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Author Topic: Schlock Orthoproducts  (Read 6571 times) Average Rating: 3
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LBK
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« Reply #45 on: December 02, 2013, 10:43:04 PM »

I can make you one if you'd like, Mor. I'm thinking Carmen Electra, Louis CK, merkins, maybe a cat...

If you can make one where the only image is of Louis CK wearing nothing but a merkin and holding a cat, I'd cope with the absence of Carmen Electra. 

Is that a challenge?  Wink

Surprise me.  Wink

This. I. Gotta. See.  Shocked laugh
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« Reply #46 on: December 02, 2013, 10:44:15 PM »

Hurry! You want to receive this before Dec. 25/Jan 7!

Holy Russia and Holy Greece Christmas tree ornaments:



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« Reply #47 on: December 02, 2013, 10:45:57 PM »

*TheTrisagion approves of this thread*

In another thread, we should discuss whether you're Christological or Tinitarian.
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« Reply #48 on: December 02, 2013, 10:46:48 PM »

One more for tonight:

Christ blessing nightlight

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« Reply #49 on: December 02, 2013, 11:24:30 PM »

I can make you one if you'd like, Mor. I'm thinking Carmen Electra, Louis CK, merkins, maybe a cat...

If you can make one where the only image is of Louis CK wearing nothing but a merkin and holding a cat, I'd cope with the absence of Carmen Electra. 

Is that a challenge?  Wink

Surprise me.  Wink

This. I. Gotta. See.  Shocked laugh

I'm afraid posting it will get me a dot. Cheesy
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« Reply #50 on: December 02, 2013, 11:34:46 PM »

Hurry! You want to receive this before Dec. 25/Jan 7!

Holy Russia and Holy Greece Christmas tree ornaments:


No fair, not Ortho-schlock, they are just ordinary "plain old schlock." Those are from the Old World Christmas, Flags of the World Ornament series.  Wink
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« Reply #51 on: December 02, 2013, 11:38:15 PM »

I can make you one if you'd like, Mor. I'm thinking Carmen Electra, Louis CK, merkins, maybe a cat...

If you can make one where the only image is of Louis CK wearing nothing but a merkin and holding a cat, I'd cope with the absence of Carmen Electra. 

Is that a challenge?  Wink

Surprise me.  Wink

This. I. Gotta. See.  Shocked laugh

I'm afraid posting it will get me a dot. Cheesy

You could email it to me. I'll make sure Mor gets to see it.  Wink
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« Reply #52 on: December 02, 2013, 11:39:30 PM »

Hurry! You want to receive this before Dec. 25/Jan 7!

Holy Russia and Holy Greece Christmas tree ornaments:


No fair, not Ortho-schlock, they are just ordinary "plain old schlock." Those are from the Old World Christmas, Flags of the World Ornament series.  Wink
I debated it, but they were the only two flag ornaments offered on an otherwise "Orthodox" merchant's site full of such gems as icon Christmas tree balls. When marketing is taken into consideration, it's like buying an American flag at a Bible store.
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« Reply #53 on: December 02, 2013, 11:40:04 PM »

Hurry! You want to receive this before Dec. 25/Jan 7!

Holy Russia and Holy Greece Christmas tree ornaments:


No fair, not Ortho-schlock, they are just ordinary "plain old schlock." Those are from the Old World Christmas, Flags of the World Ornament series.  Wink

A good and proper observation, my friend. Thank you for wishing to maintain proper Orthoschlockopraxy.
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« Reply #54 on: December 02, 2013, 11:44:24 PM »

You could email it to me. I'll make sure Mor gets to see it.  Wink

Don't say I didn't warn ya.  Grin
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« Reply #55 on: December 03, 2013, 12:05:52 AM »

You could email it to me. I'll make sure Mor gets to see it.  Wink

Don't say I didn't warn ya.  Grin

It's priceless. And I've sent it to Mor for his viewing pleasure.   Grin
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« Reply #56 on: December 03, 2013, 12:19:21 AM »

*TheTrisagion approves of this thread*

In another thread, we should discuss whether you're Christological or Tinitarian.
Why should we do this?
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« Reply #57 on: December 03, 2013, 12:37:51 AM »

*TheTrisagion approves of this thread*

In another thread, we should discuss whether you're Christological or Tinitarian.
Why should we do this?

For historical purposes:

http://www.orthodoxchristianity.net/forum/index.php/topic,28321.0.html
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« Reply #58 on: December 03, 2013, 12:40:52 AM »

*TheTrisagion approves of this thread*

In another thread, we should discuss whether you're Christological or Tinitarian.
Why should we do this?

