Author Topic: Seeking advice  (Read 16627 times)

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Offline Hurdle

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Seeking advice
« on: February 23, 2014, 06:05:29 PM »
Currently I am a senior in my last semester in college. I have met a girl in Orthodox Christian Fellowship (OCF) at campus since April last year. She is an Orthodox Christian and has Greek heritage.  I really like her personality and want to know more about her. We have talked to each other multiple times, and I asked her interests, faith and culture. She is a very family oriented girl.

While interesting in getting to know more about her, I asked her if I can see her in lunch. She said sure and gave me her number without me asking. I don’t know her feeling toward me, but I feel I am attracted to her and want to see if there is something that can develop between me and her.

Here is something I feel concerned about:

Am I too young to date? I am now 22 years old. I am still growing toward spiritual and emotional maturity and definitely not financially ready yet.

Although she is active in Church and OCF, she seems interested in Buddhist mindfulness meditation practice, Zen and energy therapy. I am not saying that she believes in Buddhism, but she is probably into meditation in medical and psychological context to cope with emotional and medical issues. Will this be a big stumbling block for something serious between me and she develops, like emotional attachment? If later she has the same feeling toward me, should I ask her more about that just to be clarified?   

Right now I am only at the initial stage of knowing her. I am young and have never being in a relationship, but I realized it is not always something that seems as not difficult in literature and movies. I think getting to know and be attached to someone really requires time, emotional, spiritual and self discernment.

Offline Branthony

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Re: Seeking advice
« Reply #1 on: February 24, 2014, 01:19:04 PM »
I think you are old enough to date, you're 22. These things with meditation and stuff can certainly be a stumbling block if you see them as irreconcilable with the true faith. However I would also take your time with her. Your feelings about meditation can change and you said you aren't ready for marrage financially so just be friends first
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Offline biro

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Re: Seeking advice
« Reply #2 on: February 24, 2014, 02:49:31 PM »
You're an adult, that's fine. Nothing wrong with taking things slowly.

Offline mabsoota

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Re: Seeking advice
« Reply #3 on: February 24, 2014, 03:58:38 PM »
maybe meet her with some other friends.
that way you can become good friends before you feel like you have to be romantic about it.
(i don't get why you have to 'date' someone before you know their family well. some cultures have it all mixed up)
then once you are good friends, meet up with each others' families (i mean if you get on ok with the families, i know some peoples' parents are in prison or should be, so don't feel like i am saying you have to trust their judgement).
if family are not available, substitute good friends, Godparents etc.

i know you are interested in orthodox Christianity before meeting her, so hope you can walk together on your spiritual journey. it's a really good idea to be in the same church before getting married.

then once you met each others' families, you can start to get romantic and eat together just the 2 of you, go for long walks etc.

(worked for me and i married before my mid '20s)
may God guide u.

Offline yeshuaisiam

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Re: Seeking advice
« Reply #4 on: February 24, 2014, 10:24:16 PM »
Currently I am a senior in my last semester in college. I have met a girl in Orthodox Christian Fellowship (OCF) at campus since April last year. She is an Orthodox Christian and has Greek heritage.  I really like her personality and want to know more about her. We have talked to each other multiple times, and I asked her interests, faith and culture. She is a very family oriented girl.

While interesting in getting to know more about her, I asked her if I can see her in lunch. She said sure and gave me her number without me asking. I don’t know her feeling toward me, but I feel I am attracted to her and want to see if there is something that can develop between me and her.

Here is something I feel concerned about:

Am I too young to date? I am now 22 years old. I am still growing toward spiritual and emotional maturity and definitely not financially ready yet.

Although she is active in Church and OCF, she seems interested in Buddhist mindfulness meditation practice, Zen and energy therapy. I am not saying that she believes in Buddhism, but she is probably into meditation in medical and psychological context to cope with emotional and medical issues. Will this be a big stumbling block for something serious between me and she develops, like emotional attachment? If later she has the same feeling toward me, should I ask her more about that just to be clarified?   

Right now I am only at the initial stage of knowing her. I am young and have never being in a relationship, but I realized it is not always something that seems as not difficult in literature and movies. I think getting to know and be attached to someone really requires time, emotional, spiritual and self discernment.


Of course you are old enough to date... I was already married for 3 years when I was 22. :)

I think that's a GREAT sign if you like her if she gave you her number and said "sure" for lunch.
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Offline stavros_388

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Re: Seeking advice
« Reply #5 on: February 24, 2014, 11:40:19 PM »
I think you're thinking too much. Take her out and see where it goes!
"This is the cross - to become dead to the whole world, to suffer sorrows, temptations and other passions of Christ; in bearing this cross with complete patience, we imitate Christ's passion and thus glorify our God the Father as His sons in grace and co-heirs of Christ." --St. Symeon the New Theologian

Online Opus118

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Re: Seeking advice
« Reply #6 on: February 25, 2014, 12:47:12 AM »

She is a very family oriented girl.

she is active in Church and OCF

should I ask her more about that just to be clarified?   


My impression Hurdle is that she is towards the rare spectrum of people and you would be an idiot not to try to get to know her.

You should definitely not ask her about her meditation practices. Look at items one and two above. She could be perfect in all respects and this question in particular may indicate that  you are a manipulative person. Find out who she is by dating. That is what dating is for.

Offline Hurdle

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Re: Seeking advice
« Reply #7 on: March 08, 2014, 06:41:48 PM »
Thank Branthony, biro, mabsoota, yeshuaisiam, stavros_388 and Opus118.

I talked to her on Friday at the library counter where she worked. For the first half hour she seems interested in conversation, but then she seems not so interested and was using her cell phone.

i first talked to her about Beauty and the Beast, the Disney movie she likes. I tried to show her that I have knowledge in this subject by telling her I know the original plot of the story which dated hundred years ago. "You missed a part. The reason that Beauty likes the beast is not because he gives her beautiful clothes and jewelry," she told me that the reason she brought up the subject because she thought that "I always think girls like guys who [have handsome physical appearance] but the reason why the Beauty likes the Beast is because of his compassion."

She has only one parent who is Greek. And she told me that she is at a stage where she questions about her Orthodox beliefs and Church traditions. She has interests in Buddhism and evolution. I told her Christians also constantly meditate on themselves, and meditative practices are fine as long they have benefits and purely technical within the medical and psychological realms of sciences. I also told her Darwin was definitely a person who has religious thoughts despite of not going to church in the late of his life. I stated that there are some understandings from evolution are acceptable such as the mutation of genes and the adaptation of environment by species. Nevertheless, I said that there are always differences between truths and theories. The theories are always being understood as the ways humans perceiving the truths, but they are constantly being modified and challenged. But at the end, the understanding of Bible and truths can always be aligned perfectly together, when truths are being understood correctly through theories.

