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Author Topic: What's it Like Being Alone Forever?  (Read 2534 times) Average Rating: 0
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JamesR
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« on: April 25, 2014, 06:49:50 PM »

Serious question, what is it like to be alone forever? To never be married or in a relationship and to never have a family. Many people have a negative view of such a lifestyle, but it's something that strangely appeals to me. Maybe it's for reasons relating to my childhood, experiences with women, and other issues I have that I'm working out in therapy, but I honestly have literally no desire for human companionship whatsoever. I cannot see anything positive that I would get from being married or having a family. On the other hand, I can see several negatives and pitfalls. One being that I would be stuck with one woman forever that I may grow to hate and resent after years of never having time alone and possibly having to deal with some of the same issues with her that I went through with my father. Then I'd also have to spend another large portion of my life raising children (which I already semi-did growing up in regards to my siblings) and deal with a lifetime of grandchildren, BBQs, holiday get-togethers and other family group things that I really don't like.

To some degree, I just want total solace and isolation. I want to have as little human interaction as possible. The thought of living alone forever--of having really no responsibilities and human relations except for work--is something that appeals to me greatly. I'd have the freedom to do whatever I want--like have lobster and waffles for the same meal, or stay up until 4:00AM reading, take two-hour showers to relax, etc. I'd have no tears or confusion coming from human interaction. No screaming children or angry wife to tend to. No sleepless nights and no constant anxiety. Money would be less of a problem, I could travel halfway across the country over the weekend on a whim just to get a burrito, etc.

Why don't more people do this? Is there something abnormal about me wanting to be alone forever? I never had a girlfriend growing up, and I've never had much of a desire for human relations and interaction. Even in college right now, I've yet to go on one date or make any effort to attract women. I feel very relieved, knowing that I'll never end up like the massive amount of people I know who are divorced, or locked in miserable marriages, or prematurely stuck with children because they had unprotected sex with their first partner.
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« Reply #1 on: April 25, 2014, 06:57:27 PM »

Quote
I never had a girlfriend growing up,

1. You're only 18. Your life has barely started.

2. Are you grown up?
« Last Edit: April 25, 2014, 06:58:09 PM by LBK » Logged
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« Reply #2 on: April 25, 2014, 07:03:48 PM »

You are here, so you are seeking companionship a little, which is fine. You sound normal to me. Everyone is different. Chill out, time is on your side.
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« Reply #3 on: April 25, 2014, 07:04:36 PM »

Well.

I have tried relationships so I can't say I have always been alone.

But I often am and will no longer seek out super close relationships other than family. Not because I don't want to.

But because I am so defective as it to be a futile thing. And sometimes the stability of knowing there won't be a huge dramatic mess, is worth more in peace than the attempt.

But I am 43. I am allowed to decide that. Wink
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« Reply #4 on: April 25, 2014, 07:27:40 PM »

Free time is awful, because you end up spending it on oc.net. I hope I have 7 kids and never have a second's rest.
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« Reply #5 on: April 25, 2014, 07:30:54 PM »

Free time is awful, because you end up spending it on oc.net. I hope I have 7 kids and never have a second's rest.

Be careful for what you wish for ....
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« Reply #6 on: April 25, 2014, 07:31:52 PM »

I had a girlfriend 7 years ago, it lasted about a month, I think. Also, how does a date even work? Are there special date rules you have to follow?

James, I think you should relax and stop trying to plan every aspect of your life before you have even turned 20. You don't have to make such a decision now.
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« Reply #7 on: April 25, 2014, 07:34:17 PM »

I feel very relieved, knowing that I'll never end up like the massive amount of people I know who are divorced, or locked in miserable marriages, or prematurely stuck with children because they had unprotected sex with their first partner.

I recall myself saying that at 17 once.....

Two kids and an ex husband later, meh.

You should realize the 18 year old you and the 30 year old you will most likely not be the same person with the same reasoning.
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« Reply #8 on: April 25, 2014, 08:29:44 PM »

Serious question, what is it like to be alone forever? To never be married or in a relationship and to never have a family. Many people have a negative view of such a lifestyle, but it's something that strangely appeals to me. Maybe it's for reasons relating to my childhood, experiences with women, and other issues I have that I'm working out in therapy, but I honestly have literally no desire for human companionship whatsoever. I cannot see anything positive that I would get from being married or having a family. On the other hand, I can see several negatives and pitfalls. One being that I would be stuck with one woman forever that I may grow to hate and resent after years of never having time alone and possibly having to deal with some of the same issues with her that I went through with my father. Then I'd also have to spend another large portion of my life raising children (which I already semi-did growing up in regards to my siblings) and deal with a lifetime of grandchildren, BBQs, holiday get-togethers and other family group things that I really don't like.

