Author Topic: Dating question. Not sure where to post this.  (Read 983 times)

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Offline urg8rb8

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Dating question. Not sure where to post this.
« on: May 26, 2017, 02:17:09 PM »
I started dating a new girl and I learn from her that she's been having sex with guys.  Literally one week before we met, she had a miscarriage of a month old (I learned this later and learned that she didn't care to use any kind of birth control).  She claims to be religious but she tells me she has no regrets of what had happened.  This is a problem for me because I believe in no sex before marriage.  She's not pressuring or forcing me to have sex but I just feel like if one doesn't feel regret or repentance, did they really change?  I feel very conflicted about this.  She seems like a nice girl but I'm just wondering if our differing views on this topic is a deal breaker.
« Last Edit: May 26, 2017, 02:23:51 PM by urg8rb8 »
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Offline urg8rb8

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Re: Dating question. Not sure where to post this.
« Reply #1 on: May 26, 2017, 02:23:07 PM »
dp
« Last Edit: May 26, 2017, 02:23:19 PM by urg8rb8 »
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Offline Porter ODoran

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Re: Dating question. Not sure where to post this.
« Reply #2 on: May 26, 2017, 02:25:32 PM »
This is not good from any cultural perspective. Having had a previous loving relationship that came to include sex is one thing; "sleeping around" is another; and not regretting the passing of an unborn infant is yet something beyond that. Of course I am judging without all the details.

I'd urge you to realize two things: that an obligation to be kind to others is not the same as giving oneself romantically to others; and that you have no need of this romantic relationship. Anyone who is  young, well-meaning, and lonely can make terrible mistakes due to emotions that distort.

Please break this relationship off in no uncertain terms. You have no duty to defend your reasons. Just do it.
"Love ... is an abyss of illumination, a mountain of fire ... . It is the condition of angels, the progress of eternity" (Climacus).

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Yes we who are far from sainthood we can recognize a living saint and I'm talking from personal experience.Yes they are gentle soo gentle it can not be described it is like gentleness and humility in one and also they have this light this energy it's beyond words...and when you are near them you feel ecstatic and very happy

Offline urg8rb8

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Re: Dating question. Not sure where to post this.
« Reply #3 on: May 26, 2017, 02:31:15 PM »
This is not good from any cultural perspective. Having had a previous loving relationship that came to include sex is one thing; "sleeping around" is another; and not regretting the passing of an unborn infant is yet something beyond that. Of course I am judging without all the details.

I'd urge you to realize two things: that an obligation to be kind to others is not the same as giving oneself romantically to others; and that you have no need of this romantic relationship. Anyone who is  young, well-meaning, and lonely can make terrible mistakes due to emotions that distort.

Please break this relationship off in no uncertain terms. You have no duty to defend your reasons. Just do it.

I don't know to what extent it was "sleeping around".  She told me she's been with a guy she didn't care for.  She did tell me she was upset about her unborn dying.  So she's not completely heartless about that.  But I just feel like sex isn't something sacred or meaningful if she's just giving it to anyone she dates.  People have told me I just need to get over her and that its only her past and I shouldn't judge her for it.
"Open my lips, Lord, and my mouth will declare your praise." - Psalm 51:15

Offline urg8rb8

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Re: Dating question. Not sure where to post this.
« Reply #4 on: May 26, 2017, 02:43:03 PM »
Sorry, I meant to say:

"People have told me I just need to get over it and that its only her past and I shouldn't judge her for it."
"Open my lips, Lord, and my mouth will declare your praise." - Psalm 51:15

Offline Agabus

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Re: Dating question. Not sure where to post this.
« Reply #5 on: May 26, 2017, 02:50:09 PM »
Before this goes to any of the weird places this could go:

Since the topic has obviously come up, have you specifically spelled out to her what, from your perspective, the sexual element of this relationship should be?
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Offline Porter ODoran

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Re: Dating question. Not sure where to post this.
« Reply #6 on: May 26, 2017, 02:52:19 PM »
Sorry, I meant to say:

"People have told me I just need to get over it and that its only her past and I shouldn't judge her for it."

