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Author Topic: Gay family members  (Read 1471 times) Average Rating: 0
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Branthony
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« Reply #45 on: May 22, 2014, 11:14:34 AM »

... she jumped on me "because I'm gay you got a problem with that?!"

What about if you had simply said, "I don't have a problem with you. I love you because you are my future wife's sister, and she loves you. We can discuss my religious beliefs later, if you want. Just let me know when is a good time for you."



no I told her that there was no context to her statement and it had nothing to do with her sexuality. she calmed down after I explained that but all I'm saying is her finger is on the trigger ready to fire.
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« Reply #46 on: May 22, 2014, 11:19:21 AM »


how soon is the wedding date?

had the "gay issue" come up before with your fiancee (and not just with you)?
[/quote]
 

the wedding is September 1st so only 3 months away, and I don't think so this is definitely a weapon she's using to show how awful I am the only thing is she doesn't realize that my wife has the same feelings on the matter as I do. My future wife and I are quite compatible and have much the same beliefs but I guess that last part is expected since we are both Orthodox, however the sister isn't, the sister isn't really a church goer she is one of those I'm a christian but I do what I want and don't go to church but I believe he's there kind of people.   
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TheTrisagion
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« Reply #47 on: May 22, 2014, 11:21:17 AM »

OK, this is the deal. me and my wife will be living in the south, in the bible belt, so no matter what I say about it or don't say about homosexuality they will learn it is a sin because it is talked about a lot and in a negative way. Also my wife's sister is very outspoken, she's a feminist and can't wait for someone to say something she can even confuse as an insult to that so she can jump down there throat, my wife included. a few weeks ago she told me she was "meeting another lady" she gave me no context so for all I knew she was meeting someone for a car loan or something when I asked her why she was meeting a lady she jumped on me "because I'm gay you got a problem with that?!" all I asked was why she was meeting a lady and she got angry so if my child says anything at all close to gay is bad it will be taken as an insult and as I am already the bad guy I will surly be the one that set this insult in motion in her eyes. If my children ask me anything about homosexuality I have a duty to explain that it's a sin, so I can already hear a child's voice saying to my future sister in law "daddy said that being gay is a sin". this will not help the already bad attitude my future sister in law has toward me. That is the deal, How do I both teach my children that homosexuality is a sin but that there aunt also must be treated with love and respect? How do I teach them this with out them dropping a bomb on there aunt that I will surely be blamed for?
Thanks again everyone
Please ignore the crazy ranters who are diverging into the gay marriage debate again.  Roll Eyes

The best way to teach your kids is to just be a good example.  We have many people in our family that live very different lifestyles than what we do. When we are around them, we go out of our way to be as respectful to them as possible. We do not discuss their proclivities (at least not around our children, I do confess to some sarcastic comments when it is just my wife and me). The more important lesson for your children is respect and love for others. If the "gay question" comes up, you explain to them what the Church teaches. You don't need to tell them that "Aunt Jane is a sinner because she likes girls", you just tell them that the Church and the Bible teaches that a Mommy and a Daddy together is the best way to be obedient to God. Most kids are not going to run to someone and tell them that they are a sinner unless you model that in your own lives.  Sure, they will say some embarassing things, all kids do. Obviously your sister-in-law knows your position, so it wouldn't be a suprise even if your child did say something.

At this stage, the most important things I can recommend is: first, make sure that you and your (future) wife are on the same page and are willing to provide a united front regardless of who is arguing with you. Children and marriages need stability. Second, it sounds as if your future sister-in-law is scared because she is alone and she is losing the sister that she has probably confided in since they were babies. Perhaps it would be beneficial for the three of you to sit down (or four if she wants to bring her "friend"), and just tell her that both of you love her and will be there for her even after the marriage.
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« Reply #48 on: May 22, 2014, 11:24:18 AM »

... she jumped on me "because I'm gay you got a problem with that?!"

