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Author Topic: To those married/in relationships that watch porn...  (Read 2700 times) Average Rating: 0
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« on: October 21, 2013, 08:41:32 PM »

Am I alone in thinking people that watch pornography, stimulate themselves for pleasure, while having a mate...is cheating? I mean after all you are lusting in your heart right? Is that not adultery if you are married?

If people feel more comfortable talking about this privately, then so be it.

Maybe I'm coming off as a fundy here, I dunno.

I think porn, if you use it overtime and have to find more "raunchy" material in order to be aroused, can be seriously determinal to one's sexual life and mental health. I mean surely there exists ED for frequent porn users?
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« Reply #1 on: October 21, 2013, 09:57:54 PM »

Hebrews 13:4 Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.

I just kind of think that scripture is appropriate for your question.

I can only comment on what I think.  I strongly disagree with a Christian's use of pornography.  I believe it will cause a person to lust, is of the flesh, and can lead to addictions.  Also I've read studies on where porn users will often seek "more perverse" material in order to get that same "high" off pornography.

Cheating..... (my opinion only), I believe the word cheating would be a strong.  I do believe most women would be hurt if they walked in and their husband was looking at pornography and defiling himself with it.   However, if she were to walk in and another woman was in the room with him....  You get the point I'm sure.  I think most women would be far more hurt with a physical woman present.

I would see it more like "violating trust", "seeking the flesh", and adultery in his heart.  I believe it would leave a wife thinking they are inadequate for their husband and inferior to the young woman often depicted.  It would hurt her self image very badly that she could not satisfy her husband and he turns to pornography.

For the man it can hurt him because he will be trying to gain physical satisfaction from a digital image of (usually) a young woman.  When a man releases, it also releases dopamine in his brain.  This will form a bonding (through a short period of habit) to the form of release he is using.   If the man is seeking out pornography for his release, he will eventually be hooked on that release.  (There's several studies on this).
This is how pornography addiction works.

On the flip side, if a man were to love his own wife and admire her beauty as is written in the song of songs, then he will be of one flesh through matrimony with his wife.   Through this mutual bonding can occur.  Dopamine will also be released in his brain and likewise his wife's as well.  This can form strong bonds between a husband and wife.   Through the blessing of marriage, the blessing of a physical relationship, God often blesses them with children.  Children growing up in a household with two parents who are closely bonded are blessed.

I do agree with what you say of adultery in his heart.   I suppose the question would resonate - is adultery in the heart the same thing as adultery itself (of the heart and flesh?)     I am not sure.

I do think most would agree however that pornography is very damaging to a person.  Is it the same as walking in on a physical "cheat" of a spouse???


On a side note, being in the IT business so long, I'll tell you..... Pornography is so incredibly "common place".  At first it wasn't like this.   But so many of these young men are really hooked on this stuff.  May God help this world.
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« Reply #2 on: October 21, 2013, 10:02:48 PM »

I think YiM is spot on. 
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« Reply #3 on: October 21, 2013, 10:39:04 PM »

Pornography is a destructive and addictive drug. It's prevalence and ease of access make it all the more dangerous. Many otherwise good and honorable people succumb to this temptation. It has tripped me up many times in my own life, I am sad to say. The feelings of guilt, shame, and depression that accompany it are awful. Like any addictive drug, there is no such thing as moderate pornography use. It always leads the mind into deeper and darker depravities. The assault of pornography on our culture is one of the many destructive prices we pay for our so-called "freedoms." Such unrestrained freedoms inevitably lead to various forms of mental, spiritual, and emotional slavery.

The Sacrament of Confession and the Mystery of the Eucharist have helped me tremendously in this fight against the temptations of pornography. I cannot emphasize enough how important the Sacraments are in regard to this struggle.

I would love to say that I am above falling prey to the despicable evil of pornography, but I am not. So I am being honest here so that others may find hope and strength. This thing plagues more people than we realize. May God give us grace and strength to fight this battle.



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« Reply #4 on: October 21, 2013, 11:36:15 PM »

Quote
I think porn, if you use it overtime and have to find more "raunchy" material in order to be aroused, can be seriously determinal to one's sexual life and mental health. I mean surely there exists ED for frequent porn users?
it can be a factor , i think, in unbalancing a relationship.  in large quantities at least. since i haven't had internet at home in ages -like 5 years almost- my relationship with porn has been sorta distant. can't watch it in a coffee shop.
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« Reply #5 on: October 21, 2013, 11:59:10 PM »

Am I alone in thinking people that watch pornography, stimulate themselves for pleasure, while having a mate...is cheating? I mean after all you are lusting in your heart right? Is that not adultery if you are married?

