Author Topic: Schlock Orthoproducts  (Read 9354 times)

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Offline Agabus

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Schlock Orthoproducts
« on: December 01, 2013, 04:56:01 PM »
In the vein of the schlock icons thread, we shall herein discuss the merits of various products of Orthokitsch.

My first offering:

The "Acquire Peace" t-shirt



The second is much more ephemeral:

The Jesus Prayer App for Android.
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Offline mike

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #1 on: December 01, 2013, 05:02:36 PM »
I suppose this thread will provide many inspirations for me.
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Offline Shanghaiski

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #2 on: December 01, 2013, 05:03:07 PM »
This thread will meet a real need.
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Offline Agabus

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #3 on: December 01, 2013, 05:24:40 PM »
Doesn't take much searching to find loads of sacred objects attached to keychains.

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Offline LBK

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #4 on: December 01, 2013, 05:33:02 PM »
One of my "favorites", the dreaded icon bracelet:



Ugh.  :P
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Offline Alpo

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #5 on: December 01, 2013, 05:36:16 PM »
I use St. Benedict Medal as a keychain. Does it count?
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #6 on: December 01, 2013, 06:09:26 PM »

The Jesus Prayer App for Android.

This alone makes the thread worthwhile. 

I don't have any visual contributions, but the vomit inducing prelude music and introductory comments to most podcasts seem, at best, to fall into the schlock category.
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Offline Shanghaiski

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #7 on: December 01, 2013, 06:24:05 PM »
One of my "favorites", the dreaded icon bracelet:



Ugh.  :P

Come on, we all know you secretly long to have a bracelet of your favorite schlock icons. :)
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #8 on: December 01, 2013, 06:26:42 PM »
I use St. Benedict Medal as a keychain. Does it count?

I've seen St Benedict and St Bridget medals on zip pullers on Etsy. I'd link if they were still there.
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Offline LBK

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #9 on: December 01, 2013, 06:29:16 PM »
One of my "favorites", the dreaded icon bracelet:



Ugh.  :P

Come on, we all know you secretly long to have a bracelet of your favorite schlock icons. :)

Only to get the satisfaction of burning it!  :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
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Offline Alpo

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #10 on: December 02, 2013, 11:32:50 AM »
I use St. Benedict Medal as a keychain. Does it count?

I've seen St Benedict and St Bridget medals on zip pullers on Etsy. I'd link if they were still there.

I had to google to see what is Etsy. I'm Glad that I haven't seen it around here. One international market chain selling ugly low quality products less to boycott.

My medal is from Medjugorje. Two of my RC friends made a pilgrimage there. I been considering whether I should ask my priest to bless it just in order to see his face. "St. Benedict Medal? What's that?"
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Offline Agabus

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #11 on: December 02, 2013, 12:34:40 PM »
If you play it right, you can venerate and get a sip of coffee all in one fluid motion:

Blessed Nazarius practiced the ascetic life. His clothes were tattered. He wore his shoes without removing them for six years.

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Offline orthonorm

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #12 on: December 02, 2013, 12:38:46 PM »
If you play it right, you can venerate and get a sip of coffee all in one fluid motion:



LOL @ your posts.

Jesus prayer app! Good grief. There is now an app for everything. Slide while counting . . .
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #13 on: December 02, 2013, 12:52:40 PM »
One of my "favorites", the dreaded icon bracelet:

Ugh.  :P

Ooops, I wear such thing for special occasions (I have two such bracelets and both are important for me as I've receive them from Serbia). But people rather like it, one of my Orthodox friends even said it's nice I wanted to take my friends with me.

In my opinion e.g icons-puzzles are one of Schlock Orthoproducts. Unfortunately, last year I got it as a birthday gift :laugh: (a canonical Serbian fresco presenting the Last Judgment)
« Last Edit: December 02, 2013, 12:53:11 PM by Dominika »
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Offline Shiny

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #14 on: December 02, 2013, 12:57:12 PM »
I'll have to find the Photoshop I did of putting St John of Shanghai on a tshirt. Looked good to me lol.
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Offline Agabus

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #15 on: December 02, 2013, 01:28:34 PM »
I'll have to find the Photoshop I did of putting St John of Shanghai on a tshirt. Looked good to me lol.

Like this?

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Offline podkarpatska

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #16 on: December 02, 2013, 02:08:23 PM »
I'll have to find the Photoshop I did of putting St John of Shanghai on a tshirt. Looked good to me lol.

Like this?



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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #17 on: December 02, 2013, 02:16:19 PM »
Jesus prayer app! Good grief. There is now an app for everything. Slide while counting . . .

I wonder if, many centuries ago, people railed against prayer ropes.  "Why do you need a rope to pray? Why would you introduce such a material thing into the pure act of prayer with God? Is it that you wish to show off to others? Is prayer by itself not exciting enough for you? Are you so inattentive that you can't keep track of what you're doing without one? Are you so bent on following the latest fad? Truly I tell you, this is nothing more than a passing triviality, a way for people to bring worldly corruptions into their prayer life! We are called to silence, to quiet, not to introduce unnecessary reasons for movement and shifting thoughts while we pray, or put unnecessary physical barriers between ourselves and God!"

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #18 on: December 02, 2013, 02:25:39 PM »
But people rather like it, one of my Orthodox friends even said it's nice I wanted to take my friends with me.

I do that with paper icons as bookmarks. >_>
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #19 on: December 02, 2013, 02:32:16 PM »
Jesus prayer app! Good grief. There is now an app for everything. Slide while counting . . .

I wonder if, many centuries ago, people railed against prayer ropes.  "Why do you need a rope to pray? Why would you introduce such a material thing into the pure act of prayer with God? Is it that you wish to show off to others? Is prayer by itself not exciting enough for you? Are you so inattentive that you can't keep track of what you're doing without one? Are you so bent on following the latest fad? Truly I tell you, this is nothing more than a passing triviality, a way for people to bring worldly corruptions into their prayer life! We are called to silence, to quiet, not to introduce unnecessary reasons for movement and shifting thoughts while we pray, or put unnecessary physical barriers between ourselves and God!"

Well, if I go to a monastery and they all have their Iphones out and using this app, I'm going to take out my Iphone and take a picture, because that would be a weird sight.
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #20 on: December 02, 2013, 02:37:18 PM »
Well, if I go to a monastery and they all have their Iphones out and using this app, I'm going to take out my Iphone and take a picture, because that would be a weird sight.

Give it a few generations. Then we'll talk. :)

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #21 on: December 02, 2013, 02:39:03 PM »
Well, if I go to a monastery and they all have their Iphones out and using this app, I'm going to take out my Iphone and take a picture, because that would be a weird sight.

Give it a few generations. Then we'll talk. :)

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #22 on: December 02, 2013, 03:46:40 PM »
But people rather like it, one of my Orthodox friends even said it's nice I wanted to take my friends with me.

I do that with paper icons as bookmarks. >_>

I do that with religious books, but I'm not sure what a Saint would think about marking the spot in Blood Meridian. 
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Offline orthonorm

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #23 on: December 02, 2013, 04:35:34 PM »
Jesus prayer app! Good grief. There is now an app for everything. Slide while counting . . .

I wonder if, many centuries ago, people railed against prayer ropes.  "Why do you need a rope to pray? Why would you introduce such a material thing into the pure act of prayer with God? Is it that you wish to show off to others? Is prayer by itself not exciting enough for you? Are you so inattentive that you can't keep track of what you're doing without one? Are you so bent on following the latest fad? Truly I tell you, this is nothing more than a passing triviality, a way for people to bring worldly corruptions into their prayer life! We are called to silence, to quiet, not to introduce unnecessary reasons for movement and shifting thoughts while we pray, or put unnecessary physical barriers between ourselves and God!"

Ropes are goofy too.
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Offline Agabus

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #24 on: December 02, 2013, 04:40:07 PM »
Jesus prayer app! Good grief. There is now an app for everything. Slide while counting . . .

I wonder if, many centuries ago, people railed against prayer ropes.  "Why do you need a rope to pray? Why would you introduce such a material thing into the pure act of prayer with God? Is it that you wish to show off to others? Is prayer by itself not exciting enough for you? Are you so inattentive that you can't keep track of what you're doing without one? Are you so bent on following the latest fad? Truly I tell you, this is nothing more than a passing triviality, a way for people to bring worldly corruptions into their prayer life! We are called to silence, to quiet, not to introduce unnecessary reasons for movement and shifting thoughts while we pray, or put unnecessary physical barriers between ourselves and God!"

Ropes are goofy too.
Speaking of, I present you the survival chotki:



Or, as the product description calls it, the "professional and exprienced orthodox prayer rope wristband survival bracelet."
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THE OPINIONS HERE MAY NOT REFLECT THE ACTUAL OR PERCEIVED ORTHODOX CHURCH

Offline orthonorm

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #25 on: December 02, 2013, 04:43:39 PM »
Jesus prayer app! Good grief. There is now an app for everything. Slide while counting . . .

I wonder if, many centuries ago, people railed against prayer ropes.  "Why do you need a rope to pray? Why would you introduce such a material thing into the pure act of prayer with God? Is it that you wish to show off to others? Is prayer by itself not exciting enough for you? Are you so inattentive that you can't keep track of what you're doing without one? Are you so bent on following the latest fad? Truly I tell you, this is nothing more than a passing triviality, a way for people to bring worldly corruptions into their prayer life! We are called to silence, to quiet, not to introduce unnecessary reasons for movement and shifting thoughts while we pray, or put unnecessary physical barriers between ourselves and God!"

Ropes are goofy too.
Speaking of, I present you the survival chotki:



Or, as the product description calls it, the "professional and exprienced orthodox prayer rope wristband survival bracelet."

Awesome. I know * likes to level everything down to some ridiculous common denominator which he believes conditions the view he is taking a stance against.

That he is almost always wrong is beside the point. He is clever when he does it, but nevertheless usually inaccurate.
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Offline LBK

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #26 on: December 02, 2013, 06:09:31 PM »
Jesus prayer app! Good grief. There is now an app for everything. Slide while counting . . .

I wonder if, many centuries ago, people railed against prayer ropes.  "Why do you need a rope to pray? Why would you introduce such a material thing into the pure act of prayer with God? Is it that you wish to show off to others? Is prayer by itself not exciting enough for you? Are you so inattentive that you can't keep track of what you're doing without one? Are you so bent on following the latest fad? Truly I tell you, this is nothing more than a passing triviality, a way for people to bring worldly corruptions into their prayer life! We are called to silence, to quiet, not to introduce unnecessary reasons for movement and shifting thoughts while we pray, or put unnecessary physical barriers between ourselves and God!"