Although she told me that I have good understandings, I thought she probably still in disagreement with me. "I am into Buddhism," She said. I told her that "there is a Russian scientist [Dobzhansky] who believes in evolution and still takes the communion every Sunday." "I am the one." She responded me back. She also told me that "I do practice in a form of Christianity," since I referred myself of having a Protestant Christian background.

I asked if I can see her at lunch or time break, she says she is kind of busy with midterms for the next week, but can meet me to talk for 35 minutes at student lounge. "Well, let's do it before the spring break." She said, even though I suggested to do it after break. For the 35 minute time, I think I will keep talking about the things she is always interested (including meditations within medical and psychological context from the article which she gave it to me) and make her feeling happy. I hope she will not feel that her time is being wasted. I am thinking to ask her at the end if I can go with her to Greek Church for the services during the Great Lent, only if she feels comfortable.

As always, I am in constant worries and doubts whether she likes me or not, based on the signs she gave to me. Perhaps I am not the kind of guy for her. I told her that I usually do not make friends in class and work settings. She told me she is different since she makes a lot of friends at work. "Michael (name changed), we are the best friends right?" She spoke to her coworker. This made me jealous, because she has never said my name in front of me, which makes me less happy. I only feel much better when my name is being addressed during conversation while talking to someone.

I am not a prince :( But in the past eight months and while in the process of knowing her, she still told me a lot about herself, her family background and her interests. Maybe she is just being friendly and nice to me? I am thinking if I should ask her politely before graduating of how she feels about me, whether she can consider me more than a friend.   If her answer is negative or responding me back like "I am not ready/looking for a relationship" or "I am not sure," I will just tell her that I really appreciate her telling me how she feels, and will be more than happy of just being friends if she would like. I might still see her after college, but since I am running out of time and will no longer be in college, I think I perhaps I need to make a decision? If no, moves forward from the that point?
« Last Edit: March 08, 2014, 06:45:27 PM by Hurdle »

Offline Branthony

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Re: Seeking advice
« Reply #8 on: March 08, 2014, 08:29:57 PM »
Ok, well, belief in evolution is not Anti-orthodox, though some people would say it is. I believe in evolution and think the big bang even may be possible. These things do not negate the existence of the Trinity. But that is not what I wanted to say. One, it seems to me that she is starting to rebel against her taught faith. if this is true she will most likely come back to it but now wouldn't be a good time to pursue a relationship with her, but this is only a guess. Also, this is a sad fact, but if you aren't Greek there is a possibility that she will not be interested in you, if your not Greek. If you don't understand, watch the movie "my big fat Greek wedding" a lot of that stuff is an exaggeration but still true on some levels. I learned Orthodoxy in a Greek parish. I was always treated a bit like an outsider and no one would have wanted me to date there daughter, be cause i'm a zenos (stranger). just letting you know man. NOW COMMENCE THE ATTACK ON ME FROM GREEKS!
Forgive me if I misspell something, I am dyslexic and it greatly effects my spelling.

Online Opus118

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Re: Seeking advice
« Reply #9 on: March 08, 2014, 09:40:37 PM »
Ok, well, belief in evolution is not Anti-orthodox, though some people would say it is. I believe in evolution and think the big bang even may be possible. These things do not negate the existence of the Trinity. But that is not what I wanted to say. One, it seems to me that she is starting to rebel against her taught faith. if this is true she will most likely come back to it but now wouldn't be a good time to pursue a relationship with her, but this is only a guess. Also, this is a sad fact, but if you aren't Greek there is a possibility that she will not be interested in you, if your not Greek. If you don't understand, watch the movie "my big fat Greek wedding" a lot of that stuff is an exaggeration but still true on some levels. I learned Orthodoxy in a Greek parish. I was always treated a bit like an outsider and no one would have wanted me to date there daughter, be cause i'm a zenos (stranger). just letting you know man. NOW COMMENCE THE ATTACK ON ME FROM GREEKS!

Consider yourself attacked because your statement is not true.

My attention is on Hurdle, however.

Offline Branthony

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Re: Seeking advice
« Reply #10 on: March 08, 2014, 09:45:51 PM »
I knew I would be attacked for the statement but I also know it is true of most Greek parishes. I am not trying to be mean, but I am speaking from personal experience.
Forgive me if I misspell something, I am dyslexic and it greatly effects my spelling.

Online Opus118

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Re: Seeking advice
« Reply #11 on: March 08, 2014, 11:26:41 PM »
I do like how you write Hurdle and I see something beautiful that is in you because of it.

Thank Branthony, biro, mabsoota, yeshuaisiam, stavros_388 and Opus118.

I talked to her on Friday at the library counter where she worked. For the first half hour she seems interested in conversation, but then she seems not so interested and was using her cell phone.

i first talked to her about Beauty and the Beast, the Disney movie she likes. I tried to show her that I have knowledge in this subject by telling her I know the original plot of the story which dated hundred years ago. "You missed a part. The reason that Beauty likes the beast is not because he gives her beautiful clothes and jewelry," she told me that the reason she brought up the subject because she thought that "I always think girls like guys who [have handsome physical appearance] but the reason why the Beauty likes the Beast is because of his compassion."
She has a good response here, but I do not know if it is specific for the Disney movie or the actual story.

Quote
She has only one parent who is Greek. And she told me that she is at a stage where she questions about her Orthodox beliefs and Church traditions. She has interests in Buddhism and evolution. I told her Christians also constantly meditate on themselves, and meditative practices are fine as long they have benefits and purely technical within the medical and psychological realms of sciences. I also told her Darwin was definitely a person who has religious thoughts despite of not going to church in the late of his life. I stated that there are some understandings from evolution are acceptable such as the mutation of genes and the adaptation of environment by species. Nevertheless, I said that there are always differences between truths and theories. The theories are always being understood as the ways humans perceiving the truths, but they are constantly being modified and challenged. But at the end, the understanding of Bible and truths can always be aligned perfectly together, when truths are being understood correctly through theories.

Although it is perhaps great that she is partly Greek (if she adept at making Greek pastries, for example), I keyed in on the fact that she is or was going to OCF and church. I see nothing wrong with your conversation here.

Quote
Although she told me that I have good understandings, I thought she probably still in disagreement with me. "I am into Buddhism," She said. I told her that "there is a Russian scientist [Dobzhansky] who believes in evolution and still takes the communion every Sunday." "I am the one." She responded me back. She also told me that "I do practice in a form of Christianity," since I referred myself of having a Protestant Christian background.

This part I did not understand.

