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Author Topic: The Pagan Temptation  (Read 2041 times) Average Rating: 0
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Luthien
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« on: August 01, 2013, 02:17:28 AM »

I'm hoping there are some people here who can relate to what I'm saying. Any advice or thoughts from anyone would be appreciated too, because I'm more than a bit lost.

I as raised as a cradle (Novus ordo) Catholic by a nominally Catholic family, and I am 21 years old as of this past May.  I fell away from the Church at the onset of puberty because things stopped making sense to my adolescent brain. Around the age of 17, for reasons unknown to me, I had a renewed (quite zealous) interest in the Church. I only returned to the Church because I found out about the Traditional Latin Mass. I was a "trad" Catholic for a couple years, but a series of very disturbing events (namely, what I feel were demonic/ oppressively evil experiences while sleeping) I kind of became afraid of and lost fervor for my faith. This is a cycle that has been repeating itself in my spiritual life. There seem to be two sides to my personality, one is deeply attached and attracted to liturgically and theologically rich traditions of Christianity, and the other side loves pagan things.

When I lapsed from Catholicism the first time, I had this burning urge to investigate every belief system I could. In fact, it was mostly all I could think about for a long time; finding the path which led to the Truth. For a while I worked backwards, contemplating Judaism, and eventually wound up embracing a sort of post-modern Neo-Pagan mindset. I thought my intense inner turmoil regarding Christianity was stemming from its usurpation of the indigenous cultures of Old Europe. I only identified recently WHY that is, which I will explain in a minute.

Not surprisingly, my flirtation with and interest in Pre-Christian cultures was disappointing after a few years, and I found myself wondering about Catholicism again. I began pulling myself out of the pit of doubt I had been thrown into after my traumatic night time experiences and lackluster theology, and again found renewed fervor for my faith. I began attending the TLM again as well (I also had more demonic sleep experiences), even attending a traditional Catholic college for a semester (which I had to leave due to finances as well as a generalized feeling of being "let down" by the kind of spirituality I found there). Upon leaving said school it took a few months, but again, I fell back into a fascination with the occult, witchcraft, and Neo-Paganism.

There is a part of me which cannot find a place for my love of old myths, and the kind of eyes that see the whole world as imbued with a type of sacredness. It is a feeling that there is some hidden reality to all things, tangible to those who know how to access it. Really, it was all about communion. The promise of witchcraft was the ability to commune with these spirits of nature, in doing so, to truly "know" them and understand the nature of reality/the universe. There was a natural attraction to this idea of embracing creation "as is" and reveling in its "imperfect perfection". To the Pagan mind, the world in essence is the ultimate teacher, and you are your own latent god. There is no divine tyranny, and anything goes as long as you can "pay your coin" so to speak. I know this reeks of the original sin, but it is still oh, so tempting to imagine the world could be this way.

(As a minor note, I also felt, as a young woman, that the understanding of femininity was hopelessly shallow in the Church as well, and paganism allowed me a way to feel my womanhood had more dimension and meaning)

The problem comes for me in separating what is real and what is fantasy. I am an artistic, empathetic, and suggestible person. I love beauty, and the search for the spiritual and numinous, and have always been fascinated with those realms of life over most things. While this has blessed me with the gift of being able to have great zeal for my faith, it has also led to this kind of pendulum-like swing in the other direction when that happens. Whenever I have grown greatly in my faith in Christ, it seems I am open to attack. At my highest points, I began to have horrible nightmare type dreams or encounters with what I believe were demons in my sleep. I have never in life my experienced anything like it during times of average or low zeal. But, when I am making a concerted effort, I had experiences of being possessed in my dream. I felt bodily pain that was unimaginable to my waking mind and pressed down by the weight of absolute blackest evil. I remember one time going to confession after on of these attacks and the priest did not seem very surprised when I asked him about it. He didn't offer much in the way of advice, but he said my fear would just make it worse, as if this was utter confirmation for Satan that I am an easy target.

This is part of my problem, but I STILL have not included Orthodoxy in this equation, yet.

I concluded what the Church was primarily leaving out, which led me to paganism, was the focus on personal communion with God. I was deeply craving a more experiential and mystical approach to theology and salvation. The rote, legalistic, decidedly Western way to approach God is completely at odds with the way I work. It leaves me feeling like I am constantly thirsting for any sign of Life in the Church. Secondly, I felt that the Church as I known it had become completely desacrlized due to excessive rationalism, killing any true attempt at a deep spirituality. This I now know is what led to my substitution of old myths for the need of an experience of the sacred. I knew on an intellectual level that it was something the Church used to have, but my day to day experience left me wondering what, if any, hope there was of restoring the sacred or suprarational to the Roman church.

