Author Topic: Schlock Orthoproducts  (Read 21032 times)

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Offline LBK

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #45 on: December 02, 2013, 10:43:04 PM »
I can make you one if you'd like, Mor. I'm thinking Carmen Electra, Louis CK, merkins, maybe a cat...

If you can make one where the only image is of Louis CK wearing nothing but a merkin and holding a cat, I'd cope with the absence of Carmen Electra. 

Is that a challenge?  ;)

Surprise me.  ;)

This. I. Gotta. See.  :o :laugh:
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Offline Agabus

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #46 on: December 02, 2013, 10:44:15 PM »
Hurry! You want to receive this before Dec. 25/Jan 7!

Holy Russia and Holy Greece Christmas tree ornaments:



Blessed Nazarius practiced the ascetic life. His clothes were tattered. He wore his shoes without removing them for six years.

THE OPINIONS HERE MAY NOT REFLECT THE ACTUAL OR PERCEIVED ORTHODOX CHURCH

Offline Shanghaiski

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #47 on: December 02, 2013, 10:45:57 PM »
*TheTrisagion approves of this thread*

In another thread, we should discuss whether you're Christological or Tinitarian.
Quote from: GabrieltheCelt
If you spend long enough on this forum, you'll come away with all sorts of weird, untrue ideas of Orthodox Christianity.
Quote from: orthonorm
I would suggest most persons in general avoid any question beginning with why.

Offline Agabus

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #48 on: December 02, 2013, 10:46:48 PM »
One more for tonight:

Christ blessing nightlight

Blessed Nazarius practiced the ascetic life. His clothes were tattered. He wore his shoes without removing them for six years.

THE OPINIONS HERE MAY NOT REFLECT THE ACTUAL OR PERCEIVED ORTHODOX CHURCH

Offline ZealousZeal

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #49 on: December 02, 2013, 11:24:30 PM »
I can make you one if you'd like, Mor. I'm thinking Carmen Electra, Louis CK, merkins, maybe a cat...

If you can make one where the only image is of Louis CK wearing nothing but a merkin and holding a cat, I'd cope with the absence of Carmen Electra. 

Is that a challenge?  ;)

Surprise me.  ;)

This. I. Gotta. See.  :o :laugh:

I'm afraid posting it will get me a dot. :D
O Virgin pure, immaculate, O Lady Theotokos
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O fleece bedewed with every grace, O Virgin Queen and Mother
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Offline podkarpatska

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #50 on: December 02, 2013, 11:34:46 PM »
Hurry! You want to receive this before Dec. 25/Jan 7!

Holy Russia and Holy Greece Christmas tree ornaments:


No fair, not Ortho-schlock, they are just ordinary "plain old schlock." Those are from the Old World Christmas, Flags of the World Ornament series.  ;)

Offline LBK

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #51 on: December 02, 2013, 11:38:15 PM »
I can make you one if you'd like, Mor. I'm thinking Carmen Electra, Louis CK, merkins, maybe a cat...

If you can make one where the only image is of Louis CK wearing nothing but a merkin and holding a cat, I'd cope with the absence of Carmen Electra. 

Is that a challenge?  ;)

Surprise me.  ;)

This. I. Gotta. See.  :o :laugh:

I'm afraid posting it will get me a dot. :D

You could email it to me. I'll make sure Mor gets to see it.  ;)
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Offline Agabus

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #52 on: December 02, 2013, 11:39:30 PM »
Hurry! You want to receive this before Dec. 25/Jan 7!

Holy Russia and Holy Greece Christmas tree ornaments:


No fair, not Ortho-schlock, they are just ordinary "plain old schlock." Those are from the Old World Christmas, Flags of the World Ornament series.  ;)
I debated it, but they were the only two flag ornaments offered on an otherwise "Orthodox" merchant's site full of such gems as icon Christmas tree balls. When marketing is taken into consideration, it's like buying an American flag at a Bible store.
« Last Edit: December 02, 2013, 11:39:54 PM by Agabus »
Blessed Nazarius practiced the ascetic life. His clothes were tattered. He wore his shoes without removing them for six years.

THE OPINIONS HERE MAY NOT REFLECT THE ACTUAL OR PERCEIVED ORTHODOX CHURCH

Offline LBK

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #53 on: December 02, 2013, 11:40:04 PM »
Hurry! You want to receive this before Dec. 25/Jan 7!

