dating question

[Quinault]

Let's put it this way; you don't want to find your spouse physically repulsive.

[Shiny]

Hey if I get married, I'm definitely letting myself go. I could careless what I look like then.

[Arachne]

Are you even sexually attracted to your friend? I wouldn't even bother. I know orthonorm downplays sex as being overrated, but I don't see how you could date someone if you did not find them sexually attractive. Unless you are like an asexual type or something.

How important is sexual attraction in developing a long-term relationship?

Make sure you have things in common out of bed. Even the highest sex drive goes away sooner or later, and you don't want to be stuck in your old age with someone you can't even hold a conversation with.

[JamesR]

Hey if I get married, I'm definitely letting myself go. I could careless what I look like then.

Hurray no more three mile jogs and shaving everyday!

[Asteriktos]

How important is sexual attraction in developing a long-term relationship?

Very. Though perhaps more important is a face you aren't embarrassed by.

[Hiwot]

Are you even sexually attracted to your friend? I wouldn't even bother. I know orthonorm downplays sex as being overrated, but I don't see how you could date someone if you did not find them sexually attractive. Unless you are like an asexual type or something.

How important is sexual attraction in developing a long-term relationship?

Anastasia, the Christian theology is an Incarnational theology.human sexuality was created by God as such it manifests from Him. in Him and through Him according to His will it gets its beauty and sanctity as well as creative and transformative power. our sexuality is part of who we are as human beings, one aspect of the communion between man and woman. however like all other aspects of our reality, sin has affected this dimension of the human being as well. so I would say it is important,good and holy to the extent it is used in the manner and for the purpose the Lord created it to be used.the denial of human sexuality is a perversion and degradation of the human person.Christianity advocates the transfiguration of human sexuality through Christ in The Spirit for the Glory of the Father, like all other dimensions of the human person created in the Image and Likeness of God.

having said that, sexual love ( from the attraction to consummation in Holy Matrimony) is neither the only aspect of the Christian marriage nor its ultimate destination. in Holy Matrimony man and woman are called to Holiness. so it is towards that purpose that all other aspects must be considered and integrated according to the will of God.

[Anastasia1]

Are you even sexually attracted to your friend? I wouldn't even bother. I know orthonorm downplays sex as being overrated, but I don't see how you could date someone if you did not find them sexually attractive. Unless you are like an asexual type or something.

How important is sexual attraction in developing a long-term relationship?

Anastasia, the Christian theology is an Incarnational theology.human sexuality was created by God as such it manifests from Him. in Him and through Him according to His will it gets its beauty and sanctity as well as creative and transformative power. our sexuality is part of who we are as human beings, one aspect of the communion between man and woman. however like all other aspects of our reality, sin has affected this dimension of the human being as well. so I would say it is important,good and holy to the extent it is used in the manner and for the purpose the Lord created it to be used.the denial of human sexuality is a perversion and degradation of the human person.Christianity advocates the transfiguration of human sexuality through Christ in The Spirit for the Glory of the Father, like all other dimensions of the human person created in the Image and Likeness of God.

having said that, sexual love ( from the attraction to consummation in Holy Matrimony) is neither the only aspect of the Christian marriage nor its ultimate destination. in Holy Matrimony man and woman are called to Holiness. so it is towards that purpose that all other aspects must be considered and integrated according to the will of God.

Ok, for the first paragraph, I would say, "This is a much healthier presentation than the Evangelical "Sex/sexuality is bad" message that young singles get sometimes."
You are saying that that it is good and worth having but only a small part of a bigger picture and not the end all and be all?

[Gamliel]

There is a general rule of thumb that the deeper the relationship gets, the more attractive your partner gets.

[Anastasia1]

There is a general rule of thumb that the deeper the relationship gets, the more attractive your partner gets.

I have not had much experience with this. I've had that happen with someone else to me, but not me to him. I've had relationships where he was barely more attractive 7 months later, and where I was not really more attracted later on, and those cute guys that you meet and find they are not Christian or something and somehow they just aren't cute after a couple months of acquaintanceship.