This is where Orthodoxy comes in...

What initially caught my attention regarding Orthodoxy was an article I read by Fr. Stephen Freeman on his blog many years ago (must be about 5 now) regarding the existential nature of salvation as opposed to the legalistic understanding. Essentially saying, Christ didn't come to make bad men good, but make dead men live.

I had NEVER read something I knew to be so true in my heart as that article within Catholicism. I don't know what distracted me from investigating Orthodoxy further at that moment, but it would come to be very important to me in recent times.

Just only a few weeks ago, I was still in my deep fascination with witchcraft and paganism. In fact, I performed my first ritual in attempt to commune with the spirits of the dead, and the King of Witches, better know as Puck or Robin Goodfellow (Or, really just the devil, though I didn't think so at the time). I performed the ritual at midnight, and uncannily as I began to perform it, my town was struck by a very intense electrical storm that knocked the power out completely in the surrounding area. Everything was pitch black outside, though that fervor did not mirror my internal feelings. I felt absolutely nothing while attending to the ritual, and even afterwards I felt a bit embarrassed of myself for being foolish.

I swear someone must be praying for me, because not even a week later I suddenly decided out of nowhere I need to read about Orthodoxy. I don't know how, but I remembered that article by Fr. Stephen I had read 5 years ago and remembered I still had it bookmarked. I went to read it, and as I did my mind suddenly became so much clearer, and the spell of paganism had been broken once more. I suddenly realized what I had been missing through all these years of experimentation, and for the first time in my life I feel settled in myself. I have been reading all I can about Orthodoxy these past few weeks and it is as if every single thing that trouble me in the Roman church is resolved in Orthodoxy. I find myself at odds with little it puts forth, and I still cannot understand how or why I felt remembered that article (of which I had not thought about in literal years).

What I am asking you all here is what advice, if any, do you have? I will be leaving to go back to school in a few weeks and am planning on attending a ROCOR parish located in my city as there are no parishes near where my home is. I don't know what to do about my fantastical mind, or how to deal with the attacks if they come on again. Mostly, I am concerned with guarding myself against what I know is the Pagan Temptation. Modern culture is infected with it, and it is almost as if the spiritual war between Christianity and its worldly enemies is taking place inside my very person all the time.

I would take any recommendations for books to read about the subject of how Orthodoxy/Christianity generally compares to, and triumphs paganism... whether they be historical or theological or otherwise

And, more importantly, any experiential knowledge one might have about this extreme kind of vacillation I am experiencing.

For now, I will continue to pray, and to open my heart to what Orthodoxy offers

Thank you for reading!

« Last Edit: August 01, 2013, 02:21:09 AM by Luthien » Logged
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« Reply #1 on: August 01, 2013, 07:46:58 AM »

Quote
I would take any recommendations for books to read about the subject of how Orthodoxy/Christianity generally compares to, and triumphs paganism... whether they be historical or theological or otherwise

And, more importantly, any experiential knowledge one might have about this extreme kind of vacillation I am experiencing.

I would strongly suggest the book Meditations on the Tarot - A Journey into Christian Hermeticism. While it isn't written from an Orthodox so much as a Catholic perspective, the author has a deep understanding of Orthodox spiritual practice and perspective, and an unbelievable grasp of all things "pagan", gnostic, hermetic, occult, and so on. Although the book was published posthumously and anonymously, the author is well known to have been Valentin Tomberg, an Anthroposophist turned Catholic. I was in a situation not unlike your own for awhile, dabbling with the occult and esoteria while also feeling drawn to Christ and the Orthodox Church. This book, at least for me, served as an important bridge from one world to the next, and allowed me to leave all of that (very potentially dangerous) occult stuff behind (while maintaining a deep appreciation for pre-Christian wisdom and beauty, and some important contributions of the pagan world).

Here's a link to the book on amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Meditations-Tarot-Anonymous/dp/1585421618

Quote
There is a part of me which cannot find a place for my love of old myths, and the kind of eyes that see the whole world as imbued with a type of sacredness. It is a feeling that there is some hidden reality to all things, tangible to those who know how to access it. Really, it was all about communion.

Many of the Orthodox saints had a tremendous bond with wild animals and the natural world. You might want to read of St. Seraphim of Sarov, for instance.