Holy Russia and Holy Greece Christmas tree ornaments:


No fair, not Ortho-schlock, they are just ordinary "plain old schlock." Those are from the Old World Christmas, Flags of the World Ornament series.  ;)

A good and proper observation, my friend. Thank you for wishing to maintain proper Orthoschlockopraxy.
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Offline ZealousZeal

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #54 on: December 02, 2013, 11:44:24 PM »
You could email it to me. I'll make sure Mor gets to see it.  ;)

Don't say I didn't warn ya.  ;D
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Offline LBK

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #55 on: December 03, 2013, 12:05:52 AM »
You could email it to me. I'll make sure Mor gets to see it.  ;)

Don't say I didn't warn ya.  ;D

It's priceless. And I've sent it to Mor for his viewing pleasure.   ;D
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Offline TheTrisagion

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #56 on: December 03, 2013, 12:19:21 AM »
*TheTrisagion approves of this thread*

In another thread, we should discuss whether you're Christological or Tinitarian.
Why should we do this?
The term planet earth is an innovation which has arisen in recent centuries with the error of heliocentrism.

If one wants to confess a pure doctrine of Orthodoxy, they should be careful not to refer to the earth as a planet, unlike the current Pope as well as Patriarch Kirill and Patriarch Bartholomew, who regularly speak in error when they refer to our planet earth.

Offline Salpy

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #57 on: December 03, 2013, 12:37:51 AM »
*TheTrisagion approves of this thread*

In another thread, we should discuss whether you're Christological or Tinitarian.
Why should we do this?

For historical purposes:

http://www.orthodoxchristianity.net/forum/index.php/topic,28321.0.html

Offline TheTrisagion

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #58 on: December 03, 2013, 12:40:52 AM »
*TheTrisagion approves of this thread*

In another thread, we should discuss whether you're Christological or Tinitarian.
Why should we do this?

For historical purposes:

http://www.orthodoxchristianity.net/forum/index.php/topic,28321.0.html
lol, I put the "Tri" in "Trisagion".  BOOYAH!!!
The term planet earth is an innovation which has arisen in recent centuries with the error of heliocentrism.

If one wants to confess a pure doctrine of Orthodoxy, they should be careful not to refer to the earth as a planet, unlike the current Pope as well as Patriarch Kirill and Patriarch Bartholomew, who regularly speak in error when they refer to our planet earth.

Offline Gunnarr

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #59 on: December 03, 2013, 01:25:50 AM »
Hurry! You want to receive this before Dec. 25/Jan 7!

Holy Russia and Holy Greece Christmas tree ornaments:






eww Russian Federation flag! That is not holy! how schlock!
I am a demonic servant! Beware!

Offline LBK

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #60 on: December 03, 2013, 01:35:51 AM »
Hurry! You want to receive this before Dec. 25/Jan 7!

Holy Russia and Holy Greece Christmas tree ornaments:




eww Russian Federation flag! That is not holy! how schlock!

Maybe they don't have the brown, white and black Tsarist flag in their range.  ;)
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Offline Nephi

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #61 on: December 03, 2013, 02:55:18 AM »
Does this belong here?


Offline Asteriktos

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #62 on: December 03, 2013, 02:57:55 AM »
Does this belong here?

Thanks for bringing that to my attention, I'm bidding on that one...  :)

Offline LBK

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #63 on: December 03, 2013, 03:00:49 AM »
Does this belong here?



It's almost too cute to be schlock.  :laugh:
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Offline Nephi

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #64 on: December 03, 2013, 03:10:07 AM »
It's almost too cute to be schlock.  :laugh:

Oh? Then how about these:



And there's this nice little Gospel pendant:

« Last Edit: December 03, 2013, 03:16:38 AM by Nephi »

Offline Nephi

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #65 on: December 03, 2013, 03:19:57 AM »
I about choked.


Offline LBK

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #66 on: December 03, 2013, 07:23:39 AM »
It's almost too cute to be schlock.  :laugh:

Oh? Then how about these:




They're folk art, like Russian matrioshka (nesting) dolls. They're kitsch, but cute and sweet.  :) The Russian nun is quite amusing - white veil and a lovely floral design on her black habit. Very authentic.  :o  ;):laugh:

OTOH, the Christ mosaic top in the post above is abominable and sacrilegious. There was a thread here a while back on some designer fashion label producing stuff like this.  >:( >:( >:(
« Last Edit: December 03, 2013, 07:24:50 AM by LBK »
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Offline Shanghaiski

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #67 on: December 03, 2013, 09:32:26 PM »
Quote from: GabrieltheCelt
If you spend long enough on this forum, you'll come away with all sorts of weird, untrue ideas of Orthodox Christianity.
Quote from: orthonorm
I would suggest most persons in general avoid any question beginning with why.

