Author Topic: Age and age differences  (Read 2660 times)

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Offline Helene

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Age and age differences
« on: September 10, 2014, 05:38:48 PM »
Hi, my younger male partner and I want to get married. What is the Coptic Church's view on older woman/younger man marriages please? There is a few years' difference, but we're very happy together. Unfortunately I'm no longer of child-bearing age, but he's willing to give this up to be married.

Thank you in advance for your replies.

Offline yeshuaisiam

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Re: Age and age differences
« Reply #1 on: September 10, 2014, 10:45:45 PM »
As far as I know it should be just fine so long as neither of you was married before.  I've seen older couples married in the EO church.
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Offline TheTrisagion

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Re: Age and age differences
« Reply #2 on: September 10, 2014, 10:51:19 PM »
I would say this is an ask your priest type thing. I don't know of any issues, but it never hurts to discuss it with the guy who will be officiating.
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Offline Helene

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Re: Age and age differences
« Reply #3 on: September 11, 2014, 03:18:51 AM »
Thank you both.

Offline Orest

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Re: Age and age differences
« Reply #4 on: September 11, 2014, 08:36:05 AM »
Hi, my younger male partner and I want to get married. What is the Coptic Church's view on older woman/younger man marriages please? There is a few years' difference, but we're very happy together. Unfortunately I'm no longer of child-bearing age, but he's willing to give this up to be married.

Thank you in advance for your replies.
I am wondering if an older man marrying  a younger man is just a modern problem & our modern problem with physical appearance. I was suprised when I was in Europe looking at tombstones I noticed that one of my distant reatives married around 1900 that the wife was 7 years older than the man.  Then I learned also that the wife was a lot taller than the husband.   Everyone said they were the happiest couple in the village & no children.  What was important was that they had the same values and got along well.  Looking at older tombstones it was NOt uncommon or unheard of for the wife to be older. 

Offline Helene

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Re: Age and age differences
« Reply #5 on: September 11, 2014, 02:59:13 PM »
Thank you. We live in Cairo, so a very conservative, traditional lifestyle here. We shall have to see what the Priest says. If I were back home in Australia, I suspect it would be much easier, but I'm not sure how easy it would be to get him a visa if we weren't married.

Offline Mor Ephrem

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Re: Age and age differences
« Reply #6 on: September 11, 2014, 03:39:10 PM »
Hi, my younger male partner and I want to get married. What is the Coptic Church's view on older woman/younger man marriages please? There is a few years' difference, but we're very happy together. Unfortunately I'm no longer of child-bearing age, but he's willing to give this up to be married.

Thank you in advance for your replies.

I would venture to guess that there is no issue with this from a canonical perspective (i.e., as long as you meet the minimum age requirement of the Church, which does not seem to be a problem here, it shouldn't make a difference if the female partner is older than the male, this would not on its own prevent a marriage).  From the point of view of the people/community, it may or may not make a difference, I don't know.  But that shouldn't have any effect on whether or not the Church marries you.
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Offline mabsoota

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Re: Age and age differences
« Reply #7 on: September 11, 2014, 03:39:28 PM »
ah, so your boyfriend is coptic?

if you are going to join the coptic church, do it to deepen your relationship with God.
and then after that see how the relationship is going.

because if you are both heading in the same direction spiritually, it is the best thing for any relationship.

what i mean is that if you are both interested in orthodox Christianity,
then consider becoming orthodox as a separate issue between you and God,
and then see how your relationship adjusts to this change in you.
you may find (as one friend of mine did) that you find something amazing,
but he may not share your new enthusiasm as much as you expect.

on the other hand, if he is really interested in attending church and praying a lot and relating to God
and you are not, this is likely to lead to problems in the relationship (not the age difference).

also if neither of you are very interested in the church, don't convert for marriage.
you can get married outside the church for visa purposes, and if you are not interested in attending church,
then you won't mind not taking part fully in church life after marriage either.

so, in summary, don't worry about age differences.
do seriously consider your relationship with God; this is more important.

(having said that, if you are 63 and he is 19, you may want to make sure you don't see him subconsciously as a grandchild - i expect this is not your case)

may God guide you and lead you in to the fullness of His grace and peace
 :)

Offline wainscottbl

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Re: Age and age differences
« Reply #8 on: September 13, 2014, 02:44:13 AM »
There is no view. People have their views of course, but the Church does not. Lots of younger bridegrooms in history. One of my ancestors (not the hillbillies, but nobles) married her first cousin of twice her age. The cousin thing had to be dealt with but age did not matter to the priest. Shakespeare's wife was eight years older, as was Thomas More's second wife. There have never been rules in the Church against marrying younger grooms. It is culturally taboo in a sense, though not too much unless he is really younger. But even if he is, to Hades with what people think.
« Last Edit: September 13, 2014, 02:45:11 AM by wainscottbl »
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Offline Helene

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Re: Age and age differences
« Reply #9 on: September 14, 2014, 03:31:31 PM »
Great to get everyone's views. Thank you. It's good to have a different perspective. 

The strength of our faiths is different; generally his is stronger, but at times I wonder - his experience in the Church is certainly much longer than mine. I've recently had some interesting connections/interactions with Copts, and messages from God recently, so something is happening in my world. I would also need to convert and become a Copt (or, he would need to convert if the Church really doesn't support us). I think culturally what we're doing isn't very acceptable, especially with the focus on procreation in marriage and me being a foreigner. But, we're convinced we're doing the right thing, and are talking it all through carefully.

Thanks again.


Offline Helene

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Re: Age and age differences
« Reply #10 on: September 14, 2014, 03:32:52 PM »
PS - he's mid thirties, so not that young :)

Offline wainscottbl

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Re: Age and age differences
« Reply #11 on: September 14, 2014, 04:44:24 PM »
I know it's not polite to ask a woman's age, or so I'm told  ;) but given the subject at hand is age I think there a dispensation. So how old are you and how old is he? Just curious. Not that is matters if you love each other.
"There are two great tragedies: one is to live a life ruled by the passions, and the other is to live a passionless life." --Gebre Menfes Kidus

I once said to my father, when I was a boy, 'Dad we need a third political party.' He said to me, 'I'll settle for a second.' --Ralph Nader, America's Cato

Offline Mor Ephrem

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Re: Age and age differences
« Reply #12 on: September 14, 2014, 05:27:06 PM »
I know it's not polite to ask a woman's age, or so I'm told  ;) but given the subject at hand is age I think there a dispensation. So how old are you and how old is he? Just curious. Not that is matters if you love each other.

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Offline wainscottbl

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Re: Age and age differences
« Reply #13 on: September 14, 2014, 07:12:08 PM »
I know it's not polite to ask a woman's age, or so I'm told  ;) but given the subject at hand is age I think there a dispensation. So how old are you and how old is he? Just curious. Not that is matters if you love each other.

Smooth.

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"There are two great tragedies: one is to live a life ruled by the passions, and the other is to live a passionless life." --Gebre Menfes Kidus

I once said to my father, when I was a boy, 'Dad we need a third political party.' He said to me, 'I'll settle for a second.' --Ralph Nader, America's Cato