And I'd be irresponsible if I didn't suggest to you that you get in contact with a priest and try to attend the Liturgy... when you can. A kind priest may even be willing to take time out and have a coffee with you so that you can discuss such matters in depth. I would also be irresponsible, I think, if I didn't strongly suggest that you set aside any and all occult ritual or dabbling, as there is obviously something going on in your life that is at worst demonic, and at the very least, psychologically troublesome!

As far as the problem of vacillation in general goes, it is a problem I continue to struggle with in many aspects of my life, so I suspect there may be psychological or psychiatric aspects to it (for myself, certainly - I don't know you to be able to say either way, but perhaps it's worth considering...?).

Best of luck, and God bless!
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« Reply #2 on: August 01, 2013, 11:10:16 AM »

This is not a book suggestion, but since you are attracted to beauty, why not get a hold of an icon of Christ blessing and an icon of the Theotokos?  You will have them in sight when you meditate, and when you are tempted to do some more conjuring, you will also have them in sight.
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« Reply #3 on: August 01, 2013, 01:24:20 PM »

The Orthodox view of creation:  http://goarch.org/ourfaith/ourfaith8050
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« Reply #4 on: August 01, 2013, 01:56:23 PM »

A Luthién! Êl síla erin lû e-govaned vîn. Le nathlam hí!

There is a story that says that one day St. Patrick was watching the sun rise and felt a strong temptation to go back to his ancient pagan ways and worship it. He then prayed to God to free him from that temptation and he was helped with the force of God.

Sometimes it's difficult to know where the right path is. But in your case, just look where the demons *don't* want you to be. They attack us when we're heading the good path, to make us fall. Of course, they wouldn't attack you in a pagan context. That's where they want you to be.

Some people are more sensitive to the spiritual world than others. That's why you feel those attacks in your dreams, but you're no exception. Everybody is attacked in a way that is most fitting. Some through oversleeping, others through acedia, others through pride. *True* spiritual life is a continuous exercise in which we get stronger over the years by the grace of God, and the evils of the world, both human and demonic are the obstacles that God uses to strengthen us. When you're tested say "Glory to God for everything!" having in mind that persevering will make you a better more spiritual person.

For the Orthodox Church, all life is sacramental, a mystery, everywhere imbued in the Energies of God, which are God Himself. Demons sometimes show us this energy, but then try to fool us to think and feel that these energies belong to the world or to themselves. But they don't. They belong and are God, and He is Sovereign and not a tool for us to control the world. Life is a liturgical phenomena, God is both in and beyond, and in being in Him we too become in and beyond everything

Quote
that they should seek God, if haply they might feel after him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us: for in him we live, and move, and have our being; as certain even of your own poets have said, For we are also his offspring.
Acts 17:27-28

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"For a person to become a Christian, he must have a poetic soul. He must become a poet. Christ does not wish insensitive souls in His company. A Christian, albeit only when he loves, is a poet and lives amid poetry. Poetic hearts embrace love and sense it deeply."

-Elder Porphyrios-

Finally, I'd recommend to you St. Patrick's prayer, which you can say in the morning after you wake up:

Quote
I arise today
Through a mighty strength, the invocation of the Trinity
Through belief in the threeness
Through confession of the Oneness
Towards the creator.


I arise today
Through the strength of Christ with his baptism,
Through the strength of his crucifixion with his burial,
Through the strength of his resurrection with his ascension
Through the strength of his decent for the Judgement of doom.

I arise today
Through the strength of the love of Cherubim
In obedience to the Angels,
In the service of the Archangels,
In hope of resurrection to meet with reward,
In prayers of patriarchs,
In predictions of prophets,
In preaching of Apostles,
In faiths of confessors,
In innocence of Holy Virgins,
In deeds of righteous men.


I arise today
Through the strength of heaven:
Light of sun
Brilliance of moon
Splendor of fire
Speed of lightning
Swiftness of wind
Depth of sea
Stability of earth
Firmness of rock.

I arise today
Through God’s strength to pilot me:
God’s might to uphold me,
God’s wisdom to guide me
God’s eye to look before me,
God’s ear to hear me,
God’s word to speak for me,
God’s hand to guard me,
God’s way to lie before me,
God’s host to secure me
against snares of devils
against temptations of vices
against inclinations of nature
against everyone who shall wish me ill,
afar and anear,
alone and in a crowd.

A summon today all these powers between me and these evils
Against every cruel and merciless power that may oppose my body and my soul,
Against incantations of false prophets,
Against black laws of heathenry,
Against false laws of heretics,
Against craft of idolatry,
Against spells of women and smiths and wizards,
Against every knowledge that endangers man’s body and soul.

