Author Topic: I'm really stupid.  (Read 1336 times)

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Offline Tikhon.of.Colorado

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I'm really stupid.
« on: April 28, 2014, 12:28:09 PM »
Please pray for me.  I can't get into it here, but I need your prayers.

Tikhon/Trevor

Offline recent convert

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Re: I'm really stupid.
« Reply #1 on: April 28, 2014, 12:51:11 PM »
Lord, have mercy.
Antiochian OC NA

Beware the wrath of the guardians of "love."

Online Asteriktos

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Re: I'm really stupid.
« Reply #2 on: April 28, 2014, 12:57:19 PM »
Lord have mercy!

Offline xOrthodox4Christx

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Re: I'm really stupid.
« Reply #3 on: April 28, 2014, 02:07:07 PM »
Lord have mercy.
This profile is defunct as of 11/8/2017. I created it before Orthodoxy, and have used it after Orthodoxy.

I reject all that I wrote that isn't in accordance with the teachings of the Orthodox Church. Also, my posts reflect my opinions (present or former) and nothing else.

I will likely lurk on this forum under a different name.

Offline Cyrillic

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Re: I'm really stupid.
« Reply #4 on: April 28, 2014, 02:08:35 PM »
Aren't we all at times?

Lord, have mercy!
« Last Edit: April 28, 2014, 02:08:43 PM by Cyrillic »

Offline biro

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Re: I'm really stupid.
« Reply #5 on: April 28, 2014, 02:13:40 PM »
Lord have mercy.  :angel:
My only weakness is, well, never mind

Offline tuesdayschild

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Re: I'm really stupid.
« Reply #6 on: April 28, 2014, 02:17:36 PM »
Lord, have mercy.

Offline Papist

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Re: I'm really stupid.
« Reply #7 on: April 28, 2014, 02:55:30 PM »
Lord, have mercy.
"For, by its immensity, the divine substance surpasses every form that our intellect reaches. Thus we are unable to apprehend it by knowing what it is. Yet we are able to have some knowledge of it by knowing what it is not." - St. Thomas Aquinas, Summa contra gentiles, I, 14.

Offline DeniseDenise

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Re: I'm really stupid.
« Reply #8 on: April 28, 2014, 03:04:13 PM »
Lord have Mercy and help repair whatever has happened.
All opinions expressed by myself are quite tragically my own, and not those of any other poster or wall hangings.

Offline Hamartolos

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Re: I'm really stupid.
« Reply #9 on: April 28, 2014, 03:22:41 PM »
Lord, have mercy. 

We've all been there and I know I've certainly done more than my fair share of stupid, dumb, moronic things (A LOT) and time moves forward and people move on.

Offline genesisone

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Re: I'm really stupid.
« Reply #10 on: April 28, 2014, 03:31:09 PM »
Lord, have mercy.

Please understand that you are not alone. You are in good company  :).

Offline Opus118

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Re: I'm really stupid.
« Reply #11 on: April 28, 2014, 03:41:53 PM »
Lord, have mercy.
"Mi tío es enfermo, pero la carretera es verde!" - old Chilean saying

Offline LizaSymonenko

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Re: I'm really stupid.
« Reply #12 on: April 28, 2014, 04:00:09 PM »
Lord, have mercy!
Conquer evil men by your gentle kindness, and make zealous men wonder at your goodness. Put the lover of legality to shame by your compassion. With the afflicted be afflicted in mind. Love all men, but keep distant from all men.
—St. Isaac of Syria

Offline SolEX01

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Re: I'm really stupid.
« Reply #13 on: April 28, 2014, 04:03:59 PM »
Lord have mercy.

Offline Maria

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Re: I'm really stupid.
« Reply #14 on: April 28, 2014, 04:06:34 PM »
Lord have mercy.
The memory of God should be treasured in our hearts like the precious pearl mentioned in the Holy Gospel. Our life's goal should be to nurture and contemplate God always within, and never let it depart, for this steadfastness will drive demons away from us. - Paraphrased from St. Philotheus of Sinai
Writings from the Philokalia: On Prayer of the Heart,
Translated from the Russian by E. Kadloubovksy and G.E.H. Palmer, Faber and Faber, London, Boston, 1992 printing.

Offline Laird

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Re: I'm really stupid.
« Reply #15 on: April 28, 2014, 05:18:25 PM »
Lord, have mercy.
"Do not deceive yourself with idle hopes that in the world to come you will find life if you have not tried to find it in this present world." - Theophanis the Monk

Offline Tikhon.of.Colorado

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Re: I'm really stupid.
« Reply #16 on: April 28, 2014, 08:10:19 PM »
Dear all -

It's been a while.  I hope you all are well.  I don't know where you all are in the world, but my corner of the US is experiencing crazy weather.  If your area is experiencing similar conditions, I hope you're safe and sound under our Lord's protection. 

I have made so many mistakes.  Here they are.  I am really ashamed of myself, but I needed to get this out...

-On the 9th of February, I joined the Roman Catholic Church.  I wanted to fit in better with my devout RC friends here at college.  Joining the RCC, the Church of my grandmother who first introduced me to Christ, has been on my mind since before I converted to Orthodoxy.  I think I needed to experience this.  I didn't see how flawed the RCC is, and how Orthodox I truly am in my way of thinking, until I saw it from the inside.  Even so, it was so stupid.  I forsook my family at Church, my Mother the Church and the relationship I had with my Father in Heaven to better fit in with people that, I later found out, aren't the type I want to fit in with.  I'm not one of them, no matter how much I try.