What about if you had simply said, "I don't have a problem with you. I love you because you are my future wife's sister, and she loves you. We can discuss my religious beliefs later, if you want. Just let me know when is a good time for you."
Was there a reason why you had to ask the nature of the business with the "lady"?  Don't ask questions you do not want answered.
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« Reply #49 on: May 22, 2014, 11:27:14 AM »

... she jumped on me "because I'm gay you got a problem with that?!"

What about if you had simply said, "I don't have a problem with you. I love you because you are my future wife's sister, and she loves you. We can discuss my religious beliefs later, if you want. Just let me know when is a good time for you."
Was there a reason why you had to ask the nature of the business with the "lady"?  Don't ask questions you do not want answered.
It was an example Isa, don't be deliberately obtuse.
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« Reply #50 on: May 22, 2014, 11:28:59 AM »

OK, this is the deal. me and my wife will be living in the south, in the bible belt, so no matter what I say about it or don't say about homosexuality they will learn it is a sin because it is talked about a lot and in a negative way. Also my wife's sister is very outspoken, she's a feminist and can't wait for someone to say something she can even confuse as an insult to that so she can jump down there throat, my wife included. a few weeks ago she told me she was "meeting another lady" she gave me no context so for all I knew she was meeting someone for a car loan or something when I asked her why she was meeting a lady she jumped on me "because I'm gay you got a problem with that?!" all I asked was why she was meeting a lady and she got angry so if my child says anything at all close to gay is bad it will be taken as an insult and as I am already the bad guy I will surly be the one that set this insult in motion in her eyes. If my children ask me anything about homosexuality I have a duty to explain that it's a sin, so I can already hear a child's voice saying to my future sister in law "daddy said that being gay is a sin". this will not help the already bad attitude my future sister in law has toward me. That is the deal, How do I both teach my children that homosexuality is a sin but that there aunt also must be treated with love and respect? How do I teach them this with out them dropping a bomb on there aunt that I will surely be blamed for?
Thanks again everyone
Please ignore the crazy ranters who are diverging into the gay marriage debate again.  Roll Eyes

The best way to teach your kids is to just be a good example.  We have many people in our family that live very different lifestyles than what we do. When we are around them, we go out of our way to be as respectful to them as possible. We do not discuss their proclivities (at least not around our children, I do confess to some sarcastic comments when it is just my wife and me). The more important lesson for your children is respect and love for others. If the "gay question" comes up, you explain to them what the Church teaches. You don't need to tell them that "Aunt Jane is a sinner because she likes girls", you just tell them that the Church and the Bible teaches that a Mommy and a Daddy together is the best way to be obedient to God. Most kids are not going to run to someone and tell them that they are a sinner unless you model that in your own lives.  Sure, they will say some embarassing things, all kids do. Obviously your sister-in-law knows your position, so it wouldn't be a suprise even if your child did say something.

At this stage, the most important things I can recommend is: first, make sure that you and your (future) wife are on the same page and are willing to provide a united front regardless of who is arguing with you. Children and marriages need stability. Second, it sounds as if your future sister-in-law is scared because she is alone and she is losing the sister that she has probably confided in since they were babies. Perhaps it would be beneficial for the three of you to sit down (or four if she wants to bring her "friend"), and just tell her that both of you love her and will be there for her even after the marriage.
You shouldn't tell them "Aunt Jane is a sinner because she likes girls"-if you have to say anything close to it, be correct "Aunt Jane is sinning in what she does with someone she is not married to."
The rest is basically fine, but the foursome might need a fifth to referee.
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« Reply #51 on: May 22, 2014, 11:32:19 AM »

... she jumped on me "because I'm gay you got a problem with that?!"