Christ to protect me today
against poison, against burning,
against drowning, against wounding,
so that there may come abundance of reward.
Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me,
Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ on my right, Christ on my left
Christ where I lie, Christ where I sit, Christ where I arise
Christ in the heart of every man who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of every man who speaks of me,
Christ in every eye that sees me,
Christ in every ear that hears me.

I arise today
Through a mighty strength, the invocation of the Trinity,
Through belief in the Thrones,
Through confession of the Oneness
Towards the Creator.

Salvation is of the Lord
Salvation is of the Lord
Salvation is of Christ
May thy salvation, O Lord, be ever with us.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
« Last Edit: August 01, 2013, 01:57:12 PM by Fabio Leite » Logged

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« Reply #5 on: August 01, 2013, 04:49:47 PM »

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5RGMUiFQDs8&feature=youtu.be

Our priest's sermon last Sunday about the casting out of demons.
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« Reply #6 on: August 01, 2013, 05:14:39 PM »

i will give you some suggestions in a day or two that i have read from fathers which spoke about pagans, and also about communing with God
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« Reply #7 on: August 01, 2013, 11:05:34 PM »

Search for your spiritual father or mother. Not necessarily a priest, but someone who has lived the Faith and with whom you have a good rapport. It can be very painful not having someone with whom you can consistently share your intimate concerns. This person will help ground you, help center your mind. I know, this advice sounds kind of hokey, but the spiritual journey is not one to travel alone. Internet forums and random priests in confessionals can only help so much!

Pray to Mary and the saints, particularly ones who faced similar challenges (such as St. Patrick). Get in touch with the heavenly communion instead of the earthly one.

Also, regarding demons: always remember that they are infinitesimally weaker than God and His kingdom. Contrary to what might be said, this is no epic battle of good and evil going on, in which the results are uncertain. Good has won since the beginning; we need only to choose it. And yes, that's a very, very, very difficult thing to do.
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« Reply #8 on: August 02, 2013, 03:20:31 AM »

I don't have any answers to the questions you asked, but I felt the need to "cheer" you on. Hearing your story reminded me of my step grandfather, who spent the majority of his life practicing black magic. He's from a remote island in the Philippines and this was common practice there. He later learned of Christianity and spent the rest of his days praying and reading the Bible. He spent one week with my family in the States and that's all the time I knew him, but the image of him I will never forget is of him sitting next to the window and praying.

I pill pray that you find that same peace, from one trad Catholic to another (who is considering Orthodoxy as well)!
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« Reply #9 on: August 10, 2013, 01:18:38 PM »

First of all, I loved your post. I think we may have things in common, myself being a highly meditative/spiritual type -- maybe not exactly the same thing you described. You said something about the essence of things; well, I'd be the one to talk about the essence of things, the infinite, and stuff like that all day. I've always been like this, but then when I started getting into religion and looking for God, just like you, I tried many things before getting to Orthodoxy (in which I was baptized as an infant). What can I say, "many things are good for me" (song lyric). There is an initial tendency for those who get to Orthodoxy to believe that everything they were doing before was totally wrong (and away from God), and now everything is new and perfect. However, I find almost the opposite (but not really) is true: there is so much good stuff in the whole world and in my past that such a narrow and blind approach to Orthodoxy basically ruins the whole point of becoming Orthodox and takes you farther from God than you were before, or He was close to you (instead of it being the fruition of all of our needs and searches, it turns out to be a dead thing). One of my passions is to redeem my past and "convert it" into Orthodoxy. I believe Orthodoxy has the essence and the absolute figured out and readily accessible, but it lacks a lot of detail and color (as of now; at least I believe so). And don't get me wrong, I do believe that it is not really necessary to try different things before you get to Orthodoxy, but only if it's the Orthodoxy that I know now (of existence as is, in the presence of the God who is Love, and is not at war with the world); otherwise, people will naturally (and unfortunately) seek God through something else because deep inside they know (even unconsciously) that they have not truly found what they are looking for. I don't really know what to recommend. You could try my blog, but it's not really as good as I would want it to be: http://romanianorthodoxyinenglish.blogspot.com
« Last Edit: August 10, 2013, 01:25:09 PM by IoanC » Logged

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« Reply #10 on: August 10, 2013, 02:01:13 PM »

^You have a blog? Had no clue...
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« Reply #11 on: August 10, 2013, 10:14:47 PM »

I would strongly suggest the book Meditations on the Tarot - A Journey into Christian Hermeticism.