If people feel more comfortable talking about this privately, then so be it.

Maybe I'm coming off as a fundy here, I dunno.

I think porn, if you use it overtime and have to find more "raunchy" material in order to be aroused, can be seriously determinal to one's sexual life and mental health. I mean surely there exists ED for frequent porn users?

1+

This is one of those things I have a problem understanding.  If we think about what we're doing at the very core of it, it's truly bizarre.  We're looking at pictures of other people's genitals, and following other people into their bedrooms in order to watch them copulate.  That's deranged.  And not just deranged, but being sexually deranged in a way that is completely socially acceptable.  Not to be puritan, but it's one of those things where in the act of watching or viewing or reading porn, where is that thing that makes us stop for a minute and say "wait, what am I doing?"  Not to be puritan, but it really is a bizarre thing.   
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« Reply #6 on: October 22, 2013, 12:55:57 AM »

Porn has to be one of the most boring things I have ever encountered.


Actually, pornographers are the philosophers of our time, but none of you seem to know that.

A subject I plan on doing some reading on soon. Will report (if I feel like it).
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« Reply #7 on: October 22, 2013, 08:23:18 AM »

No, you're not alone.  If you lust after another, it is adultery.
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« Reply #8 on: October 22, 2013, 09:16:06 AM »

Actually, pornographers are the philosophers of our time, but none of you seem to know that.

Philosophers are the philosophers of our time.
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« Reply #9 on: October 22, 2013, 09:22:59 AM »

Actually, pornographers are the philosophers of our time, but none of you seem to know that.

Philosophers are the philosophers of our time.

Name a couple?
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« Reply #10 on: October 22, 2013, 09:26:25 AM »

Eh, women do the same thing except it comes packaged in "romance" novels like 50 Shades of Gray. Is porn wrong? Yes. It's exploiting another person's suffering--the porn star, many of which suffer depression and/or other issues--and cheating on your mate to an extent. But the thing that bothers me is that many people make this out to be an evil male problem and exclude women from the equation. Why don't we talk about those millions of women who read pornography in the form of novels? It's no different, except it's made to appeal to women more than men.
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« Reply #11 on: October 22, 2013, 09:26:52 AM »

Actually, pornographers are the philosophers of our time, but none of you seem to know that.

Philosophers are the philosophers of our time.

Name a couple?

Anybody with a PhD in Philosophy.
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« Reply #12 on: October 22, 2013, 09:32:53 AM »

Actually, pornographers are the philosophers of our time, but none of you seem to know that.

Philosophers are the philosophers of our time.

Name a couple?

Anybody with a PhD in Philosophy.

LOL! I've known some of those, but for some reason I couldn't associate any of them with the word "philosopher".
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« Reply #13 on: October 22, 2013, 09:33:18 AM »

Actually, pornographers are the philosophers of our time, but none of you seem to know that.

Philosophers are the philosophers of our time.

Name a couple?

Romaios the Great.
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« Reply #14 on: October 22, 2013, 09:42:35 AM »

Eh, women do the same thing except it comes packaged in "romance" novels like 50 Shades of Gray. Is porn wrong? Yes. It's exploiting another person's suffering--the porn star, many of which suffer depression and/or other issues--and cheating on your mate to an extent. But the thing that bothers me is that many people make this out to be an evil male problem and exclude women from the equation. Why don't we talk about those millions of women who read pornography in the form of novels? It's no different, except it's made to appeal to women more than men.

Romance/smut novels at least have some veneer of story, and usually end in marriage. Even 50 Shades.

Newsflash: Women watch porn too.
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« Reply #15 on: October 22, 2013, 09:45:55 AM »

Best as porn goes-ever watched, also had a story line.
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« Reply #16 on: October 22, 2013, 09:52:46 AM »

Actually, pornographers are the philosophers of our time, but none of you seem to know that.

Philosophers are the philosophers of our time.

Name a couple?

Anybody with a PhD in Philosophy.

LOL! I've known some of those, but for some reason I couldn't associate any of them with the word "philosopher".

