Author Topic: So I slept with an abortionist hor(se)  (Read 4973 times)

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Offline TheTrisagion

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So I slept with an abortionist hor(se)
« on: August 23, 2013, 02:44:12 PM »
Yes folks, it is true.  There I was sleeping in bed with my favorite horse and while I was sleeping, it aborted a pony that had found its way into into its womb.  I am unsure how to respond to this situation and am wondering if it would perhaps be best for everyone if I sent the horse to the glue factory as punishment for it's misdeed.  I am still unclear how a horse can perform an abortion given it only has hooves and is attached to a wooden rocker, but I can assure you that it did happen.  Do you think I should break off my relationship with said horse?  It does seem to be kind of a needy horse and requires brushing almost every day!  Stupid horses; all horses I know so far are complete psychopaths.

Picture of horse

The term planet earth is an innovation which has arisen in recent centuries with the error of heliocentrism.

If one wants to confess a pure doctrine of Orthodoxy, they should be careful not to refer to the earth as a planet, unlike the current Pope as well as Patriarch Kirill and Patriarch Bartholomew, who regularly speak in error when they refer to our planet earth.

Offline hecma925

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Re: So I slept with an abortionist hor(se)
« Reply #1 on: August 23, 2013, 02:55:09 PM »
A whor...er, horse is a horse, of course, of course.  No need for the glue factory, my friend.  It seems you have not made the mistake, but were merely enticed by that whorish horse.  Was it the kind horse face and toothy horse grin?  Instead of a glue factory, I encourage the dumpster as a better alternative.  Or you could burn it in a bonfire!  Are you the father?  Either way, it doesn't make a difference, because your whor, uh, rse is at fault here.
Happy shall he be, that shall take and dash thy little ones against the rock. Alleluia.

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Re: So I slept with an abortionist hor(se)
« Reply #2 on: August 23, 2013, 02:57:03 PM »
I say neigh! Or is that nay?
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Offline William

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Re: So I slept with an abortionist hor(se)
« Reply #3 on: August 23, 2013, 02:58:36 PM »
Why do you think this is funny? The guy is obviously under some extreme emotional duress after having his child killed.
Apart from moral conduct, all that man thinks himself able to do in order to become acceptable to God is mere superstition and religious folly. - Immanuel Kant

Offline TheTrisagion

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Re: So I slept with an abortionist hor(se)
« Reply #4 on: August 23, 2013, 03:01:15 PM »
Why do you think this is funny? The guy is obviously under some extreme emotional duress after having his child killed.
Thank you, William.  I appreciate your sensitivity during this time of my life, but I will remind you, it was a pony, not my child that was killed.
The term planet earth is an innovation which has arisen in recent centuries with the error of heliocentrism.

If one wants to confess a pure doctrine of Orthodoxy, they should be careful not to refer to the earth as a planet, unlike the current Pope as well as Patriarch Kirill and Patriarch Bartholomew, who regularly speak in error when they refer to our planet earth.

Offline hecma925

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Re: So I slept with an abortionist hor(se)
« Reply #5 on: August 23, 2013, 03:02:28 PM »
Sleeping with horses is no laughing matter.  Especially when said slutty horse made him do it!  AND the horse aborted a pony.  How would you feel?  In your bed, no less.

EDIT:  Also, we don't even know if this horse was an abortion hobbyist.  It was a hobby horse that happened to be an abortionist horse.  Ergo, this is probably not the first time. 
« Last Edit: August 23, 2013, 03:05:19 PM by hecma925 »
Happy shall he be, that shall take and dash thy little ones against the rock. Alleluia.

Once Christ has filled the Cross, it can never be empty again.

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Offline TheTrisagion

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Re: So I slept with an abortionist hor(se)
« Reply #6 on: August 23, 2013, 03:08:51 PM »
The language in the Bible never says I cannot sleep w/ a horse.  The original word for animal was αγελάδα which means "cow".  Clearly cows and horses are two very different things, so I feel that I am on pretty solid theological ground here.
The term planet earth is an innovation which has arisen in recent centuries with the error of heliocentrism.