Thank you for this recommendation! I have always loved the images on the Tarot cards, and while I know they're forbidden to use for divination, have never understood why they couldn't be appreciated as an art form and yes, as a form of meditation. This book will be VERY helpful to me; like the OP I do sometimes get "tempted" towards the pagan.
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« Reply #12 on: August 11, 2013, 04:19:21 AM »

Well my sister I loved magic too. Not that I ever practiced it or have read books about it. I just liked it at films, books etc. I liked writing stories. Stories that included wizards.
Yet when Christ came I could not longer live with them. I cannot be servant for both God and devil. And for that I stopped also writing. Because I did it for glory. Writing is my most favorite hobby. And every day ideas come to my mind to write. But with the help of God I fight it. For Christ we must sacrifice everything.
I want not to disappoint you but to give you courage. It would be good to discuss with an Eastern orthodox priest/monk if you can find one. Hope you accept God's offer.  Wink
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« Reply #13 on: August 11, 2013, 04:21:55 PM »

Well my sister I loved magic too. Not that I ever practiced it or have read books about it. I just liked it at films, books etc. I liked writing stories. Stories that included wizards.
Yet when Christ came I could not longer live with them. I cannot be servant for both God and devil. And for that I stopped also writing. Because I did it for glory. Writing is my most favorite hobby. And every day ideas come to my mind to write. But with the help of God I fight it. For Christ we must sacrifice everything.
I want not to disappoint you but to give you courage. It would be good to discuss with an Eastern orthodox priest/monk if you can find one. Hope you accept God's offer.  Wink

I totally disagree with almost everything you've written here, but there's a meatloaf in the oven so I don't have time to explain why.  Roll Eyes
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« Reply #14 on: August 11, 2013, 04:28:28 PM »

One can write good, solid stories with wizards for characters. Take Tolkein's Gandalf, for example.
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« Reply #15 on: August 11, 2013, 04:37:17 PM »

Writing is my most favorite hobby. And every day ideas come to my mind to write. But with the help of God I fight it. For Christ we must sacrifice everything.

Christ wants you to put your talents to good use, not to throw them away. Perhaps you should read that parable again.
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« Reply #16 on: August 12, 2013, 03:53:04 PM »

Well my brothers you are right that I should use my talents...
But not for my glory or things against our Lord. Magic for example cannot be sued for the glory of God expect if is at the evil side on the story and is defeated by the true power of God.
I write not when it is to write for my glory... I have a huge desire for glory and I must fight it... If God makes me humble may I write... But now I am very much unsure.
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« Reply #17 on: August 12, 2013, 04:45:59 PM »

Well my brothers you are right that I should use my talents...
But not for my glory or things against our Lord. Magic for example cannot be sued for the glory of God expect if is at the evil side on the story and is defeated by the true power of God.
I write not when it is to write for my glory... I have a huge desire for glory and I must fight it... If God makes me humble may I write... But now I am very much unsure.

If all writers had that viewpoint, we wouldn't have the Scriptures or any of the great writings by the Church Fathers.
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« Reply #18 on: August 12, 2013, 04:50:58 PM »

Maybe you are right I have to discuss it with my priest. The theme is that I don't want to write anything but what Christ wants.
Thank you all!!! Smiley
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« Reply #19 on: August 13, 2013, 11:42:41 AM »

I too have an allure to paganism, and criticism of needing to see a shrink (stavros) or avoid all contact with certain things are not helpful.

After reading the responses in this thread, I wouldn't doubt it if Luthien went back to paganism.  police

If she can find a prayer life that satisfies her, and a theology that shows merit, then she'll be hooked. If not, she'll continue to be pulled to an historical and naturalistic beauty that paganism offers.
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« Reply #20 on: August 31, 2013, 06:23:45 PM »

Thank you for the replies, everyone. I am still struggling, but am thankful for the helpful suggestions here.

I too have an allure to paganism, and criticism of needing to see a shrink (stavros) or avoid all contact with certain things are not helpful.

After reading the responses in this thread, I wouldn't doubt it if Luthien went back to paganism.  police

If she can find a prayer life that satisfies her, and a theology that shows merit, then she'll be hooked. If not, she'll continue to be pulled to an historical and naturalistic beauty that paganism offers.

What makes you say so Aindriu?


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« Reply #21 on: August 31, 2013, 07:15:05 PM »

A Luthién! Êl síla erin lû e-govaned vîn. Le nathlam hí!