Cheesy
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« Reply #17 on: October 22, 2013, 10:05:39 AM »

Eh, women do the same thing except it comes packaged in "romance" novels like 50 Shades of Gray. Is porn wrong? Yes. It's exploiting another person's suffering--the porn star, many of which suffer depression and/or other issues--and cheating on your mate to an extent. But the thing that bothers me is that many people make this out to be an evil male problem and exclude women from the equation. Why don't we talk about those millions of women who read pornography in the form of novels? It's no different, except it's made to appeal to women more than men.

1000+

That's exactly it.  Actually, the porn in book form is much worse than pictures.  And yes, women are into porn, too.  I did call center for one company whose sole product was literary porn, and the callers were easily over 95% female, and 75-80% over the age of 55.  Seniors galore.  We had over 20 operators at any given time manning the phones, and you're answering 80-120 calls per day.  You do the math.  This was people's nanas that were calling all day, every day, looking for their porn, and one thing women do is try to say it's not quite porn, or at least that it's 'lesser' porn, because it's a book.  As though it's a more esteemed kind of pornography.  Yeah, right.  Porn is porn, and all of it does psychological damage.  It's voyeurism, for one.  And it debases women, for another.  Even the porn that is written by women for women, because it suggests that that's our worth and value--sex.  
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« Reply #18 on: October 22, 2013, 10:15:25 AM »

Mm can't say I agree with the books. They are only bad in the sense they create loftier expectations for their male partners who couldn't come close to meeting them. Then sets in the disappointment.

I have no problem with erotic material only if it is tastefully done.

Same goes for films in Hollywood.

I believe that suggestion sexuality and not fully revealing in movies is much more exciting. Your imagination can do the work.
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« Reply #19 on: October 22, 2013, 10:16:30 AM »

Generally, men prefer visual porn, whereas women can make porn with their mind; simply by using the power of their imaginations and a book. 

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« Reply #20 on: October 22, 2013, 10:20:47 AM »

Newsflash: Women watch porn too.

This. Some women I know are even proud of it.
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« Reply #21 on: October 22, 2013, 11:06:43 AM »

Actually, pornographers are the philosophers of our time, but none of you seem to know that.

Philosophers are the philosophers of our time.

Name a couple?

Romaios the Great.

Orthonorm.
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« Reply #22 on: October 22, 2013, 11:33:20 AM »

Hi everyone and god bless;
I'd like to interject a couple of thoughts on this subject also, first,Gebre's post mirrors what I would say as well in reference to myself.

In regard to pornography,fornication;
                               A1)How cheaply the side of evil attempts to mislead the children of men,with sins as low and dirty that have the ability to cover "not just the wealthy",but the poor as well,a sin thats not partial to class or gender race,a sin thats more easily accessible than most in any day and age-

If one were a demonic arms dealer to the devil I'm quite sure this one would go in the "Positive column",before the first meeting.

The only way the sinner to combat and overcome being through our lord and savior Jesus Christ through his holy and blessed church, and I agree with Gebre-the sacraments have led me lovingly.

Lets recall the words of blessed saint Paul in 2Cor-Lest satan should get an advantage over us:for we are not ignorant of his devices.

This relay also from a sinner-god bless
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« Reply #23 on: October 22, 2013, 11:35:17 AM »

Pornography is destructive as it gives men unrealistic expectations and pollutes the mind.
Romantic comedies are destructive as they give women unrealistic expectations and pollute the mind.

Also, have any of you actually seen the stuff some girls watch?  There's this show called Real Housewives of Orange County.  I would rather watch Brazillian Fart P0rn than that tripe.  I saw this other on MTV that had these vile creatures that work at a bar in Texas or something.  I don't remember what it is called but these people!  We are getting to barnyard gay buk**** levels of disgusting here.

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« Reply #24 on: October 22, 2013, 11:58:14 AM »

Also, have any of you actually seen the stuff some girls watch?  There's this show called Real Housewives of Orange County.  I would rather watch Brazillian Fart P0rn than that tripe.