Offline Shanghaiski

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #68 on: December 03, 2013, 09:34:00 PM »
I about choked.



Yup, I'd say that takes the gold medal for Orthoschlock.
Quote from: GabrieltheCelt
If you spend long enough on this forum, you'll come away with all sorts of weird, untrue ideas of Orthodox Christianity.
Quote from: orthonorm
I would suggest most persons in general avoid any question beginning with why.

Offline LBK

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #69 on: December 03, 2013, 10:51:04 PM »
I about choked.



Yup, I'd say that takes the gold medal for Orthoschlock.

I won't disagree. There couldn't possibly be anything out there worse than this, could there? Could there??  ::) ::)
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Offline Mor Ephrem

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #70 on: December 03, 2013, 10:56:37 PM »
There couldn't possibly be anything out there worse than this, could there? Could there??  ::) ::)

Is that a challenge?  ;)

Surprise me.  ;)

This. I. Gotta. See.  :o :laugh:

Tread carefully, LBK. 
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The Gospel is quite clear: both saints and sinners love God. "Religious" people do not love him, and whenever they can, they crucify him.

Of course, OC.net is not reflective of the Church, but is rather a surreal bubble. I have visited a lot of different parishes around the world and have listened to many hours of AFR...

Offline LBK

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #71 on: December 03, 2013, 11:00:17 PM »
There couldn't possibly be anything out there worse than this, could there? Could there??  ::) ::)

Is that a challenge?  ;)

Surprise me.  ;)

This. I. Gotta. See.  :o :laugh:

Tread carefully, LBK. 

Remember, I'm much older and uglier than you.  :laugh:

Critiquing and writing about schlock icons over the years has built up quite a bit of resilience in yours truly.  ;)
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Offline ZealousZeal

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #72 on: December 03, 2013, 11:18:05 PM »
I about choked.



Doth my eye deceive me, or is that sequined?
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Offline ZealousZeal

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #73 on: December 03, 2013, 11:22:06 PM »
There couldn't possibly be anything out there worse than this, could there? Could there??  ::) ::)

Is that a challenge?  ;)

Surprise me.  ;)

This. I. Gotta. See.  :o :laugh:

Tread carefully, LBK. 

My Photoshop- I need no other's- showeth me the bizarreness of the underbody.
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Offline LBK

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #74 on: December 03, 2013, 11:22:54 PM »

Doth my eye deceive me, or is that sequined?

It looks printed to me, but the original mosaic is in the great cathedral of Aghia Sophia:



Gold would have been used in the original mosaic.
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Offline Maria

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #75 on: December 03, 2013, 11:32:18 PM »

Doth my eye deceive me, or is that sequined?

It looks printed to me, but the original mosaic is in the great cathedral of Aghia Sophia:



Gold would have been used in the original mosaic.

Awesome!
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Writings from the Philokalia: On Prayer of the Heart,
Translated from the Russian by E. Kadloubovksy and G.E.H. Palmer, Faber and Faber, London, Boston, 1992 printing.

Offline ZealousZeal

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #76 on: December 03, 2013, 11:44:04 PM »
Upon zooming in I believe you're correct, LBK. Looks just printed. I think sequins would have taken it to a whole new level of fail, though.
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Offline Agabus

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #77 on: December 03, 2013, 11:45:46 PM »
The Pilgrim continues on his way, this time with the Jesus Prayer not in his heart but on his hoodie:



And if he gets thirsty after achieving theosis through branding, he can always take a drink from this, which no doubt hangs around his neck next to his baptismal cross:



And of course, the journey will be preserved for posterity in his Jesus Prayer journal:



Blessed Nazarius practiced the ascetic life. His clothes were tattered. He wore his shoes without removing them for six years.

