Author Topic: Relationalships  (Read 2992 times)

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Online Justin Kissel

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Relationalships
« on: January 03, 2014, 11:12:02 PM »
While in a relationship with a significant other, what would make you think it'll work out long term, and what would make you think it wouldn't work out long term?
We all have an El Guapo to face. Be brave, and fight like lions!

Form a 'brute squad' then!

Offline Mor Ephrem

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Re: Relationalships
« Reply #1 on: January 03, 2014, 11:37:46 PM »
--Subscribed-- 

;)
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Offline Jetavan

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Re: Relationalships
« Reply #2 on: January 04, 2014, 10:11:34 AM »
While in a relationship with a significant other, what would make you think it'll work out long term
Love

Quote
and what would make you think it wouldn't work out long term?
Hate
If you will, you can become all flame.
Extra caritatem nulla salus.
In order to become whole, take the "I" out of "holiness".
सर्वभूतहित
Ἄνω σχῶμεν τὰς καρδίας
"Those who say religion has nothing to do with politics do not know what religion is." -- Mohandas Gandhi
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Offline Cyrillic

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Re: Relationalships
« Reply #3 on: January 04, 2014, 10:14:48 AM »
While in a relationship with a significant other, what would make you think it'll work out long term, and what would make you think it wouldn't work out long term?

I suppose the very fact that you're in a relationship means that you'll think it will work out in the long term. If you wouldn't, why bother with it?
"Who wants to be consistent? The dullard and the doctrinaire, the tedious people who carry out their principles to the bitter end of action, to the reductio ad absurdum of practice. Not I."
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Online Justin Kissel

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Re: Relationalships
« Reply #4 on: January 04, 2014, 10:29:09 AM »
While in a relationship with a significant other, what would make you think it'll work out long term
Love

Quote
and what would make you think it wouldn't work out long term?
Hate

What are those?
We all have an El Guapo to face. Be brave, and fight like lions!

Form a 'brute squad' then!

Offline Jetavan

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Re: Relationalships
« Reply #5 on: January 04, 2014, 10:33:54 AM »
While in a relationship with a significant other, what would make you think it'll work out long term
Love

Quote
and what would make you think it wouldn't work out long term?
Hate

What are those?
Love: the willingness to give, to sacrifice, one's life (time, energy, actions)  for the beloved.

Hate: the inability to love
If you will, you can become all flame.
Extra caritatem nulla salus.
In order to become whole, take the "I" out of "holiness".
सर्वभूतहित
Ἄνω σχῶμεν τὰς καρδίας
"Those who say religion has nothing to do with politics do not know what religion is." -- Mohandas Gandhi
Y dduw bo'r diolch.

Online Justin Kissel

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Re: Relationalships
« Reply #6 on: January 04, 2014, 10:34:13 AM »
While in a relationship with a significant other, what would make you think it'll work out long term, and what would make you think it wouldn't work out long term?

I suppose the very fact that you're in a relationship means that you'll think it will work out in the long term.

For most people I've met, sex, financial stability, companionship, entertainment, etc. are reason enough to get into a relationship with someone, and even stay in that relationship even if there is doubt as to it working out long term. Whether those things are good enough reasons to stay with someone for decades is another matter; It seems to me like they aren't, for the most part, but maybe they are? I guess that's what I'm asking about...

We all have an El Guapo to face. Be brave, and fight like lions!

Form a 'brute squad' then!

Offline Arachne

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Re: Relationalships
« Reply #7 on: January 04, 2014, 10:35:42 AM »
While in a relationship with a significant other, what would make you think it'll work out long term, and what would make you think it wouldn't work out long term?

It will work out long term only if both sides are willing to put in the necessary work and commitment. If only one is willing to do that, the relationship will fail.
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Offline Jovan

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Re: Relationalships
« Reply #8 on: January 04, 2014, 01:07:33 PM »
I would say commitmet in the souls of him/her. Even in your faith towards God the relationship can sometimes seem dead. Still we commit ourselves to our Lord because we know that he stays true to his word and promises.