To some degree, I just want total solace and isolation. I want to have as little human interaction as possible. The thought of living alone forever--of having really no responsibilities and human relations except for work--is something that appeals to me greatly. I'd have the freedom to do whatever I want--like have lobster and waffles for the same meal, or stay up until 4:00AM reading, take two-hour showers to relax, etc. I'd have no tears or confusion coming from human interaction. No screaming children or angry wife to tend to. No sleepless nights and no constant anxiety. Money would be less of a problem, I could travel halfway across the country over the weekend on a whim just to get a burrito, etc.

Why don't more people do this? Is there something abnormal about me wanting to be alone forever? I never had a girlfriend growing up, and I've never had much of a desire for human relations and interaction. Even in college right now, I've yet to go on one date or make any effort to attract women. I feel very relieved, knowing that I'll never end up like the massive amount of people I know who are divorced, or locked in miserable marriages, or prematurely stuck with children because they had unprotected sex with their first partner.

This is staggering.

I think it would be abnormal, but as was pointed out, you reach out here plenty so you have plenty desire for relations and interaction.

I wish nothing for you but noisy, annoying kids like mine. Trust me it's a blessing.
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« Reply #9 on: April 25, 2014, 08:39:18 PM »

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with people who don’t have a spouse and/or family, but I think you ought to examine your motivations. Your post indicates pretty clearly that you want to be able to do whatever you want to do whenever you want to do it. I’m not throwing stones at you for that, we all want that whether we admit it or not. Welcome to human nature. However, Christianity is about a life of service to others in some way. If for you that isn’t a family, then it needs to be in some other form. When St. Paul speaks of working out our salvation, I don’t think he had lounging around while eating lobster and waffles together in mind  Wink (also: ew). My point is: we don’t live to serve ourselves. Maybe having a wife and a family isn’t something God has called you to, and maybe it is. Who can say? You have plenty of time to discern and decide these things. While you do, consider what it means to pick up your cross and die to yourself, and see what small ways you can do that in your everyday life.
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« Reply #10 on: April 25, 2014, 08:58:27 PM »

No such luck for JamesR. He'll end up with one or more kids JUST like him.  Cheesy
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« Reply #11 on: April 28, 2014, 02:59:26 AM »

St. Paul eating  -- lobsters???
He was a "Pharisee of Pharisees"
and lobsters were/are

UNCLEAN!

and by the way, ZZ, your ew = my 'yum!'  just pass the Béarnaise please....
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« Reply #12 on: April 28, 2014, 04:30:48 AM »

It's not abnormal at all. Some people are made for solitude and serving God and society in this way, by becoming witnesses to peace and lack of worldliness. The hard part is deciding if that is really who you are.
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« Reply #13 on: April 28, 2014, 05:42:38 AM »

Alone while on Earth but united with people in Heaven after death
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« Reply #14 on: April 28, 2014, 06:52:29 AM »

James
I've been alone for years but have now been married with 2 kids for years also, and I'm quite introverted.
I can honestly say I feel better not being alone, although I do have moments of wishing I had the responsibilities of a single life.
Deep within our souls is a yearning to be in the bosom of an adored Family.
Even Monks and ascetics desire to be in union with Christ.
Being old and alone is surely a terrifying thought for most people, even the Saints, after their time in the wilderness, resumed contact with humanity.
You may find as you get older, your feelings change on this idea.
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« Reply #15 on: April 28, 2014, 03:37:53 PM »

This thread reminds me of an english teacher who gave the class an assignment of writing who they thought was the person in the class who was the biggest loner.

Turns out almost  everyone thought of themselves as the biggest loner.
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« Reply #16 on: April 28, 2014, 04:36:48 PM »

"It is not good for man to be alone"
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« Reply #17 on: April 29, 2014, 01:45:58 AM »

To some degree, I just want total solace and isolation. I want to have as little human interaction as possible. The thought of living alone forever--of having really no responsibilities and human relations except for work--is something that appeals to me greatly. I'd have the freedom to do whatever I want--like have lobster and waffles for the same meal, or stay up until 4:00AM reading, take two-hour showers to relax, etc. I'd have no tears or confusion coming from human interaction. No screaming children or angry wife to tend to. No sleepless nights and no constant anxiety. Money would be less of a problem, I could travel halfway across the country over the weekend on a whim just to get a burrito, etc.

Overall, sounds selfish; you would have confusion coming from your own self; and sleepless nights....it's worse when all you have are your thoughts.

