Despite the reason for the quote being humor.....and i get that...I simply -cannot- in good conscience allow the following statement to go unrebutted, since it was -not- said in jest and someone reading it might take it as truth.
The penis at least has to place itself in the vagina and the semen has to enter the vagina and ferment in the woman. I thought that was basic and as much as I believe in conspiracy theories and listen to Alex Jones I am not sure I understand what your well meaning Protestant Sunday School teacher meant. A woman cannot get pregnant from just being strongly attracted to a man next to her. Just like the man might ejaculate, so she might secrete or grow wet in the vagina, which is sexual excitement what is often not even willed but natural. I am not trying to be nasty, but one cannot get pregnant without the penis going in the vagina.
Pardon the language....but i went and got it from a more medical site, rather than word it myself and end up more vulgar than required
"If ejaculation does not occur directly into the vagina, the chances of pregnancy are lower than if the ejaculate is released inside the vagina. Nevertheless, there is still the possibility that pregnancy can occur. Sperm may find their way into the vaginal canal even if semen made contact with your vulva. Making sure that your partner ejaculates away from you is one way to keep the semen away from your vaginal opening."
I just do not wish someone to read the 'must go into' part and not realize that contact of the -parts- of both parties, can also lead to pregnancy.
Granted the "penis placing itself" makes me ponder a self propelled apparatus and then the 'detachable penis' song comes to mind...
ok...i am off to the 'have mercy on me a sinner' corner now.