Long term - commitment in every way towards your partner.

Short term - more commitment to something else than your partner. Often towards a wrong concept of love.
« Last Edit: January 04, 2014, 01:12:21 PM by Jovan »
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Offline quietmorning

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Re: Relationalships
« Reply #9 on: January 04, 2014, 03:25:41 PM »
I would say commitmet in the souls of him/her. Even in your faith towards God the relationship can sometimes seem dead. Still we commit ourselves to our Lord because we know that he stays true to his word and promises.

Long term - commitment in every way towards your partner.

Short term - more commitment to something else than your partner. Often towards a wrong concept of love.

+1

Every marriage goes through stuff - it's the one's that are committed that decide to work through it instead of escape from it.

Kindness is important.  Giving the benefit of the doubt and the ability to trust for the best motives instead of accusing for the worst is also very important. 
In His Mercy,
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Offline Alpo

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Re: Relationalships
« Reply #10 on: January 04, 2014, 03:38:52 PM »
Similar kind of lifestyle, complete trust, being able to talk about everything and sex. Love is overrated. :-*

Offline Jovan

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Re: Relationalships
« Reply #11 on: January 04, 2014, 06:38:56 PM »
I don't know now but a Saint or Priest once said that a question that a couple always should live by is: Who can humble oneself more before the other?

I think it is a good advice :)

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Offline Charles Martel

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Re: Relationalships
« Reply #12 on: January 04, 2014, 09:22:43 PM »
Quote
what would make you think it'll work out long term,
Unselfishness.

Quote
what would make you think it wouldn't work out long term?
 

Selfishness.

That's about it , really.
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Online Justin Kissel

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Re: Relationalships
« Reply #13 on: January 04, 2014, 09:31:37 PM »
People are speaking of love, unselfishness, etc. Here's the problem I'm having here: shouldn't these be universal? Shouldn't these be things you seek to have in every relationship?

Are you saying that we are selfish, or unloving, or whatever, for a while, and then suddenly we realize we are finally unselfish or loving, and that's how we know this is the one? But that seems like a rather unsatisfying to go through life, doesn't it? But perhaps this is human nature, fallen or otherwise?

Or, on the other hand, are you saying that we should always try to be unselfish, loving, etc.? But if that's the case, how does that help in determining whether someone we are with is "the one" and who we should intend to spend our lives with? How is the unselfishness or love we have in the significant-other/dating/etc. relationship currently in differ from the unselfishness, loving (sacrificial, etc.) way we relate to others?
We all have an El Guapo to face. Be brave, and fight like lions!

Form a 'brute squad' then!

Offline TheTrisagion

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Re: Relationalships
« Reply #14 on: January 04, 2014, 09:36:59 PM »
Tenacity.
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Offline Jetavan

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Re: Relationalships
« Reply #15 on: January 04, 2014, 09:43:24 PM »
People are speaking of love, unselfishness, etc. Here's the problem I'm having here: shouldn't these be universal? Shouldn't these be things you seek to have in every relationship?

Are you saying that we are selfish, or unloving, or whatever, for a while, and then suddenly we realize we are finally unselfish or loving, and that's how we know this is the one? But that seems like a rather unsatisfying to go through life, doesn't it? But perhaps this is human nature, fallen or otherwise?