[FormerReformer]

There is a general rule of thumb that the deeper the relationship gets, the more attractive your partner gets.

I have not had much experience with this. I've had that happen with someone else to me, but not me to him. I've had relationships where he was barely more attractive 7 months later, and where I was not really more attracted later on, and those cute guys that you meet and find they are not Christian or something and somehow they just aren't cute after a couple months of acquaintanceship.

Don't confuse "length of time" with "depth of relationship".

[TheTrisagion]

There is a general rule of thumb that the deeper the relationship gets, the more attractive your partner gets.

I have not had much experience with this. I've had that happen with someone else to me, but not me to him. I've had relationships where he was barely more attractive 7 months later, and where I was not really more attracted later on, and those cute guys that you meet and find they are not Christian or something and somehow they just aren't cute after a couple months of acquaintanceship.

Don't confuse "length of time" with "depth of relationship".

+1

[Asteriktos]

There is a general rule of thumb that the deeper the relationship gets, the more attractive your partner gets.

I have not had much experience with this. I've had that happen with someone else to me, but not me to him. I've had relationships where he was barely more attractive 7 months later, and where I was not really more attracted later on, and those cute guys that you meet and find they are not Christian or something and somehow they just aren't cute after a couple months of acquaintanceship.

Don't confuse "length of time" with "depth of relationship".

Depth of relationship can't fix ugly.

[mabsoota]

i disagree.
when u love someone, they become more beautiful.

as our relationship with God deepens, we become less ugly.
 

[Kerdy]

i disagree.
when u love someone, they become more beautiful.

as our relationship with God deepens, we become less ugly.
 

Very true, because this helps us focus on who the person is, not what they look like.

[Arachne]

There is a general rule of thumb that the deeper the relationship gets, the more attractive your partner gets.

I have not had much experience with this. I've had that happen with someone else to me, but not me to him. I've had relationships where he was barely more attractive 7 months later, and where I was not really more attracted later on, and those cute guys that you meet and find they are not Christian or something and somehow they just aren't cute after a couple months of acquaintanceship.

Don't confuse "length of time" with "depth of relationship".

Depth of relationship can't fix ugly.

I don't know. I met my husband on the internet. By the time we finally got to meet, nothing short of Quasimodo would be a dealbreaker.

On the other hand, you definitely can't fix stupid, and you can't live with it either.

[TheTrisagion]

There is a general rule of thumb that the deeper the relationship gets, the more attractive your partner gets.

I have not had much experience with this. I've had that happen with someone else to me, but not me to him. I've had relationships where he was barely more attractive 7 months later, and where I was not really more attracted later on, and those cute guys that you meet and find they are not Christian or something and somehow they just aren't cute after a couple months of acquaintanceship.

Don't confuse "length of time" with "depth of relationship".

Depth of relationship can't fix ugly.

I don't know. I met my husband on the internet. By the time we finally got to meet, nothing short of Quasimodo would be a dealbreaker.

On the other hand, you definitely can't fix stupid, and you can't live with it either.

Are you saying your husband looks like Quasimodo?

[Gamliel]

Depth of relationship can't fix ugly.

In a deep relationship, the word "ugly" does not exist.

[Asteriktos]

Depth of relationship can't fix ugly.

In a deep relationship, the word "ugly" does not exist.

I was married 7 years. I saw a lot of ugly. 

[TheTrisagion]

Depth of relationship can't fix ugly.

In a deep relationship, the word "ugly" does not exist.

I was married 7 years. I saw a lot of ugly. 

BAM!  He went there. Oh SNAP!

[Arachne]

There is a general rule of thumb that the deeper the relationship gets, the more attractive your partner gets.

I have not had much experience with this. I've had that happen with someone else to me, but not me to him. I've had relationships where he was barely more attractive 7 months later, and where I was not really more attracted later on, and those cute guys that you meet and find they are not Christian or something and somehow they just aren't cute after a couple months of acquaintanceship.