+1, -Fart
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« Reply #25 on: October 22, 2013, 11:59:05 AM »

Besides points already raised, my main critique of porn use in a relationship (regardless of who's using it) is that it's a cop-out, and it's lazy. There's no aspect of a relationship that doesn't require work to be good. Turning to porn to meet your needs instead of your spouse is quick and easy, but does you both a disservice in the long run. If you're having sex with your spouse instead of by yourself in front of a screen, then you are learning about the other person's preferences. The more you do it, the better you'll be. Practice makes perfect.  Cool
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« Reply #26 on: October 22, 2013, 12:31:20 PM »

Besides points already raised, my main critique of porn use in a relationship (regardless of who's using it) is that it's a cop-out, and it's lazy. There's no aspect of a relationship that doesn't require work to be good. Turning to porn to meet your needs instead of your spouse is quick and easy, but does you both a disservice in the long run. If you're having sex with your spouse instead of by yourself in front of a screen, then you are learning about the other person's preferences. The more you do it, the better you'll be. Practice makes perfect.  Cool
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« Reply #27 on: October 22, 2013, 12:38:47 PM »

Lol practice.

I've never been in a relationship where it was hard to get sex. Never got the I'm not in the mood crap.

There's no point to porn if you are with someone.
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« Reply #28 on: October 22, 2013, 12:39:22 PM »

Besides points already raised, my main critique of porn use in a relationship (regardless of who's using it) is that it's a cop-out, and it's lazy. There's no aspect of a relationship that doesn't require work to be good. Turning to porn to meet your needs instead of your spouse is quick and easy, but does you both a disservice in the long run. If you're having sex with your spouse instead of by yourself in front of a screen, then you are learning about the other person's preferences. The more you do it, the better you'll be. Practice makes perfect.  Cool

A digression:

I know of a priest, alive and serving today within a heavily ethnic parish/jurisdiction somewhere on God's green earth, who told me of instances where he had to counsel certain married couples who'd run into trouble.  What was their trouble?  They didn't know what they were doing.  He had to teach them some basics, from start to finish, to get them going.  I suppose he could've referred them to certain books/manuals, but in that cultural context, it would've been the same as sending them to an internet porn site.  Recommending a therapist for this issue would've also been seen as inappropriate.  He was stuck playing Dr Ruth.  Happily, it seems he was good enough at it that the marriages survived.  I didn't ask how he got his expertise.  Smiley    

I'm not defending or recommending use of porn, not by any means.  But when I think of these cases, I think there must be some percentage of consumers, however small, who are trying to educate themselves in order to improve an important aspect of their lives before certain problems become increasingly insurmountable.  I don't know what the appropriate solution is, but adding "sex therapist/technician" to a priest's already numerous roles hardly seems like the way to go.        
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« Reply #29 on: October 22, 2013, 12:47:55 PM »

That reminded me of a recent article,
Quote
Ultra-Orthodox boys and girls are educated separately, and have little interaction with the opposite sex until their marriage night, when they are expected to consummate their union.

Physical touch with the opposite sex - even something like a handshake - is only permitted with one's spouse and close family members. Access to films and the internet is often restricted.

"We wanted there to be a place where people could say, 'I know nothing and I want to know something,'" says Ribner.

The Newlywed's Guide to Physical Intimacy, which Ribner co-wrote with Orthodox teacher Jennie Rosenfeld, starts with the very basics - explaining, for example, how the body shape of men and women differs.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-22152700

But, hey, if the couple got the help they needed from a priest of God, so much the better.

As to his expertise...I assume he's/was married. Shocked Wink
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« Reply #30 on: October 22, 2013, 12:48:34 PM »

Lol practice.

I've never been in a relationship where it was hard to get sex. Never got the I'm not in the mood crap.

There's no point to porn if you are with someone.

I'm not talking about it being hard to get, I'm talking about the quality of the sex you're having. At the beginning, it's all exciting and new and that's great and fun. What I'm talking about is preventing monogamy from becoming monotony. That takes effort.
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« Reply #31 on: October 22, 2013, 12:48:44 PM »

Besides points already raised, my main critique of porn use in a relationship (regardless of who's using it) is that it's a cop-out, and it's lazy. There's no aspect of a relationship that doesn't require work to be good. Turning to porn to meet your needs instead of your spouse is quick and easy, but does you both a disservice in the long run. If you're having sex with your spouse instead of by yourself in front of a screen, then you are learning about the other person's preferences. The more you do it, the better you'll be. Practice makes perfect.  Cool

A digression:

I know of a priest, alive and serving today within a heavily ethnic parish/jurisdiction somewhere on God's green earth, who told me of instances where he had to counsel certain married couples who'd run into trouble.  What was their trouble?  They didn't know what they were doing.  He had to teach them some basics, from start to finish, to get them going.  I suppose he could've referred them to certain books/manuals, but in that cultural context, it would've been the same as sending them to an internet porn site.  Recommending a therapist for this issue would've also been seen as inappropriate.  He was stuck playing Dr Ruth.  Happily, it seems he was good enough at it that the marriages survived.  I didn't ask how he got his expertise.  Smiley    

I'm not defending or recommending use of porn, not by any means.  But when I think of these cases, I think there must be some percentage of consumers, however small, who are trying to educate themselves in order to improve an important aspect of their lives before certain problems become increasingly insurmountable.  I don't know what the appropriate solution is, but adding "sex therapist/technician" to a priest's already numerous r
oles hardly seems like the way to go.        
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« Reply #32 on: October 22, 2013, 12:51:31 PM »

Besides points already raised, my main critique of porn use in a relationship (regardless of who's using it) is that it's a cop-out, and it's lazy. There's no aspect of a relationship that doesn't require work to be good. Turning to porn to meet your needs instead of your spouse is quick and easy, but does you both a disservice in the long run. If you're having sex with your spouse instead of by yourself in front of a screen, then you are learning about the other person's preferences. The more you do it, the better you'll be. Practice makes perfect.  Cool

A digression:

I know of a priest, alive and serving today within a heavily ethnic parish/jurisdiction somewhere on God's green earth, who told me of instances where he had to counsel certain married couples who'd run into trouble.  What was their trouble?  They didn't know what they were doing.  He had to teach them some basics, from start to finish, to get them going.  I suppose he could've referred them to certain books/manuals, but in that cultural context, it would've been the same as sending them to an internet porn site.  Recommending a therapist for this issue would've also been seen as inappropriate.  He was stuck playing Dr Ruth.  Happily, it seems he was good enough at it that the marriages survived.  I didn't ask how he got his expertise.  Smiley    

I'm not defending or recommending use of porn, not by any means.  But when I think of these cases, I think there must be some percentage of consumers, however small, who are trying to educate themselves in order to improve an important aspect of their lives before certain problems become increasingly insurmountable.  I don't know what the appropriate solution is, but adding "sex therapist/technician" to a priest's already numerous roles hardly seems like the way to go.        

I get that. I know folks who use porn as a means to get ideas to "spice things up" or whatever euphemism the kids these days are using. Tongue I sympathize with where they're coming from, I just don't think porn is a viable solution for a host of reasons.
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« Reply #33 on: October 22, 2013, 12:52:37 PM »

I'm not defending or recommending use of porn, not by any means.  But when I think of these cases, I think there must be some percentage of consumers, however small, who are trying to educate themselves in order to improve an important aspect of their lives before certain problems become increasingly insurmountable.  I don't know what the appropriate solution is, but adding "sex therapist/technician" to a priest's already numerous roles hardly seems like the way to go.  

I still remember a friend's account from several years ago: his then-girlfriend rented a hardcore Asian skin flick and proceeded to duplicate the on-screen action on him. He was by no means complaining, although he did say something about too much of a good thing. Cheesy
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« Reply #34 on: October 22, 2013, 01:00:59 PM »

Besides points already raised, my main critique of porn use in a relationship (regardless of who's using it) is that it's a cop-out, and it's lazy. There's no aspect of a relationship that doesn't require work to be good. Turning to porn to meet your needs instead of your spouse is quick and easy, but does you both a disservice in the long run. If you're having sex with your spouse instead of by yourself in front of a screen, then you are learning about the other person's preferences. The more you do it, the better you'll be. Practice makes perfect.  Cool

A digression:

I know of a priest, alive and serving today within a heavily ethnic parish/jurisdiction somewhere on God's green earth, who told me of instances where he had to counsel certain married couples who'd run into trouble.  What was their trouble?  They didn't know what they were doing.  He had to teach them some basics, from start to finish, to get them going.  I suppose he could've referred them to certain books/manuals, but in that cultural context, it would've been the same as sending them to an internet porn site.  Recommending a therapist for this issue would've also been seen as inappropriate.  He was stuck playing Dr Ruth.  Happily, it seems he was good enough at it that the marriages survived.  I didn't ask how he got his expertise.  Smiley    

I'm not defending or recommending use of porn, not by any means.  But when I think of these cases, I think there must be some percentage of consumers, however small, who are trying to educate themselves in order to improve an important aspect of their lives before certain problems become increasingly insurmountable.  I don't know what the appropriate solution is, but adding "sex therapist/technician" to a priest's already numerous roles hardly seems like the way to go.        