But, it's not weird or unique to want to be alone and get away from everybody at times.
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« Reply #18 on: April 29, 2014, 04:10:15 AM »

Yes it is abnormal. People are made to interact. You're feeling like this because you are not mature enough. You must make efforts to socialise. Socialising and interacting with people will make you understand life better and see it more clearly. All human beings are the same and have the same needs. The rest is…

It is not normal to feel like this, it is normal to think of this as you are growing up. A grown up person is one who understands society and human relationships.

Human relationships don't mean what you said there. Cultural things do not define human relationships but vital needs and feelings do. Not all humans do barbecues on Sundays, others prefer swimming, others mountain biking , relaxing, fishing and a whole lot of range activities.. When u look at things in monotonic ways life is boring. You must know and understand that there is more to do in life than what you know and what is out there. We all have the same material(humanity) to work with and which can be shaped in different multiple ways.
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« Reply #19 on: April 29, 2014, 04:52:03 AM »

A grown up person is one who understands society and human relationships.

Then there aren't many grown ups in the world.
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« Reply #20 on: April 29, 2014, 05:11:00 AM »

I've been alone (more or less) most of my life. Certainly, you could say I've been a shut-in right on to the present day. I can't imagine what life would be like if this was the case forever.

A great portion of the people I grew up with are already married or on their way, with some having tied the knot before even having finished high school. Call it envy but, whether such early marriages are misguided or not, all this "being alone" stuff on my part is starting to be a little tiresome.
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« Reply #21 on: April 29, 2014, 06:31:27 AM »

A grown up person is one who understands society and human relationships.

Then there aren't many grown ups in the world.

Not amongst your generation.
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« Reply #22 on: April 29, 2014, 08:42:24 AM »

A grown up person is one who understands society and human relationships.

Then there aren't many grown ups in the world.

Not amongst your generation.

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« Reply #23 on: April 29, 2014, 08:52:00 AM »

I used to want to be alone, but my mind changed. I realized that my main motivation was self-indulgence: I can read, sleep, eat, drink whenever I want, without obligations to family or other people. It could be that you are called to a life of celibacy rather than marriage, but whatever path you choose, you will need to interact with others in order to be a complete human being and a complete Christian.
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« Reply #24 on: April 29, 2014, 12:44:54 PM »


Why don't more people do this? Is there something abnormal about me wanting to be alone forever? I never had a girlfriend growing up, and I've never had much of a desire for human relations and interaction. Even in college right now, I've yet to go on one date or make any effort to attract women. I feel very relieved, knowing that I'll never end up like the massive amount of people I know who are divorced, or locked in miserable marriages, or prematurely stuck with children because they had unprotected sex with their first partner.

Your in college now?  How long have I been gone?  Huh

Where are you going?
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« Reply #25 on: April 29, 2014, 12:47:12 PM »


Why don't more people do this? Is there something abnormal about me wanting to be alone forever? I never had a girlfriend growing up, and I've never had much of a desire for human relations and interaction. Even in college right now, I've yet to go on one date or make any effort to attract women. I feel very relieved, knowing that I'll never end up like the massive amount of people I know who are divorced, or locked in miserable marriages, or prematurely stuck with children because they had unprotected sex with their first partner.

Your in college now?  How long have I been gone?  Huh

Where are you going?


Far too long.

You have been sorely missed.
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« Reply #26 on: April 29, 2014, 03:11:54 PM »


Why don't more people do this? Is there something abnormal about me wanting to be alone forever? I never had a girlfriend growing up, and I've never had much of a desire for human relations and interaction. Even in college right now, I've yet to go on one date or make any effort to attract women. I feel very relieved, knowing that I'll never end up like the massive amount of people I know who are divorced, or locked in miserable marriages, or prematurely stuck with children because they had unprotected sex with their first partner.

Your in college now?  How long have I been gone?  Huh

Where are you going?


Far too long.

You have been sorely missed.
Really?  I shall go ask orthonorm, I'm sure he can set that one straight. lol

He is still around, right?  I can't imagine the extent of his disappointment to see my name re-emerge.  Cheesy
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« Reply #27 on: April 29, 2014, 03:13:55 PM »


Why don't more people do this? Is there something abnormal about me wanting to be alone forever? I never had a girlfriend growing up, and I've never had much of a desire for human relations and interaction. Even in college right now, I've yet to go on one date or make any effort to attract women. I feel very relieved, knowing that I'll never end up like the massive amount of people I know who are divorced, or locked in miserable marriages, or prematurely stuck with children because they had unprotected sex with their first partner.