Quote
I asked if I can see her at lunch or time break, she says she is kind of busy with midterms for the next week, but can meet me to talk for 35 minutes at student lounge. "Well, let's do it before the spring break." She said, even though I suggested to do it after break. For the 35 minute time, I think I will keep talking about the things she is always interested (including meditations within medical and psychological context from the article which she gave it to me) and make her feeling happy. I hope she will not feel that her time is being wasted. I am thinking to ask her at the end if I can go with her to Greek Church for the services during the Great Lent, only if she feels comfortable.

I do not know the significance of the timeline thing. My only concern here is that if you only pander to her interests, she will not know who you are. Do not be afraid of challenging her on anything that you might disagree with. Otherwise, she would be marrying an image of herself and I think she is looking for someone else. This particular topic deserves pages upon pages. But I am leaving it here.

Quote
As always, I am in constant worries and doubts whether she likes me or not, based on the signs she gave to me. Perhaps I am not the kind of guy for her. I told her that I usually do not make friends in class and work settings. She told me she is different since she makes a lot of friends at work. "Michael (name changed), we are the best friends right?" She spoke to her coworker. This made me jealous, because she has never said my name in front of me, which makes me less happy. I only feel much better when my name is being addressed during conversation while talking to someone.

For me, it is absolutely rare that I hear my name in a conversation unless there is a reason to distinguish individuals in that conversation. If you were called whathisname then you would have an issue here.

Quote
I am not a prince :( But in the past eight months and while in the process of knowing her, she still told me a lot about herself, her family background and her interests. Maybe she is just being friendly and nice to me? I am thinking if I should ask her politely before graduating of how she feels about me, whether she can consider me more than a friend.   If her answer is negative or responding me back like "I am not ready/looking for a relationship" or "I am not sure," I will just tell her that I really appreciate her telling me how she feels, and will be more than happy of just being friends if she would like. I might still see her after college, but since I am running out of time and will no longer be in college, I think I perhaps I need to make a decision? If no, moves forward from the that point?

A lot of this is good. But the statements that you want to make are premature.

Time is not running out. And there are a multitude of possibilities for what is going on with her. She may have false notions of what she really wants (not uncommon), for example.

It would have been useful to know her major vs yours. And going to graduate school makes you a more attractive target whether you like it or not.

My recommendation is to be yourself and defend your beliefs. For some reason it helps rather than hinders.



Online Opus118

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Re: Seeking advice
« Reply #12 on: March 08, 2014, 11:29:07 PM »
I knew I would be attacked for the statement but I also know it is true of most Greek parishes. I am not trying to be mean, but I am speaking from personal experience.

Having just spent an hour for a one minute post. you do not know Greeks. End of story.

In regard to my reply, I was just responding to your wish.

Offline Branthony

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Re: Seeking advice
« Reply #13 on: March 09, 2014, 12:26:02 AM »
as you wish opus118. I do not what to argue. I'm sure my experience was unique. I learned how to be Orthodox in a Greek parish, I was called Xenos behind my back, I heard it. My priest now is Greek, I love him dearly and he has never done anything like that however we have had Greek funerals before, and at one funeral the granddaughter of the lady came up to me and asked me "Are you Greek?" I told her that I wasn't, her response was "then why do you go to church here?". However as I said, my priest and confessor is Greek, His sister is Greek and so is her husband and I love all three of them dearly. There was an older lady named Katerina at my parish, who I called ya-ya and I loved her very much, sadly she has reposed. A very good friend of mine is Greek and is now on Athos but was at one time my closest friend. none of these folks call me zenos so I guess you are right, and that particular parish was just an isolated thing. Sorry I didn't mean to offend, I just knew that statement was going to cause me to be attacked. forgive me a sinner.
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Online Opus118

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Re: Seeking advice
« Reply #14 on: March 09, 2014, 12:42:07 AM »
as you wish opus118. I do not what to argue. I'm sure my experience was unique. I learned how to be Orthodox in a Greek parish, I was called Xenos behind my back, I heard it. My priest now is Greek, I love him dearly and he has never done anything like that however we have had Greek funerals before, and at one funeral the granddaughter of the lady came up to me and asked me "Are you Greek?" I told her that I wasn't, her response was "then why do you go to church here?". However as I said, my priest and confessor is Greek, His sister is Greek and so is her husband and I love all three of them dearly. There was an older lady named Katerina at my parish, who I called ya-ya and I loved her very much, sadly she has reposed. A very good friend of mine is Greek and is now on Athos but was at one time my closest friend. none of these folks call me zenos so I guess you are right, and that particular parish was just an isolated thing. Sorry I didn't mean to offend, I just knew that statement was going to cause me to be attacked. forgive me a sinner.

I was never offended Branthony. I was only trying to amuse you. Your attitude is common here. I still do not understand it, although I have been questioned as to why I do not understand Greek from a few people  (over a half century). Take care.

Offline mabsoota

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Re: Seeking advice
« Reply #15 on: March 09, 2014, 05:11:38 PM »
hurdle, dear brother,
it looks to me like your lady friend just wants to be friends.
please don't be disappointed.
she may change her mind to love you more after you are friends, or she may have a friend / relative that you could meet in later years who could later become your wife.

the first step to meeting a woman you might later marry is to make friends with women.
so you have done the first step; that is very good.

i think it is nice for you to friends with her, for her benefit and for yours, as you may learn from each other.

if you can go treat this just as a friendship and not as a romance, you will grow spiritually and enjoy good friendship.
then if she decides she likes you as more than a friend later, you will be nicely surprised.
this is better than hoping for more than a friendship and being disappointed.
may God guide you and protect you.

Offline Hurdle

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Re: Seeking advice
« Reply #16 on: March 15, 2014, 01:45:34 AM »
Opus118, I really appreciate your time spent on writing for the response. After reading Mabsoota's reply, I realized her speculation can be right. Mabsoota, you had a very beautiful response for me and I really appreciate it. 
This girl told me she had a priority on Tuesday so she couldn't meet. She then asked me if I had anytime on Friday. I responded her and she told me that she would get back to me of her week schedule and hope "we can find a a time." However, she did not and I thought she might have done it intentionally to show that she had no interests in me. 
I felt disappointed and my self-esteem was hurt,and still keep thinking "what if she likes me." I am not sure if it will be fine for me to ask her feeling so I can have a definite answer and move on id doesn't work, but I still treasure this connection since she is the only Greek girl I know well in related to Greek Church. (She is half Greek and half Italian.)
There might be more girls who are more pretty than her, but the reason why I feel being attracted to her is because she is a smart, nice and kind girl.
I had very confusing feelings in my heart. I kept thinking the signs indicating she had no interests, and at the same time thinking why I became interested in her, even though perfectly understood that there were things that I didn't like about her?
She also kind of telling me she also had a crush experience on the guy who had a argument with his girlfriend. She told me they kind of keep texting on each other, and then he stopped responding her. 
At the same time, I also wonder if she appreciate my efforts in getting to know more about her. I tried hard to grasp interests and she definitely noticed that.
But I am not sure if this kind of friendship is worthy. I always have to initiate anything first; Facebook messages, conversation, interests, etc. She never try to find me or talk to me voluntarily. She also seems of being hesitated to associate me with herself in public by keeping distance. I afraid she is just a "friend" on Facebook, and I can't see or do things with her personally.
 I do agree with her that guys need to have compassion to win girls' hearts, but I see physical attraction is not something that can be ignored with other issues such as education, career and family values.