Or, on the other hand, are you saying that we should always try to be unselfish, loving, etc.? But if that's the case, how does that help in determining whether someone we are with is "the one" and who we should intend to spend our lives with? How is the unselfishness or love we have in the significant-other/dating/etc. relationship currently in differ from the unselfishness, loving (sacrificial, etc.) way we relate to others?
I might act unselfishly toward lots of people (theoretically), but that doesn't mean I would want to live, sleep, have children, etc., with them. If you're asking how does one know -- in the very earliest stages of a relationship -- if someone is 'the one', then I would have to say that if someone is 'the one', then you *might* know it the first time you see the person in person. It might be a flash of recognition, of 'coming home', so to speak. But that 'flash' is just the beginning; the rest of journey would (probably) require transcending one's 'normal' selfish tendencies that would inevitably re-assert themselves eventually.
If you will, you can become all flame.
Extra caritatem nulla salus.
In order to become whole, take the "I" out of "holiness".
सर्वभूतहित
Ἄνω σχῶμεν τὰς καρδίας
"Those who say religion has nothing to do with politics do not know what religion is." -- Mohandas Gandhi
Y dduw bo'r diolch.

Offline JamesR

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Re: Relationalships
« Reply #16 on: January 04, 2014, 10:13:35 PM »
Conversation and comfort around each other; no need to put on a false facade and just a natural spark between us.

Clingy, thinks she's a queen, behaves like my mother, wants a huge amount of children.
...Or it's just possible he's a mouthy young man on an internet forum.
In the infinite wisdom of God, James can be all three.

Offline TheTrisagion

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Re: Relationalships
« Reply #17 on: January 04, 2014, 10:14:28 PM »
Conversation and comfort around each other; no need to put on a false facade and just a natural spark between us.

Clingy, thinks she's a queen, behaves like my mother, wants a huge amount of children.
At some point, the first one turns into the second one.
Quote from: Mor Ephrem
Why can't you just take your spiritual edification like a man? 

Offline Mor Ephrem

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Re: Relationalships
« Reply #18 on: January 04, 2014, 10:58:18 PM »
Conversation and comfort around each other; no need to put on a false facade and just a natural spark between us.

Clingy, thinks she's a queen, behaves like my mother, wants a huge amount of children.
At some point, the first one turns into the second one.

You beat me to it, sir! 
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Offline ZealousZeal

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Re: Relationalships
« Reply #19 on: January 06, 2014, 08:11:48 PM »
Conversation and comfort around each other; no need to put on a false facade and just a natural spark between us.

Clingy, thinks she's a queen, behaves like my mother, wants a huge amount of children.
At some point, the first one turns into the second one.

Hush, you.
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Offline Santagranddad

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Re: Relationalships
« Reply #20 on: January 06, 2014, 08:36:03 PM »
What the dickens is a "significant other"? This has to be the most ludicrous 'label' or euphemism I've come across in while.

Offline ZealousZeal

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Re: Relationalships
« Reply #21 on: January 06, 2014, 08:55:15 PM »
What the dickens is a "significant other"? This has to be the most ludicrous 'label' or euphemism I've come across in while.

It's a gender neutral term. I assume Asteriktos used it so his question could be directed to both men and women, instead of asking, "When in a relationship with a girl," or "man".
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Offline Santagranddad

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Re: Relationalships
« Reply #22 on: January 06, 2014, 09:08:28 PM »
What the dickens is a "significant other"? This has to be the most ludicrous 'label' or euphemism I've come across in while.

It's a gender neutral term. I assume Asteriktos used it so his question could be directed to both men and women, instead of asking, "When in a relationship with a girl," or "man".

My thanks for your explaining this clumsy and unattractive label. If people are so clever as to feel 'gender neutral' terms have a purpose, you might think they would come up with something that made the object of the term sound  special, valued or loved. My vacuum cleaner sounds more special than a 'significant other'.

Being so referred to would in itself be grounds for 'parting company', I venture.

Online Justin Kissel

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Re: Relationalships
« Reply #23 on: January 06, 2014, 09:15:04 PM »
Significant other is a fairly common term nowadays, for better or worse. It perhaps could have been avoided in this particular thread, where the main reason for it's use is what ZZ mentioned. However, in other conversations it also helps avoid the usage of many other categories/terms: gay or straight, dating or engaged or married, male or female, etc. are all covered under the one term. I thought of using something along the lines of "an intimate relationship," but then that might be thought to require some sexual component, which I didn't intend to be necessary. Anyway... :)
We all have an El Guapo to face. Be brave, and fight like lions!