Somehow I doubt iphones are made with prayer and fasting by monks.
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #27 on: December 02, 2013, 06:20:15 PM »
One of my "favorites", the dreaded icon bracelet:



Ugh.  :P

Come on, we all know you secretly long to have a bracelet of your favorite schlock icons. :)

Brilliant! Now I have to keep my fingers crossed for an OC.net Secret Santa, and then hope and pray I draw LBK.
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #28 on: December 02, 2013, 06:31:32 PM »
One of my "favorites", the dreaded icon bracelet:


Ugh.  :P

Come on, we all know you secretly long to have a bracelet of your favorite schlock icons. :)

Brilliant! Now I have to keep my fingers crossed for an OC.net Secret Santa, and then hope and pray I draw LBK.

You evil woman, you!  ;) :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #29 on: December 02, 2013, 06:43:43 PM »
You wouldn't want a fine bracelet lovingly crafted by a friend?  ;) I already have a prototype photoshopped using some of your favorites!  8)
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Offline Agabus

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #30 on: December 02, 2013, 06:47:41 PM »
One of my "favorites", the dreaded icon bracelet:



Ugh.  :P

Come on, we all know you secretly long to have a bracelet of your favorite schlock icons. :)

Brilliant! Now I have to keep my fingers crossed for an OC.net Secret Santa, and then hope and pray I draw LBK.
And thus was born the Great Schlockoclasty controversy of 2013, in which the Confessor LBK defended the right of schlockoclasm against the schlockodules.

In more recent times, some theologians have suggested the schlockodules were misunderstood by the schlockkoclasts, who — though both parties spoke English — no longer shared a common culture or language with the opposing party. Some have suggested a mistranslation resulted in accidental schlockodulism, while others suggested the entire thing was a joke.

Despite the current charitable ecumenical reading of history, the schism has remained in place since 2013, though members of both parties openly commune in each others’ churches.
« Last Edit: December 02, 2013, 06:48:56 PM by Agabus »
Blessed Nazarius practiced the ascetic life. His clothes were tattered. He wore his shoes without removing them for six years.

THE OPINIONS HERE MAY NOT REFLECT THE ACTUAL OR PERCEIVED ORTHODOX CHURCH

Offline LBK

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #31 on: December 02, 2013, 06:51:44 PM »
You wouldn't want a fine bracelet lovingly crafted by a friend?  ;) I already have a prototype photoshopped using some of your favorites!  8)

Oooo, goody! Can I have a look? Pretty-please?  :laugh:
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Offline LBK

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #32 on: December 02, 2013, 06:53:01 PM »
One of my "favorites", the dreaded icon bracelet:



Ugh.  :P

Come on, we all know you secretly long to have a bracelet of your favorite schlock icons. :)

Brilliant! Now I have to keep my fingers crossed for an OC.net Secret Santa, and then hope and pray I draw LBK.
And thus was born the Great Schlockoclasty controversy of 2013, in which the Confessor LBK defended the right of schlockoclasm against the schlockodules.

In more recent times, some theologians have suggested the schlockodules were misunderstood by the schlockkoclasts, who — though both parties spoke English — no longer shared a common culture or language with the opposing party. Some have suggested a mistranslation resulted in accidental schlockodulism, while others suggested the entire thing was a joke.

Despite the current charitable ecumenical reading of history, the schism has remained in place since 2013, though members of both parties openly commune in each others’ churches.


All hail St Agabus, chronicler and elucidator of our Faith!  :laugh:
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Offline ZealousZeal

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #33 on: December 02, 2013, 07:02:46 PM »
You wouldn't want a fine bracelet lovingly crafted by a friend?  ;) I already have a prototype photoshopped using some of your favorites!  8)

Oooo, goody! Can I have a look? Pretty-please?  :laugh:

Well, okay... but it totally ruins the surprise:

"For this God is our God forever and ever; He will be our guide, even to the end." Psalm 48:14

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #34 on: December 02, 2013, 07:28:38 PM »
You wouldn't want a fine bracelet lovingly crafted by a friend?  ;) I already have a prototype photoshopped using some of your favorites!  8)

Oooo, goody! Can I have a look? Pretty-please?  :laugh:

Well, okay... but it totally ruins the surprise:



You are lovely. 
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #35 on: December 02, 2013, 07:33:39 PM »
Well, okay... but it totally ruins the surprise:



I see no icons of Jesus doing resistance training, I think you're safe!

Offline ZealousZeal

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #36 on: December 02, 2013, 07:41:59 PM »
There were so many options... She might have to get an entire jewelry set. Maybe featuring God the Father as earrings? I know she loves that. ;)
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #37 on: December 02, 2013, 07:57:08 PM »
Well, okay... but it totally ruins the surprise:



You are lovely. 

I can make you one if you'd like, Mor. I'm thinking Carmen Electra, Louis CK, merkins, maybe a cat...
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #38 on: December 02, 2013, 07:58:55 PM »
I can make you one if you'd like, Mor. I'm thinking Carmen Electra, Louis CK, merkins, maybe a cat...

If you can make one where the only image is of Louis CK wearing nothing but a merkin and holding a cat, I'd cope with the absence of Carmen Electra. 
"Do not tempt the Mor thy Mod."

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Offline orthonorm

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #39 on: December 02, 2013, 07:59:15 PM »
Jesus prayer app! Good grief. There is now an app for everything. Slide while counting . . .

I wonder if, many centuries ago, people railed against prayer ropes.  "Why do you need a rope to pray? Why would you introduce such a material thing into the pure act of prayer with God? Is it that you wish to show off to others? Is prayer by itself not exciting enough for you? Are you so inattentive that you can't keep track of what you're doing without one? Are you so bent on following the latest fad? Truly I tell you, this is nothing more than a passing triviality, a way for people to bring worldly corruptions into their prayer life! We are called to silence, to quiet, not to introduce unnecessary reasons for movement and shifting thoughts while we pray, or put unnecessary physical barriers between ourselves and God!"

Somehow I doubt iphones are made with prayer and fasting by monks.

When the "labor market" gets especially competitive, maybe they will. Sanctity will be required to remain sane under the conditions developing for global labor.
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #40 on: December 02, 2013, 08:01:29 PM »
I can make you one if you'd like, Mor. I'm thinking Carmen Electra, Louis CK, merkins, maybe a cat...

If you can make one where the only image is of Louis CK wearing nothing but a merkin and holding a cat, I'd cope with the absence of Carmen Electra. 

Is that a challenge?  ;)
"For this God is our God forever and ever; He will be our guide, even to the end." Psalm 48:14

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #41 on: December 02, 2013, 08:47:46 PM »
I can make you one if you'd like, Mor. I'm thinking Carmen Electra, Louis CK, merkins, maybe a cat...

If you can make one where the only image is of Louis CK wearing nothing but a merkin and holding a cat, I'd cope with the absence of Carmen Electra. 

Is that a challenge?  ;)

Surprise me.  ;)
"Do not tempt the Mor thy Mod."

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Offline TheTrisagion

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #42 on: December 02, 2013, 10:06:18 PM »
*TheTrisagion approves of this thread*
Guys! They're not intercoursing. It's just an unfortunate angle.

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #43 on: December 02, 2013, 10:41:25 PM »
You wouldn't want a fine bracelet lovingly crafted by a friend?  ;) I already have a prototype photoshopped using some of your favorites!  8)

Oooo, goody! Can I have a look? Pretty-please?  :laugh:

Well, okay... but it totally ruins the surprise:



You are lovely.  

Isn't she just!  :laugh:  :laugh: :laugh:
« Last Edit: December 02, 2013, 10:41:56 PM by LBK »
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #44 on: December 02, 2013, 10:42:00 PM »
Jesus prayer app! Good grief. There is now an app for everything. Slide while counting . . .

I wonder if, many centuries ago, people railed against prayer ropes.  "Why do you need a rope to pray? Why would you introduce such a material thing into the pure act of prayer with God? Is it that you wish to show off to others? Is prayer by itself not exciting enough for you? Are you so inattentive that you can't keep track of what you're doing without one? Are you so bent on following the latest fad? Truly I tell you, this is nothing more than a passing triviality, a way for people to bring worldly corruptions into their prayer life! We are called to silence, to quiet, not to introduce unnecessary reasons for movement and shifting thoughts while we pray, or put unnecessary physical barriers between ourselves and God!"

Somehow I doubt iphones are made with prayer and fasting by monks.

This just in: Apple hires Ethiopian monks to make iPhones. "We're really excited about this new arrangement," said Apple CEO Timothy Cook. "We used to get bad press using Chinese slave labor to make our products--and we still had to pay them. Now, we get monks to make iPhones with prayer and fasting, and we don't have to pay them anything. They get work to do while practicing ascesis and we get cheap phones to sell for outrageous profits. Everybody wins."
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #45 on: December 02, 2013, 10:43:04 PM »
I can make you one if you'd like, Mor. I'm thinking Carmen Electra, Louis CK, merkins, maybe a cat...

If you can make one where the only image is of Louis CK wearing nothing but a merkin and holding a cat, I'd cope with the absence of Carmen Electra. 

Is that a challenge?  ;)

Surprise me.  ;)

This. I. Gotta. See.  :o :laugh:
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #46 on: December 02, 2013, 10:44:15 PM »
Hurry! You want to receive this before Dec. 25/Jan 7!

Holy Russia and Holy Greece Christmas tree ornaments:



Blessed Nazarius practiced the ascetic life. His clothes were tattered. He wore his shoes without removing them for six years.

THE OPINIONS HERE MAY NOT REFLECT THE ACTUAL OR PERCEIVED ORTHODOX CHURCH

Offline Shanghaiski

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #47 on: December 02, 2013, 10:45:57 PM »
*TheTrisagion approves of this thread*

In another thread, we should discuss whether you're Christological or Tinitarian.
Quote from: GabrieltheCelt
If you spend long enough on this forum, you'll come away with all sorts of weird, untrue ideas of Orthodox Christianity.
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I would suggest most persons in general avoid any question beginning with why.

Offline Agabus

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #48 on: December 02, 2013, 10:46:48 PM »
One more for tonight:

Christ blessing nightlight

Blessed Nazarius practiced the ascetic life. His clothes were tattered. He wore his shoes without removing them for six years.