Offline mabsoota

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Re: Seeking advice
« Reply #17 on: March 15, 2014, 06:51:03 PM »
i am sure it is hard to settle for 'second best' and just be friends, but having female friends will help you massively to get used to communicating with women.
so, value the friendship, pray for your friend and stay close to God, who will guide you.

Offline Hurdle

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Re: Seeking advice
« Reply #18 on: March 30, 2014, 05:54:56 PM »
Thank you, Mabsoota.
In the past two weeks, she is always kind of “busy” and “unavailable” when I want to see her. I have wondered if she has no courage to reject going out with me but likes attention.
Feelings are precious because we sometimes give them out because we hope that others respond similarly. I almost convince myself to ask her if she has feeling toward me, but realizing that might lead to a loss of friendship. At the other hand, I always keep interpreting her signs and wonder if she indeed has no interests romantically. It is also hard to be friends with a girl while waiting her to change her mind which is not guaranteed.  I really do not know which one is the right decision for me.
Regardless whether she likes me or not, I have to love myself and keep being friendly toward her.

Offline SolEX01

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Re: Seeking advice
« Reply #19 on: March 30, 2014, 08:15:50 PM »
Thank you, Mabsoota.
In the past two weeks, she is always kind of “busy” and “unavailable” when I want to see her. I have wondered if she has no courage to reject going out with me but likes attention.
Feelings are precious because we sometimes give them out because we hope that others respond similarly. I almost convince myself to ask her if she has feeling toward me, but realizing that might lead to a loss of friendship. At the other hand, I always keep interpreting her signs and wonder if she indeed has no interests romantically. It is also hard to be friends with a girl while waiting her to change her mind which is not guaranteed.  I really do not know which one is the right decision for me.
Regardless whether she likes me or not, I have to love myself and keep being friendly toward her.

Sorry to be blunt ... maybe the time has come to give up and move past this experience.

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Re: Seeking advice
« Reply #20 on: March 30, 2014, 09:57:45 PM »
Thank you, Mabsoota.
In the past two weeks, she is always kind of “busy” and “unavailable” when I want to see her. I have wondered if she has no courage to reject going out with me but likes attention.
Feelings are precious because we sometimes give them out because we hope that others respond similarly. I almost convince myself to ask her if she has feeling toward me, but realizing that might lead to a loss of friendship. At the other hand, I always keep interpreting her signs and wonder if she indeed has no interests romantically. It is also hard to be friends with a girl while waiting her to change her mind which is not guaranteed.  I really do not know which one is the right decision for me.
Regardless whether she likes me or not, I have to love myself and keep being friendly toward her.


Before considering SolEX01's suggestion, there are a lot of things that I do not know. The way it sounds so far from your posts, you have not had the opportunity to let "her" know who "you" are. You have not had a philosophical discussion, described your hopes and goals,  or talked about things that interest you but might not interest her. Any one of these things would help define you as a person rather than an unknown. How to get the opportunity, if that is what is needed, is unknown. I would suggest inviting her to something that interests you and that you are knowledgeable in, but she is unlikely to have previously experienced. Novelty is often an attractant. I do not know where you are or what your interests are so I cannot suggest where your opportunities lie.

For me this would be a play, musical, ballet, opera , concert coupled, with dinner in San Francisco, a picnic at Mountain View Cemetery in Oakland (final resting place of the rich and famous; and an interesting stroll), an evening of belly dancing at the Casbah in North Beach (sadly no longer there, nor is the Bagdad, my second choice for this type of venue), or whatever strikes my fancy.

Offline SolEX01

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Re: Seeking advice
« Reply #21 on: March 30, 2014, 10:19:40 PM »
Thank you, Mabsoota.
In the past two weeks, she is always kind of “busy” and “unavailable” when I want to see her. I have wondered if she has no courage to reject going out with me but likes attention.
Feelings are precious because we sometimes give them out because we hope that others respond similarly. I almost convince myself to ask her if she has feeling toward me, but realizing that might lead to a loss of friendship. At the other hand, I always keep interpreting her signs and wonder if she indeed has no interests romantically. It is also hard to be friends with a girl while waiting her to change her mind which is not guaranteed.  I really do not know which one is the right decision for me.
Regardless whether she likes me or not, I have to love myself and keep being friendly toward her.


Before considering SolEX01's suggestion, there are a lot of things that I do not know. The way it sounds so far from your posts, you have not had the opportunity to let "her" know who "you" are. You have not had a philosophical discussion, described your hopes and goals,  or talked about things that interest you but might not interest her. Any one of these things would help define you as a person rather than an unknown. How to get the opportunity, if that is what is needed, is unknown. I would suggest inviting her to something that interests you and that you are knowledgeable in, but she is unlikely to have previously experienced. Novelty is often an attractant. I do not know where you are or what your interests are so I cannot suggest where your opportunities lie.

For me this would be a play, musical, ballet, opera , concert coupled, with dinner in San Francisco, a picnic at Mountain View Cemetery in Oakland (final resting place of the rich and famous; and an interesting stroll), an evening of belly dancing at the Casbah in North Beach (sadly no longer there, nor is the Bagdad, my second choice for this type of venue), or whatever strikes my fancy.