Form a 'brute squad' then!

Offline Santagranddad

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Re: Relationalships
« Reply #24 on: January 06, 2014, 09:21:03 PM »
Significant other is a fairly common term nowadays, for better or worse. It perhaps could have been avoided in this particular thread, where the main reason for it's use is what ZZ mentioned. However, in other conversations it also helps avoid the usage of many other categories/terms: gay or straight, dating or engaged or married, male or female, etc. are all covered under the one term. I thought of using something along the lines of "an intimate relationship," but then that might be thought to require some sexual component, which I didn't intend to be necessary. Anyway... :)

Common, yes. Elegant, no. Gender neutral is a concept I'll skip. Life's too short to keep up with PC terminology. But thank you for your explanation and Happy New Year.

Offline JamesR

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Re: Relationalships
« Reply #25 on: January 06, 2014, 09:32:19 PM »
I knew this one Asian girl named Naomi since 7th grade. Was absolutely perfect now that I think about it. On top of her physical beauty and extremely glamorous nature (she spends hours doing her makeup, very creative), she hated children just like me and didn't want any, was crazy obsessed with education, not like these traditional girls who want to trap you with children, we had a perfect spark between each other where we could literally spend hours upon hours every day just talking to each other and hanging out, laughing. Similar senses of humor, common values, perfect conversation etc. In retrospect, now that I think about it, she's one of the few females I really trust. She was quite the sophisticated character as well, being that she's an orphan from China that was adopted by a Japanese-American Protestant pastor who was actually my father's co-worker for a few years (which is how I met Naomi). We both know what it's like to experience pain.

Only problem was, her father absolutely hates me because him and my father had some workplace quarrels a few years back that haven't been resolved. I don't know if it's an Asian culture thing or something, but the girl Naomi won't date me because she doesn't want to disobey her father who disapproves of me, which, I find odd being that she's 18 already.
...Or it's just possible he's a mouthy young man on an internet forum.
In the infinite wisdom of God, James can be all three.

Offline ZealousZeal

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Re: Relationalships
« Reply #26 on: January 06, 2014, 09:48:01 PM »
On top of her physical beauty and extremely glamorous nature (she spends hours doing her makeup, very creative),

This should be a red flag for you.

these traditional girls who want to trap you with children

Stop.
"For this God is our God forever and ever; He will be our guide, even to the end." Psalm 48:14

Online Justin Kissel

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Re: Relationalships
« Reply #27 on: January 06, 2014, 09:53:11 PM »
...where the main reason for it's use is...

No apostrophe, Justin. Learn up.

But happy new year to you as well, Santagranddad.   Hey, wait a second... Santa... ?  :police:  :angel:
We all have an El Guapo to face. Be brave, and fight like lions!

Form a 'brute squad' then!

Offline JamesR

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Re: Relationalships
« Reply #28 on: January 06, 2014, 11:00:15 PM »
On top of her physical beauty and extremely glamorous nature (she spends hours doing her makeup, very creative),

This should be a red flag for you.

Why? I like a glamorous woman. She's rather cultured, always dressing formal, eating seafood, spent a semester as an exchange student in Japan.
...Or it's just possible he's a mouthy young man on an internet forum.
In the infinite wisdom of God, James can be all three.

Offline TheTrisagion

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Re: Relationalships
« Reply #29 on: January 06, 2014, 11:55:38 PM »
On top of her physical beauty and extremely glamorous nature (she spends hours doing her makeup, very creative),

This should be a red flag for you.

Why? I like a glamorous woman. She's rather cultured, always dressing formal, eating seafood, spent a semester as an exchange student in Japan.
Sounds expensive to me.  Never marry an expensive woman.  All that money is gonna come from somewhere and when you are married, that somewhere is you.
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Offline JamesR

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Re: Relationalships
« Reply #30 on: January 06, 2014, 11:57:49 PM »
On top of her physical beauty and extremely glamorous nature (she spends hours doing her makeup, very creative),

This should be a red flag for you.

