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Author Topic: What's it Like Being Alone Forever?  (Read 2506 times) Average Rating: 0
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« Reply #45 on: May 11, 2014, 12:49:12 PM »

James, your question's a valuable one. St. Paul seems to have warned against marriage and urged everyone to consider celibacy (I Cor 7). Myself, I lived intentionally alone until almost forty. It was painful and purifying. Unfortunately, I was not only celibate and chaste, but really without companionship, being outside the Church and having no real friends or even contact with family. I think this is not healthy and is why my plans were ultimately undone. A human soul is created to have companionship and support or it simply becomes deranged, one way or other, with time.
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« Reply #46 on: May 11, 2014, 04:12:50 PM »

I'm relatively young, but as I get older, the desire for intimacy, not necessarily sexual intimacy, becomes more and more of an issue.  For all intents and purposes I'll live the rest of my life alone.  In my early and mid twenties it wasn't a problem at all, but when I turned 28, something shifted within me.  I yearn for companionship.  Not just friends or family, but something else (again, nothing sexual), but have not found it.  These last few months have been rough to say the least.  There is a void in my heart and unfortunately, despite constant prayer over this issue, the Lord has found it wise not to reveal His will to me.  It is soul crushing in a sense.  I have never been one to cry, but these days it is a weekly event.  James, you are young.  Who knows what will happen?  Who knows God's will for your life?  I don't even know His will for my life.  Most of the time the spiritual life is spent in the desert.  It is arid and consolation is hard to come by, but one must remain faithful and not give in to despondency, no matter how tempting it is.  If your desire for singleness is related to pathological issues, I pray the Lord provides healing to you.  If it is His will for you, I pray that He provides you the consolation and the endurance to live His will out to the very end.  The road is truly narrow.  I know first hand.  One must trust in God and His All Pure Mother and remain in prayer about these things, even when it appears the prayers aren't heard.  Never stop praying.  The moment you do, the evil one will consume you with thoughts and will toss you to and fro.  Be watchful.  Guard your heart.  Trust in the Lord.  Pray for belief even when you can't bring yourself to believe.  The Lord is the fountain of mercy and His Mother, the consolation of sinners.  None is perfect save the Lord.  Give Him your best and He will grant you rest, even if it isn't in this life time.  Bleak as it sounds, it is a matter of fact for many people throughout the world.  God be with you.
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« Reply #47 on: May 11, 2014, 05:04:36 PM »

The last long term relationship I was in ended about five years ago. Since that time I had one shorter relationship with a girl, contact with her after that ended, and plenty of contact with other people. I have also had plenty of time to think about my relationships with all manner of people since childhood. And I have pretty much realised that everyone would be better off, me included, if I didn't enter into such relationships again for the next 35 years of my life (or however long I have). That is what will be most natural and healthy for me. Not 'forever alone,' though, as I expect heaven or hell to be decidedly different than earth.
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« Reply #48 on: May 13, 2014, 02:05:28 PM »

I think it's also important to distinguish between not being married or in a serious relationship and being totally isolated.  Being totally isolated is not healthy and the desire to do so, in my opinion, is probably due to deeper issues aka 'abnormal'.  Not being married or having a desire to, on the other hand, I don't think is abnormal if the person has a good relationship with their peers, colleagues, community etc.. 

You can still have a happy life without a wife (or husband).
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« Reply #49 on: May 14, 2014, 04:57:28 AM »

Ionnis is right about companionship, intimacy and all that. There is something that cannot fill that gap and it will only get bigger with time, and as long as you have that gap you are not normal.
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« Reply #50 on: May 14, 2014, 11:48:50 AM »

'not normal' = 'not of this world'   Cool
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« Reply #51 on: May 14, 2014, 03:01:59 PM »

I won't say anything new...

but I just can't imagine myself being alone forever, although I haven't been in any relationship so I'm really afraid (yes, I'm just 22,5 so very young) regarding this area of my life. But well, if, let's say, until the age of 40 I don't find anybody to marry, I will go to a monastery. But probably it would ruin me or I would ruin the monastery in a few weeks Tongue

I've met some people being alone ie. not in any relationship and they weren't happy, e.g I had an uncle - good man, but alone, and in the last years of his life he just lost motivation, so he died relatively young - at the age of 65.

