Author Topic: Why Are Parents Physically Abusive?  (Read 1451 times)

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Offline JamesR

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Why Are Parents Physically Abusive?
« on: May 10, 2014, 04:57:23 AM »
Why do some parents--in particular mothers--feel the need to resort to physical violence against their children? I'm 18 years old and my mother still uses corporal punishment against me. She literally slaps me across the face and thinks it's okay, expecting me not to do anything in return. And she then unleashes a verbal barrage of seemingly bizarre, unrelated ad-hominems against me regarding my early teen years--ie, "you've always thought you were better than everyone else/remember when you called me a whore in 8th grade?" I'm the oldest and I know that she literally resents me. She has ever since I was 13 years old. She likes to call me every name in the book and use every profane word in the English language against me and expect me to say or do nothing back. The worst though is her physical violence. She will unrelentlessly slap me across the face even after I'm bleeding. Whenever she does this I leave for days at a time and ignore her. How should I deal with her? I'm a broke 18 year old and I feel like a military career is my only option if I want to get away from her.
...Or it's just possible he's a mouthy young man on an internet forum.
In the infinite wisdom of God, James can be all three.

Offline Alpo

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Re: Why Are Parents Physically Abusive?
« Reply #1 on: May 10, 2014, 05:32:54 AM »
Does your city/state/federal state provide any social services where you could contact?
The user should probably be sleeping by now.

Offline Quinault

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Re: Why Are Parents Physically Abusive?
« Reply #2 on: May 10, 2014, 05:43:49 AM »
You have a complex relationship with your mother from what I recall. I have a beyond unhealthy relationship with my mother. I literally haven't spoken to her in over 2 years. Everyone wants to say that a mother's love is unfathomable. As a mother, I understand that 100%. As a daughter, I can't say that I believe it.

In your situation, I would move out to a monastery for awhile. Get some space, clear your head a bit. Lose yourself in some mindless routine. Depression feeds some of our more sinful proclivities, and if you are anything like I am; you don't need to be alone in your head and giving into your temptations alone and depressed. Don't look at it as investigating monasticism. Look at it as exploring what you want, and who you are. You can't see past the moment right now. You need some time to get to know who you are as a person; not who your mom wants you to be, not who she tells you that you are, and not how you see yourself at this moment. You need to go as a kind of refugee. Someone that needs to go somewhere quiet to breathe.

You *will* get thru this. I promise you that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and it isn't an approaching train. It may not resolve like you think it should, but you will find a path thru all this.


I would suggest that you look into Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
http://echorecovery.blogspot.com/2013/08/tactics-narcissistic-personality-disorder-mother.html
« Last Edit: May 10, 2014, 05:54:32 AM by Quinault »

Offline hecma925

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Re: Why Are Parents Physically Abusive?
« Reply #3 on: May 10, 2014, 10:57:11 AM »
Easy to do, but not an easy choice:  Call the police and have her arrested.
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Offline DeniseDenise

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Re: Why Are Parents Physically Abusive?
« Reply #4 on: May 10, 2014, 11:00:54 AM »
also....call these folks and find out if they can help you for a while...

http://www.raphaelhouse.org/about-us

even if you had to trade them some work for a place to stay.....it would be worth it..

Offline WPM

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Re: Why Are Parents Physically Abusive?
« Reply #5 on: May 10, 2014, 11:03:45 AM »
Leave it all behind and move to New York.  ;)
« Last Edit: May 10, 2014, 11:04:17 AM by WPM »

Offline biro

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Re: Why Are Parents Physically Abusive?
« Reply #6 on: May 10, 2014, 11:22:36 AM »
Lord have mercy.

Offline RehamG

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Re: Why Are Parents Physically Abusive?
« Reply #7 on: May 10, 2014, 03:28:41 PM »
Lord have mercy.

I'll remain silent on the military, but there are other options to get out and not bring legal trouble on your mom (unless you wanted this, you are 18 and it is some kind of assault I am sure). Job corps for example, go to school there and stay there and just don't go home.
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Offline SolEX01

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Re: Why Are Parents Physically Abusive?
« Reply #8 on: May 10, 2014, 03:35:49 PM »
Lord have mercy.

Offline Laird

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Re: Why Are Parents Physically Abusive?
« Reply #9 on: May 10, 2014, 03:36:30 PM »
Lord, have mercy.
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Offline Alveus Lacuna

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Re: Why Are Parents Physically Abusive?
« Reply #10 on: May 10, 2014, 04:30:21 PM »
Easy to do, but not an easy choice:  Call the police and have her arrested.

I agree. It's called assault, and she doesn't get to assault you because she's your mother.