If one wants to confess a pure doctrine of Orthodoxy, they should be careful not to refer to the earth as a planet, unlike the current Pope as well as Patriarch Kirill and Patriarch Bartholomew, who regularly speak in error when they refer to our planet earth.

Offline hecma925

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Re: So I slept with an abortionist hor(se)
« Reply #7 on: August 23, 2013, 03:13:18 PM »
Also, horses do not have the cloven hoof, no chew the cud.  You're clear from all temptation and sin.
Happy shall he be, that shall take and dash thy little ones against the rock. Alleluia.

Once Christ has filled the Cross, it can never be empty again.

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Offline Mor Ephrem

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Re: So I slept with an abortionist hor(se)
« Reply #8 on: August 23, 2013, 03:14:45 PM »
Why do you think this is funny? The guy is obviously under some extreme emotional duress after having his child killed.

Where does he refer to the child as his child?  If he does so at all, I missed it in all the assertions that the child was "her child" or God's child since "God conceived it".  

He's under some extreme something, but "emotional duress after having his child killed" isn't it.  
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Offline TheTrisagion

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Re: So I slept with an abortionist hor(se)
« Reply #9 on: August 23, 2013, 03:16:09 PM »
Also, horses do not have the cloven hoof, no chew the cud.  You're clear from all temptation and sin.
Unfortunately, the same cannot be said of the horse.  I don't feel too bad for her though.  She put herself in this position. Filthy equine!  >:(
The term planet earth is an innovation which has arisen in recent centuries with the error of heliocentrism.

If one wants to confess a pure doctrine of Orthodoxy, they should be careful not to refer to the earth as a planet, unlike the current Pope as well as Patriarch Kirill and Patriarch Bartholomew, who regularly speak in error when they refer to our planet earth.

Offline hecma925

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Re: So I slept with an abortionist hor(se)
« Reply #10 on: August 23, 2013, 03:20:30 PM »
Then I am afraid you led her into temptation.  You probably also made the horse feel desperate to abort again after, I don't know...maybe eight horse abortions?  But do not feel shamed.  It's not in the Bible to not abort horses.
Happy shall he be, that shall take and dash thy little ones against the rock. Alleluia.

Once Christ has filled the Cross, it can never be empty again.

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Offline hopeful-christian

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Re: So I slept with an abortionist hor(se)
« Reply #11 on: August 23, 2013, 03:24:13 PM »
Ponies are not baby horses. They're just a smaller animal that looks similar. Kind of like how emus aren't baby ostriches.

Offline hecma925

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Re: So I slept with an abortionist hor(se)
« Reply #12 on: August 23, 2013, 03:29:10 PM »
That explains it.  You are not the father!
Happy shall he be, that shall take and dash thy little ones against the rock. Alleluia.

Once Christ has filled the Cross, it can never be empty again.

"But God doesn't need your cookies!  Arrive on time!"

Offline TheTrisagion

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Re: So I slept with an abortionist hor(se)
« Reply #13 on: August 23, 2013, 03:30:09 PM »
Ponies are not baby horses. They're just a smaller animal that looks similar. Kind of like how emus aren't baby ostriches.
Your right!  I should have said foal instead.
The term planet earth is an innovation which has arisen in recent centuries with the error of heliocentrism.

If one wants to confess a pure doctrine of Orthodoxy, they should be careful not to refer to the earth as a planet, unlike the current Pope as well as Patriarch Kirill and Patriarch Bartholomew, who regularly speak in error when they refer to our planet earth.

Offline TheTrisagion

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Re: So I slept with an abortionist hor(se)
« Reply #14 on: August 23, 2013, 03:31:20 PM »
That explains it.  You are not the father!
So that whore horse was cheating on me!?!?! 

