You have a complex relationship with your mother from what I recall. I have a beyond unhealthy relationship with my mother. I literally haven't spoken to her in over 2 years. Everyone wants to say that a mother's love is unfathomable. As a mother, I understand that 100%. As a daughter, I can't say that I believe it.
In your situation, I would move out to a monastery for awhile. Get some space, clear your head a bit. Lose yourself in some mindless routine. Depression feeds some of our more sinful proclivities, and if you are anything like I am; you don't need to be alone in your head and giving into your temptations alone and depressed. Don't look at it as investigating monasticism. Look at it as exploring what you want, and who you are. You can't see past the moment right now. You need some time to get to know who you are as a person; not who your mom wants you to be, not who she tells you that you are, and not how you see yourself at this moment. You need to go as a kind of refugee. Someone that needs to go somewhere quiet to breathe.
You *will* get thru this. I promise you that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and it isn't an approaching train. It may not resolve like you think it should, but you will find a path thru all this.
I would suggest that you look into Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Seems that you, James, and I share something in common here. I love my mother and have begun to make peace with the way she has treated me. I was never physically abused, but I suffered tremendous emotional abuse. I still do. But I love my mother and I know that she loves me. She's just a very unhappy person. She's never made peace with God from what I can tell. She is completely controlling and has jettisoned everyone and anyone from her life who dares to disagree with her or have an opinion different than hers. I am her son, so she is forced to still have some semblance of a relationship with me. But the wounds of a mother's verbal, physical, or emotional abuse cut deep. You never really get over it.
James, I wish I had some answers for you. Obviously the best thing would be to get away from your mom and live your life. But of course, I would strongly urge you not to seek refuge in the military. My pacifism aside, I don't think any rational person would advise emotionally troubled people to join the military. That never seems to work out well.
If you could find some decent friends to share an apartment with, that would be a good start. It would at least get you away from your mom's physical abuse. But I have learned that distance can't protect you from emotional abuse. I still have to deal with it.
But most of all, don't despair of your life. You are a bright young man with so much to offer. I can't help but to think that God is allowing you to suffer these things so that you can one day be of tremendous help to others who suffer similar trials. Keep bearing your cross dear brother. With Christ there is always hope.