Why? I like a glamorous woman. She's rather cultured, always dressing formal, eating seafood, spent a semester as an exchange student in Japan.
Sounds expensive to me.  Never marry an expensive woman.  All that money is gonna come from somewhere and when you are married, that somewhere is you.

To be fair, she's an only child (adopted from China) and her parents are pretty well-off and they're in their 60s. If we ever got married, we'd inherit a fortune when they died.
...Or it's just possible he's a mouthy young man on an internet forum.
In the infinite wisdom of God, James can be all three.

Offline ZealousZeal

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Re: Relationalships
« Reply #31 on: January 07, 2014, 12:30:21 AM »
On top of her physical beauty and extremely glamorous nature (she spends hours doing her makeup, very creative),

This should be a red flag for you.

Why? I like a glamorous woman. She's rather cultured, always dressing formal, eating seafood, spent a semester as an exchange student in Japan.

If it takes hours to do her makeup, then I wonder what she looks like without it. And with it, for that matter... And there's probably a good chance she's either vain or insecure, maybe both.
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Re: Relationalships
« Reply #32 on: January 07, 2014, 01:55:59 AM »
I don't know if it's an Asian culture thing or something, but the girl Naomi won't date me because she doesn't want to disobey her father who disapproves of me, which, I find odd being that she's 18 already.

You've not worth being disowned for. ;)
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Offline dzheremi

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Re: Relationalships
« Reply #33 on: January 07, 2014, 02:14:40 AM »
While in a relationship with a significant other, what would make you think it'll work out long term


That she would date me.

Quote
and what would make you think it wouldn't work out long term?

That should would date me.

Offline GabrieltheCelt

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Re: Relationalships
« Reply #34 on: January 07, 2014, 02:25:54 AM »
On top of her physical beauty and extremely glamorous nature (she spends hours doing her makeup, very creative),

This should be a red flag for you.

Why? I like a glamorous woman. She's rather cultured, always dressing formal, eating seafood, spent a semester as an exchange student in Japan.
Sounds expensive to me.  Never marry an expensive woman.  All that money is gonna come from somewhere and when you are married, that somewhere is you.

To be fair, she's an only child (adopted from China) and her parents are pretty well-off and they're in their 60s. If we ever got married, we'd inherit a fortune when they died.

 Another red flag.  This time though, it's for her.
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Offline IoanC

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Re: Relationalships
« Reply #35 on: January 07, 2014, 03:21:01 AM »
If the two truly like each other, it would probably help to determine their common goal and commit to it, instead of sort of expecting things to just work.
« Last Edit: January 07, 2014, 03:21:50 AM by IoanC »

Offline Nephi

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Re: Relationalships
« Reply #36 on: January 07, 2014, 03:25:32 AM »
On top of her physical beauty and extremely glamorous nature (she spends hours doing her makeup, very creative),

This should be a red flag for you.

Why? I like a glamorous woman. She's rather cultured, always dressing formal, eating seafood, spent a semester as an exchange student in Japan.
Sounds expensive to me.  Never marry an expensive woman.  All that money is gonna come from somewhere and when you are married, that somewhere is you.

To be fair, she's an only child (adopted from China) and her parents are pretty well-off and they're in their 60s. If we ever got married, we'd inherit a fortune when they died.

Is our James a gold digger? :angel:

Online Justin Kissel

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Re: Relationalships
« Reply #37 on: January 07, 2014, 03:27:05 AM »
While in a relationship with a significant other, what would make you think it'll work out long term


That she would date me.

Quote
and what would make you think it wouldn't work out long term?

That should would date me.

I know what you mean...  :-\
We all have an El Guapo to face. Be brave, and fight like lions!

Form a 'brute squad' then!

