May God protect you and grant you His Peace, Peace not of this world, but Peace as only He can give, the only true and lasting Peace there is that endures through all despair and confusion.
It seems to me that one of the most important things you can and must do is to seek out those you can share your burden with. Don't forget, no man is an island, and in your case, this is especially true. We are all members one of another, we are social creatures, and we need others to balance us lest we steer off course. Talk to a trusted priest/pastor or even better, a few, to get different perspectives. Try your best to connect with others who share a condtiion like your's (a support group). You will see that you are not alone. I am sure that even knowing this can help. Be merciful to yourself, and struggle to accept yourself in love as one of God's suffering people.
Forgive me for carrying on at great length.
God bless you Ralph.