OrthodoxChristianity.net
August 20, 2014, 05:00:01 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
News: Reminder: No political discussions in the public fora.  If you do not have access to the private Politics Forum, please send a PM to Fr. George.
 
   Home   Help Calendar Contact Treasury Tags Login Register  
Pages: 1   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: Why Are Parents Physically Abusive?  (Read 740 times) Average Rating: 0
0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.
JamesR
Virginal Chicano Blood
Protokentarchos
*********
Offline Offline

Faith: On-n-Off
Jurisdiction: OCA (the only truly Canonical American Orthodox Church)
Posts: 5,420


St. Augustine of Hippo pray for me!


« on: May 10, 2014, 04:57:23 AM »

Why do some parents--in particular mothers--feel the need to resort to physical violence against their children? I'm 18 years old and my mother still uses corporal punishment against me. She literally slaps me across the face and thinks it's okay, expecting me not to do anything in return. And she then unleashes a verbal barrage of seemingly bizarre, unrelated ad-hominems against me regarding my early teen years--ie, "you've always thought you were better than everyone else/remember when you called me a whore in 8th grade?" I'm the oldest and I know that she literally resents me. She has ever since I was 13 years old. She likes to call me every name in the book and use every profane word in the English language against me and expect me to say or do nothing back. The worst though is her physical violence. She will unrelentlessly slap me across the face even after I'm bleeding. Whenever she does this I leave for days at a time and ignore her. How should I deal with her? I'm a broke 18 year old and I feel like a military career is my only option if I want to get away from her.
Logged

Quote
You're really on to something here. Tattoo to keep you from masturbating, chew to keep you from fornicating... it's a whole new world where you outsource your crosses. You're like a Christian entrepreneur or something.
Quote
James, you have problemz.
Alpo
Taxiarches
**********
Offline Offline

Faith: Orthodox. With some feta, please.
Posts: 6,586



« Reply #1 on: May 10, 2014, 05:32:54 AM »

Does your city/state/federal state provide any social services where you could contact?
Logged
Quinault
Protokentarchos
*********
Offline Offline

Faith: Eastern Orthodox
Jurisdiction: Antiochian
Posts: 4,497


What about frogs? I like frogs!


« Reply #2 on: May 10, 2014, 05:43:49 AM »

You have a complex relationship with your mother from what I recall. I have a beyond unhealthy relationship with my mother. I literally haven't spoken to her in over 2 years. Everyone wants to say that a mother's love is unfathomable. As a mother, I understand that 100%. As a daughter, I can't say that I believe it.

In your situation, I would move out to a monastery for awhile. Get some space, clear your head a bit. Lose yourself in some mindless routine. Depression feeds some of our more sinful proclivities, and if you are anything like I am; you don't need to be alone in your head and giving into your temptations alone and depressed. Don't look at it as investigating monasticism. Look at it as exploring what you want, and who you are. You can't see past the moment right now. You need some time to get to know who you are as a person; not who your mom wants you to be, not who she tells you that you are, and not how you see yourself at this moment. You need to go as a kind of refugee. Someone that needs to go somewhere quiet to breathe.

You *will* get thru this. I promise you that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and it isn't an approaching train. It may not resolve like you think it should, but you will find a path thru all this.


I would suggest that you look into Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
http://echorecovery.blogspot.com/2013/08/tactics-narcissistic-personality-disorder-mother.html
« Last Edit: May 10, 2014, 05:54:32 AM by Quinault » Logged
hecma925
Non-clairvoyant
Taxiarches
**********
Offline Offline

Faith: Eastern Orthodox
Jurisdiction: OCA - Diocese of the South
Posts: 6,000


Pray for me, a sinner.