God has created us in such way (just see the Genesis) that as some of you mentioned, we need some intimacy (not only in sexual sense, although it's also important) and, well, a soulmate too (I mean, it's not only about touching, hugging etc. because we're also spiritual beings). And family and friends can fill this necessity in some way, but not fully.

Of course the only exception - at least for me -are monks and nuns. But it's a kind of blessing for them, a way to salvation. It seems that Church gives as two ways - marriage or monasticism.
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« Reply #52 on: May 14, 2014, 03:51:56 PM »

What then of widows, who neither remarry nor join a monastery, living a single life for decades?
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« Reply #53 on: May 14, 2014, 03:54:18 PM »

What then of widows, who neither remarry nor join a monastery, living a single life for decades?

I see nothing wrong with that.
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« Reply #54 on: May 14, 2014, 03:54:35 PM »

What then of widows, who neither remarry nor join a monastery, living a single life for decades?


There are other possible permutations...

ie.  even if I had the desire to enter a monastery, I am currently in hock with student loans.....because obviously life did not go as planned and i did not get married....but i also could not currently be a monastic.

modern era.....Smiley
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« Reply #55 on: May 14, 2014, 03:57:35 PM »

What then of widows, who neither remarry nor join a monastery, living a single life for decades?


There are other possible permutations...

ie.  even if I had the desire to enter a monastery, I am currently in hock with student loans.....because obviously life did not go as planned and i did not get married....but i also could not currently be a monastic.

modern era.....Smiley

I thought monasteries had tons of money to repay people's student loans.

I kid, I kid.
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« Reply #56 on: May 14, 2014, 03:59:36 PM »

What then of widows, who neither remarry nor join a monastery, living a single life for decades?


There are other possible permutations...

ie.  even if I had the desire to enter a monastery, I am currently in hock with student loans.....because obviously life did not go as planned and i did not get married....but i also could not currently be a monastic.

modern era.....Smiley

I thought monasteries had tons of money to repay people's student loans.

I kid, I kid.


hahah if they did...sign me right up...

but seriously...its not practical for me to contemplate....even if i lived under a freeway overpass and spent -no- money and just paid off loans....it would still be -years- before i would be paid off.

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« Reply #57 on: May 14, 2014, 04:03:00 PM »

What then of widows, who neither remarry nor join a monastery, living a single life for decades?


There are other possible permutations...

ie.  even if I had the desire to enter a monastery, I am currently in hock with student loans.....because obviously life did not go as planned and i did not get married....but i also could not currently be a monastic.

modern era.....Smiley

I thought monasteries had tons of money to repay people's student loans.

I kid, I kid.


hahah if they did...sign me right up...

but seriously...its not practical for me to contemplate....even if i lived under a freeway overpass and spent -no- money and just paid off loans....it would still be -years- before i would be paid off.


I'm diggin myself deeper into that pit.  Yayyyyyyyyyyyyy Undecided
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« Reply #58 on: May 14, 2014, 04:05:21 PM »

I paid mine off, a long time ago.  Helps when I only had $12,800 in student loan debt.   angel

Just think now when colleges are over $60K a year.   Shocked
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« Reply #59 on: May 14, 2014, 04:10:41 PM »

I'm independently wealthy.  I paid my student loans in cash. In Gold American Eagle $50 pieces. Using the face value rather than bullion weight value.  That's how I roll.

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« Reply #60 on: May 14, 2014, 04:15:31 PM »

I'm independently wealthy.  I paid my student loans in cash. In Gold American Eagle $50 pieces. Using the face value rather than bullion weight value.  That's how I roll.




adopt me!
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« Reply #61 on: May 14, 2014, 04:17:17 PM »

What then of widows, who neither remarry nor join a monastery, living a single life for decades?

