Author Topic: Dislocated Soul  (Read 1058 times)

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Offline militantsparrow

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Dislocated Soul
« on: June 01, 2014, 12:03:08 PM »
My spiritual life has been such a mess for so long now. There was a time when I was a very happy and devout Catholic. But things started to feel uneasy when I woke up one day with Orthodoxy on my heart. I've been Orthodox for a few years now, but that uneasyness hasn't left.

It's constant doubt. It's regret. It's feeling out of place. Feeling like I don't belong. It's a lack of hope and joy. God has been so good to me. Why can't/don't I feel at home in his church?

Please pray for me.
"Yeah, the sparrow hath found an house..." -Psalm 84:3

Offline biro

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Re: Dislocated Soul
« Reply #1 on: June 01, 2014, 12:08:29 PM »
Lord have mercy.

Offline Joha

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Re: Dislocated Soul
« Reply #2 on: June 01, 2014, 12:22:22 PM »
Lord have mercy
Philippians 1:6 Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ
Psalm 57:2 I will cry out to God Most High, To God who performs all things for me.
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Offline Maria

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Re: Dislocated Soul
« Reply #3 on: June 01, 2014, 01:25:27 PM »
Lord have mercy.
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Offline Maximum Bob

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Re: Dislocated Soul
« Reply #4 on: June 01, 2014, 05:32:09 PM »
Lord, have mercy on militantsparrow.
Psalm 37:23 The Lord guides a man safely in the way he should go.

Prov. 3: 5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths.

Online marigold

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Re: Dislocated Soul
« Reply #5 on: June 01, 2014, 06:11:27 PM »
Lord, have mercy on militant sparrow.

Offline SolEX01

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Re: Dislocated Soul
« Reply #6 on: June 01, 2014, 10:17:34 PM »
Lord have mercy.

Offline hecma925

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Re: Dislocated Soul
« Reply #7 on: June 02, 2014, 11:19:09 AM »
Lord, have mercy.
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Offline Sam G

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Re: Dislocated Soul
« Reply #8 on: June 02, 2014, 11:31:26 AM »
Lord, have mercy.

Most holy lady Mother of God, pray to God for militantsparrow.
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Offline elephant

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Re: Dislocated Soul
« Reply #9 on: June 02, 2014, 12:03:46 PM »
Lord Have Mercy Lord Have Mercy Lord Have Mercy
Most Holy Theotokos Save Us

Offline militantsparrow

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Re: Dislocated Soul
« Reply #10 on: June 04, 2014, 09:48:27 PM »
Thank you.
"Yeah, the sparrow hath found an house..." -Psalm 84:3

Offline Justin Kissel

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Re: Dislocated Soul
« Reply #11 on: June 04, 2014, 09:52:24 PM »
Lord have mercy!

Offline wainscottbl

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Re: Dislocated Soul
« Reply #12 on: June 04, 2014, 10:18:55 PM »
Lord have mercy and maybe take the questions you answered yourself to one for the forums to be discussed.
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Re: Dislocated Soul
« Reply #13 on: June 05, 2014, 03:17:42 AM »

Lord, have mercy upon militantsparrow.
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Re: Dislocated Soul
« Reply #14 on: June 05, 2014, 04:01:17 AM »
"Lord have mercy" +++


Selam
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Offline Agabus

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Re: Dislocated Soul
« Reply #15 on: June 05, 2014, 11:51:58 AM »
Beloved of God militantsparrow:

You are not alone. I am with you. Many others are with you. Even the Psalmist proclaims: I am a stranger in the earth: hide not thy commandments from me. My soul breaketh for the longing that it hath unto thy judgments at all times.

We intuitively grasp at the truth and beauty of God, but we are never comfortable with it. We look to our future hope, but is as through a mirror darkly. We stand in the Church, the embassy of the Kingdom of Heaven which surrounds us and yet seems obscured, and we approach the chalice as the woman with the issue of blood, hoping that by reaching out and touching the hem of His garment we will be healed.

But we approach, again and again. That is the essence of faith, getting up every time we fall and reaching for that garment once again, hoping — and beyond that, believing — that even though we know we do not belong there, God in his mercy will push us through the Gates of Heaven.

And Christ does not merely content himself with letting us be healed with a brush of his cloak. He turns and tells us to go in peace. It is through his strength  that we are able to get up and walk again, and it is his strength that will carry us home when our own strength is too small.

I have been thinking a lot about my own conversion, the struggles I went through and the flawed reasons I sought out the Orthodox Church. None of those matter now, at least not to the degree of importance to which I attached them. What matters to me is — to paraphrase +Kallistos Ware’s infamous paraphrase — I cannot tell you where I won’t find Christ, but I know where I will. I meet him in the Church, and through communion I can become his tabernacle. It is in the Church we can meet Christ. We cannot brush his garment, but we can receive him in faith through his true body and true blood.

This doesn’t mean things will be easy. Things may never be easy — the Scriptures tell us even those who knew Christ struggled to believe in his Resurrection and his promises. How much moreso must it be for us?

I don’t know if I will ever be truly comfortable in his Church, or if comfort is even possible — who, when met with fire, stands still? Joy, I think, will come for me — and for you — as we are purified as gold by the fire, but who knows if this process will ever be easier?

It is not the beauty of the liturgy, or the connection to our ancient forerunners, that keeps me going back to the Church. It is Christ. It is in him I find my comfort in these uncomforting days. May he grant me — and you, and all of us — rest on that great and glorious last day.

I stand with you a stranger in a strange land.

