I guess this isn't a new problem. But I consistent one for me for, well, I great portion of my life.
I'm in my mid thirties and still living with my parents, because that's what girls do if they're not yet married, or so it is for the time being. I really shouldn't complain since I have the freedom I want and I respect them a great deal, as they raised my to do. My relationship with my father is a lot stronger and healthier. I can go to him for anything and I do. He is a bit old-fashioned and stubborn, but as his only daughter, he has done practically everything for me and never questions my actions. As a result, I never take advantage of that because I really don't want to disappoint him in the slightest way - though I'm sure I have a few times.
My mother, sadly, is another story. My parents are Greek and a bit old-fashioned. I've heard on many occasions that this combination can be a turn-off, but lets put that aside for a second. it's not always true I guess.
Anyway, my problem: My mother was raised on a Greek village with limited knowledge and experience of many things. She was introduced to my father at 23 years old and married shortly there after. They, then, moved to the US for opportunities and better life, had children, moved back to Greece, then returned back to the US. My mother is very shy and timid. I have understood that she is also a pessimist. I really don't understand why, in the sense that, she grew up with both parents, siblings, cousins, surrounded by love, you get the point. Though she never really got into detail with me about her life, I heard that when she was attending high school, she had to be 30 minutes away from home and she stayed in a house alone with a friend. I believe she had said that that frightened her.
Fast forward to her child-rearing: it was obvious that she always favored my brothers over me. She came from a generation where her boys w ere the world, where having boys instead of girls was what was desired and thought of as an 'accomplishment' and so on. She was very strict with me in the sense that she would always yell, demand certain things, and worst of all, mistakes were NEVER forgiven by her. Mistakes like knocking a glass over, spilling things, stupid things like this. She had a tendency, and still does, to then give me 'the silence treatment." She would NERVER talk to me when she was mad at me - ever! Could you imagine a kid asking her mom, "is the food ready?" or "can I have this?" and hear nothing said back?? It was the worst! And it would go on for days!! She would leave the food on the table and never call me! It would get cold on some occasions. I was never comfortable going to her with 'girl' stuff - she had never told me anything. Whatever I know is what I've talked about with friends or reading about it on my own obviously.
So, fast forward to now: As an adult, nothing has changed. What has changed in me is that more and more I have become VERY unlike her and she really resents it. I have a different opinion in everything and she hates that. I think optimistically, she says don't live in a dream world. Do you know how many times she has said 'don't have crazy dreams.' You tell me, what are crazy dreams anyway? This is why I always hesitated telling her my thoughts. She still feels she has to have a say in what I wear and how I wear it. Almost 99 percent of the time I disagree, and with the clothes, she'll make it known to me that what I'm wearing she doesn't like. I give in only to make her happy, and by doing so it makes me miserable. I think at times she notices that and gets more upset. She NEVER compliments me on anything! Everyone will even compliment me in front of her but she remains silent.
What bothers me the most is this, and why I'm writing: She still gives me the silent treatment. We will go on DAYS without speaking, all trigged by a really dumb, dumb argument. Four years ago, we had the worst fight to the point where we did not talk for 10 whole months. TEN! Could you imagine what that is like, living with your mother and not speaking? All I did and still do is pray for a better relationship. People told me she will never change, and neither will I, in the sense that I feel I'm suppressing so many feelings and really trying not to give her reasons to yell at me. But I cannot stand her not talking. The last few days I was in bed with an upset stomach and she never bothered to tell my the guys were coming to fix the washer which is next to my room. I almost walked out there with my hair a mess and my night clothes. Why couldn't she tell me!! In the meantime, I just suppress these feelings, stress myself, cry, get angry, and pretty much shorten my life expectancy. That's how I feel. Every time I thank God for my parents, or am about to, she'll do something and anger me. I cant take it. Why does she do this? And yes, it's day 4 without talking, yet again. At times, I feel relief in the sense that she will have her pride and not 'break' her silence to speak to me. But then again, I need my mother to BE my mother, not someone who is annoying me. How can I deal with this?