I see nothing wrong with that.

I was thinking of the last line in the post that Dominika made, which I understand is a position not uncommon, but which to me doesn't seem to take into account the diversity allowed in Christianity. Some people are better off in neither marriage (or remarriage) nor monasticism. Since I increasingly feel that way about my own situation, I am perhaps a bit sensitive when it comes to discussing it.  angel
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« Reply #62 on: May 14, 2014, 04:21:05 PM »

I'm independently wealthy.  I paid my student loans in cash. In Gold American Eagle $50 pieces. Using the face value rather than bullion weight value.  That's how I roll.




adopt me!

You want an albatross around your figurehead's neck too? angel
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« Reply #63 on: May 15, 2014, 12:11:27 AM »

umm, what's the going rate at a wig-maker's shop for 'naturally curly hair'?
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« Reply #64 on: May 15, 2014, 12:45:18 AM »

alone? if you read the psalms, "Thou hast caused lover and friend to shun me; my companions are in darkness." Psalm 88.

Hermits and monks seek solitary life.
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« Reply #65 on: May 15, 2014, 03:59:51 PM »

but your quote is rather mirror image; isn't it (They) shun me as opposed to (I) shun them
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« Reply #66 on: May 15, 2014, 04:02:42 PM »

alone? if you read the psalms, "Thou hast caused lover and friend to shun me; my companions are in darkness." Psalm 88.

Hermits and monks seek solitary life.

I don't think that is is what they do. They live in companionship with each other in the monastery.
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« Reply #67 on: May 15, 2014, 04:03:49 PM »

alone? if you read the psalms, "Thou hast caused lover and friend to shun me; my companions are in darkness." Psalm 88.

Hermits and monks seek solitary life.

I don't think that is is what they do. They live in companionship with each other in the monastery.


There are both kinds.....
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Great googly moogly!


« Reply #68 on: May 15, 2014, 04:56:17 PM »

I do not think anyone can really ever truly be completely alone. Even if you find a deserted island, someone is bound to show up, maybe to build a resort, but you get the idea, it is actually difficult.

On the other hand the human mind can be a terrible thing sometimes.

We must therefore try with all our might to love God, and then our neighbor, whatever or whoever they might be, forget ourselves and find others who need help.
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« Reply #69 on: May 15, 2014, 07:40:27 PM »

What then of widows, who neither remarry nor join a monastery, living a single life for decades?

This seems like it was more or less a monastic order in the early church.
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« Reply #70 on: May 15, 2014, 10:22:18 PM »

fish n chips  police
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« Reply #71 on: May 15, 2014, 10:47:39 PM »

What then of widows, who neither remarry nor join a monastery, living a single life for decades?


There are other possible permutations...

ie.  even if I had the desire to enter a monastery, I am currently in hock with student loans.....because obviously life did not go as planned and i did not get married....but i also could not currently be a monastic.

modern era.....Smiley

I thought monasteries had tons of money to repay people's student loans.

I kid, I kid.


hahah if they did...sign me right up...

but seriously...its not practical for me to contemplate....even if i lived under a freeway overpass and spent -no- money and just paid off loans....it would still be -years- before i would be paid off.



I should have my student loans paid off within four years.
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« Reply #72 on: May 15, 2014, 10:49:30 PM »

unless i can speed up the payments at some point...

I will pay them off 2 years before i can retire.


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« Reply #73 on: May 16, 2014, 02:10:46 AM »

'not normal' = 'not of this world'   Cool

there is no other world

i would be concerned
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« Reply #74 on: May 16, 2014, 10:30:19 AM »

I could probably pay them off in 15 years if I really tried hard.

I'm not trying hard.
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« Reply #75 on: May 16, 2014, 10:58:11 AM »

'not normal' = 'not of this world'   Cool

there is no other world

Not yet... . .
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« Reply #76 on: May 16, 2014, 11:28:23 AM »


So, I am alone...and yet, not alone.