Opus118 makes some great suggestions for possible first dates with any future love interests.  To the OP, if belly dancing (indifferent to me) and hookah smoking (I never tried it) isn't your thing, there's always competitive trivia (that's my hobby).
« Last Edit: March 30, 2014, 10:20:59 PM by SolEX01 »

Offline Hurdle

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Re: Seeking advice
« Reply #22 on: June 08, 2014, 12:41:14 AM »
Update:
Since then, I gave her a puzzle as her birthday gift. She seems like it. And I told her indirectly that "she has very beautiful eyes" and "very pretty and gorgeous." She did not seem to know how to response.
When I saw her two weeks later, she did not seem very excited.
Finally, I graduated from college. I wrote an essay for a sociology class in related with gender roles. I realized that a man is always subjected to rejection no matter how great he is. I regretted I did not have a chance to tell her my true feeling to her. She knows that I like her, even I pretended not by telling her "it is not like I have a romantic intention on you." If I see her again, I might tell her straight that I love her.
At the same time, I also feel that women are more cautiously about their dating choices. Oftentimes, they are more socially dependent on men on status and income. Women are often the ones who are responsible to raise up children if the marriage ends up in divorce.
From the last message that I sent to her, I told her that "I really wish to see her in the end of May." She responded that she would like to see me but was not sure if she would be available. She told me she loves my gift.
I am confused. I know that she only wants to be a friend, but I really do not feel she really cares or values me.
I decided to permanently remove my Facebook profile, not because of avoiding her but rather of becoming more private for work and potential employers. I realized that Facebook was the only way that I have used for communication. I still can reach her in the future through phone, but perhaps now I should protect my feelings. I hope she can initiate some communication if she values even if I am only a friend to her.     

Offline SolEX01

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Re: Seeking advice
« Reply #23 on: June 08, 2014, 01:02:19 AM »
Congratulations on graduating from college!   :)

What kind of puzzle did you give her?

If the two of you are staying in the same area after graduation, just ask her out.  If she says no, then you can move on in peace.

If she says no, that is not an indictment on you.  I saw my ex-girlfriend (I broke up with her) and a woman that rejected me in public at a recent festival.  Time heals all wounds.   :)

Offline Hurdle

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Re: Seeking advice
« Reply #24 on: August 11, 2014, 12:36:40 AM »
I bought a puzzle with the picture of an elegant library, since I knows that she likes readings.
She lives like one and a half hour away from me. She will still have one more year in school.
I am actually glad that she can still be my friend, maybe a friendship in a long term. I might plan to meet her occasionally if she would like to. I also feel young and unable to give a commitment now. I need to wait.

Offline Hurdle

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Re: Seeking advice
« Reply #25 on: January 21, 2015, 11:44:57 AM »
Update:
After weeks of Facebook messaging and texting, I finally told her my feelings on texting. I understood the worse scenario is that she will no longer be friends anymore, but it will be much more heartbreaking if I never ask her and someone asks her out. 

I told her how much I like her and will be more than happy if we can still be friends. She responded me back that she is fine with being friends and never have romantic feelings toward me. She thanked me for being brave and the sweet message. I felt my heart was crying, but I will have to move on. It was really hard, I really prayed before the Icon before making a decision. It was a really difficult choice.

Offline Alxandra

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Re: Seeking advice
« Reply #26 on: January 21, 2015, 01:03:16 PM »
Her interest in those things can be something to talk about. It's important you're both on the same path :)
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Offline elephant

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Re: Seeking advice
« Reply #27 on: January 21, 2015, 01:05:16 PM »
Dear Hurdle,

From reading this conversation, I think you both are behaving admirably.  

I always think it is better to be disappointed sooner than later.  

Love, elephant

Offline TheTrisagion

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Re: Seeking advice
« Reply #28 on: January 21, 2015, 02:50:44 PM »
Update:
After weeks of Facebook messaging and texting, I finally told her my feelings on texting. I understood the worse scenario is that she will no longer be friends anymore, but it will be much more heartbreaking if I never ask her and someone asks her out. 

I told her how much I like her and will be more than happy if we can still be friends. She responded me back that she is fine with being friends and never have romantic feelings toward me. She thanked me for being brave and the sweet message. I felt my heart was crying, but I will have to move on. It was really hard, I really prayed before the Icon before making a decision. It was a really difficult choice.
I am in no way suggesting you follow my example, but I asked my (now) wife out 8 times before she finally agreed to go on a date with me. I just wore her down. We were very good friends before that otherwise I wouldn't have done that because that would be rather stalkerish, but sometimes things work out in strange ways.
Guys! They're not intercoursing. It's just an unfortunate angle.

Offline mabsoota

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Re: Seeking advice
« Reply #29 on: January 21, 2015, 03:50:40 PM »
well done for staying friends.
well done for gently letting her know your feelings without pressure on her.

you have learned a lot, may God heal your aching heart.

Offline biro

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Re: Seeking advice
« Reply #30 on: January 21, 2015, 04:09:37 PM »
Update:
After weeks of Facebook messaging and texting, I finally told her my feelings on texting. I understood the worse scenario is that she will no longer be friends anymore, but it will be much more heartbreaking if I never ask her and someone asks her out. 

I told her how much I like her and will be more than happy if we can still be friends. She responded me back that she is fine with being friends and never have romantic feelings toward me. She thanked me for being brave and the sweet message. I felt my heart was crying, but I will have to move on. It was really hard, I really prayed before the Icon before making a decision. It was a really difficult choice.

Lord have mercy. I think you did a good thing.

Offline Pravoslavac

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Re: Seeking advice
« Reply #31 on: January 29, 2015, 11:28:27 AM »
Currently I am a senior in my last semester in college. I have met a girl in Orthodox Christian Fellowship (OCF) at campus since April last year. She is an Orthodox Christian and has Greek heritage.  I really like her personality and want to know more about her. We have talked to each other multiple times, and I asked her interests, faith and culture. She is a very family oriented girl.

While interesting in getting to know more about her, I asked her if I can see her in lunch. She said sure and gave me her number without me asking. I don’t know her feeling toward me, but I feel I am attracted to her and want to see if there is something that can develop between me and her.

Here is something I feel concerned about:

Am I too young to date? I am now 22 years old. I am still growing toward spiritual and emotional maturity and definitely not financially ready yet.

Although she is active in Church and OCF, she seems interested in Buddhist mindfulness meditation practice, Zen and energy therapy. I am not saying that she believes in Buddhism, but she is probably into meditation in medical and psychological context to cope with emotional and medical issues. Will this be a big stumbling block for something serious between me and she develops, like emotional attachment? If later she has the same feeling toward me, should I ask her more about that just to be clarified?   

Right now I am only at the initial stage of knowing her. I am young and have never being in a relationship, but I realized it is not always something that seems as not difficult in literature and movies. I think getting to know and be attached to someone really requires time, emotional, spiritual and self discernment.


No, dating is bad, People who date do dirty stuff and then burn in hell.
You pushed away the severe storm!
You made us believe comrade Kim Jong Il!
We are unable to live without you
Our country is unable to survive without you!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yne-IsHzne4

Offline biro

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Re: Seeking advice
« Reply #32 on: January 29, 2015, 11:38:12 AM »
Currently I am a senior in my last semester in college. I have met a girl in Orthodox Christian Fellowship (OCF) at campus since April last year. She is an Orthodox Christian and has Greek heritage.  I really like her personality and want to know more about her. We have talked to each other multiple times, and I asked her interests, faith and culture. She is a very family oriented girl.