For historical purposes:

http://www.orthodoxchristianity.net/forum/index.php/topic,28321.0.html
lol, I put the "Tri" in "Trisagion".  BOOYAH!!!
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« Reply #59 on: December 03, 2013, 01:25:50 AM »

Hurry! You want to receive this before Dec. 25/Jan 7!

Holy Russia and Holy Greece Christmas tree ornaments:






eww Russian Federation flag! That is not holy! how schlock!
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« Reply #60 on: December 03, 2013, 01:35:51 AM »

Hurry! You want to receive this before Dec. 25/Jan 7!

Holy Russia and Holy Greece Christmas tree ornaments:




eww Russian Federation flag! That is not holy! how schlock!

Maybe they don't have the brown, white and black Tsarist flag in their range.  Wink
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« Reply #61 on: December 03, 2013, 02:55:18 AM »

Does this belong here?

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« Reply #62 on: December 03, 2013, 02:57:55 AM »

Does this belong here?

Thanks for bringing that to my attention, I'm bidding on that one...  Smiley
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« Reply #63 on: December 03, 2013, 03:00:49 AM »

Does this belong here?



It's almost too cute to be schlock.  laugh
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« Reply #64 on: December 03, 2013, 03:10:07 AM »

It's almost too cute to be schlock.  laugh

Oh? Then how about these:



And there's this nice little Gospel pendant:

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« Reply #65 on: December 03, 2013, 03:19:57 AM »

I about choked.

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« Reply #66 on: December 03, 2013, 07:23:39 AM »

It's almost too cute to be schlock.  laugh

Oh? Then how about these:




They're folk art, like Russian matrioshka (nesting) dolls. They're kitsch, but cute and sweet.  Smiley The Russian nun is quite amusing - white veil and a lovely floral design on her black habit. Very authentic.  Shocked  Winklaugh

OTOH, the Christ mosaic top in the post above is abominable and sacrilegious. There was a thread here a while back on some designer fashion label producing stuff like this.  Angry Angry Angry
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« Reply #67 on: December 03, 2013, 09:32:26 PM »

*TheTrisagion approves of this thread*

In another thread, we should discuss whether you're Christological or Tinitarian.
Why should we do this?

For historical purposes:

http://www.orthodoxchristianity.net/forum/index.php/topic,28321.0.html

You didn't get it.
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« Reply #68 on: December 03, 2013, 09:34:00 PM »

I about choked.



Yup, I'd say that takes the gold medal for Orthoschlock.
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« Reply #69 on: December 03, 2013, 10:51:04 PM »

I about choked.



Yup, I'd say that takes the gold medal for Orthoschlock.

I won't disagree. There couldn't possibly be anything out there worse than this, could there? Could there??  Roll Eyes Roll Eyes
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« Reply #70 on: December 03, 2013, 10:56:37 PM »

There couldn't possibly be anything out there worse than this, could there? Could there??  Roll Eyes Roll Eyes


Tread carefully, LBK. 
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« Reply #71 on: December 03, 2013, 11:00:17 PM »

There couldn't possibly be anything out there worse than this, could there? Could there??  Roll Eyes Roll Eyes


Tread carefully, LBK. 

Remember, I'm much older and uglier than you.  laugh

Critiquing and writing about schlock icons over the years has built up quite a bit of resilience in yours truly.  Wink
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« Reply #72 on: December 03, 2013, 11:18:05 PM »

I about choked.



Doth my eye deceive me, or is that sequined?
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« Reply #73 on: December 03, 2013, 11:22:06 PM »

There couldn't possibly be anything out there worse than this, could there? Could there??  Roll Eyes Roll Eyes


Tread carefully, LBK. 

My Photoshop- I need no other's- showeth me the bizarreness of the underbody.
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« Reply #74 on: December 03, 2013, 11:22:54 PM »


Doth my eye deceive me, or is that sequined?

It looks printed to me, but the original mosaic is in the great cathedral of Aghia Sophia:



Gold would have been used in the original mosaic.
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« Reply #75 on: December 03, 2013, 11:32:18 PM »


Doth my eye deceive me, or is that sequined?

It looks printed to me, but the original mosaic is in the great cathedral of Aghia Sophia:



Gold would have been used in the original mosaic.