May the Holy Trinity bolster you in your weakness; may the blessed Theotokos protect you by her intercession, and by the prayers of our holy Fathers, may our Lord Jesus Christ have mercy on you —and us — and save us.
« Last Edit: June 05, 2014, 11:52:17 AM by Agabus »
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Offline mabsoota

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Re: Dislocated Soul
« Reply #16 on: June 05, 2014, 04:15:32 PM »
may God guide you and give you peace in your search for a deeper relationship with Him.

Offline militantsparrow

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Re: Dislocated Soul
« Reply #17 on: July 06, 2014, 08:53:32 PM »
Beloved of God militantsparrow:

You are not alone. I am with you. Many others are with you. Even the Psalmist proclaims: I am a stranger in the earth: hide not thy commandments from me. My soul breaketh for the longing that it hath unto thy judgments at all times.

We intuitively grasp at the truth and beauty of God, but we are never comfortable with it. We look to our future hope, but is as through a mirror darkly. We stand in the Church, the embassy of the Kingdom of Heaven which surrounds us and yet seems obscured, and we approach the chalice as the woman with the issue of blood, hoping that by reaching out and touching the hem of His garment we will be healed.

But we approach, again and again. That is the essence of faith, getting up every time we fall and reaching for that garment once again, hoping — and beyond that, believing — that even though we know we do not belong there, God in his mercy will push us through the Gates of Heaven.

And Christ does not merely content himself with letting us be healed with a brush of his cloak. He turns and tells us to go in peace. It is through his strength  that we are able to get up and walk again, and it is his strength that will carry us home when our own strength is too small.

I have been thinking a lot about my own conversion, the struggles I went through and the flawed reasons I sought out the Orthodox Church. None of those matter now, at least not to the degree of importance to which I attached them. What matters to me is — to paraphrase +Kallistos Ware’s infamous paraphrase — I cannot tell you where I won’t find Christ, but I know where I will. I meet him in the Church, and through communion I can become his tabernacle. It is in the Church we can meet Christ. We cannot brush his garment, but we can receive him in faith through his true body and true blood.

This doesn’t mean things will be easy. Things may never be easy — the Scriptures tell us even those who knew Christ struggled to believe in his Resurrection and his promises. How much moreso must it be for us?

I don’t know if I will ever be truly comfortable in his Church, or if comfort is even possible — who, when met with fire, stands still? Joy, I think, will come for me — and for you — as we are purified as gold by the fire, but who knows if this process will ever be easier?

It is not the beauty of the liturgy, or the connection to our ancient forerunners, that keeps me going back to the Church. It is Christ. It is in him I find my comfort in these uncomforting days. May he grant me — and you, and all of us — rest on that great and glorious last day.

I stand with you a stranger in a strange land.

May the Holy Trinity bolster you in your weakness; may the blessed Theotokos protect you by her intercession, and by the prayers of our holy Fathers, may our Lord Jesus Christ have mercy on you —and us — and save us.


Thank you very much.
"Yeah, the sparrow hath found an house..." -Psalm 84:3

Offline Anna.T

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Re: Dislocated Soul
« Reply #18 on: July 06, 2014, 11:01:44 PM »
Lord have mercy.
Aγιος ὁ Θεός, Ἅγιος ἰσχυρός, Ἅγιος ἀθάνατος, ἐλέησον ἡμᾶς

Let us commit ourselves and one another and our whole life to Christ our God

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.

Offline Maria

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Re: Dislocated Soul
« Reply #19 on: July 25, 2014, 04:53:08 PM »
Any updates?

Lord have mercy.
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Offline militantsparrow

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Re: Dislocated Soul
« Reply #20 on: July 25, 2014, 09:35:47 PM »
Any updates?

Lord have mercy.

Thank you for asking. I have been feeling better the past few weeks. I'm not entirely sure why. I know it's obviously partly due to grace. What part I've played in it is unknown. I have been trying NOT to figure things out or get depressed over various internal and external flaws. I've been attempting to just live in the moment and be content with what God has given me. I'm placing my hope in the reality that God will lead me as He wishes and I just need to get out of the way.

I'm still lacking any real Joy during Liturgy or even from the Eucharist. I remember as a Catholic being so filled with Joy leading up to Mass and especially upon receiving the Eucharist. I was trying to figure out why that joy is gone, but as I stated above, I've decided to just accept it...for now. Sorry my response is all over the place. It's very difficult to explain these internal battles.
"Yeah, the sparrow hath found an house..." -Psalm 84:3

Offline Maximum Bob

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Re: Dislocated Soul
« Reply #21 on: July 25, 2014, 09:38:01 PM »
Continued prayers. Lord, have mercy.
Psalm 37:23 The Lord guides a man safely in the way he should go.

Prov. 3: 5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths.

Offline chrisgeo

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Re: Dislocated Soul
« Reply #22 on: July 29, 2014, 01:20:34 AM »
Lord Have Mercy

Offline Sam G

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Re: Dislocated Soul
« Reply #23 on: July 29, 2014, 02:03:35 AM »
Lord, have mercy.
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Offline Nathanael

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Re: Dislocated Soul
« Reply #24 on: July 29, 2014, 05:17:06 AM »
Lord Have Mercy
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Offline Anna.T

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Re: Dislocated Soul
« Reply #25 on: August 01, 2014, 09:25:01 PM »
Continued prayers for you.
Aγιος ὁ Θεός, Ἅγιος ἰσχυρός, Ἅγιος ἀθάνατος, ἐλέησον ἡμᾶς

Let us commit ourselves and one another and our whole life to Christ our God

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.

Offline quietmorning

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Re: Dislocated Soul
« Reply #26 on: August 01, 2014, 09:30:34 PM »
Lord have mercy!
In His Mercy,
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