Offline Cyrus

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Re: Why Are Parents Physically Abusive?
« Reply #11 on: May 10, 2014, 09:31:55 PM »
If your not a full time student, nor have a job, it may be good to get a job and move out. 

Sounds like a good goal to set for yourself.

Offline Tallitot

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Re: Why Are Parents Physically Abusive?
« Reply #12 on: May 10, 2014, 11:11:49 PM »
If your not a full time student, nor have a job, it may be good to get a job and move out. 

Sounds like a good goal to set for yourself.
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Offline Tamara

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Re: Why Are Parents Physically Abusive?
« Reply #13 on: May 11, 2014, 12:02:06 AM »
Lord have mercy on you and your mother!

It is never okay for a parent to slap a son as you have described. I have two sons so my heart aches for you. You are a gift from God and should be treated with love and compassion.

Offline Quinault

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Re: Why Are Parents Physically Abusive?
« Reply #14 on: May 11, 2014, 02:00:49 AM »
This is a good explanation of how I feel about mother's day: http://www.mommyish.com/2014/05/07/estranged-adult-children-mothers-day/

Offline Gebre Menfes Kidus

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Re: Why Are Parents Physically Abusive?
« Reply #15 on: May 11, 2014, 02:11:14 AM »
You have a complex relationship with your mother from what I recall. I have a beyond unhealthy relationship with my mother. I literally haven't spoken to her in over 2 years. Everyone wants to say that a mother's love is unfathomable. As a mother, I understand that 100%. As a daughter, I can't say that I believe it.

In your situation, I would move out to a monastery for awhile. Get some space, clear your head a bit. Lose yourself in some mindless routine. Depression feeds some of our more sinful proclivities, and if you are anything like I am; you don't need to be alone in your head and giving into your temptations alone and depressed. Don't look at it as investigating monasticism. Look at it as exploring what you want, and who you are. You can't see past the moment right now. You need some time to get to know who you are as a person; not who your mom wants you to be, not who she tells you that you are, and not how you see yourself at this moment. You need to go as a kind of refugee. Someone that needs to go somewhere quiet to breathe.

You *will* get thru this. I promise you that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and it isn't an approaching train. It may not resolve like you think it should, but you will find a path thru all this.


I would suggest that you look into Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
http://echorecovery.blogspot.com/2013/08/tactics-narcissistic-personality-disorder-mother.html


Seems that you, James, and I share something in common here. I love my mother and have begun to make peace with the way she has treated me. I was never physically abused, but I suffered tremendous emotional abuse. I still do. But I love my mother and I know that she loves me. She's just a very unhappy person. She's never made peace with God from what I can tell. She is completely controlling and has jettisoned everyone and anyone from her life who dares to disagree with her or have an opinion different than hers. I am her son, so she is forced to still have some semblance of a relationship with me. But the wounds of a mother's verbal, physical, or emotional abuse cut deep. You never really get over it.

James, I wish I had some answers for you. Obviously the best thing would be to get away from your mom and live your life. But of course, I would strongly urge you not to seek refuge in the military. My pacifism aside, I don't think any rational person would advise emotionally troubled people to join the military. That never seems to work out well.

If you could find some decent friends to share an apartment with, that would be a good start. It would at least get you away from your mom's physical abuse. But I have learned that distance can't protect you from emotional abuse. I still have to deal with it.

But most of all, don't despair of your life. You are a bright young man with so much to offer. I can't help but to think that God is allowing you to suffer these things so that you can one day be of tremendous help to others who suffer similar trials. Keep bearing your cross dear brother. With Christ there is always hope.


Selam
« Last Edit: May 11, 2014, 02:12:19 AM by Gebre Menfes Kidus »
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Offline Quinault

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Re: Why Are Parents Physically Abusive?
« Reply #16 on: May 11, 2014, 02:30:49 AM »
I would agree with Gebre; joining the military isn't the answer for a person in emotional struggle and an unhealthy parental relationship. You really need to figure out who you are, and who you want to be. The military makes you into what they want you to be, which can be a good thing. I think for some people this causes more damage than good. Join the military because you want to, not to escape an unhealthy parental relationship.

Offline WPM

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Re: Why Are Parents Physically Abusive?
« Reply #17 on: May 11, 2014, 08:12:39 AM »
I go through the same thing with my mom and verbal abuse.

Offline WPM

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Re: Why Are Parents Physically Abusive?
« Reply #18 on: May 11, 2014, 11:00:53 AM »
I go through the same thing with my mom.

Offline WPM

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Re: Why Are Parents Physically Abusive?
« Reply #19 on: May 11, 2014, 11:01:07 AM »
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