THE OPINIONS HERE MAY NOT REFLECT THE ACTUAL OR PERCEIVED ORTHODOX CHURCH

Offline LBK

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #78 on: December 03, 2013, 11:52:10 PM »
Upon zooming in I believe you're correct, LBK. Looks just printed. I think sequins would have taken it to a whole new level of fail, though.

Truer words were rarely spoken.  ;)
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Offline LBK

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #79 on: December 04, 2013, 12:12:24 AM »
From the Schlock Icons thread:

Nothing wrong with the icons themselves, but trust the Serbs to put them on liquor bottles, often with a prayer to the saint on the reverse: :o :o





Just in case some folks think the bottle is intended for holy water, here's the packaging:



And some copper-clad versions:




I suppose having the prayer on hand after getting ironed out on slivovits makes a bit of sense ...  :P


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Offline orthonorm

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #80 on: December 04, 2013, 08:44:48 AM »
The Pilgrim continues on his way, this time with the Jesus Prayer not in his heart but on his hoodie:



And if he gets thirsty after achieving theosis through branding, he can always take a drink from this, which no doubt hangs around his neck next to his baptismal cross:



And of course, the journey will be preserved for posterity in his Jesus Prayer journal:





You are always quite clever but you are on a real roll here. I nearly lost a lung on the first sentence.

Thanks.
January 23, 2016, 03:47:17 PM   Ad Hominem - "mere foil"   +45

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Offline podkarpatska

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #81 on: December 04, 2013, 08:56:31 AM »
St. Nicholas can't catch a break it seems - in the  west or the east!

Recipes: http://www.stnicholascenter.org/pages/beverages/

Winery on Cyprus: http://www.wine-searcher.com/wine-161978-0001-etko-winery-st-nicholas-commandaria-cyprus

Winery in Germany: http://www.saintnicholaswines.com/

Offline LBK

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #82 on: December 04, 2013, 09:11:15 AM »
St. Nicholas can't catch a break it seems - in the  west or the east!

Recipes: http://www.stnicholascenter.org/pages/beverages/

Winery on Cyprus: http://www.wine-searcher.com/wine-161978-0001-etko-winery-st-nicholas-commandaria-cyprus

Winery in Germany: http://www.saintnicholaswines.com/

Are you surprised? St Nicholas is, after all, a kind of "patron saint of everything".  :laugh: And, just to clarify, I wouldn't regard these things as schlocky at all.  ;)

On recipes: The Greeks have Fanouropita (baked in honor of St Phanourios of Rhodes), and Vasilopita (in honor of St Basil the Great, and shared on New Year's Eve or New Year's Day)

On Commandaria: This wine is commonly used by churches as communion wine. Other brands include St John (the Evangelist).

On wineries: Naming wines after saints is a centuries-old European tradition, in both east and west, and one which continues in the New World. Aghiorghitiko is a grape variety named after St George.
« Last Edit: December 04, 2013, 09:12:13 AM by LBK »
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Offline hecma925

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #83 on: December 04, 2013, 09:12:53 AM »
St. Nicholas wine is good and IIRC there was no image of St. Nicholas on the label.  Drink away!
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #84 on: December 04, 2013, 09:16:18 AM »




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Offline LBK

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #85 on: December 04, 2013, 09:24:40 AM »



An icon of Christ topped with "In the name of Christ the Savior" as a wine label?  :o :o :o :o
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Offline Romaios

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #86 on: December 04, 2013, 09:29:58 AM »
An icon of Christ topped with "In the name of Christ the Savior" as a wine label?  :o :o :o :o

IIRC that's communion wine - we used that brand in church some years back.

That's not meant to be an excuse for the icons on their label...

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #87 on: December 04, 2013, 09:43:29 AM »
IIRC that's communion wine - we used that brand in church some years back.

That wine can be bought in every second store.
« Last Edit: December 04, 2013, 09:43:47 AM by Michał Kalina »
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Offline Romaios

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #88 on: December 04, 2013, 09:51:50 AM »
IIRC that's communion wine - we used that brand in church some years back.

That wine can be bought in every second store.

Well, it was rare in Romania. And it's got holy writ and icons all over it. I think the guy who brought in a dozen bottles did it in good faith.

We only used it a couple of times though, because Father thought it too strong for children.
« Last Edit: December 04, 2013, 09:52:44 AM by Romaios »

Offline mike

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #89 on: December 04, 2013, 09:53:42 AM »
It's not that bad, cheap, and strong but a bit too sweet to my taste.
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