Not judging doesn't require giving yourself. That is a sin against yourself and it's madness.
"Love ... is an abyss of illumination, a mountain of fire ... . It is the condition of angels, the progress of eternity" (Climacus).

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Yes we who are far from sainthood we can recognize a living saint and I'm talking from personal experience.Yes they are gentle soo gentle it can not be described it is like gentleness and humility in one and also they have this light this energy it's beyond words...and when you are near them you feel ecstatic and very happy

Offline urg8rb8

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Re: Dating question. Not sure where to post this.
« Reply #7 on: May 26, 2017, 02:53:33 PM »
Before this goes to any of the weird places this could go:

Since the topic has obviously come up, have you specifically spelled out to her what, from your perspective, the sexual element of this relationship should be?

I have told her exactly where I stand.  She seems ok with it.  But i don't think she's ok with it because she believes that herself (obviously).  Is it wrong or selfish of me to want to be with someone who believes, respects, and cherishes the meaning of sex the way I do?
"Open my lips, Lord, and my mouth will declare your praise." - Psalm 51:15

Offline urg8rb8

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Re: Dating question. Not sure where to post this.
« Reply #8 on: May 26, 2017, 02:56:07 PM »
Sorry, I meant to say:

"People have told me I just need to get over it and that its only her past and I shouldn't judge her for it."

Not judging doesn't require giving yourself. That is a sin against yourself and it's madness.

She's not forcing or pressuring me to have sex with her or anything.  I just question the different views we have regarding the topic.  Is it enough to say "ah ok, I'll refrain from sex because you think its important, but I don't necessarily want to refrain"?  She didn't say that but I'm imagining that is what she's saying.  I've even asked her if she repented and went to confession and stuff she said no and she has no plans to.
"Open my lips, Lord, and my mouth will declare your praise." - Psalm 51:15

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Re: Dating question. Not sure where to post this.
« Reply #9 on: May 26, 2017, 03:02:00 PM »
Sorry, I meant to say:

"People have told me I just need to get over it and that its only her past and I shouldn't judge her for it."

Not judging doesn't require giving yourself. That is a sin against yourself and it's madness.

She's not forcing or pressuring me to have sex with her or anything.  I just question the different views we have regarding the topic.  Is it enough to say "ah ok, I'll refrain from sex because you think its important, but I don't necessarily want to refrain"?  She didn't say that but I'm imagining that is what she's saying.  I've even asked her if she repented and went to confession and stuff she said no and she has no plans to.

I gotta be honest, there's a lot to unpack here, but all signs point to this relationship being a failure from go.

 
Blessed Nazarius practiced the ascetic life. His clothes were tattered. He wore his shoes without removing them for six years.

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Offline urg8rb8

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Re: Dating question. Not sure where to post this.
« Reply #10 on: May 26, 2017, 03:04:21 PM »
Sorry, I meant to say:

"People have told me I just need to get over it and that its only her past and I shouldn't judge her for it."

Not judging doesn't require giving yourself. That is a sin against yourself and it's madness.

She's not forcing or pressuring me to have sex with her or anything.  I just question the different views we have regarding the topic.  Is it enough to say "ah ok, I'll refrain from sex because you think its important, but I don't necessarily want to refrain"?  She didn't say that but I'm imagining that is what she's saying.  I've even asked her if she repented and went to confession and stuff she said no and she has no plans to.

I gotta be honest, there's a lot to unpack here, but all signs point to this relationship being a failure from go.

hmm... explain please.  I'd love to hear your thoughts.
"Open my lips, Lord, and my mouth will declare your praise." - Psalm 51:15

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Re: Dating question. Not sure where to post this.
« Reply #11 on: May 26, 2017, 03:06:57 PM »
Crap... I also just realized I shouldn't be posting about this here.  She might find this discussion and it would not be cool.  Is there a way to delete this discussion after a day or so?
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Re: Dating question. Not sure where to post this.
« Reply #12 on: May 26, 2017, 03:09:39 PM »
Crap... I also just realized I shouldn't be posting about this here.  She might find this discussion and it would not be cool.  Is there a way to delete this discussion after a day or so?