What about if you had simply said, "I don't have a problem with you. I love you because you are my future wife's sister, and she loves you. We can discuss my religious beliefs later, if you want. Just let me know when is a good time for you."
Was there a reason why you had to ask the nature of the business with the "lady"?  Don't ask questions you do not want answered.
It was an example Isa, don't be deliberately obtuse.
no, it was an anecdote.
a few weeks ago she told me she was "meeting another lady" she gave me no context so for all I knew she was meeting someone for a car loan or something when I asked her why she was meeting a lady she jumped on me...
she calmed down after I explained that but all I'm saying is her finger is on the trigger ready to fire.
did you have a point, Trisagion?
« Last Edit: May 22, 2014, 11:32:46 AM by ialmisry » Logged

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« Reply #52 on: May 22, 2014, 11:35:07 AM »

My point was, he is looking for advice on the over-all situation, not second guessed on every question or statement that he says to her.
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« Reply #53 on: May 22, 2014, 11:39:49 AM »

My point was, he is looking for advice on the over-all situation, not second guessed on every question or statement that he says to her.
cure the disease, not just treat the symptoms.
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« Reply #54 on: May 22, 2014, 11:48:20 AM »

how soon is the wedding date?

had the "gay issue" come up before with your fiancee (and not just with you)?
 

the wedding is September 1st so only 3 months away, and I don't think so this is definitely a weapon she's using to show how awful I am the only thing is she doesn't realize that my wife has the same feelings on the matter as I do. My future wife and I are quite compatible and have much the same beliefs but I guess that last part is expected since we are both Orthodox, however the sister isn't, the sister isn't really a church goer she is one of those I'm a christian but I do what I want and don't go to church but I believe he's there kind of people.   
If she has the same beliefs (and I hope it is belief, not "feelings") as you, and the sister thinks the same (i.e. her sister agrees with her), it would seem to indicate that they are not as close/in sync as the sister thinks.
I don't doubt your word, but I have only your word to go on.  Be VERY sure of it.

If it is as you say, you and your wife to be should be prepared if the sister cuts you off: many such as you describe her can't handle not being judged on their lifestyle by those who do not approve of it.  Too much cognitive dissonance I suppose.  Hence the need to make you into a monster.  It fits the narrative better.

It would be proof positive that your fiancee doesn't approve of the lifestyle but loves her sister, but as you say, the sister is unaware of the disapproval. It is very likely she won't take it as proof once that fact is revealed to her.
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« Reply #55 on: May 22, 2014, 11:54:53 AM »

No kid is going to ask you "why does X have an X instead of a Y?" That's a parenting myth. Most kids are at least aware of the existence of homosexuality by the time they are 8-12 years old.

This. One of my female relatives has had a girlfriend/wife/partner/something (don't know what it is in English) as long as I remember. It never occurred to me that there was anything strange in it. She just happened to live with a woman. Kids don't think that kind of things.
au contraire.

When the San Fran fiasco on wedding licenses was going on, my son (at the time 6) asked me "what are they doing"

"They think they are getting married."

He shook his head with a perplexed look.  "They can't be married.  They're two boys."

Out of the mouths of babes.  Some things are just that obvious, not matter how much people want to cover their eyes to it.

btw, I've known numerous cases of gay "couples" where adults didn't put two and two together as to what was going on.

That's just my experience. I didn't see anything strange in the fact that two people of same sex were living together.
I've known children that don't see anything strange with the idea of marrying animals.

I have known children of young age seeing something wrong with people not married living together (where of course, marriage can be seen and experienced).  They are far ahead of many, many adults.

Then you just prove his point. It's all about what you learn from your elders, which kind of undermines whatever point you were trying to make with that anecdote about your child. He was only expressing what he learned from you and doesn't add any new insight.
au contraire.  We hadn't even discussed sex yet (that came soon after, in unrelated circumstances), so we can't even chalk it up to basic biology.  With only the minimum of facts, he deduced the right conclusion.

It's not rocket science: if a child is raised in a house where he is beaten, the boyfriend beats mommy etc.  he's got a good likelihood to think that violence is normal.  Although it isn't.