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #49 on: December 02, 2013, 11:24:30 PM »
I can make you one if you'd like, Mor. I'm thinking Carmen Electra, Louis CK, merkins, maybe a cat...

If you can make one where the only image is of Louis CK wearing nothing but a merkin and holding a cat, I'd cope with the absence of Carmen Electra. 

Is that a challenge?  ;)

Surprise me.  ;)

This. I. Gotta. See.  :o :laugh:

I'm afraid posting it will get me a dot. :D
"For this God is our God forever and ever; He will be our guide, even to the end." Psalm 48:14

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #50 on: December 02, 2013, 11:34:46 PM »
Hurry! You want to receive this before Dec. 25/Jan 7!

Holy Russia and Holy Greece Christmas tree ornaments:


No fair, not Ortho-schlock, they are just ordinary "plain old schlock." Those are from the Old World Christmas, Flags of the World Ornament series.  ;)

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #51 on: December 02, 2013, 11:38:15 PM »
I can make you one if you'd like, Mor. I'm thinking Carmen Electra, Louis CK, merkins, maybe a cat...

If you can make one where the only image is of Louis CK wearing nothing but a merkin and holding a cat, I'd cope with the absence of Carmen Electra. 

Is that a challenge?  ;)

Surprise me.  ;)

This. I. Gotta. See.  :o :laugh:

I'm afraid posting it will get me a dot. :D

You could email it to me. I'll make sure Mor gets to see it.  ;)
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Offline Agabus

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #52 on: December 02, 2013, 11:39:30 PM »
Hurry! You want to receive this before Dec. 25/Jan 7!

Holy Russia and Holy Greece Christmas tree ornaments:


No fair, not Ortho-schlock, they are just ordinary "plain old schlock." Those are from the Old World Christmas, Flags of the World Ornament series.  ;)
I debated it, but they were the only two flag ornaments offered on an otherwise "Orthodox" merchant's site full of such gems as icon Christmas tree balls. When marketing is taken into consideration, it's like buying an American flag at a Bible store.
« Last Edit: December 02, 2013, 11:39:54 PM by Agabus »
Blessed Nazarius practiced the ascetic life. His clothes were tattered. He wore his shoes without removing them for six years.

THE OPINIONS HERE MAY NOT REFLECT THE ACTUAL OR PERCEIVED ORTHODOX CHURCH

Offline LBK

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #53 on: December 02, 2013, 11:40:04 PM »
Hurry! You want to receive this before Dec. 25/Jan 7!

Holy Russia and Holy Greece Christmas tree ornaments:


No fair, not Ortho-schlock, they are just ordinary "plain old schlock." Those are from the Old World Christmas, Flags of the World Ornament series.  ;)

A good and proper observation, my friend. Thank you for wishing to maintain proper Orthoschlockopraxy.
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #54 on: December 02, 2013, 11:44:24 PM »
You could email it to me. I'll make sure Mor gets to see it.  ;)

Don't say I didn't warn ya.  ;D
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #55 on: December 03, 2013, 12:05:52 AM »
You could email it to me. I'll make sure Mor gets to see it.  ;)

Don't say I didn't warn ya.  ;D

It's priceless. And I've sent it to Mor for his viewing pleasure.   ;D
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #56 on: December 03, 2013, 12:19:21 AM »
*TheTrisagion approves of this thread*

In another thread, we should discuss whether you're Christological or Tinitarian.
Why should we do this?
Guys! They're not intercoursing. It's just an unfortunate angle.

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #57 on: December 03, 2013, 12:37:51 AM »
*TheTrisagion approves of this thread*

In another thread, we should discuss whether you're Christological or Tinitarian.
Why should we do this?

For historical purposes:

http://www.orthodoxchristianity.net/forum/index.php/topic,28321.0.html

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #58 on: December 03, 2013, 12:40:52 AM »
*TheTrisagion approves of this thread*

In another thread, we should discuss whether you're Christological or Tinitarian.
Why should we do this?

For historical purposes:

http://www.orthodoxchristianity.net/forum/index.php/topic,28321.0.html
lol, I put the "Tri" in "Trisagion".  BOOYAH!!!
Guys! They're not intercoursing. It's just an unfortunate angle.

Offline Gunnarr

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #59 on: December 03, 2013, 01:25:50 AM »
Hurry! You want to receive this before Dec. 25/Jan 7!

Holy Russia and Holy Greece Christmas tree ornaments:






eww Russian Federation flag! That is not holy! how schlock!
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Offline LBK

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #60 on: December 03, 2013, 01:35:51 AM »
Hurry! You want to receive this before Dec. 25/Jan 7!

Holy Russia and Holy Greece Christmas tree ornaments:




eww Russian Federation flag! That is not holy! how schlock!

Maybe they don't have the brown, white and black Tsarist flag in their range.  ;)
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Offline Nephi

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #61 on: December 03, 2013, 02:55:18 AM »
Does this belong here?


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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #62 on: December 03, 2013, 02:57:55 AM »
Does this belong here?

Thanks for bringing that to my attention, I'm bidding on that one...  :)

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #63 on: December 03, 2013, 03:00:49 AM »
Does this belong here?



It's almost too cute to be schlock.  :laugh:
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Offline Nephi

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #64 on: December 03, 2013, 03:10:07 AM »
It's almost too cute to be schlock.  :laugh:

Oh? Then how about these:



And there's this nice little Gospel pendant:

« Last Edit: December 03, 2013, 03:16:38 AM by Nephi »

Offline Nephi

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #65 on: December 03, 2013, 03:19:57 AM »
I about choked.


Offline LBK

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #66 on: December 03, 2013, 07:23:39 AM »
It's almost too cute to be schlock.  :laugh:

Oh? Then how about these:




They're folk art, like Russian matrioshka (nesting) dolls. They're kitsch, but cute and sweet.  :) The Russian nun is quite amusing - white veil and a lovely floral design on her black habit. Very authentic.  :o  ;):laugh:

OTOH, the Christ mosaic top in the post above is abominable and sacrilegious. There was a thread here a while back on some designer fashion label producing stuff like this.  >:( >:( >:(
« Last Edit: December 03, 2013, 07:24:50 AM by LBK »
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Offline Shanghaiski

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #67 on: December 03, 2013, 09:32:26 PM »
Quote from: GabrieltheCelt
If you spend long enough on this forum, you'll come away with all sorts of weird, untrue ideas of Orthodox Christianity.
Quote from: orthonorm
I would suggest most persons in general avoid any question beginning with why.

Offline Shanghaiski

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #68 on: December 03, 2013, 09:34:00 PM »
I about choked.



Yup, I'd say that takes the gold medal for Orthoschlock.
Quote from: GabrieltheCelt
If you spend long enough on this forum, you'll come away with all sorts of weird, untrue ideas of Orthodox Christianity.
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I would suggest most persons in general avoid any question beginning with why.

Offline LBK

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #69 on: December 03, 2013, 10:51:04 PM »
I about choked.



Yup, I'd say that takes the gold medal for Orthoschlock.

I won't disagree. There couldn't possibly be anything out there worse than this, could there? Could there??  ::) ::)
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Offline Mor Ephrem

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #70 on: December 03, 2013, 10:56:37 PM »
There couldn't possibly be anything out there worse than this, could there? Could there??  ::) ::)

Is that a challenge?  ;)

Surprise me.  ;)

This. I. Gotta. See.  :o :laugh:

Tread carefully, LBK. 
"Do not tempt the Mor thy Mod."

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Offline LBK

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #71 on: December 03, 2013, 11:00:17 PM »
There couldn't possibly be anything out there worse than this, could there? Could there??  ::) ::)

Is that a challenge?  ;)

Surprise me.  ;)

This. I. Gotta. See.  :o :laugh:

Tread carefully, LBK. 

Remember, I'm much older and uglier than you.  :laugh:

Critiquing and writing about schlock icons over the years has built up quite a bit of resilience in yours truly.  ;)
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Offline ZealousZeal

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #72 on: December 03, 2013, 11:18:05 PM »
I about choked.



Doth my eye deceive me, or is that sequined?
"For this God is our God forever and ever; He will be our guide, even to the end." Psalm 48:14

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #73 on: December 03, 2013, 11:22:06 PM »
There couldn't possibly be anything out there worse than this, could there? Could there??  ::) ::)

Is that a challenge?  ;)

Surprise me.  ;)

This. I. Gotta. See.  :o :laugh:

Tread carefully, LBK. 

My Photoshop- I need no other's- showeth me the bizarreness of the underbody.
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Offline LBK

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #74 on: December 03, 2013, 11:22:54 PM »

Doth my eye deceive me, or is that sequined?

It looks printed to me, but the original mosaic is in the great cathedral of Aghia Sophia:



Gold would have been used in the original mosaic.
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Offline Maria

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #75 on: December 03, 2013, 11:32:18 PM »

Doth my eye deceive me, or is that sequined?

It looks printed to me, but the original mosaic is in the great cathedral of Aghia Sophia:



Gold would have been used in the original mosaic.

Awesome!
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Ἅγιος ἰσχυρός
Ἅγιος ἀθάνατος
ἐλέησον ἡμας

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #76 on: December 03, 2013, 11:44:04 PM »
Upon zooming in I believe you're correct, LBK. Looks just printed. I think sequins would have taken it to a whole new level of fail, though.
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Offline Agabus

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #77 on: December 03, 2013, 11:45:46 PM »
The Pilgrim continues on his way, this time with the Jesus Prayer not in his heart but on his hoodie:



And if he gets thirsty after achieving theosis through branding, he can always take a drink from this, which no doubt hangs around his neck next to his baptismal cross:



And of course, the journey will be preserved for posterity in his Jesus Prayer journal:



Blessed Nazarius practiced the ascetic life. His clothes were tattered. He wore his shoes without removing them for six years.

THE OPINIONS HERE MAY NOT REFLECT THE ACTUAL OR PERCEIVED ORTHODOX CHURCH

Offline LBK

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #78 on: December 03, 2013, 11:52:10 PM »
Upon zooming in I believe you're correct, LBK. Looks just printed. I think sequins would have taken it to a whole new level of fail, though.