You're dating someone from OCNet? 

Offline urg8rb8

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Re: Dating question. Not sure where to post this.
« Reply #13 on: May 26, 2017, 03:10:46 PM »
Crap... I also just realized I shouldn't be posting about this here.  She might find this discussion and it would not be cool.  Is there a way to delete this discussion after a day or so?

You're dating someone from OCNet?

I'm not.  But she loves to google stuff and recently been talking about Orthodoxy and Melkites and stuff.  Hopefully she doesn't find this.  :o
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Offline Porter ODoran

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Re: Dating question. Not sure where to post this.
« Reply #14 on: May 26, 2017, 03:16:21 PM »
Is it wrong or selfish of me to want to be with someone who believes, respects, and cherishes the meaning of sex the way I do?

Do you feel obligated to date those who want to date you? If not, you should already have your answer. If so, why?
« Last Edit: May 26, 2017, 03:16:50 PM by Porter ODoran »
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Yes we who are far from sainthood we can recognize a living saint and I'm talking from personal experience.Yes they are gentle soo gentle it can not be described it is like gentleness and humility in one and also they have this light this energy it's beyond words...and when you are near them you feel ecstatic and very happy

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Re: Dating question. Not sure where to post this.
« Reply #15 on: May 26, 2017, 03:16:36 PM »
Sorry, I meant to say:

"People have told me I just need to get over it and that its only her past and I shouldn't judge her for it."

Not judging doesn't require giving yourself. That is a sin against yourself and it's madness.

She's not forcing or pressuring me to have sex with her or anything.  I just question the different views we have regarding the topic.  Is it enough to say "ah ok, I'll refrain from sex because you think its important, but I don't necessarily want to refrain"?  She didn't say that but I'm imagining that is what she's saying.  I've even asked her if she repented and went to confession and stuff she said no and she has no plans to.

I gotta be honest, there's a lot to unpack here, but all signs point to this relationship being a failure from go.

hmm... explain please.  I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Unvarnished:

I can't speak much for her situation, because it's coming here secondhand.

But you're saying you've found someone willing to respect your decision, but you're unsure about that respect because even though they've agreed to go with your conviction, you want them to hold it just as meaningfully in their heart. So she's saying, "I'll give up sex for you," and you're saying, "But I want you to mean it when you give up sex for me." You can't change someone's heart.

Second, you've mentioned that you think she needs to repent. Starting a romantic relationship with someone from the place of thinking they need to repent of previous relationships is kind of a recipe for resentment on both of y'all's part.
« Last Edit: May 26, 2017, 03:18:01 PM by Agabus »
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Offline urg8rb8

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Re: Dating question. Not sure where to post this.
« Reply #16 on: May 26, 2017, 03:21:22 PM »
Sorry, I meant to say:

"People have told me I just need to get over it and that its only her past and I shouldn't judge her for it."

Not judging doesn't require giving yourself. That is a sin against yourself and it's madness.

She's not forcing or pressuring me to have sex with her or anything.  I just question the different views we have regarding the topic.  Is it enough to say "ah ok, I'll refrain from sex because you think its important, but I don't necessarily want to refrain"?  She didn't say that but I'm imagining that is what she's saying.  I've even asked her if she repented and went to confession and stuff she said no and she has no plans to.

I gotta be honest, there's a lot to unpack here, but all signs point to this relationship being a failure from go.

hmm... explain please.  I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Unvarnished:

I can't speak much for her situation, because it's coming here secondhand.

But you're saying you've found someone willing to respect your decision, but you're unsure about that respect because even though they've agreed to go with your conviction, you want them to hold it just as meaningfully in their heart. So she's saying, "I'll give up sex for you," and you're saying, "But I want you to mean it when you give up sex for me." You can't change someone's heart.