-I had an issue where I was at my lowest point.  There is this guy who loves to point out how effeminate I am and how gay I act.  He likes to think of himself as the most manly man ever, and even corrects people on what they're doing wrong in Church.  In reality, he's bisexual and has been hooking up with guys.  Once I found evidence, I wanted to use it against him sooooo badly.  I am not a vengeful person.  This was a really new experience.  I can't even hang out with him anymore because all I want to do is tell him what a hypocrite he is. 

-I've been dealing with terrible migraines.  I have medicine for them, but it doesn't always help.  They hurt to the point of tears, and have stopped me from going to class several times.  Luckily, my professors are very understanding.

-I've been diagnosed with dyslexia (dyscalculia.)  Before I was diagnosed, I failed the most basic level of math at my university twice.  Tutor was no help.  I feel like an absolute moron, but I'm told that I will get a more competent tutor next year.  Thankfully, my scholarship understands.

-I'm dealing with pretty bad depression.  My therapist helps, but sometimes I just want everything to stop for a while.  I guess this is normal, but it feels like my life is going too fast for me, and I can't seem to catch up, no matter how hard I try.

Father, my godmother, and my godfather understand.  I don't know how they can put up with me.  I'm meeting Father for coffee next week, and will be returning to the Church.  This will be the second time I've left.  Now that i got the RCC out of my system (as disgusting as that is to say) I feel better.  I need my Church back.  It literally feels like I'm starved for the liturgy. 

The semester ends this week.  Then I have summer.  I need a break from everything and everyone soooo much. 

I'm going to the monastery for a while this summer.  I need the quiet.  Everything is too loud for me right now, and I'm having trouble dealing with it.  I feel like I actually dislike myself.  I've never felt that way before.  I need to leave for a while.

I realize I need to slow down.  Especially with my faith.  I can't keep telling myself I'm going to become a monk, priest, whatever, and the CONSUME myself with theology, listen to nothing but hymns, and be in Church at each service.  I can't keep that up, or I'll burn out, and the cycle will continue. 

I feel broken. 

P.S. - I've been a grade A bum face to several of you.  You were my friends, and I apologize.  Liza, especially you.  I love you like my sister.  I'll private message you soon and we can chat once the craziness of finals is over.  I'm so sorry.  Please forgive me.

Offline SolEX01

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Re: I'm really stupid.
« Reply #17 on: April 28, 2014, 08:15:05 PM »
May God forgive us all.   :angel:

Offline Maximum Bob

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Re: I'm really stupid.
« Reply #18 on: April 28, 2014, 08:21:02 PM »
Seventy times seven, welcome back. Lord, have mercy on your servant.
Psalm 37:23 The Lord guides a man safely in the way he should go.

Prov. 3: 5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths.

Offline katherineofdixie

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Re: I'm really stupid.
« Reply #19 on: April 28, 2014, 08:23:04 PM »
Trevor- I'm so proud of you!
You're dealing with so much - enough to bring anyone to their knees, and yet you're smart enough to know what's wrong and where you need to be.
God forgives.
I'll pray for you.
"If but ten of us lead a holy life, we shall kindle a fire which shall light up the entire city."

 St. John Chrysostom

Offline marigold

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Re: I'm really stupid.
« Reply #20 on: April 28, 2014, 09:08:59 PM »
Lord, have mercy on Trevor.

Offline Alpo

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Re: I'm really stupid.
« Reply #21 on: April 29, 2014, 12:17:55 AM »
Lord, gave mercy. Welcome back. :)

 There is this guy who loves to point out how effeminate I am and how gay I act.

The guy is a moron. Nothing wrong with being masculine/effeminate/whatever but boasting and mocking other people on basis of that is idiotic.
But the stranger that dwelleth with you shall be unto you as one born among you, and thou shalt love him as thyself; for ye were strangers in the land of Egypt: I am the LORD your God.
Leviticus 19:34

Offline genesisone

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Re: I'm really stupid.
« Reply #22 on: April 29, 2014, 10:44:39 AM »
Trevor, I'm humbled by your transparency with us. Thank you for your courage in sharing so openly. May God grant you and your priest wisdom as you follow the path of salvation.

Offline Hawkeye

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Re: I'm really stupid.
« Reply #23 on: April 29, 2014, 03:02:00 PM »
Lord have mercy.
"Take heed, you who listen to me: Our misfortune is inevitable, we cannot escape it. If God allows scandals, it is that the elect shall be revealed. Let them be burned, let them be purified, let them who have been tried be made manifest among you."   - The Life of the Archpriest Avvakum by Himself

Offline Maria

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Re: I'm really stupid.
« Reply #24 on: May 28, 2014, 08:53:56 PM »
Lord have mercy.

Know that I am praying for you.
The memory of God should be treasured in our hearts like the precious pearl mentioned in the Holy Gospel. Our life's goal should be to nurture and contemplate God always within, and never let it depart, for this steadfastness will drive demons away from us. - Paraphrased from St. Philotheus of Sinai
Writings from the Philokalia: On Prayer of the Heart,
Translated from the Russian by E. Kadloubovksy and G.E.H. Palmer, Faber and Faber, London, Boston, 1992 printing.