Truer words were rarely spoken.  ;)
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Offline LBK

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #79 on: December 04, 2013, 12:12:24 AM »
From the Schlock Icons thread:

Nothing wrong with the icons themselves, but trust the Serbs to put them on liquor bottles, often with a prayer to the saint on the reverse: :o :o





Just in case some folks think the bottle is intended for holy water, here's the packaging:



And some copper-clad versions:




I suppose having the prayer on hand after getting ironed out on slivovits makes a bit of sense ...  :P


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Offline orthonorm

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #80 on: December 04, 2013, 08:44:48 AM »
The Pilgrim continues on his way, this time with the Jesus Prayer not in his heart but on his hoodie:



And if he gets thirsty after achieving theosis through branding, he can always take a drink from this, which no doubt hangs around his neck next to his baptismal cross:



And of course, the journey will be preserved for posterity in his Jesus Prayer journal:





You are always quite clever but you are on a real roll here. I nearly lost a lung on the first sentence.

Thanks.
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Offline podkarpatska

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #81 on: December 04, 2013, 08:56:31 AM »
St. Nicholas can't catch a break it seems - in the  west or the east!

Recipes: http://www.stnicholascenter.org/pages/beverages/

Winery on Cyprus: http://www.wine-searcher.com/wine-161978-0001-etko-winery-st-nicholas-commandaria-cyprus

Winery in Germany: http://www.saintnicholaswines.com/

Offline LBK

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #82 on: December 04, 2013, 09:11:15 AM »
St. Nicholas can't catch a break it seems - in the  west or the east!

Recipes: http://www.stnicholascenter.org/pages/beverages/

Winery on Cyprus: http://www.wine-searcher.com/wine-161978-0001-etko-winery-st-nicholas-commandaria-cyprus

Winery in Germany: http://www.saintnicholaswines.com/

Are you surprised? St Nicholas is, after all, a kind of "patron saint of everything".  :laugh: And, just to clarify, I wouldn't regard these things as schlocky at all.  ;)

On recipes: The Greeks have Fanouropita (baked in honor of St Phanourios of Rhodes), and Vasilopita (in honor of St Basil the Great, and shared on New Year's Eve or New Year's Day)

On Commandaria: This wine is commonly used by churches as communion wine. Other brands include St John (the Evangelist).

On wineries: Naming wines after saints is a centuries-old European tradition, in both east and west, and one which continues in the New World. Aghiorghitiko is a grape variety named after St George.
« Last Edit: December 04, 2013, 09:12:13 AM by LBK »
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #83 on: December 04, 2013, 09:12:53 AM »
St. Nicholas wine is good and IIRC there was no image of St. Nicholas on the label.  Drink away!
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #84 on: December 04, 2013, 09:16:18 AM »




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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #85 on: December 04, 2013, 09:24:40 AM »



An icon of Christ topped with "In the name of Christ the Savior" as a wine label?  :o :o :o :o
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #86 on: December 04, 2013, 09:29:58 AM »
An icon of Christ topped with "In the name of Christ the Savior" as a wine label?  :o :o :o :o

IIRC that's communion wine - we used that brand in church some years back.

That's not meant to be an excuse for the icons on their label...

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #87 on: December 04, 2013, 09:43:29 AM »
IIRC that's communion wine - we used that brand in church some years back.

That wine can be bought in every second store.
« Last Edit: December 04, 2013, 09:43:47 AM by Michał Kalina »
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #88 on: December 04, 2013, 09:51:50 AM »
IIRC that's communion wine - we used that brand in church some years back.

That wine can be bought in every second store.

Well, it was rare in Romania. And it's got holy writ and icons all over it. I think the guy who brought in a dozen bottles did it in good faith.

We only used it a couple of times though, because Father thought it too strong for children.
« Last Edit: December 04, 2013, 09:52:44 AM by Romaios »

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #89 on: December 04, 2013, 09:53:42 AM »
It's not that bad, cheap, and strong but a bit too sweet to my taste.
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #90 on: December 04, 2013, 09:57:26 AM »
It's not that bad, cheap, and strong but a bit too sweet to my taste.

Isn't communion wine supposed to be sweet?

OTOH I remember a Catholic priest saying the opposite, but it might have been his own preference (since he alone partakes of the chalice). Or maybe he just meant it should have no added sugar.
« Last Edit: December 04, 2013, 10:02:21 AM by Romaios »

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #91 on: December 04, 2013, 09:58:14 AM »
It's not that bad, cheap, and strong but a bit too sweet to my taste.

Isn't communion wine supposed to be sweat?

I mean, for recreational usage.
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #92 on: December 04, 2013, 10:36:27 AM »
It's not that bad, cheap, and strong but a bit too sweet to my taste.

Isn't communion wine supposed to be sweet?

OTOH I remember a Catholic priest saying the opposite, but it might have been his own preference (since he alone partakes of the chalice). Or maybe he just meant it should have no added sugar.

All I know is that it is all Kosher and fortified from what I have seen. Manny for every man!
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #93 on: December 04, 2013, 10:42:31 AM »
All I know is that it is all Kosher and fortified from what I have seen. Manny for every man!

Is this an acceptable wine for the Eucharist?  It's certainly the most common in my experience.
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #94 on: December 04, 2013, 10:57:47 AM »
You wouldn't want a fine bracelet lovingly crafted by a friend?  ;) I already have a prototype photoshopped using some of your favorites!  8)

Oooo, goody! Can I have a look? Pretty-please?  :laugh:

Well, okay... but it totally ruins the surprise:



 You've almost redeemed yourself with this.
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #95 on: December 04, 2013, 11:06:43 AM »






 And the newly released, currently discussed on another thread:  St. Theophan Beer.

"The Scots-Irish; Brewed in Scotland, bottled in Ireland, uncorked in America."  ~Scots-Irish saying

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #96 on: December 04, 2013, 02:49:14 PM »
You've almost redeemed yourself with this.

I hesitate to ask, but from what?
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #97 on: December 04, 2013, 10:23:25 PM »
I about choked.



Yup, I'd say that takes the gold medal for Orthoschlock.

I won't disagree. There couldn't possibly be anything out there worse than this, could there? Could there??  ::) ::)

I'd say be careful what you ask for, but it really seems like you want to know. May God have mercy on your soul.
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #98 on: December 04, 2013, 10:25:43 PM »

And if he gets thirsty after achieving theosis through branding, he can always take a drink from this, which no doubt hangs around his neck next to his baptismal cross:




In case anyone was wondering what to get The Trisagion for Christmas...  ;D
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #99 on: December 04, 2013, 10:27:12 PM »
From the Schlock Icons thread:

Nothing wrong with the icons themselves, but trust the Serbs to put them on liquor bottles, often with a prayer to the saint on the reverse: :o :o





Just in case some folks think the bottle is intended for holy water, here's the packaging:



And some copper-clad versions:




I suppose having the prayer on hand after getting ironed out on slivovits makes a bit of sense ...  :P




Those are awesome. I wish I had at least one. Full. With shot glass ready.
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #100 on: December 04, 2013, 10:29:05 PM »
An icon of Christ topped with "In the name of Christ the Savior" as a wine label?  :o :o :o :o

IIRC that's communion wine - we used that brand in church some years back.

That's not meant to be an excuse for the icons on their label...

As long as you soak the labels off, dry them, and decoupage them to little boards to hang in your icon corner (or wall, or room, or backyard cathedral) you're fine.
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #101 on: December 04, 2013, 10:30:20 PM »
IIRC that's communion wine - we used that brand in church some years back.

That wine can be bought in every second store.

You should export it to America. I'll take two cases.
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #102 on: December 04, 2013, 10:31:35 PM »
All I know is that it is all Kosher and fortified from what I have seen. Manny for every man!

Is this an acceptable wine for the Eucharist?  It's certainly the most common in my experience.

Blech! God save us from such wine.
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #103 on: December 04, 2013, 10:35:53 PM »

Also available with the Bridegroom icon.


« Last Edit: December 04, 2013, 10:38:40 PM by Agabus »
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Offline lovesupreme

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #104 on: December 04, 2013, 10:39:54 PM »
Welp, it didn't take long for the crown to be removed...

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #105 on: December 04, 2013, 10:41:15 PM »
There couldn't possibly be anything out there worse than this, could there? Could there??  ::) ::)


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« Last Edit: December 04, 2013, 10:41:49 PM by Mor Ephrem »
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Offline Agabus

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #106 on: December 04, 2013, 10:46:06 PM »
For when you can't be a monk but want to play like you've got a cassock in the kitchen, the Death to the World apron.

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #107 on: December 04, 2013, 11:56:19 PM »
For when you can't be a monk but want to play like you've got a cassock in the kitchen, the Death to the World apron.


LOL!

THAT IS SO RIDICULOUS

We just need an Orthodoxy or Death fanny pack
« Last Edit: December 04, 2013, 11:57:39 PM by NicholasMyra »
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Offline LBK

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #108 on: December 05, 2013, 02:36:07 AM »
There couldn't possibly be anything out there worse than this, could there? Could there??  ::) ::)


Also available with the Bridegroom icon.




You beat me to it. Prophecy fulfilled.  :P :o :o :o Made even schlockier by the inclusion of the Jesus Prayer.  >:( >:( >:(

Agabus, you win the thread. Sic dixit LBK.  :P :D
« Last Edit: December 05, 2013, 02:39:28 AM by LBK »
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #109 on: December 05, 2013, 03:27:07 AM »
For when you can't be a monk but want to play like you've got a cassock in the kitchen, the Death to the World apron.


Lock this thread up, I don't think it can be topped.
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Offline Shiny

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #110 on: December 05, 2013, 03:27:07 AM »
I gotta cop that apron for my Lenten BBQs
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #111 on: December 05, 2013, 08:29:53 AM »

Also available with the Bridegroom icon.

I'm glad that it's made in the USA.  I can buy a box and give it to all my girlfriends for Christmas.
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Offline genesisone

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #112 on: December 05, 2013, 02:52:45 PM »
For when you can't be a monk but want to play like you've got a cassock in the kitchen, the Death to the World apron.


Only my life insurance beneficiaries would want me to eat that cook's food.

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #113 on: December 05, 2013, 05:28:06 PM »

Also available with the Bridegroom icon.

I'm glad that it's made in the USA.  I can buy a box and give it to all my girlfriends for Christmas.

I wanted to make not decent joke but in the final moment I changed my mind.
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #114 on: December 06, 2013, 01:17:50 PM »

Thank you for changing your mind.

That image is totally unacceptable...and I'm amazed some of you are actually joking about it, instead of finding it offensive.

smh
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Offline IoanC

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #115 on: December 06, 2013, 01:26:34 PM »
Don't mean to be rude, but about 90% of Orthodoxy is a schlock product to me. The other 10% is gold and rare. The real challenge would be a thread about absolutely authentic products.
« Last Edit: December 06, 2013, 01:29:06 PM by IoanC »

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #116 on: December 06, 2013, 01:51:18 PM »

Please explain what you just said.