Sorry, not to derail the thread, but is that Elvish?
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« Reply #22 on: August 31, 2013, 08:32:58 PM »

Most of my answers are probably not what you are looking for right now so I will simply say this.  Don't give up.  As long as you don't give up, you won't lose.  If you do give up, someone else wins.
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« Reply #23 on: August 31, 2013, 11:06:11 PM »

Luthien- I don't have time right now to respond to your post in-depth, but I suspect I have a lot in common with you. I'm also an artistic sort, very impressionable to all kinds of beauty, something which led me to Orthodoxy but also made it a slow, difficult process as I was constantly being distracted by other things. It took me several years of inquiring of and on before I could settle in the church. I had questions like, how does my love of fairy tales fit into Orthodoxy? Such questions, which would seem silly to other people, were very serious for me. Relating to nature or the visible creation was also a very important question for me. Orthodox Christianity has a sense of creation as something suffused with divine energies- we do not worship it, but our sense of reverence in the presence of its beauty is the appropriate response, so long as we recognize the Creator as transcendent source of all beauty. Well, there's much more to be said, but I must be off to bed.
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« Reply #24 on: September 01, 2013, 12:20:34 AM »

Having read this all I think perhaps Nicholaos Greek may have a point. But I think also that perhaps his point may not be for all people or for all times. I think their could be danger both in extending that approach to others for whom it is not needed and in withdrawing it from one for whom it is needed. Sometimes perhaps we need to give things up for a time in order to progress, sometimes perhaps for good. But then this is why we so often suggest consultation with a priest or spiritual father/mother isn't it, because we  know that despite the unity we all share Orthodoxy is not an one size fits all proposition. Brought back to a more personal context, for me I know their are certain things I must avoid at all cost which others may not. Thankfully, Tolkien isn't one of them. Talk to a priest and as you progress through your journey, "progress" through your journey.  Smiley
« Last Edit: September 01, 2013, 12:32:00 AM by Maximum Bob » Logged

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Nicene
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« Reply #25 on: September 01, 2013, 01:53:39 AM »

Augustine's City of God might be right up your alley.
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« Reply #26 on: September 17, 2013, 10:48:13 AM »

Quote
The problem comes for me in separating what is real and what is fantasy. I am an artistic, empathetic, and suggestible person. I love beauty, and the search for the spiritual and numinous, and have always been fascinated with those realms of life over most things. While this has blessed me with the gift of being able to have great zeal for my faith, it has also led to this kind of pendulum-like swing in the other direction when that happens. Whenever I have grown greatly in my faith in Christ, it seems I am open to attack. At my highest points, I began to have horrible nightmare type dreams or encounters with what I believe were demons in my sleep. I have never in life my experienced anything like it during times of average or low zeal. But, when I am making a concerted effort, I had experiences of being possessed in my dream. I felt bodily pain that was unimaginable to my waking mind and pressed down by the weight of absolute blackest evil. I remember one time going to confession after on of these attacks and the priest did not seem very surprised when I asked him about it. He didn't offer much in the way of advice, but he said my fear would just make it worse, as if this was utter confirmation for Satan that I am an easy target.


Did you ever considered checking out with psychologist if you have any anxiety disorders, like OCD? It's very common to be like a 'pendulum', overzealous in every possible direction, which produces after-effect at night when mind tries to deal with your daily thoughts preoccupied with one motive. Just an advice from my internship experience.

and btw. check out what are orthodox constants, what are just opinions, and try not to base your faith entirely on opinions because sooner or later you will stumble across some nutcase priest or theologian whose opinions will turn you off, with your religious 'swinging' experience it might be major step back. Wink


Quote
I had questions like, how does my love of fairy tales fit into Orthodoxy?

Blasphemy, how could you even think about Orthodoxy without fairy tales... Cheesy When I was a kid my neighbour's grandfather was a russian orthodox priest and he knew absolutely best fairy tales, straight from Russia.
« Last Edit: September 17, 2013, 10:54:35 AM by bearpaws » Logged
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« Reply #27 on: September 23, 2013, 05:47:26 AM »

Just a bit of a toss in suggestion here,

If your anywhere near one, maybe go visit an Orthodox monastery or convent. Such places can really speak to a need to see the world as something special, But in a very Christian way.
Or even if you cant go to one in person,
Maybe call (most of the ones In America do have phones) and talk to one of the fathers about these things.

The Holy Arch Angels monastery In Texas is a wonderful place. If you like I can message you their number on here.

God Bless you and may he find you at peace in him.
~Tangentdi.
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