Now I am hot under the (horse)collar!  >:(
The term planet earth is an innovation which has arisen in recent centuries with the error of heliocentrism.

If one wants to confess a pure doctrine of Orthodoxy, they should be careful not to refer to the earth as a planet, unlike the current Pope as well as Patriarch Kirill and Patriarch Bartholomew, who regularly speak in error when they refer to our planet earth.

Offline hecma925

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Re: So I slept with an abortionist hor(se)
« Reply #15 on: August 23, 2013, 03:34:52 PM »
That explains it.  You are not the father!
So that whore horse was cheating on me!?!?! 

Now I am hot under the (horse)collar!  >:(

Carefule with that bridle.  I'm sorry, but she was with an ungulate.  That's not terribly sepcific and I'm sorry.  I hate, absolutely hate, being the bearer of bad gnus.
Happy shall he be, that shall take and dash thy little ones against the rock. Alleluia.

Once Christ has filled the Cross, it can never be empty again.

"But God doesn't need your cookies!  Arrive on time!"

Offline TheTrisagion

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Re: So I slept with an abortionist hor(se)
« Reply #16 on: August 23, 2013, 03:38:36 PM »
That explains it.  You are not the father!
So that whore horse was cheating on me!?!?! 

Now I am hot under the (horse)collar!  >:(

Carefule with that bridle.  I'm sorry, but she was with an ungulate.  That's not terribly sepcific and I'm sorry.  I hate, absolutely hate, being the bearer of bad gnus.

Well, you just ruined MY Friday...thanks for that!  >:(
The term planet earth is an innovation which has arisen in recent centuries with the error of heliocentrism.

If one wants to confess a pure doctrine of Orthodoxy, they should be careful not to refer to the earth as a planet, unlike the current Pope as well as Patriarch Kirill and Patriarch Bartholomew, who regularly speak in error when they refer to our planet earth.

Offline biro

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Re: So I slept with an abortionist hor(se)
« Reply #17 on: August 23, 2013, 03:41:36 PM »
Question: if a horse gives birth during a race, and the foal trots over the finish line, did two horses win?
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Offline hecma925

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Re: So I slept with an abortionist hor(se)
« Reply #18 on: August 23, 2013, 03:43:53 PM »
Question: if a horse gives birth during a race, and the foal trots over the finish line, did two horses win?

Either way, I would lose.  I'm terrible with picking ponies.  I mean emus!  Noooo, I mean horses!  I always do that.  Stupidstupidstupid
Happy shall he be, that shall take and dash thy little ones against the rock. Alleluia.

Once Christ has filled the Cross, it can never be empty again.

"But God doesn't need your cookies!  Arrive on time!"

Offline TheTrisagion

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Re: So I slept with an abortionist hor(se)
« Reply #19 on: August 23, 2013, 03:44:34 PM »
Question: if a horse gives birth during a race, and the foal trots over the finish line, did two horses win?
Well, I would say only the foal would win.  But a penetrating question, nontheless.
The term planet earth is an innovation which has arisen in recent centuries with the error of heliocentrism.

If one wants to confess a pure doctrine of Orthodoxy, they should be careful not to refer to the earth as a planet, unlike the current Pope as well as Patriarch Kirill and Patriarch Bartholomew, who regularly speak in error when they refer to our planet earth.

Offline Maria

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Re: So I slept with an abortionist hor(se)
« Reply #20 on: August 23, 2013, 03:47:00 PM »
I saw this title and I thought that the name "whore" has been banned as an obscene word.

Sheesh!
The memory of God should be treasured in our hearts like the precious pearl mentioned in the Holy Gospel. Our life's goal should be to nurture and contemplate God always within, and never let it depart, for this steadfastness will drive demons away from us. - Paraphrased from St. Philotheus of Sinai
Writings from the Philokalia: On Prayer of the Heart,
Translated from the Russian by E. Kadloubovksy and G.E.H. Palmer, Faber and Faber, London, Boston, 1992 printing.