90% of ORTHODOXY is schlock to you?

...and you claim to be Orthodox?

Sheesh!
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Offline IoanC

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #117 on: December 06, 2013, 01:53:25 PM »

Please explain what you just said.

90% of ORTHODOXY is schlock to you?

...and you claim to be Orthodox?

Sheesh!


I don't claim any Orthodoxy is schlock, but what is done/made in the name of it. Let's see that thread about really authentic stuff; you'll see how we all get stuck.
« Last Edit: December 06, 2013, 01:53:46 PM by IoanC »

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #118 on: December 06, 2013, 02:01:31 PM »
Don't mean to be rude, but about 90% of Orthodoxy is a schlock product to me. The other 10% is gold and rare. The real challenge would be a thread about absolutely authentic products.

Ioan,

Not to change the subject from the thread, but your picture- wow.



His Wikipedia article says:
Quote
"Obviously one realizes the danger when working with animals of this caliber, I've weighed the pros and I've weighed the cons, and the pros far outweigh the cons."

It says:
Quote
It is the nature of lions to scratch each other and they regard Richardson no differently.
So basically, if everything is going well you will get scratched by lions occasionally.
« Last Edit: December 06, 2013, 02:07:48 PM by rakovsky »

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #119 on: December 06, 2013, 02:02:18 PM »

Please explain what you just said.

90% of ORTHODOXY is schlock to you?

...and you claim to be Orthodox?

Sheesh!


I don't claim any Orthodoxy is schlock, but what is done/made in the name of it. Let's see that thread about really authentic stuff; you'll see how we all get stuck.

You ought to reword your statement then.

It's not Orthodoxy that is schlock, but, people's interpretation and actions which are.
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #120 on: December 06, 2013, 02:04:40 PM »

Please explain what you just said.

90% of ORTHODOXY is schlock to you?

...and you claim to be Orthodox?

Sheesh!


I don't claim any Orthodoxy is schlock, but what is done/made in the name of it. Let's see that thread about really authentic stuff; you'll see how we all get stuck.

You ought to reword your statement then.

It's not Orthodoxy that is schlock, but, people's interpretation and actions which are.


Sure, can reword it, but it's also how you read it.

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #121 on: December 06, 2013, 02:10:58 PM »

Thank you for changing your mind.

That image is totally unacceptable...and I'm amazed some of you are actually joking about it, instead of finding it offensive.

smh

It is an image of an actual product.  In and of itself it cannot offend.  More offensive would be those Orthodox Christians who buy such things and support the person who makes it.
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #122 on: December 06, 2013, 02:17:18 PM »

No...the image is offensive in that there is no other use for the product being depicted other than sticking it on your private parts.

If I posted an image of a private part....would that not be offensive because it's just an image of it, and not really it?

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Offline hecma925

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #123 on: December 06, 2013, 02:21:54 PM »

No...the image is offensive in that there is no other use for the product being depicted other than sticking it on your private parts.

If I posted an image of a private part....would that not be offensive because it's just an image of it, and not really it?



No, this is an article of clothing.  With an icon of it.  There shouldn't be an icon on any underwear or daily clothing.  Or beer/liquor bottles.  Pick a non-liturgical product and an icon should probably not be there.  Posting a picture of genitals, OTOH, are against the rules.  Context would be important, e.g. a still from a porn film versus a picture from an anatomy and physiology textbook.
« Last Edit: December 06, 2013, 02:22:16 PM by hecma925 »
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #124 on: December 06, 2013, 02:23:09 PM »
I envy him. I wish animals were that close to me, but I think they generally want to kill me for food. :)

Don't mean to be rude, but about 90% of Orthodoxy is a schlock product to me. The other 10% is gold and rare. The real challenge would be a thread about absolutely authentic products.

Ioan,

Not to change the subject from the thread, but your picture- wow.



His Wikipedia article says:
Quote
"Obviously one realizes the danger when working with animals of this caliber, I've weighed the pros and I've weighed the cons, and the pros far outweigh the cons."

It says:
Quote
It is the nature of lions to scratch each other and they regard Richardson no differently.
So basically, if everything is going well you will get scratched by lions occasionally.

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #125 on: December 06, 2013, 03:49:40 PM »


You can hang it in a church so people can know what time it is even when the liturgy steps outside time.



Not sure why the icon is upside down.
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #126 on: December 06, 2013, 03:52:08 PM »
Blessed Nazarius practiced the ascetic life. His clothes were tattered. He wore his shoes without removing them for six years.

THE OPINIONS HERE MAY NOT REFLECT THE ACTUAL OR PERCEIVED ORTHODOX CHURCH

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #127 on: December 06, 2013, 04:02:48 PM »
Because nothing teaches a child icons are sacred like letting them scribble on a picture of St. Mary of Egypt’s face.
« Last Edit: December 06, 2013, 04:03:04 PM by Agabus »
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Offline orthonorm

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #128 on: December 06, 2013, 06:13:54 PM »


You can hang it in a church so people can know what time it is even when the liturgy steps outside time.



Not sure why the icon is upside down.

LOL!

This is all solid material. How of this stuff are you shopping up yourself?

Best thread in a while. Wow.
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #129 on: December 06, 2013, 06:36:35 PM »


You can hang it in a church so people can know what time it is even when the liturgy steps outside time.



Not sure why the icon is upside down.

LOL!

This is all solid material. How of this stuff are you shopping up yourself?

Best thread in a while. Wow.
This is 100 percent curated from the Internet by searching phrases like "cool Greek Orthodox gear" and "unique Orthodox presents." I promise that if I have posted it here, it can be purchased.

I actually ran across some more thongs today with "IC XC NIKA" on them. I can really only pray it's someone intending to blaspheme, because otherwise  Orthodox people are even more accidentally iconoclastic than I originally believed.

« Last Edit: December 06, 2013, 06:39:39 PM by Agabus »
Blessed Nazarius practiced the ascetic life. His clothes were tattered. He wore his shoes without removing them for six years.

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #130 on: December 06, 2013, 11:05:41 PM »
Because nothing teaches a child icons are sacred like letting them scribble on a picture of St. Mary of Egypt’s face.


I see nothing wrong with that icon.
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #131 on: December 07, 2013, 12:53:30 AM »
For when you can't be a monk but want to play like you've got a cassock in the kitchen, the Death to the World apron.


LOL!

THAT IS SO RIDICULOUS

We just need an Orthodoxy or Death fanny pack

LOL.
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #132 on: December 07, 2013, 12:54:51 AM »

Thank you for changing your mind.

That image is totally unacceptable...and I'm amazed some of you are actually joking about it, instead of finding it offensive.

smh

Maybe we joke about it BECAUSE we find it offensive.
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #133 on: December 07, 2013, 12:57:13 AM »

No...the image is offensive in that there is no other use for the product being depicted other than sticking it on your private parts.


No other use? Really? Not even as fuel for the fire in which to burn whoever thought it up?
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #134 on: December 07, 2013, 08:36:30 AM »

I actually ran across some more thongs today with "IC XC NIKA" on them. I can really only pray it's someone intending to blaspheme, because otherwise  Orthodox people are even more accidentally iconoclastic than I originally believed.


Young 'un buys icon underwear online. Kewl!

Mother (or father) finds these garments in the laundry basket ....
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #135 on: December 07, 2013, 09:38:33 AM »
The way Cafe Press works, once you have created your own design on something, it stays on the database and can be used by anyone else for anything (that's why they're real nitpickers about non-copyrighted images). Someone could have designed a notebook with that icon, and it snowballed from there. Pure ignorance, not necessarily malicious.

As for the icon colouring pages, I see nothing wrong with them. They're standard Sunday school teaching material. Let the kids become familiar with them, learn to recognise the people depicted, and worry about proper painting techniques (much) later.
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Offline Shanghaiski

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #136 on: December 07, 2013, 01:19:32 PM »

I actually ran across some more thongs today with "IC XC NIKA" on them. I can really only pray it's someone intending to blaspheme, because otherwise  Orthodox people are even more accidentally iconoclastic than I originally believed.


Young 'un buys icon underwear online. Kewl!

Mother (or father) finds these garments in the laundry basket ....

"It can be a great evangelizing tool," said the creator of icon underwear. "Some young people find it difficult to talk to their parents about their interest in Orthodoxy. This underwear provides opportunities for conversation."
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #137 on: December 08, 2013, 11:06:49 AM »
I won't beat Agabus, but some things made in Serbia:

T-shirt "Orthodox nations"

T-shirt "Serb forever" (the slogan is OK, but what about just a half of the Cross???)

And my favourite, seen by me in reality (but it was a woolen version):

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #138 on: December 11, 2013, 12:36:48 AM »
The way Cafe Press works, once you have created your own design on something, it stays on the database and can be used by anyone else for anything (that's why they're real nitpickers about non-copyrighted images). Someone could have designed a notebook with that icon, and it snowballed from there. Pure ignorance, not necessarily malicious.
I was hoping nobody would spoil it...
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Offline hecma925

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #139 on: December 11, 2013, 11:38:03 AM »
The way Cafe Press works, once you have created your own design on something, it stays on the database and can be used by anyone else for anything (that's why they're real nitpickers about non-copyrighted images). Someone could have designed a notebook with that icon, and it snowballed from there. Pure ignorance, not necessarily malicious.
I was hoping nobody would spoil it...

So you're saying that someone didn't necessarily want a sexy thong with an icon of Christ?
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Offline TheTrisagion

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #140 on: December 11, 2013, 02:43:05 PM »
The way Cafe Press works, once you have created your own design on something, it stays on the database and can be used by anyone else for anything (that's why they're real nitpickers about non-copyrighted images). Someone could have designed a notebook with that icon, and it snowballed from there. Pure ignorance, not necessarily malicious.
I was hoping nobody would spoil it...

So you're saying that someone didn't necessarily want a sexy thong with an icon of Christ?
Nonsense, of course someone wanted it.  Otherwise, I would not have purchased 6 pairs.
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Offline hecma925

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #141 on: December 11, 2013, 02:56:16 PM »
The way Cafe Press works, once you have created your own design on something, it stays on the database and can be used by anyone else for anything (that's why they're real nitpickers about non-copyrighted images). Someone could have designed a notebook with that icon, and it snowballed from there. Pure ignorance, not necessarily malicious.
I was hoping nobody would spoil it...

So you're saying that someone didn't necessarily want a sexy thong with an icon of Christ?
Nonsense, of course someone wanted it.  Otherwise, I would not have purchased 6 pairs.