WWW
« Reply #3 on: May 10, 2014, 10:57:11 AM »

Easy to do, but not an easy choice:  Call the police and have her arrested.
Logged

DeniseDenise
Tiredness personified
Archon
********
Offline Offline

Faith: Catechumen no more!
Jurisdiction: OCA
Posts: 2,527



« Reply #4 on: May 10, 2014, 11:00:54 AM »

also....call these folks and find out if they can help you for a while...

http://www.raphaelhouse.org/about-us

even if you had to trade them some work for a place to stay.....it would be worth it..
Logged

Please secure your own oxygen mask before assisting other passengers.
WPM
Archon
********
Offline Offline

Posts: 2,209



« Reply #5 on: May 10, 2014, 11:03:45 AM »

Leave it all behind and move to New York.  Wink
« Last Edit: May 10, 2014, 11:04:17 AM by WPM » Logged
biro
Excelsior
Site Supporter
Toumarches
*****
Offline Offline

Faith: Orthodox Christian
Jurisdiction: Greek Orthodox
Posts: 12,939


Και κλήρονομον δείξον με, ζωής της αιωνίου

fleem
WWW
« Reply #6 on: May 10, 2014, 11:22:36 AM »

Lord have mercy.
Logged

Charlie Rose: If you could change one thing about the world, what would it be?

Fran Lebowitz: Everything. There is not one thing with which I am satisfied.

http://spcasuncoast.org/
RehamG
Elder
*****
Offline Offline

Faith: Christian
Jurisdiction: Orthodox Inquirer
Posts: 276



WWW
« Reply #7 on: May 10, 2014, 03:28:41 PM »

Lord have mercy.

I'll remain silent on the military, but there are other options to get out and not bring legal trouble on your mom (unless you wanted this, you are 18 and it is some kind of assault I am sure). Job corps for example, go to school there and stay there and just don't go home.
Logged

"A humble man who lives a spiritual life, when he reads the Holy Scriptures, will relate all things to himself and not to others.”

– St. Mark the Ascetic, Sermon, 1.6
SolEX01
Toumarches
************
Offline Offline

Faith: Orthodox
Jurisdiction: Greek Orthodox Archdiocese of America, Holy Metropolis of New Jersey
Posts: 11,087


WWW
« Reply #8 on: May 10, 2014, 03:35:49 PM »

Lord have mercy.
Logged
Laird
Not yet able to attend an Orthodox Church
Sr. Member
****
Offline Offline

Faith: Inquirer (Catechumen soon hopefully)
Jurisdiction: Baptist
Posts: 249


Lord, have mercy on me


« Reply #9 on: May 10, 2014, 03:36:30 PM »

Lord, have mercy.
Logged
Alveus Lacuna
Taxiarches
**********
Offline Offline

Faith: Orthodox
Jurisdiction: OCA
Posts: 6,823



« Reply #10 on: May 10, 2014, 04:30:21 PM »

Easy to do, but not an easy choice:  Call the police and have her arrested.

I agree. It's called assault, and she doesn't get to assault you because she's your mother.
Logged
Cyrus
Jr. Member
**
Offline Offline

Faith: Christian
Jurisdiction: Christian
Posts: 40


« Reply #11 on: May 10, 2014, 09:31:55 PM »

If your not a full time student, nor have a job, it may be good to get a job and move out. 

Sounds like a good goal to set for yourself.
Logged
Tallitot
Archon
********
Offline Offline

Faith: Jewish
Jurisdiction: United Synagogue of Conservative Judaism
Posts: 2,584



WWW
« Reply #12 on: May 10, 2014, 11:11:49 PM »

If your not a full time student, nor have a job, it may be good to get a job and move out. 

Sounds like a good goal to set for yourself.
This.
Logged

Proverbs 22:7
Tamara
Archon
********
Offline Offline

Faith: Orthodox Christian
Jurisdiction: Antiochian Orthodox Diocese of America
Posts: 2,208


+Pray for Orthodox Unity+


« Reply #13 on: May 11, 2014, 12:02:06 AM »

Lord have mercy on you and your mother!

It is never okay for a parent to slap a son as you have described. I have two sons so my heart aches for you. You are a gift from God and should be treated with love and compassion.
Logged
Quinault
Protokentarchos
*********
Offline Offline

Faith: Eastern Orthodox
Jurisdiction: Antiochian
Posts: 4,497


What about frogs? I like frogs!


