Thanks putnik and orthonorm for being more compassionate I will try to respond to youse when I have free time and no responsibilities
I am not sure if we are being more compassionate, in fact many would say I am one the least compassionate people on this board. I think maybe we just have paid closer attention to the larger context your post is in.
It could be that some haven't seen nor remember your other posts. Or rather myopically think that talking to a Priest is in order for your struggles.
Please never feel some urgency to post here or follow up. Take your time.
And try to remember to the degree you can, that you suffer from some of the worst suffering, the sort which compounds itself and is sometimes blind to itself.
Be careful with yourself and be easy on yourself.
Maybe having some more structure to your online use would be helpful? Maybe spend sometime on this site which has Orthodox rather than other places where you are in the minority.
There are non-Orthodox here who could benefit from your posts and Orthodox as well.
Your desire to help others and defend Orthodoxy is admirable but if it ends up harming you and stopping you from being able to help anyone, is it worth it?
People have different gifts and different crosses. Someone once said Christianity could be summed up by seeing your crosses as your gifts.
You have a cross. And I hope this doesn't sound disingenuous or patronizing, please forgive me if it does, but by sharing your cross here, you do cause me pause and make me reconsider my behavior. Your posts touch my heart.
Perhaps that is a small and insignificant thing, but maybe you could post here more and touch others who might be able to be touched by you. Rather than trying to reach those you cannot?
If you recall Jesus' instructions to his disciples about where to witness and how to leave where they were not welcome? Jesus himself didn't hang around places just to be mocked and jeered.
So Mike, consider spending time somewhere and getting to know people and letting your pain and struggle be useful to others.
A friendly suggestion. Again, I hope no offense was taken.