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In His Mercy,
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