« Reply #14 on: May 11, 2014, 02:00:49 AM »

This is a good explanation of how I feel about mother's day: http://www.mommyish.com/2014/05/07/estranged-adult-children-mothers-day/
Logged
Gebre Menfes Kidus
"SERVANT of The HOLY SPIRIT"
Merarches
***********
Offline Offline

Faith: Ethiopian Orthodox
Jurisdiction: Orthodox Tewahedo / Non-Chalcedonian
Posts: 8,148


"Lord Have Mercy on Me a Sinner!"


WWW
« Reply #15 on: May 11, 2014, 02:11:14 AM »

You have a complex relationship with your mother from what I recall. I have a beyond unhealthy relationship with my mother. I literally haven't spoken to her in over 2 years. Everyone wants to say that a mother's love is unfathomable. As a mother, I understand that 100%. As a daughter, I can't say that I believe it.

In your situation, I would move out to a monastery for awhile. Get some space, clear your head a bit. Lose yourself in some mindless routine. Depression feeds some of our more sinful proclivities, and if you are anything like I am; you don't need to be alone in your head and giving into your temptations alone and depressed. Don't look at it as investigating monasticism. Look at it as exploring what you want, and who you are. You can't see past the moment right now. You need some time to get to know who you are as a person; not who your mom wants you to be, not who she tells you that you are, and not how you see yourself at this moment. You need to go as a kind of refugee. Someone that needs to go somewhere quiet to breathe.

You *will* get thru this. I promise you that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and it isn't an approaching train. It may not resolve like you think it should, but you will find a path thru all this.


I would suggest that you look into Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
http://echorecovery.blogspot.com/2013/08/tactics-narcissistic-personality-disorder-mother.html


Seems that you, James, and I share something in common here. I love my mother and have begun to make peace with the way she has treated me. I was never physically abused, but I suffered tremendous emotional abuse. I still do. But I love my mother and I know that she loves me. She's just a very unhappy person. She's never made peace with God from what I can tell. She is completely controlling and has jettisoned everyone and anyone from her life who dares to disagree with her or have an opinion different than hers. I am her son, so she is forced to still have some semblance of a relationship with me. But the wounds of a mother's verbal, physical, or emotional abuse cut deep. You never really get over it.

James, I wish I had some answers for you. Obviously the best thing would be to get away from your mom and live your life. But of course, I would strongly urge you not to seek refuge in the military. My pacifism aside, I don't think any rational person would advise emotionally troubled people to join the military. That never seems to work out well.

If you could find some decent friends to share an apartment with, that would be a good start. It would at least get you away from your mom's physical abuse. But I have learned that distance can't protect you from emotional abuse. I still have to deal with it.

But most of all, don't despair of your life. You are a bright young man with so much to offer. I can't help but to think that God is allowing you to suffer these things so that you can one day be of tremendous help to others who suffer similar trials. Keep bearing your cross dear brother. With Christ there is always hope.


Selam
« Last Edit: May 11, 2014, 02:12:19 AM by Gebre Menfes Kidus » Logged

"If you stop to throw stones at every dog that barks at you along the way, you will never reach your goal." [Turkish Proverb]
Quinault
Protokentarchos
*********
Offline Offline

Faith: Eastern Orthodox
Jurisdiction: Antiochian
Posts: 4,497


What about frogs? I like frogs!


« Reply #16 on: May 11, 2014, 02:30:49 AM »

I would agree with Gebre; joining the military isn't the answer for a person in emotional struggle and an unhealthy parental relationship. You really need to figure out who you are, and who you want to be. The military makes you into what they want you to be, which can be a good thing. I think for some people this causes more damage than good. Join the military because you want to, not to escape an unhealthy parental relationship.
Logged
WPM
Archon
********
Offline Offline

Posts: 2,209



« Reply #17 on: May 11, 2014, 08:12:39 AM »

I go through the same thing with my mom and verbal abuse.
Logged
WPM
Archon
********
Offline Offline

Posts: 2,209



« Reply #18 on: May 11, 2014, 11:00:53 AM »

I go through the same thing with my mom.
Logged
WPM
Archon
********
Offline Offline

Posts: 2,209



« Reply #19 on: May 11, 2014, 11:01:07 AM »

[delete]
Logged
Tags:
Pages: 1   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.18 | SMF © 2013, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!
Page created in 0.086 seconds with 46 queries.