Oh, you got the "multiple girlfriends discount" too?  And by 6 pairs, do you mean 6 thongs for 12 cheeks ;) or 12 thongs?
Happy shall he be, that shall take and dash thy little ones against the rock. Alleluia.

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Offline Irish Melkite

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #142 on: December 11, 2013, 08:41:02 PM »
Be sure to not miss the opportunity to pick up a pair of Christ the Teacher leggings, to round out your wife, daughter, or girlfriend's wardrobe.

http://www.zazzle.com/christ_the_teacher_legging-256133942985918003

I'd post the photo but I got that annoying message about the upload folder being full - which is always the case whenever I try to post a photo - grrr!

Many years,

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #143 on: December 12, 2013, 01:50:02 PM »
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Offline Alpo

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #144 on: December 12, 2013, 01:54:23 PM »
I won't beat Agabus, but some things made in Serbia:

T-shirt "Orthodox nations"

T-shirt "Serb forever" (the slogan is OK, but what about just a half of the Cross???)

And my favourite, seen by me in reality (but it was a woolen version):



How come it is possible that all Netodox Serbians are this Patriotic? Is "irony" heretical Western innovation or something?
The user should probably be sleeping by now.

Offline Romaios

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #145 on: December 12, 2013, 02:34:21 PM »
How come it is possible that all Netodox Serbians are this Patriotic? Is "irony" heretical Western innovation or something?

I know someone IRL who wears a red, yellow and blue one (Romanian national colours). He's also one of the most honest, down-to-earth and kind-hearted people I know. He just prefers colourful to black stuff, I guess.  :-X

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #146 on: December 12, 2013, 02:45:06 PM »
So you're saying that someone didn't necessarily want a sexy thong with an icon of Christ?

I have it on good authority that it's going to be marketed as a chastity device. Because we don't do chastity belts in the 21st century. Butt floss is more 'It'. :P
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Offline Agabus

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #147 on: December 12, 2013, 02:49:37 PM »
LOL. So earnest it's almost Evangelical.

Blessed Nazarius practiced the ascetic life. His clothes were tattered. He wore his shoes without removing them for six years.

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #148 on: December 12, 2013, 02:54:33 PM »
LOL. So earnest it's almost Evangelical.



How humble!
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #149 on: December 12, 2013, 05:02:37 PM »
I know someone IRL who wears a red, yellow and blue one (Romanian national colours). He's also one of the most honest, down-to-earth and kind-hearted people I know. He just prefers colourful to black stuff, I guess.  :-X

Very often, saints have the tackiest taste. 
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #150 on: December 17, 2013, 06:54:45 PM »
Have not decited yet schlock or not:

« Last Edit: December 17, 2013, 06:55:23 PM by Michał Kalina »
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #151 on: December 17, 2013, 07:15:04 PM »

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #152 on: December 17, 2013, 07:17:24 PM »


Ewwww!


I saw one of those at TJs. The young lad wearing it said that they are quite popular and he had no idea that it came from the Orthodox tradition. He just thought it was cool because a lot of Armenians here like to wear them.
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #153 on: December 17, 2013, 10:06:21 PM »


« Last Edit: December 17, 2013, 10:06:38 PM by LizaSymonenko »
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Offline Nephi

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #154 on: December 17, 2013, 10:25:52 PM »
Found it at Target the other day, but this is the only picture I can find of it online. It's a 1,000-piece puzzle of Church of the Savior on Spilled Blood, St. Petersburg. I didn't really think it was schlock, but thought I'd share it here either way.

« Last Edit: December 17, 2013, 10:26:19 PM by Nephi »

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #155 on: December 17, 2013, 10:41:17 PM »
Have not decited yet schlock or not:



Orthodox or not, you really can't beat a traditional, three dimensional Nativity scene.  I've seen two dimension examples like that above, and it just doesn't work.  I'd rather they use a huge but conventional icon if they have to use an icon.  But still, Nativity scenes are one thing for which I encourage good statuary.   
« Last Edit: December 17, 2013, 10:42:08 PM by Mor Ephrem »
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #156 on: December 17, 2013, 10:56:55 PM »


Ewwww!


I saw one of those at TJs. The young lad wearing it said that they are quite popular and he had no idea that it came from the Orthodox tradition. He just thought it was cool because a lot of Armenians here like to wear them.

The markings in these clothes only resemble those of Orthodox monastic garments. What is actually written is either gibberish, or modern song lyrics. Be that as it may, the appropriation, even in butchered form, of monastic insignia by fashion designers is disgusting.
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #157 on: December 17, 2013, 10:58:31 PM »
Am I posting? Or is it Schroedinger's Cat?

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #158 on: December 17, 2013, 10:59:17 PM »
"If you cannot find Christ in the beggar at the church door, you will not find Him in the chalice.”  -The Divine John Chrysostom

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #159 on: December 17, 2013, 11:00:39 PM »


Ewwww!


I saw one of those at TJs. The young lad wearing it said that they are quite popular and he had no idea that it came from the Orthodox tradition. He just thought it was cool because a lot of Armenians here like to wear them.

I've never seen it.  Thank goodness.
« Last Edit: December 17, 2013, 11:54:59 PM by Salpy »

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #160 on: December 17, 2013, 11:10:18 PM »




Oyyyy!!!!  :P :P >:(

More "oyyy" factor: The passage in the Gospel book Christ is holding is from Mark 8 :34:

“Whoever desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me."


It is to laugh. Or cry.
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Offline hecma925

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #161 on: December 18, 2013, 07:28:50 AM »



You can venerate the icon before you do a selfie.
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Offline LizaSymonenko

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #162 on: December 18, 2013, 08:26:46 AM »

It's a beautiful icon, and I have an icon as my home screen on my cellphone, however, as a cover....not so sure.

The icon would be banging against the table, your fingers would be pawing at it, you'd be sliding it in to your pocket, or stuffing it in your purse, along with loose change and receipts, you'd be dropping it, etc.

Besides, they cut off the top of His head, etc.

I don't think it's appropriate.
Conquer evil men by your gentle kindness, and make zealous men wonder at your goodness. Put the lover of legality to shame by your compassion. With the afflicted be afflicted in mind. Love all men, but keep distant from all men.
—St. Isaac of Syria

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #163 on: December 18, 2013, 08:46:03 AM »
I have an icon as my home screen on my cellphone,

Another one interesting issue to discuss.
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Offline orthonorm

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #164 on: December 18, 2013, 09:15:57 AM »
I have an icon as my home screen on my cellphone,

Another one interesting issue to discuss.

Since you want a little help with your English and I've seen you make this mistake before.

But yes, putting icons all over the place in "electronic" format could be problematic.
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Offline orthonorm

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #165 on: December 18, 2013, 09:16:49 AM »
LOL. So earnest it's almost Evangelical.



LOL! You are a real gem.
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #166 on: December 18, 2013, 09:17:02 AM »
Thanks, dude.
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #168 on: December 18, 2013, 09:47:56 AM »

It's a beautiful icon, and I have an icon as my home screen on my cellphone, however, as a cover....not so sure.

The icon would be banging against the table, your fingers would be pawing at it, you'd be sliding it in to your pocket, or stuffing it in your purse, along with loose change and receipts, you'd be dropping it, etc.

Besides, they cut off the top of His head, etc.

I don't think it's appropriate.

What about all the ancient coins of the Empire which had Icons on them? The same problems would apply to them as well.

Offline orthonorm

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #169 on: December 18, 2013, 09:57:53 AM »
I am in a hurry ATM, but is this thread "crashing" for anyone else?

Not only am I getting database errors, I am getting specific files paths and some information about arachne's (who seems to be the first person on this page) account that is could be problematic.

If this reply goes through, could someone send this to the technical issues forum? Really, I am on the run, but wanted to mention this.
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #170 on: December 18, 2013, 10:03:37 AM »
I am in a hurry ATM, but is this thread "crashing" for anyone else?

Not only am I getting database errors, I am getting specific files paths and some information about arachne's (who seems to be the first person on this page) account that is could be problematic.

If this reply goes through, could someone send this to the technical issues forum? Really, I am on the run, but wanted to mention this.

Mike started one:
http://www.orthodoxchristianity.net/forum/index.php/topic,4003.0/prev_next,next.html#new

You have to click reply to see any of the posts though.

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #171 on: December 18, 2013, 10:15:59 AM »

Sheenj, I agree with what you said...although at the moment, I can't "quote" you.  ;)

I don't know about the coins, but, I know that today, cellphones are just thrown around, put in all manner of places, etc.

It's my own personal opinion...but, I think it disrespectful to pound Jesus in to the table as you throw your phone down.....or to be pressing on Him as your squeeze your phone and madly text someone.

It just seems to "casual" and disrespectful of an icon. After all, we consider icons to be windows to heaven.  That the individual depicted on the icon is truly there.  Well....there goes Jesus....as you leave your phone on the hood of your car and drive off.

I don't know.  It's just me.  I would rather err on the side of caution when it comes to all things holy.

Conquer evil men by your gentle kindness, and make zealous men wonder at your goodness. Put the lover of legality to shame by your compassion. With the afflicted be afflicted in mind. Love all men, but keep distant from all men.
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #172 on: December 18, 2013, 10:19:58 AM »
I don't know.  It's just me.  I would rather err on the side of caution when it comes to all things holy.

So what for you is the difference between that and having an icon as a wallpaper?
« Last Edit: December 18, 2013, 10:20:16 AM by Michał Kalina »
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #173 on: December 18, 2013, 10:45:56 AM »

Actually, it's my homescreen.

Well...it not on the back side of my phone, which gets the most abuse.

It also turns off before I place it in its case...and therefore, it's technically not really there.
Conquer evil men by your gentle kindness, and make zealous men wonder at your goodness. Put the lover of legality to shame by your compassion. With the afflicted be afflicted in mind. Love all men, but keep distant from all men.
—St. Isaac of Syria

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #174 on: December 18, 2013, 11:10:49 AM »

Actually, it's my homescreen.

Well...it not on the back side of my phone, which gets the most abuse.

It also turns off before I place it in its case...and therefore, it's technically not really there.

Was it destroyed in the proper manner then?
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #175 on: December 18, 2013, 11:31:29 AM »

Yes...it was extinguished in proper manner for a "cyber" icon.  ;)
Conquer evil men by your gentle kindness, and make zealous men wonder at your goodness. Put the lover of legality to shame by your compassion. With the afflicted be afflicted in mind. Love all men, but keep distant from all men.
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #176 on: December 18, 2013, 11:40:11 AM »
What you need is an app that fills the screen with flames right before it turns off.