Don't confuse "length of time" with "depth of relationship".

Depth of relationship can't fix ugly.

I don't know. I met my husband on the internet. By the time we finally got to meet, nothing short of Quasimodo would be a dealbreaker.

On the other hand, you definitely can't fix stupid, and you can't live with it either.

Are you saying your husband looks like Quasimodo?

Since we're married, obviously not. But he had won me over before looks even came into the equation.

[TheTrisagion]

There is a general rule of thumb that the deeper the relationship gets, the more attractive your partner gets.

I have not had much experience with this. I've had that happen with someone else to me, but not me to him. I've had relationships where he was barely more attractive 7 months later, and where I was not really more attracted later on, and those cute guys that you meet and find they are not Christian or something and somehow they just aren't cute after a couple months of acquaintanceship.

Don't confuse "length of time" with "depth of relationship".

Depth of relationship can't fix ugly.

I don't know. I met my husband on the internet. By the time we finally got to meet, nothing short of Quasimodo would be a dealbreaker.

On the other hand, you definitely can't fix stupid, and you can't live with it either.

Are you saying your husband looks like Quasimodo?

Since we're married, obviously not. But he had won me over before looks even came into the equation.

He sounds like quite a catch.  Many years!

[LizaSymonenko]

There is a general rule of thumb that the deeper the relationship gets, the more attractive your partner gets.

I have not had much experience with this. I've had that happen with someone else to me, but not me to him. I've had relationships where he was barely more attractive 7 months later, and where I was not really more attracted later on, and those cute guys that you meet and find they are not Christian or something and somehow they just aren't cute after a couple months of acquaintanceship.

Don't confuse "length of time" with "depth of relationship".

Depth of relationship can't fix ugly.

I don't know. I met my husband on the internet. By the time we finally got to meet, nothing short of Quasimodo would be a dealbreaker.

On the other hand, you definitely can't fix stupid, and you can't live with it either.

Are you saying your husband looks like Quasimodo?

Since we're married, obviously not. But he had won me over before looks even came into the equation.

He sounds like quite a catch.  Many years!

May the two of you always be happy, and grow more beautiful in each other's eyes with each passing day.

Many years!

[JamesR]

How do I get the nightmares to stop? Oh Lord how? On and off for the past year I've been dreaming about the past dates I've had with the woman I love (and plan to propose to). Something about it is so painful, just, to relive that happiness we once had in my nightmares and then to wake up drenched in sorrow, reminded of the fact that she may be gone by August next year in Colorado. Do I really love her? She's been the only girl I ever dated and knew since 6th grade and is the only woman I feel emotion for.

[TheTrisagion]

How do I get the nightmares to stop? Oh Lord how? On and off for the past year I've been dreaming about the past dates I've had with the woman I love (and plan to propose to). Something about it is so painful, just, to relive that happiness we once had in my nightmares and then to wake up drenched in sorrow, reminded of the fact that she may be gone by August next year in Colorado. Do I really love her? She's been the only girl I ever dated and knew since 6th grade and is the only woman I feel emotion for.

This is probably a real jerk thing to say, but its the truth. In 3 years, you probably will have a hard time remembering her name.

[JamesR]

How do I get the nightmares to stop? Oh Lord how? On and off for the past year I've been dreaming about the past dates I've had with the woman I love (and plan to propose to). Something about it is so painful, just, to relive that happiness we once had in my nightmares and then to wake up drenched in sorrow, reminded of the fact that she may be gone by August next year in Colorado. Do I really love her? She's been the only girl I ever dated and knew since 6th grade and is the only woman I feel emotion for.

This is probably a real jerk thing to say, but its the truth. In 3 years, you probably will have a hard time remembering her name.

I don't know. It's been years and I'm still always thinking about her and we're best friends. I think I truly love her.