Awesome!
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« Reply #76 on: December 03, 2013, 11:44:04 PM »

Upon zooming in I believe you're correct, LBK. Looks just printed. I think sequins would have taken it to a whole new level of fail, though.
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« Reply #77 on: December 03, 2013, 11:45:46 PM »

The Pilgrim continues on his way, this time with the Jesus Prayer not in his heart but on his hoodie:



And if he gets thirsty after achieving theosis through branding, he can always take a drink from this, which no doubt hangs around his neck next to his baptismal cross:



And of course, the journey will be preserved for posterity in his Jesus Prayer journal:



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« Reply #78 on: December 03, 2013, 11:52:10 PM »

Upon zooming in I believe you're correct, LBK. Looks just printed. I think sequins would have taken it to a whole new level of fail, though.

Truer words were rarely spoken.  Wink
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« Reply #79 on: December 04, 2013, 12:12:24 AM »

From the Schlock Icons thread:

Nothing wrong with the icons themselves, but trust the Serbs to put them on liquor bottles, often with a prayer to the saint on the reverse: Shocked Shocked





Just in case some folks think the bottle is intended for holy water, here's the packaging:



And some copper-clad versions:




I suppose having the prayer on hand after getting ironed out on slivovits makes a bit of sense ...  Tongue


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« Reply #80 on: December 04, 2013, 08:44:48 AM »

The Pilgrim continues on his way, this time with the Jesus Prayer not in his heart but on his hoodie:



And if he gets thirsty after achieving theosis through branding, he can always take a drink from this, which no doubt hangs around his neck next to his baptismal cross:



And of course, the journey will be preserved for posterity in his Jesus Prayer journal:





You are always quite clever but you are on a real roll here. I nearly lost a lung on the first sentence.

Thanks.
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« Reply #81 on: December 04, 2013, 08:56:31 AM »

St. Nicholas can't catch a break it seems - in the  west or the east!

Recipes: http://www.stnicholascenter.org/pages/beverages/

Winery on Cyprus: http://www.wine-searcher.com/wine-161978-0001-etko-winery-st-nicholas-commandaria-cyprus

Winery in Germany: http://www.saintnicholaswines.com/
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« Reply #82 on: December 04, 2013, 09:11:15 AM »

St. Nicholas can't catch a break it seems - in the  west or the east!

Recipes: http://www.stnicholascenter.org/pages/beverages/

Winery on Cyprus: http://www.wine-searcher.com/wine-161978-0001-etko-winery-st-nicholas-commandaria-cyprus

Winery in Germany: http://www.saintnicholaswines.com/

Are you surprised? St Nicholas is, after all, a kind of "patron saint of everything".  laugh And, just to clarify, I wouldn't regard these things as schlocky at all.  Wink

On recipes: The Greeks have Fanouropita (baked in honor of St Phanourios of Rhodes), and Vasilopita (in honor of St Basil the Great, and shared on New Year's Eve or New Year's Day)

On Commandaria: This wine is commonly used by churches as communion wine. Other brands include St John (the Evangelist).

On wineries: Naming wines after saints is a centuries-old European tradition, in both east and west, and one which continues in the New World. Aghiorghitiko is a grape variety named after St George.
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« Reply #83 on: December 04, 2013, 09:12:53 AM »

St. Nicholas wine is good and IIRC there was no image of St. Nicholas on the label.  Drink away!
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« Reply #84 on: December 04, 2013, 09:16:18 AM »





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« Reply #85 on: December 04, 2013, 09:24:40 AM »




An icon of Christ topped with "In the name of Christ the Savior" as a wine label?  Shocked Shocked Shocked Shocked
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« Reply #86 on: December 04, 2013, 09:29:58 AM »

An icon of Christ topped with "In the name of Christ the Savior" as a wine label?  Shocked Shocked Shocked Shocked

IIRC that's communion wine - we used that brand in church some years back.

That's not meant to be an excuse for the icons on their label...
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« Reply #87 on: December 04, 2013, 09:43:29 AM »

IIRC that's communion wine - we used that brand in church some years back.

That wine can be bought in every second store.
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« Reply #88 on: December 04, 2013, 09:51:50 AM »

IIRC that's communion wine - we used that brand in church some years back.

That wine can be bought in every second store.

Well, it was rare in Romania. And it's got holy writ and icons all over it. I think the guy who brought in a dozen bottles did it in good faith.

We only used it a couple of times though, because Father thought it too strong for children.
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« Reply #89 on: December 04, 2013, 09:53:42 AM »

It's not that bad, cheap, and strong but a bit too sweet to my taste.
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