Well we'd need to know what "facts" he was exposed to in order to say anything useful about his conclusions. He could simply have never encountered a same-sex couple and reasonably inferred from the couples he has known that they are "supposed" to be opposite-sex couples. But that only demonstrates his powers of induction and doesn't provide evidence for innate knowledge of what is "natural" or "unnatural" marriage, since it appears from the evidence so far that there is no innate knowledge and one's attitude is dependent on one's cultural upbringing.

It would certainly make your argument that gay marriage is unnatural a lot more convincing if we could show that, without exposure to any input that could bias him in one way or another, he still concluded that gay marriage was wrong or unnatural. It would show that the conservatives are indeed on the side of nature and it is the liberals who are fighting against what's natural. But so far it looks like attitudes towards sexuality are culturally contingent, and it's harder to argue that one's own cultural views are inherently superior to another's without some externally based value system like "natural law": all you have are arbitrary cultural prejudices.

Basically your anecdote only convinces those who are already predisposed to agree with you, and I never got the point of preaching to the choir.
« Last Edit: May 22, 2014, 11:59:16 AM by Jonathan Gress » Logged
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« Reply #56 on: May 22, 2014, 12:13:10 PM »

My point was, he is looking for advice on the over-all situation, not second guessed on every question or statement that he says to her.

Just for the record, Your Honor, and ladies and gentlemen of the court, I was not second guessing his response, but rather suggesting an attitude or response to be used in the future.
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ialmisry
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« Reply #57 on: May 22, 2014, 12:19:42 PM »

No kid is going to ask you "why does X have an X instead of a Y?" That's a parenting myth. Most kids are at least aware of the existence of homosexuality by the time they are 8-12 years old.

This. One of my female relatives has had a girlfriend/wife/partner/something (don't know what it is in English) as long as I remember. It never occurred to me that there was anything strange in it. She just happened to live with a woman. Kids don't think that kind of things.
au contraire.

When the San Fran fiasco on wedding licenses was going on, my son (at the time 6) asked me "what are they doing"

"They think they are getting married."

He shook his head with a perplexed look.  "They can't be married.  They're two boys."

Out of the mouths of babes.  Some things are just that obvious, not matter how much people want to cover their eyes to it.

btw, I've known numerous cases of gay "couples" where adults didn't put two and two together as to what was going on.

That's just my experience. I didn't see anything strange in the fact that two people of same sex were living together.
I've known children that don't see anything strange with the idea of marrying animals.

I have known children of young age seeing something wrong with people not married living together (where of course, marriage can be seen and experienced).  They are far ahead of many, many adults.

Then you just prove his point. It's all about what you learn from your elders, which kind of undermines whatever point you were trying to make with that anecdote about your child. He was only expressing what he learned from you and doesn't add any new insight.
au contraire.  We hadn't even discussed sex yet (that came soon after, in unrelated circumstances), so we can't even chalk it up to basic biology.  With only the minimum of facts, he deduced the right conclusion.

It's not rocket science: if a child is raised in a house where he is beaten, the boyfriend beats mommy etc.  he's got a good likelihood to think that violence is normal.  Although it isn't.

Well we'd need to know what "facts" he was exposed to in order to say anything useful about his conclusions. He could simply have never encountered a same-sex couple and reasonably inferred from the couples he has known that they are "supposed" to be opposite-sex couples.
they are supposed to be (no quotation marks).  "Who made them from the beginning made them male and female" (quotation marks because I am quoting the authority on the matter).
He had come across cohabitating opposite sex couples and had reasonably not to mention correctly inferred that that was wrong.
you seem to be unfamiliar with the facts (no quotation marks) of life.

But that only demonstrates his powers of induction and doesn't provide evidence for innate knowledge of what is "natural" or "unnatural" marriage, since it appears from the evidence so far that there is no innate knowledge and one's attitude is dependent on one's cultural upbringing.
Despite the "Blue Lagoon" children have to be taught the facts of life, as there is no innate knowledge.  Zoos have found out that monkeys who don't see mating don't do it.