[TheTrisagion]

How do I get the nightmares to stop? Oh Lord how? On and off for the past year I've been dreaming about the past dates I've had with the woman I love (and plan to propose to). Something about it is so painful, just, to relive that happiness we once had in my nightmares and then to wake up drenched in sorrow, reminded of the fact that she may be gone by August next year in Colorado. Do I really love her? She's been the only girl I ever dated and knew since 6th grade and is the only woman I feel emotion for.

This is probably a real jerk thing to say, but its the truth. In 3 years, you probably will have a hard time remembering her name.

I don't know. It's been years and I'm still always thinking about her and we're best friends. I think I truly love her.

I had similar feelings in high school as well.  After 2 years in college, they were a distant memory.  I would caution you against getting too involved with someone in high school.  If they truly are "the one", they will be "the one" years from now.  If they aren't, they will be a fond memory as you reflect on your life.  From age 18 to 22, you and her will very likely go through massive changes in how you view the world.  It is not wise to tie yourself to something at this point when things will probably be quite different in a few years.

[Opus118]

How do I get the nightmares to stop? Oh Lord how? On and off for the past year I've been dreaming about the past dates I've had with the woman I love (and plan to propose to). Something about it is so painful, just, to relive that happiness we once had in my nightmares and then to wake up drenched in sorrow, reminded of the fact that she may be gone by August next year in Colorado. Do I really love her? She's been the only girl I ever dated and knew since 6th grade and is the only woman I feel emotion for.

This is probably a real jerk thing to say, but its the truth. In 3 years, you probably will have a hard time remembering her name.

I don't know. It's been years and I'm still always thinking about her and we're best friends. I think I truly love her.

I had similar feelings in high school as well.  After 2 years in college, they were a distant memory.  I would caution you against getting too involved with someone in high school.  If they truly are "the one", they will be "the one" years from now.  If they aren't, they will be a fond memory as you reflect on your life.  From age 18 to 22, you and her will very likely go through massive changes in how you view the world.  It is not wise to tie yourself to something at this point when things will probably be quite different in a few years.

 

I would possibly disagree with this, but since you are dealing with a hypothetical situation (person), it is probably the best answer under the circumstances.

[PeterTheAleut]

How do I get the nightmares to stop? Oh Lord how? On and off for the past year I've been dreaming about the past dates I've had with the woman I love (and plan to propose to). Something about it is so painful, just, to relive that happiness we once had in my nightmares and then to wake up drenched in sorrow, reminded of the fact that she may be gone by August next year in Colorado. Do I really love her? She's been the only girl I ever dated and knew since 6th grade and is the only woman I feel emotion for.

This is probably a real jerk thing to say, but its the truth. In 3 years, you probably will have a hard time remembering her name.

I don't know. It's been years and I'm still always thinking about her and we're best friends. I think I truly love her.

Read 1 Corinthians, Chapter 13, then tell me if your truly love her.

[Shiny]

How do I get the nightmares to stop? Oh Lord how? On and off for the past year I've been dreaming about the past dates I've had with the woman I love (and plan to propose to). Something about it is so painful, just, to relive that happiness we once had in my nightmares and then to wake up drenched in sorrow, reminded of the fact that she may be gone by August next year in Colorado. Do I really love her? She's been the only girl I ever dated and knew since 6th grade and is the only woman I feel emotion for.

This is probably a real jerk thing to say, but its the truth. In 3 years, you probably will have a hard time remembering her name.

That girl...from Citizen Kane
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=16WC_Dyo6Fo

[NicholasMyra]

How do I get the nightmares to stop? Oh Lord how? On and off for the past year I've been dreaming about the past dates I've had with the woman I love (and plan to propose to). Something about it is so painful, just, to relive that happiness we once had in my nightmares and then to wake up drenched in sorrow, reminded of the fact that she may be gone by August next year in Colorado. Do I really love her? She's been the only girl I ever dated and knew since 6th grade and is the only woman I feel emotion for.

God is able to bear any girl/relationship problems that a girl could toss at him.

You aren't God.

[Cyrillic]

Would it be ok to accept a date if you aren't interested in the girl but love the food in that specific restaurant?