While interesting in getting to know more about her, I asked her if I can see her in lunch. She said sure and gave me her number without me asking. I don’t know her feeling toward me, but I feel I am attracted to her and want to see if there is something that can develop between me and her.

Here is something I feel concerned about:

Am I too young to date? I am now 22 years old. I am still growing toward spiritual and emotional maturity and definitely not financially ready yet.

Although she is active in Church and OCF, she seems interested in Buddhist mindfulness meditation practice, Zen and energy therapy. I am not saying that she believes in Buddhism, but she is probably into meditation in medical and psychological context to cope with emotional and medical issues. Will this be a big stumbling block for something serious between me and she develops, like emotional attachment? If later she has the same feeling toward me, should I ask her more about that just to be clarified?   

Right now I am only at the initial stage of knowing her. I am young and have never being in a relationship, but I realized it is not always something that seems as not difficult in literature and movies. I think getting to know and be attached to someone really requires time, emotional, spiritual and self discernment.


No, dating is bad, People who date do dirty stuff and then burn in hell.

Wow, you are a piece of work.

Offline Pravoslavac

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Re: Seeking advice
« Reply #33 on: January 29, 2015, 11:42:51 AM »
Currently I am a senior in my last semester in college. I have met a girl in Orthodox Christian Fellowship (OCF) at campus since April last year. She is an Orthodox Christian and has Greek heritage.  I really like her personality and want to know more about her. We have talked to each other multiple times, and I asked her interests, faith and culture. She is a very family oriented girl.

While interesting in getting to know more about her, I asked her if I can see her in lunch. She said sure and gave me her number without me asking. I don’t know her feeling toward me, but I feel I am attracted to her and want to see if there is something that can develop between me and her.

Here is something I feel concerned about:

Am I too young to date? I am now 22 years old. I am still growing toward spiritual and emotional maturity and definitely not financially ready yet.

Although she is active in Church and OCF, she seems interested in Buddhist mindfulness meditation practice, Zen and energy therapy. I am not saying that she believes in Buddhism, but she is probably into meditation in medical and psychological context to cope with emotional and medical issues. Will this be a big stumbling block for something serious between me and she develops, like emotional attachment? If later she has the same feeling toward me, should I ask her more about that just to be clarified?   

Right now I am only at the initial stage of knowing her. I am young and have never being in a relationship, but I realized it is not always something that seems as not difficult in literature and movies. I think getting to know and be attached to someone really requires time, emotional, spiritual and self discernment.


No, dating is bad, People who date do dirty stuff and then burn in hell.

Wow, you are a piece of work.

I only wrote here a fact.
You pushed away the severe storm!
You made us believe comrade Kim Jong Il!
We are unable to live without you
Our country is unable to survive without you!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yne-IsHzne4

Offline biro

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Re: Seeking advice
« Reply #34 on: January 29, 2015, 11:56:19 AM »
Currently I am a senior in my last semester in college. I have met a girl in Orthodox Christian Fellowship (OCF) at campus since April last year. She is an Orthodox Christian and has Greek heritage.  I really like her personality and want to know more about her. We have talked to each other multiple times, and I asked her interests, faith and culture. She is a very family oriented girl.

While interesting in getting to know more about her, I asked her if I can see her in lunch. She said sure and gave me her number without me asking. I don’t know her feeling toward me, but I feel I am attracted to her and want to see if there is something that can develop between me and her.

Here is something I feel concerned about:

Am I too young to date? I am now 22 years old. I am still growing toward spiritual and emotional maturity and definitely not financially ready yet.

Although she is active in Church and OCF, she seems interested in Buddhist mindfulness meditation practice, Zen and energy therapy. I am not saying that she believes in Buddhism, but she is probably into meditation in medical and psychological context to cope with emotional and medical issues. Will this be a big stumbling block for something serious between me and she develops, like emotional attachment? If later she has the same feeling toward me, should I ask her more about that just to be clarified?   

Right now I am only at the initial stage of knowing her. I am young and have never being in a relationship, but I realized it is not always something that seems as not difficult in literature and movies. I think getting to know and be attached to someone really requires time, emotional, spiritual and self discernment.


No, dating is bad, People who date do dirty stuff and then burn in hell.

Wow, you are a piece of work.

I only wrote here a fact.

No, you only wrote your ignorance.

Contrary to what you may believe, this board is not a locker room for young brats to vent their hatred.

If you really are studying for the priesthood as you claim, post the name and contact information of your bishop, because he really needs to know what sort of nonsense the schools have failed to filter out these days.

Besides, shouldn't you be in class right now? What are you doing, monkeying around with a tablet PC when you are supposed to be paying attention?

If you expect to be able to dispense the sacraments from hands that write what you wrote, we are really in trouble.

Offline Pravoslavac

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Re: Seeking advice
« Reply #35 on: January 29, 2015, 12:05:28 PM »
Currently I am a senior in my last semester in college. I have met a girl in Orthodox Christian Fellowship (OCF) at campus since April last year. She is an Orthodox Christian and has Greek heritage.  I really like her personality and want to know more about her. We have talked to each other multiple times, and I asked her interests, faith and culture. She is a very family oriented girl.

While interesting in getting to know more about her, I asked her if I can see her in lunch. She said sure and gave me her number without me asking. I don’t know her feeling toward me, but I feel I am attracted to her and want to see if there is something that can develop between me and her.

Here is something I feel concerned about:

Am I too young to date? I am now 22 years old. I am still growing toward spiritual and emotional maturity and definitely not financially ready yet.

Although she is active in Church and OCF, she seems interested in Buddhist mindfulness meditation practice, Zen and energy therapy. I am not saying that she believes in Buddhism, but she is probably into meditation in medical and psychological context to cope with emotional and medical issues. Will this be a big stumbling block for something serious between me and she develops, like emotional attachment? If later she has the same feeling toward me, should I ask her more about that just to be clarified?   

Right now I am only at the initial stage of knowing her. I am young and have never being in a relationship, but I realized it is not always something that seems as not difficult in literature and movies. I think getting to know and be attached to someone really requires time, emotional, spiritual and self discernment.


No, dating is bad, People who date do dirty stuff and then burn in hell.

Wow, you are a piece of work.

I only wrote here a fact.

No, you only wrote your ignorance.

Contrary to what you may believe, this board is not a locker room for young brats to vent their hatred.