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #177 on: December 18, 2013, 11:41:38 AM »

LOL!  I'm sure someone is working on it, already!
Conquer evil men by your gentle kindness, and make zealous men wonder at your goodness. Put the lover of legality to shame by your compassion. With the afflicted be afflicted in mind. Love all men, but keep distant from all men.
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #178 on: December 18, 2013, 11:47:17 AM »

Yes...it was extinguished in proper manner for a "cyber" icon.  ;)

Really, I think if you are going to take icons seriously, I don't understand how having them on your computer screen or phone makes any more sense than wearing them on a bracelet, t-shirt, etc.

And yes, everyone with your analogies I think the same about photos of anyone. It's ridiculous to me to see people who have their kid as their computer wallpaper or whatever. It's vulgar in my estimation.

Now posting an icon for didactic reasons like LBK might do makes sense in terms of economy, though its still a bit weird. Just like showing someone a photo of yourself before meeting them might make sense. 

Liza, don't think I am judging you or something, I can't imagine a person whose heart is more in the right place than yours, except for maybe Opus. I am speaking in generalities.
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #179 on: December 18, 2013, 11:48:12 AM »
What you need is an app that fills the screen with flames right before it turns off.

Shiny just found a way to contribute to AFR.
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Offline LizaSymonenko

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #180 on: December 18, 2013, 12:11:49 PM »

Yes...it was extinguished in proper manner for a "cyber" icon.  ;)

Really, I think if you are going to take icons seriously, I don't understand how having them on your computer screen or phone makes any more sense than wearing them on a bracelet, t-shirt, etc.

And yes, everyone with your analogies I think the same about photos of anyone. It's ridiculous to me to see people who have their kid as their computer wallpaper or whatever. It's vulgar in my estimation.

Now posting an icon for didactic reasons like LBK might do makes sense in terms of economy, though its still a bit weird. Just like showing someone a photo of yourself before meeting them might make sense. 

Liza, don't think I am judging you or something, I can't imagine a person whose heart is more in the right place than yours, except for maybe Opus. I am speaking in generalities.

I totally understand where you are coming from, Orthonorm....and respect your opinion, as it is truly valid.

However, what I have on my phone isn't really an "icon" per se.  I wish I could add it as an attachment....but, the Forum drive is full...and no attachment can be added.

What I have is a photo that I took of my church during Vespers...it does have an icon in it, but, it's not solely the icon.


My computer desktop also has an image from my church.  As it's nearing Nativity, I have an image from last year's Nativity.  Why, you ask.

Well....instead of putting up a Santa Claus or poinsettia or something....I find that the image helps put me in the Christmas spirit.

It also serves as a starting point for numerous conversations with coworkers who notice the desktop and comment on it....opening the door for added conversation.   Just like hanging an Orthodox calendar would.

Just yesterday, I was in my boss's office.  It was my year end review.  It went faster than expected and with 15 minutes to spare, he asked me if I had any plans for the holidays.  He knows I am Orthodox, but, I don't think he knows much about Orthodoxy.  I reminded him that I don't celebrate until January 7th...which led to the whole "why the difference in dates" conversation, Julian versus Gregorian calendars, date of Easter/Pascha...and differences between RC and Orthodox.

While I hesitated in going in to too much of the differences between the Churches I did give a few....it sparked his interest and he said he would have to do some reading on the subject.

So, you never know.  We shouldn't hide our "Light" under a bushel, but, advertise it from the highest mountain top....however, in doing so, we should never forget the true value of that Light, it's source, and the respect that it is due.
Conquer evil men by your gentle kindness, and make zealous men wonder at your goodness. Put the lover of legality to shame by your compassion. With the afflicted be afflicted in mind. Love all men, but keep distant from all men.
—St. Isaac of Syria

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #181 on: December 18, 2013, 12:16:30 PM »
I found it on my Facebook.

This is the image I have the home-screen of my phone.  It's centered and the top and bottom are all black.


..and this is my computer desktop.


...and since I use two monitors at work...the one most visible to others will often not have anything but this image displayed on it.
« Last Edit: December 18, 2013, 12:17:59 PM by LizaSymonenko »
Conquer evil men by your gentle kindness, and make zealous men wonder at your goodness. Put the lover of legality to shame by your compassion. With the afflicted be afflicted in mind. Love all men, but keep distant from all men.
—St. Isaac of Syria

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #182 on: December 23, 2013, 05:56:26 PM »
Again, Serbia.
Now, what we can buy in IKEA in Serbia...
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #183 on: December 23, 2013, 05:58:13 PM »
Still not as cool as incense from Carrefour.
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #184 on: December 23, 2013, 07:34:40 PM »
For our Coptic friends:



« Last Edit: December 23, 2013, 07:34:54 PM by Agabus »
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #185 on: December 23, 2013, 07:35:25 PM »
Again, Serbia.
Now, what we can buy in IKEA in Serbia...

In IKEA? Owns.
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #186 on: December 23, 2013, 07:37:56 PM »
And now the Chalcedonian version, from Holy Russia:



Blessed Nazarius practiced the ascetic life. His clothes were tattered. He wore his shoes without removing them for six years.

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Offline Shanghaiski

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #187 on: December 24, 2013, 12:11:48 AM »
And now the Chalcedonian version, from Holy Russia:





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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #188 on: January 09, 2014, 01:41:37 PM »
A pretty decent commentary on how people treat holy things, actually:

« Last Edit: January 09, 2014, 01:42:27 PM by Agabus »
Blessed Nazarius practiced the ascetic life. His clothes were tattered. He wore his shoes without removing them for six years.

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Offline podkarpatska

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #189 on: January 09, 2014, 01:44:24 PM »
Doesn't the Stalin calendar take the prize and end the thread? http://www.rferl.org/content/russia-stalin-calendar/25224022.html

How much worse could you get?

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #190 on: January 09, 2014, 02:59:32 PM »
Doesn't the Stalin calendar take the prize and end the thread? http://www.rferl.org/content/russia-stalin-calendar/25224022.html

How much worse could you get?
If we're going the calendar route, there's always the gay priest calendar. (NOTE: No actual exposure in the link, but one censored NSFW pic contained in the story.)
« Last Edit: January 09, 2014, 03:00:05 PM by Agabus »
Blessed Nazarius practiced the ascetic life. His clothes were tattered. He wore his shoes without removing them for six years.

THE OPINIONS HERE MAY NOT REFLECT THE ACTUAL OR PERCEIVED ORTHODOX CHURCH

Offline Shanghaiski

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #191 on: January 09, 2014, 03:25:20 PM »
Doesn't the Stalin calendar take the prize and end the thread? http://www.rferl.org/content/russia-stalin-calendar/25224022.html

How much worse could you get?

Never ask that question.
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #192 on: January 09, 2014, 03:52:38 PM »
Doesn't the Stalin calendar take the prize and end the thread? http://www.rferl.org/content/russia-stalin-calendar/25224022.html

How much worse could you get?
If we're going the calendar route, there's always the gay priest calendar. (NOTE: No actual exposure in the link, but one censored NSFW pic contained in the story.)

That one has no connection to the real Church though, the Stalin calendar does.

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #193 on: January 09, 2014, 03:54:30 PM »
Doesn't the Stalin calendar take the prize and end the thread? http://www.rferl.org/content/russia-stalin-calendar/25224022.html

How much worse could you get?

Never ask that question.

H.L. Mencken's pithy observation that one would never go broke by underestimating the taste of the American public is probably equally apropos to many of the Orthodox faithful, so I suppose you are correct.   ;)

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #194 on: January 09, 2014, 05:00:24 PM »
Have not decited yet schlock or not:



I think this would be a great gift for my mother. She has this old magnetic nativity scene where in the Magi and some shepherds are on this track. Each figure moves around the track and when they pass in front of the Holy Family they make a little turn. It was nice when she bought the thing, but now it is falling apart.

::Edit:: yes I realize this thing is huge, but if you knew my mother you would know that this fits nicely with her plethora of religious imagery.
« Last Edit: January 09, 2014, 05:03:10 PM by dcommini »
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Offline Irish Melkite

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #195 on: January 12, 2014, 10:26:48 PM »
I think this would be a great gift for my mother. She has this old magnetic nativity scene where in the Magi and some shepherds are on this track. Each figure moves around the track and when they pass in front of the Holy Family they make a little turn.

dcommini,

I'd love to see a photo of that set. Any chance?

Many years,

Neil
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #196 on: January 12, 2014, 11:47:39 PM »
Have not decited yet schlock or not:



I think this would be a great gift for my mother. She has this old magnetic nativity scene where in the Magi and some shepherds are on this track. Each figure moves around the track and when they pass in front of the Holy Family they make a little turn. It was nice when she bought the thing, but now it is falling apart.

::Edit:: yes I realize this thing is huge, but if you knew my mother you would know that this fits nicely with her plethora of religious imagery.

Heh. I had almost completely forgotten about that set. She still has it? I don't recall seeing it out Christmas of 2003, which I believe is the last time I was actually at her house for Christmas (note to others: This does not mean I haven't visited my mom for Christmas since 2003- she has a tendency to travel during Christmas, the odds of actually being at her house during a Christmas vacation are about 20-1; we're more likely to catch her at our grandparents or her in-laws or stepchildrens' or our houses. As a child I often wondered why we bothered decorating for Christmas at all as I can count the number of times we celebrated Christmas at the house on one hand.  :laugh: ).
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Offline dcommini

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #197 on: January 14, 2014, 11:31:25 AM »
I think this would be a great gift for my mother. She has this old magnetic nativity scene where in the Magi and some shepherds are on this track. Each figure moves around the track and when they pass in front of the Holy Family they make a little turn.

dcommini,

I'd love to see a photo of that set. Any chance?

Many years,

Neil

If it hasn't completely fallen apart yet then I will take a picture and upload it when I go up to Indiana in a few days.



Heh. I had almost completely forgotten about that set. She still has it? I don't recall seeing it out Christmas of 2003, which I believe is the last time I was actually at her house for Christmas (note to others: This does not mean I haven't visited my mom for Christmas since 2003- she has a tendency to travel during Christmas, the odds of actually being at her house during a Christmas vacation are about 20-1; we're more likely to catch her at our grandparents or her in-laws or stepchildrens' or our houses. As a child I often wondered why we bothered decorating for Christmas at all as I can count the number of times we celebrated Christmas at the house on one hand.  :laugh: ).

