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Putnik Namernik
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« on: December 12, 2013, 10:37:04 PM »

Hello dear brothers and sisters. May this fast be for our salvation and not our condemation.

I have what Serbs would call sweet troubles (slatke muke). Some time ago I met two gorgeous girls around the same time. As time went by things seem to be going strangly great. By that I mean that I do not thing I have ever felt about any girl like I do about these two. Their physical apoearance and personality differ. I am torn.

For now things are ok but I know that sooner or later I will have to make a choice. I do not know if I will be able to. I will be heartbroken....

Will this with time be easier...I mean I will have a better idwa of whom to choose.  I am at that stage when want to settle down and both of these girls seem to be more than interested.

How to choose? Oh, so many questions...I need your advice. How did you deal in your case? How would you dwleal with this?

Now I undwrstand those wanting to have more than one wife...

Please pray for me. Sad
« Last Edit: December 12, 2013, 10:41:01 PM by Putnik Namernik » Logged
Gebre Menfes Kidus
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« Reply #1 on: December 13, 2013, 12:09:59 AM »

Which girl do you think is more compatible with you in your desire to grow spiritually? Which girl's family do you feel more comfortable around? Which girl do you think helps you most in ways that are truly important? I could be wrong, but I bet one girl is more attractive to you on a carnal level, and the other one more attractive to you on a more substantive level. But since you are young, you may have trouble distinguishing your feelings in this way.

I don't really have any advice other than to pray, fast, and also talk with your Priest about this.

"Lord have mercy."


Selam
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"If we are unwilling to accept any truth that we have not first discovered and declared ourselves, we demonstrate that we are interested not in the truth so much as in being right." ~ Thomas Merton ~
Putnik Namernik
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« Reply #2 on: December 13, 2013, 12:44:03 AM »

They are both devout Orthodox Christians and spiritually re both growing.on me and help me grow. I haven't met their family but is.on to do list. That might clarify some things. They are attactive to me both physically and spiritually. They are about the same age...from different cities...I try not to provide too much information in case they (these two girls) might be reading this...
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IoanC
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« Reply #3 on: December 13, 2013, 02:06:02 AM »

Maybe leave it all up to God? It seems that your solutions have got you this far. Smiley
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Putnik Namernik
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« Reply #4 on: December 13, 2013, 07:35:48 AM »

You see, that is the problem. I do not think God chooses for us but instead provides us with options from which we choose. I would be very dissapointed to choose "the wrong one" but at the same time I will have to choose sooner or later or I will loose both of them
 Sad
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« Reply #5 on: December 13, 2013, 08:33:27 AM »

You see, that is the problem. I do not think God chooses for us but instead provides us with options from which we choose. I would be very dissapointed to choose "the wrong one" but at the same time I will have to choose sooner or later or I will loose both of them
 Sad

Of course, God does not choose for us. He is only a provider of our own options. Yet, it's funny, forgive me, how you ended up having to choose between two girls. Smiley Personally, I'd be scared of such a situation. I'd forget all about it. But just me.
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Adela
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« Reply #6 on: December 13, 2013, 11:08:41 AM »

This is certainly a dilemma and I hope with time God illuminates your path. 

If you were my little brother, I would advise you to consider to look for traits such as kindness and compassion and to avoid someone who is prone to gossip or feels she has to compete with others (you know, have a fancy car, bigger house,, flashier diamond).   You might want to consider how each woman handles adversity, does she handle it calmly  or with courage, or does she look for others to bail her out?  Your children will be learning coping skills from both of you so you might want to take a step back and consider which one you would like best as a role model for your children.  I wouldn't rule out one if you meet her family and find out they are crazy or something, but instead look at how she treats them and deals with any conflict.   Is she a pushover and can't stand her ground, is there tension, etc.  Have you had any disagreements with either of one? If so, how was the conflict, even a small one, resolved?  How does each one handle her finances? Many stressors come in a marriage around finances and debt so this is a big area to look at.   

The advise to pray is probably the best.  I've known happily married couples who did everything wrong, they got married too young, or too fast, etc and it worked out brilliantly.  Others over-analyzed (probably the list I just gave you) and it didn't work out so good.   Perhaps the key is to really know who you are loving and make sure you are not loving an ideal you pictured in your mind.   The key is to find someone you can walk through life with and build up each other along the way.
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vamrat
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« Reply #7 on: December 13, 2013, 12:33:08 PM »

Bide your time.  It will become obvious eventually, for better or for worse. 
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Putnik Namernik
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« Reply #8 on: December 13, 2013, 06:41:39 PM »

I would like to thank all of you who have.commented so far
@Gebre, the compactability is the major issue because they both seem to click with me....For God's sake, we are discussing all the major questions: marriage, kids, Orthodoxy, want me to meet their family, etc...

@Ioan. - It's a thankless position. I am stuck. Sad  I am not sure if I would make a mistake whichever I choose...but pray that things will be more clear as time goes by.

@Adela - You are my big sister! Smiley Thanks for pointing things from the female perspective.

@Vamrat - patience is not always on my side. Sometimes I feel like I cheeting, even though I am not
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