Your in college now?  How long have I been gone?  Huh

Where are you going?


Far too long.

You have been sorely missed.
Really?  I shall go ask orthonorm, I'm sure he can set that one straight. lol

He is still around, right?  I can't imagine the extent of his disappointment to see my name re-emerge.  Cheesy

thats one....PLEASE do not invoke the Beetlejuice...
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« Reply #28 on: April 29, 2014, 03:16:06 PM »

lol, I missed everyone here.  Even orthonorm.  Kiss
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« Reply #29 on: April 29, 2014, 03:24:46 PM »

lol, I missed everyone here.  Even orthonorm.  Kiss

Now, that's saying something. Wink
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« Reply #30 on: April 29, 2014, 03:38:40 PM »

James,

I totally understand the forever alone but happy about it feels.  I felt that way since my parents got divorced.  The thought of close relationships, even romantic ones, didn't appeal to me.  I was just being silly, though.  I was grieving over what I saw as the loss of my family.  Those of us who come from nontraditional family situations experience this, I think, at one or another point in our lives. 

I've never had an actual relationship.  When I was younger, as I said, I hated the idea.  Then I gained lodes of weight and was too insecure.  Finally as I become healthier and more confident, I realize I'm not a ladies' man.  It's just never really worked out for me.  I know I won't be in a relationship that has a romantic/sexual aspect, just because it would be against my peace of mind.  I've tried it, and it's honestly not for me. As much as I would love to go out and have hookups and what-not, like my friends, I just can't.  It's not who I am.

However, it is not natural, nor God's plan, for people to be alone.  Even those of us for whom celibacy is a real and probable reality, extreme solitude is not necessarily a part of that (hopefully not, anyway.)  There can be intimacy outside of romantic and/or sexual relationships.  There's intimacy between people in monastic communities, between family members in a home, between people who worship together, or even people who work together.  This is where we need to find intimacy, especially if we're experiencing celibacy. 

So, in short, while it's not strange for you to say you want to be forever alone, it's an entirely different situation when you're actually living this out.  You'll see that you need companionship and intimacy.  We all do.  Solitude, while it's nice as a break from life once in a while, is easier said than done in the context of a lifetime.

I'm inclined to tell you to check out this song/video.  It always cheers me up when the whole celibacy thing gets me down. 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S5C8D2hI6UY

Don't plan to be alone.  If it's something that the Lord wants for you, He'll give it to you in doses you can handle.  Don't go and seek out this sort of thing, it's really not good for you.
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« Reply #31 on: April 29, 2014, 03:49:29 PM »

Free time is awful, because you end up spending it on oc.net.

I can verify this. 



That's since I was 14.

What is my life?
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« Reply #32 on: April 29, 2014, 04:29:05 PM »

No such luck for JamesR. He'll end up with one or more kids JUST like him.  Cheesy

How unfortunate for him and for us!
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« Reply #33 on: April 29, 2014, 04:39:14 PM »

No such luck for JamesR. He'll end up with one or more kids JUST like him.  Cheesy

How unfortunate for him and for us!

But how just! laugh
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« Reply #34 on: April 29, 2014, 06:23:43 PM »

James,

I totally understand the forever alone but happy about it feels.  I felt that way since my parents got divorced.  The thought of close relationships, even romantic ones, didn't appeal to me.  I was just being silly, though.  I was grieving over what I saw as the loss of my family.  Those of us who come from nontraditional family situations experience this, I think, at one or another point in our lives. 

I've never had an actual relationship.  When I was younger, as I said, I hated the idea.  Then I gained lodes of weight and was too insecure.  Finally as I become healthier and more confident, I realize I'm not a ladies' man.  It's just never really worked out for me.  I know I won't be in a relationship that has a romantic/sexual aspect, just because it would be against my peace of mind.  I've tried it, and it's honestly not for me. As much as I would love to go out and have hookups and what-not, like my friends, I just can't.  It's not who I am.

However, it is not natural, nor God's plan, for people to be alone.  Even those of us for whom celibacy is a real and probable reality, extreme solitude is not necessarily a part of that (hopefully not, anyway.)  There can be intimacy outside of romantic and/or sexual relationships.  There's intimacy between people in monastic communities, between family members in a home, between people who worship together, or even people who work together.  This is where we need to find intimacy, especially if we're experiencing celibacy. 

So, in short, while it's not strange for you to say you want to be forever alone, it's an entirely different situation when you're actually living this out.  You'll see that you need companionship and intimacy.  We all do.  Solitude, while it's nice as a break from life once in a while, is easier said than done in the context of a lifetime.