 I understand what you're saying.  However, if you're advocating for discretional use of pornography as teacher, I must disagree.  Pornography is immoral and destructive on several counts.  To begin, it is antithetical for Christians to look at a naked body in this manner because lust will surely be involved.  Second,  I assume most pornography 'actors' are not married and so using their movies promotes sex outside of marriage.  And even if by chance they are married, their marriage bed is now defiled by inviting others to participate by watching.  At the very least, a market has been created that goes completely against Scripture and the experience of the Church.  Third, there are numerous studies that show pornography to be addictive.  What are we to do with the young man or young woman who, on advice of their priest, to watch a video for training purposes and they become addicted to watching it?  Lastly, I think ZealousZeal makes a great point about communication with your spouse; it's up to each other to communicate what they enjoy or would like to try rather than getting horrible ideas from a porn director.
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« Reply #35 on: October 22, 2013, 01:15:18 PM »

I understand what you're saying.  However, if you're advocating for discretional use of pornography as teacher, I must disagree.  Pornography is immoral and destructive on several counts.  To begin, it is antithetical for Christians to look at a naked body in this manner because lust will surely be involved.  Second,  I assume most pornography 'actors' are not married and so using their movies promotes sex outside of marriage.  And even if by chance they are married, their marriage bed is now defiled by inviting others to participate by watching.  At the very least, a market has been created that goes completely against Scripture and the experience of the Church.  Third, there are numerous studies that show pornography to be addictive.  What are we to do with the young man or young woman who, on advice of their priest, to watch a video for training purposes and they become addicted to watching it?  Lastly, I think ZealousZeal makes a great point about communication with your spouse; it's up to each other to communicate what they enjoy or would like to try rather than getting horrible ideas from a porn director.

No, I'm not advocating discretional use of pornography.  I qualified my remarks by concluding that I didn't know what the appropriate solution was, only that I felt a particular solution was not the right one. 

It's all well and good to recommend "communicating with your spouse", but it presumes that the spouses have some basis on which to work.  The cases I was told about were cases in which there was no common foundation on which to build.  Porn would not have been appropriate by the standards of that culture, but neither would going to the sexuality section of a bookstore to buy a book or an instructional video (however tastefully done, this would still be considered "porn" by these people), talking with one's friends, talking to a therapist, etc.  In my own community, I know of people who reject professional counseling because "They do not understand our culture or the tradition of our forefathers, they only know how to destroy people's lives": there's a valid observation in there, even if it's also mixed with unfounded fears.  So if "conventional" and "non-conventional" sources of information are verboten, what do you do?  These couples talked to their priest, who helped them out, but really he would rather not have had to do that for a number of reasons. 

As I said, it was a digression from the main topic, I was just reminded of it by ZZ's post.  But, at least in some contexts, it is a valid pastoral consideration that admits of no easy solution. 
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« Reply #36 on: October 22, 2013, 01:21:33 PM »

I still remember a friend's account from several years ago: his then-girlfriend rented a hardcore Asian skin flick and proceeded to duplicate the on-screen action on him. He was by no means complaining, although he did say something about too much of a good thing. Cheesy

When I was in college, one of my roommates downloaded onto his computer one of those hardcore Asian "films", and when his girlfriend came over one Friday afternoon, he played it to her and invited us to come in and see her reaction.  As expected, she was grossed out, yelled at him, etc., and we had fun with it for about three minutes before returning to whatever we were doing before. 

At some point, she began to really enjoy the film, because she sat in front of the computer and watched four times in a row without any of us knowing, and she had this mesmerised look on her face.  I don't know what happened after that because I went home later that evening, but I think it's safe to say they became fans of the genre. 
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« Reply #37 on: October 22, 2013, 01:21:52 PM »

This may or may not be TMI, but since it is the trend of the thread, I will go on.