That doesn't change the facts of life: no mating, no reproduction.
It would certainly make your argument that gay marriage is unnatural a lot more convincing if we could show that, without exposure to any input that could bias him in one way or another, he still concluded that gay marriage was wrong or unnatural. It would show that the conservatives are indeed on the side of nature and it is the liberals who are fighting against what's natural. But so far it looks like attitudes towards sexuality are culturally contingent, and it's harder to argue that one's own cultural views are inherently superior to another's without some externally based value system like "natural law": all you have are arbitrary cultural prejudices.
sorry that I won't put my kids up for your social experimentation to satisfy your curiosity and theories Dr. Money
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Money#Sex_reassignment_of_David_Reimer
but I hear CA and elsewhere are turning their schools into laboratories where you can all run amock.

Your "arbitrary cultural prejudices" have been tested and found wanting

Quote
Growing Up With Two Moms: The Untold Children’s View
http://www.thepublicdiscourse.com/2012/08/6065/
Basically your anecdote only convinces those who are already predisposed to agree with you, and I never got the point of preaching to the choir.
sticking your fingers in your ears is a sure way to convince yourself of what you are convinced of.
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« Reply #58 on: May 22, 2014, 12:35:15 PM »

Quote
Despite the "Blue Lagoon" children have to be taught the facts of life, as there is no innate knowledge.

LOLOLOLOL!!!!!

Oh, you were serious?
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« Reply #59 on: May 22, 2014, 12:40:33 PM »

Quote
Despite the "Blue Lagoon" children have to be taught the facts of life, as there is no innate knowledge.

LOLOLOLOL!!!!!

Oh, you were serious?
that is what the evidence reveals.  Your conjecture aside, you have any contrary evidence?
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« Reply #60 on: May 22, 2014, 12:45:30 PM »

Quote
Despite the "Blue Lagoon" children have to be taught the facts of life, as there is no innate knowledge.

LOLOLOLOL!!!!!

Oh, you were serious?
that is what the evidence reveals.  Your conjecture aside, you have any contrary evidence?
The nature vs nurture debate is extensive and well beyond the scope of this thread. Feel free to start a new thread on the topic and I will gladly contribute.
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« Reply #61 on: May 22, 2014, 12:50:38 PM »

Quote
Despite the "Blue Lagoon" children have to be taught the facts of life, as there is no innate knowledge.

LOLOLOLOL!!!!!

Oh, you were serious?
that is what the evidence reveals.  Your conjecture aside, you have any contrary evidence?
The nature vs nurture debate is extensive and well beyond the scope of this thread. Feel free to start a new thread on the topic and I will gladly contribute.
In the meantime, I came across this comment:
Quote
How did you learn the facts of life?...
My father taught me about sex - no theory just practise.
45 years later I'm still trying to learn about relationships.
Sex, respect for your own body and respect for the bodily integrity of others is too important to be left to parents or chance.
http://www.theguardian.com/society/poll/2012/dec/20/facts-of-life-poll
another case of abnormality dictating the norm?
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« Reply #62 on: May 22, 2014, 12:56:14 PM »

Oh dear. Now we are looking at theguardian's article comment page as a basis for our position.  Sorry OP, the thread is dead. Hopefully you got something of benefit.  Undecided
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« Reply #63 on: May 22, 2014, 01:00:00 PM »

Oh dear. Now we are looking at theguardian's article comment page as a basis for our position.  Sorry OP, the thread is dead. Hopefully you got something of benefit.  Undecided
Who's "we"?
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« Reply #64 on: May 22, 2014, 01:01:38 PM »

Oh dear. Now we are looking at theguardian's article comment page as a basis for our position.  Sorry OP, the thread is dead. Hopefully you got something of benefit.  Undecided
Who's "we"?
Sorry. You.
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« Reply #65 on: May 22, 2014, 01:10:29 PM »

Oh dear. Now we are looking at theguardian's article comment page as a basis for our position.  Sorry OP, the thread is dead. Hopefully you got something of benefit.  Undecided
Who's "we"?
Sorry. You.
Sure the thread is what is dead?
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« Reply #66 on: May 22, 2014, 01:19:07 PM »