If you really are studying for the priesthood as you claim, post the name and contact information of your bishop, because he really needs to know what sort of nonsense the schools have failed to filter out these days.

Besides, shouldn't you be in class right now? What are you doing, monkeying around with a tablet PC when you are supposed to be paying attention?

If you expect to be able to dispense the sacraments from hands that write what you wrote, we are really in trouble.

Such unpleasantness coming from your kind warm loving care. We at our Serbian Orthodox Church where tradition still matters, we are at holy old calendar, so our Christmas holiday is still on.  :angel:

His holiness arch-bishop of Peć, metropolitan of Belgrade and Karlovac, Serbian Patriarch Irinej.

And i didn't say anything wrong, it is even in the Bible, sex outside the Church marriage, is harlotry, adultery. Don't know which word you are using. But People don't care, lol let me say only one thing.

-


You pushed away the severe storm!
You made us believe comrade Kim Jong Il!
We are unable to live without you
Our country is unable to survive without you!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yne-IsHzne4

Offline Arachne

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Re: Seeking advice
« Reply #36 on: January 29, 2015, 12:11:09 PM »
And here I hoped that Admiral Ackbar was moonlighting as your Archbishop. That would be wicked. :angel:
'When you live your path all the time, you end up with both more path and more time.'~Venecia Rauls

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Offline Pravoslavac

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Re: Seeking advice
« Reply #37 on: January 29, 2015, 12:40:46 PM »
Are you going to reply or you are writing a latter to the Patriarch?
You pushed away the severe storm!
You made us believe comrade Kim Jong Il!
We are unable to live without you
Our country is unable to survive without you!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yne-IsHzne4

Offline vamrat

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Re: Seeking advice
« Reply #38 on: January 29, 2015, 06:39:28 PM »
Hurdle, God be with you.
« Last Edit: January 29, 2015, 06:39:55 PM by vamrat »
Das ist des Jägers Ehrenschild, daß er beschützt und hegt sein Wild, weidmännisch jagt, wie sich’s gehört, den Schöpfer im Geschöpfe ehrt.

Offline hecma925

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Re: Seeking advice
« Reply #39 on: January 29, 2015, 07:59:28 PM »
Currently I am a senior in my last semester in college. I have met a girl in Orthodox Christian Fellowship (OCF) at campus since April last year. She is an Orthodox Christian and has Greek heritage.  I really like her personality and want to know more about her. We have talked to each other multiple times, and I asked her interests, faith and culture. She is a very family oriented girl.

While interesting in getting to know more about her, I asked her if I can see her in lunch. She said sure and gave me her number without me asking. I don’t know her feeling toward me, but I feel I am attracted to her and want to see if there is something that can develop between me and her.

Here is something I feel concerned about:

Am I too young to date? I am now 22 years old. I am still growing toward spiritual and emotional maturity and definitely not financially ready yet.

Although she is active in Church and OCF, she seems interested in Buddhist mindfulness meditation practice, Zen and energy therapy. I am not saying that she believes in Buddhism, but she is probably into meditation in medical and psychological context to cope with emotional and medical issues. Will this be a big stumbling block for something serious between me and she develops, like emotional attachment? If later she has the same feeling toward me, should I ask her more about that just to be clarified?   

Right now I am only at the initial stage of knowing her. I am young and have never being in a relationship, but I realized it is not always something that seems as not difficult in literature and movies. I think getting to know and be attached to someone really requires time, emotional, spiritual and self discernment.


No, dating is bad, People who date do dirty stuff and then burn in hell.

Biblical courtship is the answer.
Happy shall he be, that shall take and dash thy little ones against the rock. Alleluia.

No longer pasting here.

Another blog - http://literarydiktator.blogspot.com/

Offline Minnesotan

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Re: Seeking advice
« Reply #40 on: January 29, 2015, 08:11:50 PM »
Currently I am a senior in my last semester in college. I have met a girl in Orthodox Christian Fellowship (OCF) at campus since April last year. She is an Orthodox Christian and has Greek heritage.  I really like her personality and want to know more about her. We have talked to each other multiple times, and I asked her interests, faith and culture. She is a very family oriented girl.

While interesting in getting to know more about her, I asked her if I can see her in lunch. She said sure and gave me her number without me asking. I don’t know her feeling toward me, but I feel I am attracted to her and want to see if there is something that can develop between me and her.

Here is something I feel concerned about:

Am I too young to date? I am now 22 years old. I am still growing toward spiritual and emotional maturity and definitely not financially ready yet.

Although she is active in Church and OCF, she seems interested in Buddhist mindfulness meditation practice, Zen and energy therapy. I am not saying that she believes in Buddhism, but she is probably into meditation in medical and psychological context to cope with emotional and medical issues. Will this be a big stumbling block for something serious between me and she develops, like emotional attachment? If later she has the same feeling toward me, should I ask her more about that just to be clarified?   

Right now I am only at the initial stage of knowing her. I am young and have never being in a relationship, but I realized it is not always something that seems as not difficult in literature and movies. I think getting to know and be attached to someone really requires time, emotional, spiritual and self discernment.


No, dating is bad, People who date do dirty stuff and then burn in hell.

Biblical courtship is the answer.

Of the YiM variety?
This user still posts here even though he might claim not to.

Offline hecma925

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Re: Seeking advice
« Reply #41 on: January 29, 2015, 08:51:21 PM »
Currently I am a senior in my last semester in college. I have met a girl in Orthodox Christian Fellowship (OCF) at campus since April last year. She is an Orthodox Christian and has Greek heritage.  I really like her personality and want to know more about her. We have talked to each other multiple times, and I asked her interests, faith and culture. She is a very family oriented girl.

While interesting in getting to know more about her, I asked her if I can see her in lunch. She said sure and gave me her number without me asking. I don’t know her feeling toward me, but I feel I am attracted to her and want to see if there is something that can develop between me and her.

Here is something I feel concerned about:

Am I too young to date? I am now 22 years old. I am still growing toward spiritual and emotional maturity and definitely not financially ready yet.

Although she is active in Church and OCF, she seems interested in Buddhist mindfulness meditation practice, Zen and energy therapy. I am not saying that she believes in Buddhism, but she is probably into meditation in medical and psychological context to cope with emotional and medical issues. Will this be a big stumbling block for something serious between me and she develops, like emotional attachment? If later she has the same feeling toward me, should I ask her more about that just to be clarified?   

Right now I am only at the initial stage of knowing her. I am young and have never being in a relationship, but I realized it is not always something that seems as not difficult in literature and movies. I think getting to know and be attached to someone really requires time, emotional, spiritual and self discernment.


No, dating is bad, People who date do dirty stuff and then burn in hell.