Offline TheTrisagion

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Re: So I slept with an abortionist hor(se)
« Reply #21 on: August 23, 2013, 03:47:47 PM »
I saw this title and I thought that the name "whore" has been banned as an obscene word.

Sheesh!
No. We are discussing much deeper problems here in this thread.
The term planet earth is an innovation which has arisen in recent centuries with the error of heliocentrism.

If one wants to confess a pure doctrine of Orthodoxy, they should be careful not to refer to the earth as a planet, unlike the current Pope as well as Patriarch Kirill and Patriarch Bartholomew, who regularly speak in error when they refer to our planet earth.

Offline J Michael

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Re: So I slept with an abortionist hor(se)
« Reply #22 on: August 23, 2013, 04:00:59 PM »
This whole thread.......ROTFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Sometimes you're the windshield.  Sometimes you're the bug." ~ Mark Knopfler (?)

Offline Maria

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Re: So I slept with an abortionist hor(se)
« Reply #23 on: August 23, 2013, 04:02:31 PM »
This whole thread.......ROTFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Oh. She just wants her back scratched.
The memory of God should be treasured in our hearts like the precious pearl mentioned in the Holy Gospel. Our life's goal should be to nurture and contemplate God always within, and never let it depart, for this steadfastness will drive demons away from us. - Paraphrased from St. Philotheus of Sinai
Writings from the Philokalia: On Prayer of the Heart,
Translated from the Russian by E. Kadloubovksy and G.E.H. Palmer, Faber and Faber, London, Boston, 1992 printing.

Offline hecma925

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Re: So I slept with an abortionist hor(se)
« Reply #24 on: August 23, 2013, 04:03:18 PM »
This whole thread.......ROTFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



What is it with this pornography?

EDIT:  I'm sure, Maria.  I'm sure of it.
« Last Edit: August 23, 2013, 04:04:27 PM by hecma925 »
Happy shall he be, that shall take and dash thy little ones against the rock. Alleluia.

Once Christ has filled the Cross, it can never be empty again.

"But God doesn't need your cookies!  Arrive on time!"

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Re: So I slept with an abortionist hor(se)
« Reply #25 on: August 23, 2013, 04:06:19 PM »
Horseplay! :P
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Offline J Michael

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Re: So I slept with an abortionist hor(se)
« Reply #26 on: August 23, 2013, 04:06:45 PM »
This whole thread.......ROTFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


What is it with this pornography?

EDIT:  I'm sure, Maria.  I'm sure of it.

Ooopsies  :-[ 8).  Wrong forum.









 ;D ;D
« Last Edit: August 23, 2013, 04:07:09 PM by J Michael »
"Sometimes you're the windshield.  Sometimes you're the bug." ~ Mark Knopfler (?)

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Re: So I slept with an abortionist hor(se)
« Reply #27 on: August 23, 2013, 04:09:23 PM »
I saw this title and I thought that the name "whore" has been banned as an obscene word.

Sheesh!

If anyone did, they would have to be a Slavic language speaker.  W**** does not hit quite as hard as it does in Russian (and I am assuming the others).  I have been warned for use of this word before and now usually just use the word "skank".
Das ist des Jägers Ehrenschild, daß er beschützt und hegt sein Wild, weidmännisch jagt, wie sich’s gehört, den Schöpfer im Geschöpfe ehrt.

Offline J Michael

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Re: So I slept with an abortionist hor(se)
« Reply #28 on: August 23, 2013, 04:09:48 PM »
Any bets on how long it'll take PtA to move this thread to "Other"?

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Offline hecma925

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Re: So I slept with an abortionist hor(se)
« Reply #29 on: August 23, 2013, 04:15:03 PM »
This whole thread.......ROTFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


What is it with this pornography?

EDIT:  I'm sure, Maria.  I'm sure of it.

Ooopsies  :-[ 8).  Wrong forum.