RIP thread.
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« Reply #67 on: May 22, 2014, 03:56:39 PM »

On the kids noticing animals mating:

Last week, I took the kids to the zoo. When we were watching the lions, the male decided to mount and mate with the female. I could see what was going to happen, in that moment I decided precisely how to react. I could have dragged the kids away quickly, and they wouldn't have seen a thing. I could have just said that the female was giving the male a "piggyback ride". Instead I decided that I should treat it like no big deal. I answered their questions in the moment, and the subject hasn't come up since then. I want my kids to know that they can ask me anything. I don't want them to be afraid to ask a question because I shrug that subject off with discomfort.

I have a big problem with parents making sex out to be unclean, something to be ashamed of, or taboo. Should sex be a private matter? Absolutely, sex is a private matter between the two parties involved. Society wants to make sex and sexuality out to be a public sport rather than a private relationship function. That doesn't mean that we should shut down all conversation/questions regarding sex and sexuality. Instead, we need to teach our children that sex is a private matter but not something that is shameful. Those lions had sex in front of my kids. I think the college students that saw our kids witness the lions having sex were more disturbed about it than the kids were. Those college students were embarrassed, my kids moved on to looking at the hippos soon afterward.
« Last Edit: May 22, 2014, 03:59:56 PM by Quinault » Logged
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« Reply #68 on: May 22, 2014, 04:43:24 PM »

On the kids noticing animals mating:

Last week, I took the kids to the zoo. When we were watching the lions, the male decided to mount and mate with the female. I could see what was going to happen, in that moment I decided precisely how to react. I could have dragged the kids away quickly, and they wouldn't have seen a thing. I could have just said that the female was giving the male a "piggyback ride". Instead I decided that I should treat it like no big deal. I answered their questions in the moment, and the subject hasn't come up since then. I want my kids to know that they can ask me anything. I don't want them to be afraid to ask a question because I shrug that subject off with discomfort.

I have a big problem with parents making sex out to be unclean, something to be ashamed of, or taboo. Should sex be a private matter? Absolutely, sex is a private matter between the two parties involved. Society wants to make sex and sexuality out to be a public sport rather than a private relationship function. That doesn't mean that we should shut down all conversation/questions regarding sex and sexuality. Instead, we need to teach our children that sex is a private matter but not something that is shameful. Those lions had sex in front of my kids. I think the college students that saw our kids witness the lions having sex were more disturbed about it than the kids were. Those college students were embarrassed, my kids moved on to looking at the hippos soon afterward.
Exactly
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« Reply #69 on: May 23, 2014, 12:07:09 AM »

Hi everyone, I'm getting married soon, and my future wife's twin sister is gay. I was wondering how you all would approach that with your children. You obviously can't condone the behavior but when your 3 year old (we don't have children yet just hypothetical) asks you "why does Aunt Jane have a girlfriend instead of a boyfriend" what do you say to them? You have to convey both that that is a sin but also that there aunt should be treated with respect and love. for us in particular, the sister is very close to my future wife. she is angry that I'm "taking" her sister from her. So the moment one of our future children says something negative about the sister's life choice I will surely be blamed and it will be all the more reason to not like me. We are already having to tackle the problem of the sister saying "I hope he knows he will never be as important to you as I am, nothing trumps twin". so the added weight of this will just suck, luckily we have some time to deal with it. But I'm not sure how to handle it and just looking for some advice. thanks

I don't know what to say to you about the twin thing.

But I can tell you that your approach is mature on the gay issue.  Simply address it as a sin to any future children and realize it is a sin.

I will tell you however, this can backfire and the twin later could get very angry with you.   But I think you have a mature approach to the subject.

EDIT - But honestly, I don't think a 3 year old will even understand what gay is... probably won't have to worry about it till later.
« Last Edit: May 23, 2014, 12:08:46 AM by yeshuaisiam » Logged

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« Reply #70 on: May 24, 2014, 04:11:25 PM »

Wow, people are letting their personal crusades get in the way of actually 'giving advice'. 