[Asteriktos]

Would it be ok to accept a date if you aren't interested in the girl but love the food in that specific restaurant?

Tell her you're gay but would love to go. Good food, no worries about her getting too attached, easy peasy cyrilliceasy.

[Cyrillic]

Sounds risky. What if everybody will think I'm gay?

[Tikhon.of.Colorado]

Would it be ok to accept a date if you aren't interested in the girl but love the food in that specific restaurant?

Tell her you're gay but would love to go. Good food, no worries about her getting too attached, easy peasy cyrilliceasy.

This is actually a fantastic idea.  Just tell her that you're "in the closet" and ask her to keep it a secret.  After all, you're only telling her so you don't hurt her feelings.

[Cyrillic]

Would it be ok to accept a date if you aren't interested in the girl but love the food in that specific restaurant?

Tell her you're gay but would love to go. Good food, no worries about her getting too attached, easy peasy cyrilliceasy.

This is actually a fantastic idea.  Just tell her that you're "in the closet" and ask her to keep it a secret.  After all, you're only telling her so you don't hurt her feelings.

That's brilliant! Now I can enjoy my spaghetti without getting myself into trouble.

[Tikhon.of.Colorado]

Would it be ok to accept a date if you aren't interested in the girl but love the food in that specific restaurant?

Tell her you're gay but would love to go. Good food, no worries about her getting too attached, easy peasy cyrilliceasy.

This is actually a fantastic idea.  Just tell her that you're "in the closet" and ask her to keep it a secret.  After all, you're only telling her so you don't hurt her feelings.

That's brilliant! Now I can enjoy my spaghetti without getting myself into trouble.

On second thought, it's probably dangerous to lie about this.  What if you find a girlfriend and this person gets offended or something?  It might be better to just tell her the truth upfront.  You don't want to be mean, after all.

[Papist]

Would it be ok to accept a date if you aren't interested in the girl but love the food in that specific restaurant?

Tell her you're gay but would love to go. Good food, no worries about her getting too attached, easy peasy cyrilliceasy.

This is actually a fantastic idea.  Just tell her that you're "in the closet" and ask her to keep it a secret.  After all, you're only telling her so you don't hurt her feelings.

That's brilliant! Now I can enjoy my spaghetti without getting myself into trouble.

On second thought, it's probably dangerous to lie about this.  What if you find a girlfriend and this person gets offended or something?  It might be better to just tell her the truth upfront.  You don't want to be mean, after all.

I think the suggestion was tongue-in-cheek.

[Cyrillic]

It's okay, I'll just tell her the truth. I'm not evil. Well, not completely evil.

[Tikhon.of.Colorado]

Would it be ok to accept a date if you aren't interested in the girl but love the food in that specific restaurant?

Tell her you're gay but would love to go. Good food, no worries about her getting too attached, easy peasy cyrilliceasy.

This is actually a fantastic idea.  Just tell her that you're "in the closet" and ask her to keep it a secret.  After all, you're only telling her so you don't hurt her feelings.

That's brilliant! Now I can enjoy my spaghetti without getting myself into trouble.

On second thought, it's probably dangerous to lie about this.  What if you find a girlfriend and this person gets offended or something?  It might be better to just tell her the truth upfront.  You don't want to be mean, after all.

I think the suggestion was tongue-in-cheek.

My bad.  I took it seriously because it's something I've had to tell girls before.

[Asteriktos]

It's okay, I'll just tell her the truth. I'm not evil. Well, not completely evil.

Just be careful. Take a little advice from an old man. When I was younger and was in sunday school at my local Protestant church, there was a sex educator that came in one time to tell us about sex. She told us all sorts of things that the mainstream media covers up. Like did you know that during a certain time of the month that a girl can get pregnant spontaneously just by sitting within three feet of a guy she is strongly attracted to? I know this sounds like balogny, but it's true! One time my wife got pregnant, and when we did the math to find out when she conceived it was smack dab in the middle of Lent, when we weren't having sex, so there you go! Also, scientists and liberals and communists (usually one person being all three) will try to lie to you and tell you this isn't so. This is very easy to disprove. Just say "oh yeah, well if science is so right, show me one peer-reviewed journal article that demonstrates that a girl can't get pregnant that way!"  They will not be able to provide such evidence--because it doesn't exist! So, the moral of the story, enjoy the food, but keep your distance from the girl.