I'm inclined to tell you to check out this song/video.  It always cheers me up when the whole celibacy thing gets me down. 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S5C8D2hI6UY

Don't plan to be alone.  If it's something that the Lord wants for you, He'll give it to you in doses you can handle.  Don't go and seek out this sort of thing, it's really not good for you.

Why thank you Trevor; that really helps.

Perhaps total isolation isn't what I'd want. I wouldn't mind volunteering for the Church all the time. But I don't think I can ever have a romantic relationship or have a family.

I imagine myself being a 40 year old, overeducated chain-smoking teacher who lives off of Hot Pockets, spending the rest of my life paying alimony to my ex-wife from Ukraine/the Philippines.
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« Reply #35 on: April 29, 2014, 06:26:25 PM »

You must make efforts to socialise. Socialising and interacting with people will make you understand life better and see it more clearly.

Do you know what that feels like for people like me? Telling someone to "make efforts to socialize" shows a lot of ignorance. I have made efforts to socialize, and it always ended with me vomiting in the end due to anxiety, or stuttering and shaking, or feeling worse than when I started off.
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You're really on to something here. Tattoo to keep you from masturbating, chew to keep you from fornicating... it's a whole new world where you outsource your crosses. You're like a Christian entrepreneur or something.
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« Reply #36 on: April 29, 2014, 06:27:39 PM »

Free time is awful, because you end up spending it on oc.net. I hope I have 7 kids and never have a second's rest.

I wouldn't mind perhaps one daughter. Being a single father to one child doesn't sound that bad to me, and I may end up considering adoption someday. But I can't do the family life with a wife and several kids.
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You're really on to something here. Tattoo to keep you from masturbating, chew to keep you from fornicating... it's a whole new world where you outsource your crosses. You're like a Christian entrepreneur or something.
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James, you have problemz.
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« Reply #37 on: April 29, 2014, 07:06:43 PM »

James, just remember that what you feel, most guys your age are feeling.  In our generation, we're pushed to succeed in everything we do, and then we're told that no matter what we do, success is meaningless because we won't be happy in the end no matter what we do.  This made me cynical about most aspects of my life. 

Just pretend everything is fine.  I can often fool myself into thinking conditions are better than they are, which often carries me through. 

Don't worry.  Have faith, it'll all work out. Wink

Just to be safe, try to find a nice Polish girl.  If she leaves you, maybe she'll have taught your daughter her babcia's pierogy recipe. Smiley 
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« Reply #38 on: April 29, 2014, 07:12:13 PM »

james; get yourself a six-pack of beer, put it the fridge and use it to console yourself with. (well, only one bottle/can at a time, that is)
btw: cans chill faster than bottles.
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« Reply #39 on: April 29, 2014, 07:41:09 PM »

lol, in 2 months James will have some thread about a girl he likes. I eagerly await the days when he dates and we get threads on that, too.
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« Reply #40 on: April 29, 2014, 07:42:52 PM »

lol, in 2 months James will have some thread about a girl he likes. I eagerly await the days when he dates and we get threads on that, too.

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« Reply #41 on: April 29, 2014, 07:46:17 PM »

looks like a lot of bull to me... Cheesy
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« Reply #42 on: April 29, 2014, 08:49:45 PM »

lol, in 2 months James will have some thread about a girl he likes. I eagerly await the days when he dates and we get threads on that, too.

"Do you have any sense of compassion at all?  You are consistently one of the cruelest posters on this forum...You owe him an apology, for this and your constant harassment of him, which he never answers in the same petty and personal manner." 
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« Reply #43 on: April 29, 2014, 09:32:45 PM »

Yeah, close friends can poke fun at each other. James and I do so all the time. Though it's a bit off for these weird internet busybodies to devote their free time to some harassment crusade against people half their age whose forum posts they don't like.

BTW, I must have missed your apology to James, or you sent it in private. I appreciate it, and I'm sure he's forgiven you. He's not one to remember pretty wrongs.  Wink
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« Reply #44 on: April 29, 2014, 10:06:47 PM »

Yeah, close friends can poke fun at each other. James and I do so all the time. Though it's a bit off for these weird internet busybodies to devote their free time to some harassment crusade against people half their age whose forum posts they don't like.

BTW, I must have missed your apology to James, or you sent it in private. I appreciate it, and I'm sure he's forgiven you. He's not one to remember pretty wrongs.  Wink

Are you sure?  I don't see how he (or I) could forget pretty wrongs. 
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An eloquent crafter of divine posts
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A righteous son of India
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O Holy Mor Ephrem,
Intercede for us, that our forum may be saved.


"Mor is a jerk." - kelly
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