Biblical courtship is the answer.

Of the YiM variety?

Is there any other kind? 
Happy shall he be, that shall take and dash thy little ones against the rock. Alleluia.

No longer pasting here.

Another blog - http://literarydiktator.blogspot.com/

Offline TheTrisagion

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Re: Seeking advice
« Reply #42 on: January 29, 2015, 10:43:37 PM »
Currently I am a senior in my last semester in college. I have met a girl in Orthodox Christian Fellowship (OCF) at campus since April last year. She is an Orthodox Christian and has Greek heritage.  I really like her personality and want to know more about her. We have talked to each other multiple times, and I asked her interests, faith and culture. She is a very family oriented girl.

While interesting in getting to know more about her, I asked her if I can see her in lunch. She said sure and gave me her number without me asking. I don’t know her feeling toward me, but I feel I am attracted to her and want to see if there is something that can develop between me and her.

Here is something I feel concerned about:

Am I too young to date? I am now 22 years old. I am still growing toward spiritual and emotional maturity and definitely not financially ready yet.

Although she is active in Church and OCF, she seems interested in Buddhist mindfulness meditation practice, Zen and energy therapy. I am not saying that she believes in Buddhism, but she is probably into meditation in medical and psychological context to cope with emotional and medical issues. Will this be a big stumbling block for something serious between me and she develops, like emotional attachment? If later she has the same feeling toward me, should I ask her more about that just to be clarified?   

Right now I am only at the initial stage of knowing her. I am young and have never being in a relationship, but I realized it is not always something that seems as not difficult in literature and movies. I think getting to know and be attached to someone really requires time, emotional, spiritual and self discernment.


No, dating is bad, People who date do dirty stuff and then burn in hell.
If there any hope for us godforsaken sinners who made the mistake of dating before we realized it was a mortal sin?
Guys! They're not intercoursing. It's just an unfortunate angle.

Offline biro

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Re: Seeking advice
« Reply #43 on: January 30, 2015, 12:05:00 AM »
Currently I am a senior in my last semester in college. I have met a girl in Orthodox Christian Fellowship (OCF) at campus since April last year. She is an Orthodox Christian and has Greek heritage.  I really like her personality and want to know more about her. We have talked to each other multiple times, and I asked her interests, faith and culture. She is a very family oriented girl.

While interesting in getting to know more about her, I asked her if I can see her in lunch. She said sure and gave me her number without me asking. I don’t know her feeling toward me, but I feel I am attracted to her and want to see if there is something that can develop between me and her.

Here is something I feel concerned about:

Am I too young to date? I am now 22 years old. I am still growing toward spiritual and emotional maturity and definitely not financially ready yet.

Although she is active in Church and OCF, she seems interested in Buddhist mindfulness meditation practice, Zen and energy therapy. I am not saying that she believes in Buddhism, but she is probably into meditation in medical and psychological context to cope with emotional and medical issues. Will this be a big stumbling block for something serious between me and she develops, like emotional attachment? If later she has the same feeling toward me, should I ask her more about that just to be clarified?   

Right now I am only at the initial stage of knowing her. I am young and have never being in a relationship, but I realized it is not always something that seems as not difficult in literature and movies. I think getting to know and be attached to someone really requires time, emotional, spiritual and self discernment.


No, dating is bad, People who date do dirty stuff and then burn in hell.
If there any hope for us godforsaken sinners who made the mistake of dating before we realized it was a mortal sin?

Well, just Jesus, but other than that... ;)

Offline Christopher McAvoy

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Re: Seeking advice
« Reply #44 on: January 30, 2015, 01:30:04 AM »
Dating is not ideal but I am not sure how to work against it. With younger unmarried people who live independently it is all that the western (and much of eastern) european societies really have to offer for meeting people for marriage.... sometimes when we are able to do courtship and such we may want to try and to things the old fashioned way.

Although one can hope that "by chance" one will meet someone who will develop romantic feelings toward them, this is not always so.

Here are my four techniques for finding romantic success:

#1 - Make yourself presentable. Dress as best as you can, groom yourself, be a positive cheerful sincere person who is willing to compromise and complement other people.
Ideally be at a point in your life where you have something to offer, or at least on your way to it. It is easier dating if you have a job that earns more money or are at least closer to having one within the next 2 or 3 years. Girls notice all these things and they do like a man who can provide for a family and makes a good impression.

#2 -Go where the girls you like are. There are two ways to do this. First way is to put yourself into social situations at least one day (ideally two days a week) where you are able to meet new people in a casual friendly way. The more girls you can talk to in person the more you might run into one who you have a special connection with and feels the same toward you. The second way to do this is actually not to go to social situations but simply make the most of whatever females you run across in your own personal interests , day ro day chores, school or job. Often times the girls that we have the most connection to are closer than we think, in our own job, a club or hobby we already belong to, our Church coffee hour...the next door neighbor. They may be near they may be far..but they are somewhere, never stop realizing they could be anywhere, in  a place you least imagine.

#3 - Emphasise a fun filled casual friendship - don't even kiss each other for a month or two - than at some point decide to "be more than friends". After that point you can enjoy kissing all you want because you'll know it's based on very sincere feelings. Most of the time commonality is very important. If you can become VERY VERY good friends who laugh at each others jokes all the time and are genuinely interested in each others regular habits and interests (which might seem boring to other people), than you can or will often eventually develop romantic feelings toward each other... a romance based on a deep friendship and laughter - that's what great marriages are built on. From there as long as you have faith in God, solid finances, willingness to sacrifice..not much will go wrong, somehow you have yourself a shot at lifelong happy marriage!

#4 - Make a point to make your search for your future wife your part time job. If you take it too casually, nothing may ever happen. Take advantage of speaking even if just one word to every possible cute or interesting girl you come across. Learn who you are, know yourself, love yourself, so you be your best toward another. Ideally you need to focus on romance for a certain period of your life - preferably when you have enough free time - thats how to have success.

#5 - Pray everyday to God to help you find your spouse. There are good prayers to this. Particular saints known for interceding.

#6 - Ask other (wiser) people for advice in romance. Without older wiser, already happily married people to ask, I'm not sure I would have known what I was doing.


So with these rules I have had great success and am with someone I have a deep reciprocal love with. I know this is possible for most people to have been blest how I was blest. Best wishes!
« Last Edit: January 30, 2015, 01:35:44 AM by Christopher McAvoy »
"and for all who are Orthodox, and who hold the Catholic and Apostolic Faith, remember, O Lord, thy servants" - yet the post-conciliar RC hierarchy is tolerant of everyone and everything... except Catholic Tradition, for modernists are as salt with no taste, to be “thrown out and trampled under foot