Both my wife and I were virgins when we got married. I had never gotten "the talk" from my parents as they are extremely conservative fundamentalist Baptist types, so even holding hands was an eyebrow raising event while we were dating.  That being said, it was not difficult to figure things out during the honeymoon.  We made some funny mistakes which shall remain unspoken, but humans are kind of wired to figure out the copulation process, so I cannot imagine a scenario where I would need to go to porn to "learn" how to have sex. We continue to have a healthy sex life, but after 10 years, no one is swinging from chandeliers or cracking whips.  I'm not troubled by that, we have what works for us and we enjoy it.  It brings us closer together and that is what is important.
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« Reply #38 on: October 22, 2013, 01:22:19 PM »

"Said a minister's wife, very chaste,
who wanted a child in great haste
oh mother, i grieve
I shall never conceive,
I cannot get used to the taste."


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« Reply #39 on: October 22, 2013, 01:31:53 PM »

Like many of man’s failings, Porn cannot be dealt with using simple solutions.  This is similar to discussing wide open topics like Protestantism.  How many different types of porn are there?  Each type has its own viewers and followers, and each type addresses a different specific failure of man.  Soft core porn, while a gateway, is probably the easiest to understand.  There is nothing more beautiful in creation than a woman.  Are you admiring their beauty, or are you masturbating?  I am not sure that I see a problem with the former.  The latter is more complicated.  Is masturbating while looking at another woman than the one you married adultery?  Technically (IMO) no.  Would you rather masturbate over porn than sleep with your wife?  Then yes, you are denying her what is rightfully hers.  Or, is the reason that you masturbating to porn the fact that your wife would rather crawl through 100 yards of broken glass than have sex?  Well, that reason may not be an excuse in the eyes of God, but neither is the woman’s behavior.

And what about bondage porn?  Personally, I do not like to see people in pain.  I do not understand the concept of someone desiring to watch a handcuffed woman with alligator clamps fastened to sensitive parts of the body.  I believe there is a real defect a person interested in this, and I would worry about him being loose in society.  But what if looking at that porn is the only reason that he is not outside in society doing this stuff to someone?  Complicated?  Yes.

I can agree with those who say that all porn should be avoided and that man and woman should live together according to the various passages in scripture.  It is always best if we can operate under the ideal situation.  However, when it comes to figuring out why people look at what they do, all I can say is that unless you are watching porn and speaking for yourself, you probably have no idea of what you are talking about.  The world is not an ideal place, and life is not an ideal situation.
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« Reply #40 on: October 22, 2013, 02:40:03 PM »

Echoing what ZZ said, if two people were in a good relationship/marriage, I don't think that they would need porn. They should be learning and making the effort to sexually satisfy each other instead of allowing each other to go so unsatisfied that they have to resort to pornography (in whatever form) to gain satisfaction.
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« Reply #41 on: October 22, 2013, 02:40:03 PM »

Romantic comedies are destructive as they give women unrealistic expectations and pollute the mind...have any of you actually seen the stuff some girls watch?

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« Reply #42 on: October 22, 2013, 02:40:10 PM »

Eh, women do the same thing except it comes packaged in "romance" novels like 50 Shades of Gray. Is porn wrong? Yes. It's exploiting another person's suffering--the porn star, many of which suffer depression and/or other issues--and cheating on your mate to an extent. But the thing that bothers me is that many people make this out to be an evil male problem and exclude women from the equation. Why don't we talk about those millions of women who read pornography in the form of novels? It's no different, except it's made to appeal to women more than men.

Romance/smut novels at least have some veneer of story, and usually end in marriage. Even 50 Shades.

The greatest visual porn also does. It's no different. Only difference is men are visual creatures and women are imaginative creatures. It's still all pornography no matter how you cut it.
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« Reply #43 on: October 22, 2013, 05:15:06 PM »

It's no different. Only difference is men are visual creatures and women are imaginative creatures. It's still all pornography no matter how you cut it.
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« Reply #44 on: October 22, 2013, 05:16:42 PM »

Eh, women do the same thing except it comes packaged in "romance" novels like 50 Shades of Gray. Is porn wrong? Yes. It's exploiting another person's suffering--the porn star, many of which suffer depression and/or other issues--and cheating on your mate to an extent. But the thing that bothers me is that many people make this out to be an evil male problem and exclude women from the equation. Why don't we talk about those millions of women who read pornography in the form of novels? It's no different, except it's made to appeal to women more than men.

Romance/smut novels at least have some veneer of story, and usually end in marriage. Even 50 Shades.

The greatest visual porn also does. It's no different. Only difference is men are visual creatures and women are imaginative creatures. It's still all pornography no matter how you cut it.

Visual porn ends in marriage? Is it Rule 34 all over again?
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