Not all people are as fortunate as to just be able to cut the gay relative out of their lives, like it appears some would give as advice if they could.

Honestly, the bigger issue here is indeed the 'taking the sister away' and -that- resentment......deal with that first...worry about what the sister in law is doing in her private life after you haven't already made an enemy by taking her sister away from her....
since the OP brought this issue up, it would seem that this topic has been brought up as the breach that she is going to attack through "your husband is a such a bigot...."  It works very well for bullies of the gay agenda.

The sister is already an enemy. She has declared war.  She isn't going to wait for him to attack back.  So what she says when her sister has that talk on her comment will tell which way to go.

If that talk doesn't take place, head for the door.

Since when are family relations best viewed as war?
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« Reply #71 on: May 24, 2014, 04:14:57 PM »

actually....based on what the poster has said...the focus of the 'ememy' is more 'being taken away from the sister'


that part....has NOTHING to do with the gay issue..or agenda......period.

That has to do with the percieved loss of a lifelong companion and best friend, to an outside relationship.



Our intrepid poster has asked about the gay issue, and you have been more than willing to jump on that bandwagon with your pitchfork and torch....

BUT ignore the bigger issue.....the sister is not feeling resentment over the gay issue at all....as they clearly have not yet dealt with it......


its about her feeling like her Twin is being taken from her...that is a much more serious issue emotionally...and needs to be worked out between the twins.

It wouldnt matter -who- the sister was attracted to.....this twin-ness and the issues it raises, would create similar issues even if she was hetero.

Indeed.  I briefly dated a man who has a twin brother.  They were, of course, very close.  His brother (who was not gay), was always very negative towards me.  I found out from a friend of the man I was dating, that this was what always happened.  His friend told me "You should probably know it's not going to last; his brother runs everyone off."  This isn't an issue about the sister being lesbian or heterosexual or bisexual or tall or short or fat or thin or religious or atheist or anything else, other than a twin.
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« Reply #72 on: May 24, 2014, 05:58:20 PM »

Wow, people are letting their personal crusades get in the way of actually 'giving advice'. 

Not all people are as fortunate as to just be able to cut the gay relative out of their lives, like it appears some would give as advice if they could.

Honestly, the bigger issue here is indeed the 'taking the sister away' and -that- resentment......deal with that first...worry about what the sister in law is doing in her private life after you haven't already made an enemy by taking her sister away from her....
since the OP brought this issue up, it would seem that this topic has been brought up as the breach that she is going to attack through "your husband is a such a bigot...."  It works very well for bullies of the gay agenda.

The sister is already an enemy. She has declared war.  She isn't going to wait for him to attack back.  So what she says when her sister has that talk on her comment will tell which way to go.

If that talk doesn't take place, head for the door.

Since when are family relations best viewed as war?
In Isa's world, everything is war.  laugh
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« Reply #73 on: May 24, 2014, 06:44:47 PM »

I treat gay family members like family. Because they are.

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« Reply #74 on: May 24, 2014, 07:51:40 PM »

Wow, people are letting their personal crusades get in the way of actually 'giving advice'. 

Not all people are as fortunate as to just be able to cut the gay relative out of their lives, like it appears some would give as advice if they could.

Honestly, the bigger issue here is indeed the 'taking the sister away' and -that- resentment......deal with that first...worry about what the sister in law is doing in her private life after you haven't already made an enemy by taking her sister away from her....
since the OP brought this issue up, it would seem that this topic has been brought up as the breach that she is going to attack through "your husband is a such a bigot...."  It works very well for bullies of the gay agenda.

The sister is already an enemy. She has declared war.  She isn't going to wait for him to attack back.  So what she says when her sister has that talk on her comment will tell which way to go.

If that talk doesn't take place, head for the door.