 ;D ;D

 :o :o :o :o :o :oWrong Forum??
« Last Edit: August 23, 2013, 04:15:46 PM by hecma925 »
Happy shall he be, that shall take and dash thy little ones against the rock. Alleluia.

Once Christ has filled the Cross, it can never be empty again.

"But God doesn't need your cookies!  Arrive on time!"

Offline J Michael

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Re: So I slept with an abortionist hor(se)
« Reply #30 on: August 23, 2013, 04:23:15 PM »
This whole thread.......ROTFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


What is it with this pornography?

EDIT:  I'm sure, Maria.  I'm sure of it.

Ooopsies  :-[ 8).  Wrong forum.









 ;D ;D

 :o :o :o :o :o :oWrong Forum??

What........??  You'd have me put it in the forum with fish tacos  ::) ::) ::) ::) ::)?
"Sometimes you're the windshield.  Sometimes you're the bug." ~ Mark Knopfler (?)

Offline mike

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Re: So I slept with an abortionist hor(se)
« Reply #31 on: August 23, 2013, 04:23:35 PM »
I wanted to share a song here but I realised I would wave to put myself into moderation for indecency. Google "my horse is amazing" if you want but do not complain later.
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Offline J Michael

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Re: So I slept with an abortionist hor(se)
« Reply #32 on: August 23, 2013, 04:24:45 PM »
I wanted to share a song here but I realised I would wave to put myself into moderation for indecency. Google "my horse is amazing" if you want but do not complain later.

LOL!!!  Think I'll take a pass on that Michal.  But, thanks anyway!!  LOL!!
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Offline hecma925

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Re: So I slept with an abortionist hor(se)
« Reply #33 on: August 23, 2013, 04:28:12 PM »
This whole thread.......ROTFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


What is it with this pornography?

EDIT:  I'm sure, Maria.  I'm sure of it.

Ooopsies  :-[ 8).  Wrong forum.









 ;D ;D

 :o :o :o :o :o :oWrong Forum??

What........??  You'd have me put it in the forum with fish tacos  ::) ::) ::) ::) ::)?

Never.  Perhaps a horse taco thread may be more appropriate.  Sans kimchi?   :P
Happy shall he be, that shall take and dash thy little ones against the rock. Alleluia.

Once Christ has filled the Cross, it can never be empty again.

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Offline hecma925

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Re: So I slept with an abortionist hor(se)
« Reply #34 on: August 23, 2013, 04:28:53 PM »
I wanted to share a song here but I realised I would wave to put myself into moderation for indecency. Google "my horse is amazing" if you want but do not complain later.

Hahahahahahahaha!
Happy shall he be, that shall take and dash thy little ones against the rock. Alleluia.

Once Christ has filled the Cross, it can never be empty again.

"But God doesn't need your cookies!  Arrive on time!"

Offline J Michael

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Re: So I slept with an abortionist hor(se)
« Reply #35 on: August 23, 2013, 04:34:34 PM »
This whole thread.......ROTFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


What is it with this pornography?

EDIT:  I'm sure, Maria.  I'm sure of it.

Ooopsies  :-[ 8).  Wrong forum.









 ;D ;D

 :o :o :o :o :o :oWrong Forum??

What........??  You'd have me put it in the forum with fish tacos  ::) ::) ::) ::) ::)?

Never.  Perhaps a horse taco thread may be more appropriate.  Sans kimchi?   :P

You got, brother!
"Sometimes you're the windshield.  Sometimes you're the bug." ~ Mark Knopfler (?)

Offline TheTrisagion

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Re: So I slept with an abortionist hor(se)
« Reply #36 on: August 23, 2013, 04:57:42 PM »
Why has someone filled up my thread with horse porn?  Do I just go into your threads and fill them with people porn?  >:(
« Last Edit: August 23, 2013, 04:57:53 PM by TheTrisagion »
The term planet earth is an innovation which has arisen in recent centuries with the error of heliocentrism.

