I have two friends (E and K) that are engaged and this guy (B) who is in love with me is another guy. Total of three people. The woman in the engaged couple knows another guy (4th person) who the thought of setting me up with had crossed her mind.
I'm doubt I will have the current friend. B and I had a fight, sort of, and I don't think B is interested in staying just friends with me unless it is something more. B's a nice guy, genuinely cares for me, wants a small town life with a family and has a little less ambition than I, small town, small company engineer/wanna be husband and eventually a father. B is definitively Roman rite, white guy, but accepting of eastern Christianity and stuff. One of my friends (E) thinks B is a great guy, and worth keeping. B wants to eventually have four kids. (B is mildly OCD, and I am ADHD.) I do meet similar guys every once in a while, and on some level feel like that is what I am supposed to end up with, but I don't know if I would have to give up too much for that.
E's fiance (K) knows another guy whom I do not know much about, but let's say he (x) may represent others as well. X's dad is high up in a big company, and X has a good job, and is friends with the more capitalist friend. (Don't know this particular guy's faith, but this friend (K) is Catholic and knows I am Orthodox and religious.)
I recently decided that I want to start a small business and or non-profit unless I get a really busy or great job and I want to be able to afford to travel at some point. I hope I'm not being shallow here. I spent jr. high and part of high school reading travel guides, dreaming of adventures, just didn't know how to do it or believe that I could. I grew up in a mobile home park, and then had a parent get sick.
I was described a year or two ago as a rural personality with urban tastes. I have to preschedule any evening outings because of family right now, and make slightly above minimum wage, but am working on changing that.
Your friend who wants to be more than a friend already has a fiance?
As to advice, listen to Vamrat.
yeah in addition to clarifying that Anastasia, can you answer Achronos's first question about sexual attraction?
he might love you and that might feel good for one's ego but the real question is do you or can you return the sentiment?
I too had trouble understanding those sentences I have highlighted in addition to what tuesdayschild did.
and I agree, excellent advice Vamrat, especially his last paragraph Anastasia.
This guy that is in love with me, he is sort of cute, but I would be more attracted to him if he was more a bold guy, and a go-getter, less of a quiet little home somewhere with wife and kids and not much else that he needs in life. (Is it bad to say that about such an approach to life?)
The context of urban vs. rural was in asking if I seemed like I belonged more with an urban city guy or a rural country guy.
Thank you for the clarification Anastasia.
Anastasia , I don’t know how serious your question was or whether or not it was a rhetorical one, but in case it was a serious one I find it to be very difficult to answer without who I am coloring my perspective into a knee jerk reply. So let me just say because of that difficulty I am going to take a while in making my point, so please bear with me.
From an evolutionary perspective at least, your approach towards relationships and what you find attractive and worth pursuing makes a perfect sense. Where survival is at stake, things get basic. However, fortunately or unfortunately depending on how you look at it, the human being is quite a complex creature. In addition to All the basic instincts or drives for safety and survival humans have other higher instincts as well that are as much part of what and who they are as the basic ones they share with all life on this planet. The part of them that seeks purpose, truth, beauty, love etc. is a powerful drive even trumping the survival drive.so fair warning, the ancient maxim ‘ know thyself’ is as profound now as it was then.
Seeing as you are into business, I am sure you know about the concept of opportunity cost. I am not pitching for either your friend or the other guy you talked about, but to address the general point of what you described as flaws in your friend as it relates to your question. Your friend wants what some might describe as ‘ the simple life’ but depending on how you look at it, there is nothing simple about it , it is the grand life, a very demanding life one that demands everything from a man or a woman. so lets compare between the man who makes his family first in his heart vs the go getter who rather amass wealth and power and then accessorize with a family unit that suits his image.
The opportunity cost of going along with a man who makes his career first is immense. If and I say if what you had in mind is making such a man make you be first in his life, then there lies the contradiction of what you seek. Changing him
is a risk you will take in that failure means incalculable consequences. The devastation such a man or a woman leaves is indescribable; life is full of ugly examples of it. When you add kids to the mix, no matter how many soccer games you take them to, no matter how much of their material needs are fulfilled, that higher drive I mentioned would not let them be content without the proper balance of love, devotion, respect etc. from both their parents toward one another and towards them. His family is and will remain second in many ways than one, they will be trophies, among many trophies such power and influence offers him.
The opportunity cost of finding a man who loves his family above all other things that this world offers him, is knowing that he will demand the same from you. He might not be a millionaire but he will do his very best to provide for his family that includes encouraging and supporting your dreams and ambitions …. Because he loves. He might not buy you your dream house, but he will always try to make wherever you are the happiest home you have known… because he loves. He might not afford that platinum ring you wanted but with the ring he offers you he will give you himself, his love, his fidelity, his protection his trust, his very life… because he loves. He might never become the CEO of a thriving company commanding many under him, but he will definitely be a true father to his kids… because he loves. He might not be able to take you to different places you want to see around the world, but he can send you to a different galaxy with his touch. Need I go on? mention growing old together, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer? in good times or in the not so pleasant surprises that life throws at us? I fear I am going to tire or bore you too much. In plain terms without adding any other factor such as the role of faith in a person’s life, I am just saying choose wisely in regard to such approach to life, you have the advantage of your time, you are living in the 21st century. Which gives you the luxury of playing for the highest prize: Love, it holds everything within it.
I will also suggest take time to ‘ know thyself’ I am not talking about the urban vs. rural type of reflection.. ask the big questions the questions themselves are most often the answers. So good luck my dear Anastasia