Yes, she still has that set (or at least she did a few months ago). She usually leaves it out year round now, hence the reason it is falling apart. Have you really not been to any of her houses (for Christmas) since 2003? I'm pretty sure she had the thing out when we lived in Columbia, it fits so nicely with all the other religious paraphernalia that it may just blend in so nicely and be hard to notice unless you're looking for it.
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #198 on: January 27, 2014, 10:02:23 AM »
I've just found it. Russians...

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Offline Eastern Mind

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #199 on: January 27, 2014, 02:05:06 PM »
It's almost too cute to be schlock.  :laugh:

Oh? Then how about these:




 :D Those are so cute!
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #200 on: January 27, 2014, 02:14:51 PM »
I've just found it. Russians...



For the kind of veneration that involves hours long, open-mouthed drooling.
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #201 on: February 02, 2014, 04:26:15 PM »
Awesome. I know * likes to level everything down to some ridiculous common denominator which he believes conditions the view he is taking a stance against.

That he is almost always wrong is beside the point. He is clever when he does it, but nevertheless usually inaccurate.

Any idea how I could switch it around so I am boringly accurate? That seems preferable...
« Last Edit: February 02, 2014, 04:26:30 PM by Asteriktos »

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #202 on: February 02, 2014, 05:18:18 PM »
It's almost too cute to be schlock.  :laugh:

Oh? Then how about these:




 :D Those are so cute!

Those actually look like nice little ornaments. They would go well on a Christmas tree. :)

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #203 on: February 16, 2014, 10:05:58 PM »
He shall give his angels charge concerning thee: and in their hands they shall bear thee up, lest at any time thou dash thy foot against a stone.

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Offline LBK

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #204 on: February 16, 2014, 10:26:20 PM »
He shall give his angels charge concerning thee: and in their hands they shall bear thee up, lest at any time thou dash thy foot against a stone.



Wow, talk about a double whammy of schlockodoxy. Stepping on Christ, and an uncanonical "icon" of him to boot!  :o
« Last Edit: February 16, 2014, 10:26:44 PM by LBK »
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #205 on: February 16, 2014, 10:28:44 PM »
Brings new (bad) meaning to the rather cheesy Footprints in the Sand poem.


*where is the shudder emoticon when you need it*

 ???

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #206 on: February 16, 2014, 10:32:57 PM »
Brings new (bad) meaning to the rather cheesy Footprints in the Sand poem.

Brilliant. Just brilliant.  :-* :-* :-*
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #207 on: February 16, 2014, 10:39:44 PM »

Wow, talk about a double whammy of schlockodoxy. Stepping on Christ, and an uncanonical "icon" of him to boot!  :o
Knew you would appreciate.
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Offline LBK

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #208 on: February 16, 2014, 10:41:16 PM »
While not produced by an "Orthodox" source, these caught my eye:



The spiel:

"My soles magnify the Lord." That's what you'll be saying as you slip into a pair of righteous Shoes of the Fisherman flip-flops.

These sandals leave their unique message "in the sand at the seashore, on sidewalks after a rain shower, and on wet pool decks." And "while the words disappear as the sands shift and the sidewalk dries, these footprints leave the greatest impression on the soul." Amen.

Hand-finished in Thailand, Shoes of the Fisherman flip-flops are blue and white with a contoured insole, and are "waffled to keep feet cool." Take your first steps into a new world of witnessing for just $XXXX (plus postage and packing).


It is to laugh. Or cry.
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Offline Ersaia

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #209 on: February 16, 2014, 10:51:29 PM »
wow!
perfect topic
 ;D

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #210 on: February 17, 2014, 12:19:33 AM »
He shall give his angels charge concerning thee: and in their hands they shall bear thee up, lest at any time thou dash thy foot against a stone.



Wow, talk about a double whammy of schlockodoxy. Stepping on Christ, and an uncanonical "icon" of him to boot!  :o
Or maybe they are for really pious Orthodox, so they can step on heretical schlock wherever they go. ;)
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #211 on: February 17, 2014, 12:26:16 AM »
He shall give his angels charge concerning thee: and in their hands they shall bear thee up, lest at any time thou dash thy foot against a stone.



Wow, talk about a double whammy of schlockodoxy. Stepping on Christ, and an uncanonical "icon" of him to boot!  :o
Or maybe they are for really pious Orthodox, so they can step on heretical schlock wherever they go. ;)

I'm surprised it took so long for someone to say it.  ;)

At any rate, I'd never wear them. Or any flip-flops, for that matter. They keep falling off my feet.
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #212 on: February 17, 2014, 12:28:18 AM »
He shall give his angels charge concerning thee: and in their hands they shall bear thee up, lest at any time thou dash thy foot against a stone.



Wow, talk about a double whammy of schlockodoxy. Stepping on Christ, and an uncanonical "icon" of him to boot!  :o
Or maybe they are for really pious Orthodox, so they can step on heretical schlock wherever they go. ;)

I'm surprised it took so long for someone to say it.  ;)

At any rate, I'd never wear them. Or any flip-flops, for that matter. They keep falling off my feet.


And the fact that Jesus is one-eyed....isn't a selling point either.....

Offline orthonorm

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #213 on: February 17, 2014, 02:35:44 AM »
He shall give his angels charge concerning thee: and in their hands they shall bear thee up, lest at any time thou dash thy foot against a stone.



It took at least 8 seconds for that to register.

Fantastic. I hope you provided the Scriptural ad copy.
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Offline orthonorm

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #214 on: February 17, 2014, 02:37:01 AM »
While not produced by an "Orthodox" source, these caught my eye:



The spiel:

"My soles magnify the Lord." That's what you'll be saying as you slip into a pair of righteous Shoes of the Fisherman flip-flops.

These sandals leave their unique message "in the sand at the seashore, on sidewalks after a rain shower, and on wet pool decks." And "while the words disappear as the sands shift and the sidewalk dries, these footprints leave the greatest impression on the soul." Amen.

Hand-finished in Thailand, Shoes of the Fisherman flip-flops are blue and white with a contoured insole, and are "waffled to keep feet cool." Take your first steps into a new world of witnessing for just $XXXX (plus postage and packing).


It is to laugh. Or cry.

I don't believe it has to be an either or world.

LOL!
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #215 on: February 17, 2014, 02:38:24 AM »
He shall give his angels charge concerning thee: and in their hands they shall bear thee up, lest at any time thou dash thy foot against a stone.



Wow, talk about a double whammy of schlockodoxy. Stepping on Christ, and an uncanonical "icon" of him to boot!  :o
Or maybe they are for really pious Orthodox, so they can step on heretical schlock wherever they go. ;)

I'm surprised it took so long for someone to say it.  ;)

At any rate, I'd never wear them. Or any flip-flops, for that matter. They keep falling off my feet.


And the fact that Jesus is one-eyed....isn't a selling point either.....

Three out of four Gospels can't be wrong.
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #216 on: February 21, 2014, 03:14:54 PM »
A variation on a previous theme and a couple of head scratchers.







Lastly, just in time for Mardi Gras season?


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Offline Agabus

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #217 on: February 21, 2014, 03:19:56 PM »


From a site where bots just seem to fill in generic shirts with phrases meant to be marketed to different audiences. Pages of hilarity ensue.

« Last Edit: February 21, 2014, 03:22:20 PM by Agabus »
Blessed Nazarius practiced the ascetic life. His clothes were tattered. He wore his shoes without removing them for six years.

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #218 on: March 06, 2014, 12:18:29 AM »
Looking for that special something to impress your guests at your child's baptism? Let us at (name of firm deleted) bake you these yummy baptismal cookies!



Guaranteed to leave a bad taste in your mouth!
« Last Edit: March 06, 2014, 12:35:49 AM by LBK »
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #219 on: March 06, 2014, 11:28:29 AM »
Looking for that special something to impress your guests at your child's baptism? Let us at (name of firm deleted) bake you these yummy baptismal cookies!



Guaranteed to leave a bad taste in your mouth!
Sweet in the mouth but sour in the belly!
« Last Edit: March 06, 2014, 11:28:44 AM by Agabus »
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #220 on: March 06, 2014, 11:43:38 AM »
Classic schlock.

I wasn't able to find my favorite, which replaces the pupil in the evil eye with a medallion of the Theotokos.






Blessed Nazarius practiced the ascetic life. His clothes were tattered. He wore his shoes without removing them for six years.

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Offline LizaSymonenko

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #221 on: March 06, 2014, 04:03:34 PM »
He shall give his angels charge concerning thee: and in their hands they shall bear thee up, lest at any time thou dash thy foot against a stone.



I wonder just who would actually buy and wear these.

Just, wow.
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #222 on: March 07, 2014, 12:00:32 AM »
He shall give his angels charge concerning thee: and in their hands they shall bear thee up, lest at any time thou dash thy foot against a stone.



Wow, talk about a double whammy of schlockodoxy. Stepping on Christ, and an uncanonical "icon" of him to boot!  :o

Do you wear them, venerate them, or burn them?
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #223 on: March 07, 2014, 12:13:47 AM »
He shall give his angels charge concerning thee: and in their hands they shall bear thee up, lest at any time thou dash thy foot against a stone.



Wow, talk about a double whammy of schlockodoxy. Stepping on Christ, and an uncanonical "icon" of him to boot!  :o

Do you wear them, venerate them, or burn them?


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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #224 on: March 10, 2014, 09:25:26 PM »
I am the sorry owner of one of these:  ::)



(it was a birthday gift)
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #225 on: March 10, 2014, 09:29:03 PM »
I am the sorry owner of one of these:  ::)



(it was a birthday gift)

You poor soul .....
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Offline DeniseDenise

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #226 on: March 10, 2014, 09:31:44 PM »
He knows how long you have been praying, and now so do you!

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #227 on: March 10, 2014, 09:33:22 PM »
He knows how long you have been praying, and now so do you!

You are a treasure, DD!  :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #228 on: March 10, 2014, 09:38:08 PM »
I am the sorry owner of one of these:  ::)



(it was a birthday gift)

You poor soul .....

T'is only one life,
T'will soon be past ...
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Offline Eastern Mind

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Re: Schlock Orthoproducts
« Reply #229 on: March 12, 2014, 11:41:01 AM »


This would be a killer video game.

And when you fail, the Super Mario Bros theme be like:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Wc3kwv0Ddw
"ALL THE GODS OF THE HINDUS ARE DEMONS HAHAHAHAHA!!"