[Romaios]

One time my wife got pregnant, and when we did the math to find out when she conceived it was smack dab in the middle of Lent, when we weren't having sex, so there you go!

This ain't purple! 

[TheTrisagion]

One time my wife got pregnant, and when we did the math to find out when she conceived it was smack dab in the middle of Lent, when we weren't I wasn't having sex, so there you go!

Fixed that for you.

Poor Asteriktos.  So naive...  

[wainscottbl]

Forgive an ignorant man for saying something, but how can a girl get pregnant if there is no sexual intercourse. I will try to be as medical as possible. The penis at least has to place itself in the vagina and the semen has to enter the vagina and ferment in the woman. I thought that was basic and as much as I believe in conspiracy theories and listen to Alex Jones I am not sure I understand what your well meaning Protestant Sunday School teacher meant. A woman cannot get pregnant from just being strongly attracted to a man next to her. Just like the man might ejaculate, so she might secrete or grow wet in the vagina, which is sexual excitement what is often not even willed but natural. I am not trying to be nasty, but one cannot get pregnant without the penis going in the vagina. As for the pregnancy during Lent, maybe you got the math wrong or something. I am not really sure but if a woman could get pregnant with her clothes on well....

[Asteriktos]

Forgive an ignorant man for saying something, but how can a girl get pregnant if there is no sexual intercourse. I will try to be as medical as possible. The penis at least has to place itself in the vagina and the semen has to enter the vagina and ferment in the woman. I thought that was basic and as much as I believe in conspiracy theories and listen to Alex Jones I am not sure I understand what your well meaning Protestant Sunday School teacher meant. A woman cannot get pregnant from just being strongly attracted to a man next to her. Just like the man might ejaculate, so she might secrete or grow wet in the vagina, which is sexual excitement what is often not even willed but natural. I am not trying to be nasty, but one cannot get pregnant without the penis going in the vagina. As for the pregnancy during Lent, maybe you got the math wrong or something. I am not really sure but if a woman could get pregnant with her clothes on well....

A significant portion of my posts are meant as satire, comedy, sarcasm-with-a-point, or sometimes just dumb ideas I throw out because they amuse me (even if I know they won't amuse anyone else).  

EDIT--Just to expand, a lot of what I say is inside jokes that might be humorous on several levels, often with the amusement I get being somewhat different than what is intended for the regular reader. For example, with the thing about getting my wife pregnant: that's a joke based somewhat on the fact that my wife and I twice got pregnant while taking steps to avoid getting pregnant.

[TheTrisagion]

Forgive an ignorant man for saying something, but how can a girl get pregnant if there is no sexual intercourse. I will try to be as medical as possible. The penis at least has to place itself in the vagina and the semen has to enter the vagina and ferment in the woman. I thought that was basic and as much as I believe in conspiracy theories and listen to Alex Jones I am not sure I understand what your well meaning Protestant Sunday School teacher meant. A woman cannot get pregnant from just being strongly attracted to a man next to her. Just like the man might ejaculate, so she might secrete or grow wet in the vagina, which is sexual excitement what is often not even willed but natural. I am not trying to be nasty, but one cannot get pregnant without the penis going in the vagina. As for the pregnancy during Lent, maybe you got the math wrong or something. I am not really sure but if a woman could get pregnant with her clothes on well....

As you are new, I shall explain.  Asteriktos is our resident humorist who uses self-deprecating statements to humorously nudge and prod at other members of the forum.  He was not being serious in his post.  

[Tags:]

OrthodoxChristianity.net > Moderated Forums > Orthodox Family Forum (Moderator: Arachne) > Topic: dating question