If one wants to confess a pure doctrine of Orthodoxy, they should be careful not to refer to the earth as a planet, unlike the current Pope as well as Patriarch Kirill and Patriarch Bartholomew, who regularly speak in error when they refer to our planet earth.

Offline TheTrisagion

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Re: So I slept with an abortionist hor(se)
« Reply #37 on: August 23, 2013, 05:02:21 PM »
I wanted to share a song here but I realised I would wave to put myself into moderation for indecency. Google "my horse is amazing" if you want but do not complain later.
Ok, I AM going to complain.

WHAT......THE......HECK......WAS.......THAT ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
The term planet earth is an innovation which has arisen in recent centuries with the error of heliocentrism.

If one wants to confess a pure doctrine of Orthodoxy, they should be careful not to refer to the earth as a planet, unlike the current Pope as well as Patriarch Kirill and Patriarch Bartholomew, who regularly speak in error when they refer to our planet earth.

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Re: So I slept with an abortionist hor(se)
« Reply #38 on: August 23, 2013, 05:19:14 PM »
I'm gone for a day and people start sleeping with horses.
That is the land of lost content,          
  I see it shining plain,   
The happy highways where I went   
  And cannot come again.
-A.E. Housman

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Re: So I slept with an abortionist hor(se)
« Reply #39 on: August 23, 2013, 05:40:13 PM »
I'm gone for a day and people start sleeping with horses.

Horses that abort! 
Quote from: Fr Alexander Schmemann
The Gospel is quite clear: both saints and sinners love God. "Religious" people do not love him, and whenever they can, they crucify him.

Of course, OC.net is not reflective of the Church, but is rather a surreal bubble. I have visited a lot of different parishes around the world and have listened to many hours of AFR...

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Re: So I slept with an abortionist hor(se)
« Reply #40 on: August 23, 2013, 05:42:35 PM »
I'm gone for a day and people start sleeping with horses.
It's as if you are OC.net's Terry Tate.

I don't like sports but I ROFL'd at this.  Hopefully the ignorant Europeans like it too.
"Tomorrow, I shall no longer be here."
-Nostradamus's last words.

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Re: So I slept with an abortionist hor(se)
« Reply #41 on: August 23, 2013, 07:04:05 PM »
This whole thread.......ROTFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


What is it with this pornography?

EDIT:  I'm sure, Maria.  I'm sure of it.

Ooopsies  :-[ 8).  Wrong forum.


“There is your brother, naked, crying, and you stand there confused over the choice of an attractive floor covering.”

– St. Ambrose of Milan

Offline TheTrisagion

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Re: So I slept with an abortionist hor(se)
« Reply #42 on: August 23, 2013, 08:22:12 PM »
I'm gone for a day and people start sleeping with horses.
It's as if you are OC.net's Terry Tate.

I don't like sports but I ROFL'd at this.  Hopefully the ignorant Europeans like it too.
Terry Tate is the best!  :laugh:
The term planet earth is an innovation which has arisen in recent centuries with the error of heliocentrism.

If one wants to confess a pure doctrine of Orthodoxy, they should be careful not to refer to the earth as a planet, unlike the current Pope as well as Patriarch Kirill and Patriarch Bartholomew, who regularly speak in error when they refer to our planet earth.

Offline Kerdy

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Re: So I slept with an abortionist hor(se)
« Reply #43 on: August 23, 2013, 09:02:19 PM »
Unbelievably and pathetically disturbing.  I have no other words to describe this.

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Re: So I slept with an abortionist hor(se)
« Reply #44 on: August 23, 2013, 09:56:49 PM »
The language in the Bible never says I cannot sleep w/ a horse.  The original word for animal was αγελάδα which means "cow".  Clearly cows and horses are two very different things, so I feel that I am on pretty solid theological ground here.

Aghelada is indeed the Greek word for cow, but the Biblical word for animal is aloghon (that which speaks no words). It is this word which has become the Greek word for horse.
Am I posting? Or is it Schroedinger's Cat?