Since when are family relations best viewed as war?
In Isa's world, everything is war.  laugh
No, but refusing to see hostility on the march is just asking for trouble.
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« Reply #75 on: May 24, 2014, 07:52:26 PM »

Wow, people are letting their personal crusades get in the way of actually 'giving advice'. 

Not all people are as fortunate as to just be able to cut the gay relative out of their lives, like it appears some would give as advice if they could.

Honestly, the bigger issue here is indeed the 'taking the sister away' and -that- resentment......deal with that first...worry about what the sister in law is doing in her private life after you haven't already made an enemy by taking her sister away from her....
since the OP brought this issue up, it would seem that this topic has been brought up as the breach that she is going to attack through "your husband is a such a bigot...."  It works very well for bullies of the gay agenda.

The sister is already an enemy. She has declared war.  She isn't going to wait for him to attack back.  So what she says when her sister has that talk on her comment will tell which way to go.

If that talk doesn't take place, head for the door.

Since when are family relations best viewed as war?
when they are.
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Question a friend, perhaps he did not do it; but if he did anything so that he may do it no more.
A hasty quarrel kindles fire,
and urgent strife sheds blood.
If you blow on a spark, it will glow;
if you spit on it, it will be put out;
                           and both come out of your mouth
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« Reply #76 on: May 24, 2014, 07:55:52 PM »

actually....based on what the poster has said...the focus of the 'ememy' is more 'being taken away from the sister'


that part....has NOTHING to do with the gay issue..or agenda......period.

That has to do with the percieved loss of a lifelong companion and best friend, to an outside relationship.



Our intrepid poster has asked about the gay issue, and you have been more than willing to jump on that bandwagon with your pitchfork and torch....

BUT ignore the bigger issue.....the sister is not feeling resentment over the gay issue at all....as they clearly have not yet dealt with it......


its about her feeling like her Twin is being taken from her...that is a much more serious issue emotionally...and needs to be worked out between the twins.

It wouldnt matter -who- the sister was attracted to.....this twin-ness and the issues it raises, would create similar issues even if she was hetero.

Indeed.  I briefly dated a man who has a twin brother.  They were, of course, very close.  His brother (who was not gay), was always very negative towards me.  I found out from a friend of the man I was dating, that this was what always happened.  His friend told me "You should probably know it's not going to last; his brother runs everyone off."  This isn't an issue about the sister being lesbian or heterosexual or bisexual or tall or short or fat or thin or religious or atheist or anything else, other than a twin.
Just not going to let the facts spoil your narrative, are you?
OK, this is the deal. me and my wife will be living in the south, in the bible belt, so no matter what I say about it or don't say about homosexuality they will learn it is a sin because it is talked about a lot and in a negative way. Also my wife's sister is very outspoken, she's a feminist and can't wait for someone to say something she can even confuse as an insult to that so she can jump down there throat, my wife included. a few weeks ago she told me she was "meeting another lady" she gave me no context so for all I knew she was meeting someone for a car loan or something when I asked her why she was meeting a lady she jumped on me "because I'm gay you got a problem with that?!"
this is definitely a weapon she's using to show how awful I am the only thing is she doesn't realize that my wife has the same feelings on the matter as I do. My future wife and I are quite compatible and have much the same beliefs but I guess that last part is expected since we are both Orthodox, however the sister isn't, the sister isn't really a church goer she is one of those I'm a christian but I do what I want and don't go to church but I believe he's there kind of people.  

... she jumped on me "because I'm gay you got a problem with that?!"

What about if you had simply said, "I don't have a problem with you. I love you because you are my future wife's sister, and she loves you. We can discuss my religious beliefs later, if you want. Just let me know when is a good time for you."



no I told her that there was no context to her statement and it had nothing to do with her sexuality. she calmed down after I explained that but all I'm saying is her finger is on the trigger ready to fire.
« Last Edit: May 24, 2014, 07:59:14 PM by ialmisry » Logged

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A hasty quarrel kindles fire,
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                           and both come out of your mouth
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