Offline JamesR

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Re: Relationalships
« Reply #38 on: January 07, 2014, 03:52:23 AM »
Post edited on request.

-Cyrillic
« Last Edit: January 07, 2014, 03:25:22 PM by Cyrillic »
...Or it's just possible he's a mouthy young man on an internet forum.
In the infinite wisdom of God, James can be all three.

Offline IoanC

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Re: Relationalships
« Reply #39 on: January 07, 2014, 05:34:31 AM »
If the two truly like each other, it would probably help to determine their common goal and commit to it, instead of sort of expecting things to just work.

So, let me re-phrase to better address the topic. First condition is whether they truly like each other. It's the only condition that the relationship will last and even exist, even though couples do exist and last even if they don't like each other. That's insane.

Second condition would be to determine what they share in common and the goal of the relationship and commit to it together. It's fairly common that people sort of just go with the flow, but this can cause the relationship to be caught unprepared and challenged by various negative things that come up over time.
« Last Edit: January 07, 2014, 05:35:12 AM by IoanC »

Offline Cyrillic

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Re: Relationalships
« Reply #40 on: January 07, 2014, 06:35:23 AM »
On top of her physical beauty and extremely glamorous nature (she spends hours doing her makeup, very creative),

This should be a red flag for you.

Why? I like a glamorous woman. She's rather cultured, always dressing formal, eating seafood, spent a semester as an exchange student in Japan.

If it takes hours to do her makeup, then I wonder what she looks like without it. And with it, for that matter... And there's probably a good chance she's either vain or insecure, maybe both.
Post edited on request.

-Cyrillic


Whenever she types her Facebook url into Google there'll be a link to this thread. It might take a few days for Google to index this thread.

On top of her physical beauty and extremely glamorous nature (she spends hours doing her makeup, very creative),

This should be a red flag for you.

+1
« Last Edit: January 07, 2014, 03:26:21 PM by Cyrillic »
"Who wants to be consistent? The dullard and the doctrinaire, the tedious people who carry out their principles to the bitter end of action, to the reductio ad absurdum of practice. Not I."
-Oscar Wilde, The Decay of Lying

Offline Cyrillic

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Re: Relationalships
« Reply #41 on: January 07, 2014, 06:40:50 AM »
While in a relationship with a significant other, what would make you think it'll work out long term


That she would date me.

Quote
and what would make you think it wouldn't work out long term?

That should would date me.

I know what you mean...  :-\

You two make me sad  :(
"Who wants to be consistent? The dullard and the doctrinaire, the tedious people who carry out their principles to the bitter end of action, to the reductio ad absurdum of practice. Not I."
-Oscar Wilde, The Decay of Lying

Offline dzheremi

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Re: Relationalships
« Reply #42 on: January 07, 2014, 06:42:45 AM »
Cyrillic: Sorry. If it makes you feel any better, my awful typo/brain lapse in that post makes me feel probably even sadder than you do.

JamesR: I know this isn't the "Share your racism" thread, and I'm not trying to be clever, but seriously...which one is she in her cover photo? :-[

Offline Mor Ephrem

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Re: Relationalships
« Reply #43 on: January 07, 2014, 11:03:30 AM »
Post edited on request.

-Cyrillic


Why would you do this? 
« Last Edit: January 07, 2014, 03:26:51 PM by Cyrillic »
"Do not tempt the Mor thy Mod."

Mor no longer posts on OCNet.  He follows threads, posts his responses daily, occasionally starts threads, and responds to private messages when and as he wants.  But he really isn't around anymore.


Offline TheTrisagion

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Re: Relationalships
« Reply #44 on: January 07, 2014, 11:27:20 AM »
Post edited on request.

-Cyrillic



Why would you do this? 
It's James.  Nuff said.
« Last Edit: January 07, 2014, 03:27:17 PM by Cyrillic »
Quote from: Mor Ephrem
Why can't you just take your spiritual edification like a man?