Unlike JamesR who wishes to be alone, I always had envisioned a hubby and kids, and a white picket fence, etc.

However, my stipulation was he be Orthodox. 

Over the years, my Orthodox Prince Charming managed to get himself lost in the woods, then his white charger lost a shoe and delayed him even longer, and then just as he was about to ride in to my village, he met a dairy maid and fell in love with her, before ever meeting me.  Wink

Needless to say, he never made it to my doorstep.

So, what am I to do.....melt in a puddle of regrets, of self pity, etc?

Nonsense.

I didn't choose to be "alone".  I actually went out "looking"...but, they were either too young, too old, or otherwise occupied.  What's a girl to do?

I cannot say it didn't bother me...it did.  I was truly envious of the married couples, I hated Valentines day, etc.  I often wondered why the boys in my parish opted to marry outside the Church, and left not only me, but, other Orthodox girls behind.

I now realize I was wrong in feeling "jilted"....my life is sooooo full and rich....and I am definitely NOT alone.

Sure, I don't have a hubby and kids of my own....but, I still have a loving family surrounding me.  I have chosen to busy myself at my parish and at other Orthodox parishes. I teach classes and therefore, am constantly surrounded by children of all ages.  I have more friends than I can shake a stick at....and honestly not enough time in the day to fulfill my obligations.

My cup definitely runneth over, and I cannot complain about being "alone".  It was not my choice....it was God's choice for me.

Glory to God and thanks for all things.

He truly does know what is best for us.

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« Reply #77 on: May 16, 2014, 11:39:46 AM »

Liza, your post emanates with a joy that practically jumps off my screen.  Thank you.

Indeed, glory to God for all things.
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« Reply #78 on: May 16, 2014, 07:16:16 PM »

Liza, your post emanates with a joy that practically jumps off my screen.  Thank you.

Indeed, glory to God for all things.

Liza is one of the true treasures of this forum. Mnogaya lyeta!  Kiss
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« Reply #79 on: May 17, 2014, 12:05:34 AM »

I don't like to go into much details about such a personal topic, but sexually also I think that total abstinence and solitude is the only option for me. I'd never be able to commit to one woman and if I did I'd probably end up resenting and hating her in the long run.
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« Reply #80 on: May 17, 2014, 05:37:21 AM »


So, I am alone...and yet, not alone.

Unlike JamesR who wishes to be alone, I always had envisioned a hubby and kids, and a white picket fence, etc.

However, my stipulation was he be Orthodox. 

Over the years, my Orthodox Prince Charming managed to get himself lost in the woods, then his white charger lost a shoe and delayed him even longer, and then just as he was about to ride in to my village, he met a dairy maid and fell in love with her, before ever meeting me.  Wink

Needless to say, he never made it to my doorstep.

So, what am I to do.....melt in a puddle of regrets, of self pity, etc?

Nonsense.

I didn't choose to be "alone".  I actually went out "looking"...but, they were either too young, too old, or otherwise occupied.  What's a girl to do?

I cannot say it didn't bother me...it did.  I was truly envious of the married couples, I hated Valentines day, etc.  I often wondered why the boys in my parish opted to marry outside the Church, and left not only me, but, other Orthodox girls behind.

I now realize I was wrong in feeling "jilted"....my life is sooooo full and rich....and I am definitely NOT alone.

Sure, I don't have a hubby and kids of my own....but, I still have a loving family surrounding me.  I have chosen to busy myself at my parish and at other Orthodox parishes. I teach classes and therefore, am constantly surrounded by children of all ages.  I have more friends than I can shake a stick at....and honestly not enough time in the day to fulfill my obligations.

My cup definitely runneth over, and I cannot complain about being "alone".  It was not my choice....it was God's choice for me.

Glory to God and thanks for all things.

He truly does know what is best for us.



Hey, I am here Smiley))
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