Second, you've mentioned that you think she needs to repent. Starting a romantic relationship with someone from the place of thinking they need to repent of previous relationships is kind of a recipe for resentment on both of y'all's part.




Quote
But you're saying you've found someone willing to respect your decision, but you're unsure about that respect because even though they've agreed to go with your conviction, you want them to hold it just as meaningfully in their heart. So she's saying, "I'll give up sex for you," and you're saying, "But I want you to mean it when you give up sex for me." You can't change someone's heart.

That's exactly my view.  I'm not acting like God or a Priest to say I want her to repent and confess.  There is something about repenting and confessing that make us humble and makes us admit we did something wrong.  I would have a problem if her view is that she did nothing wrong and sex is just something you can do whomever.
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Re: Dating question. Not sure where to post this.
« Reply #17 on: May 26, 2017, 03:26:40 PM »
Quote from: urg8trb9
That's exactly my view.  I'm not acting like God or a Priest to say I want her to repent and confess.  There is something about repenting and confessing that make us humble and makes us admit we did something wrong.  I would have a problem if her view is that she did nothing wrong and sex is just something you can do whomever.

I've even asked her if she repented and went to confession and stuff she said no and she has no plans to.

So what happens should this relationship progresses and you get married? Would you still be OK if she never changed her mind about sex even if she was only faithful to you henceforth?
« Last Edit: May 26, 2017, 03:27:07 PM by Agabus »
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Offline urg8rb8

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Re: Dating question. Not sure where to post this.
« Reply #18 on: May 26, 2017, 03:28:28 PM »
Quote from: urg8trb9
That's exactly my view.  I'm not acting like God or a Priest to say I want her to repent and confess.  There is something about repenting and confessing that make us humble and makes us admit we did something wrong.  I would have a problem if her view is that she did nothing wrong and sex is just something you can do whomever.

I've even asked her if she repented and went to confession and stuff she said no and she has no plans to.

So what happens should this relationship progresses and you get married? Would you still be OK if she never changed her mind about sex even if she was only faithful to you henceforth?


Then I would have to question raising of kids.  I will to teach my kids about Christianity and that sex is something that should be only done in marriage.  She might have an issue with that.  Can she really teach that to kids and mean it if she doesn't mean it herself?
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Re: Dating question. Not sure where to post this.
« Reply #19 on: May 26, 2017, 03:33:38 PM »
Quote from: urg8trb9
That's exactly my view.  I'm not acting like God or a Priest to say I want her to repent and confess.  There is something about repenting and confessing that make us humble and makes us admit we did something wrong.  I would have a problem if her view is that she did nothing wrong and sex is just something you can do whomever.

I've even asked her if she repented and went to confession and stuff she said no and she has no plans to.

So what happens should this relationship progresses and you get married? Would you still be OK if she never changed her mind about sex even if she was only faithful to you henceforth?


Then I would have to question raising of kids.  I will to teach my kids about Christianity and that sex is something that should be only done in marriage.  She might have an issue with that.  Can she really teach that to kids and mean it if she doesn't mean it herself?

I dunno. I tell my kids stuff I don't really have a heart behind all the time.  ;)
« Last Edit: May 26, 2017, 03:33:54 PM by Agabus »
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Offline urg8rb8

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Re: Dating question. Not sure where to post this.
« Reply #20 on: May 26, 2017, 03:38:23 PM »
Quote from: urg8trb9
That's exactly my view.  I'm not acting like God or a Priest to say I want her to repent and confess.  There is something about repenting and confessing that make us humble and makes us admit we did something wrong.  I would have a problem if her view is that she did nothing wrong and sex is just something you can do whomever.

I've even asked her if she repented and went to confession and stuff she said no and she has no plans to.

So what happens should this relationship progresses and you get married? Would you still be OK if she never changed her mind about sex even if she was only faithful to you henceforth?


Then I would have to question raising of kids.  I will to teach my kids about Christianity and that sex is something that should be only done in marriage.  She might have an issue with that.  Can she really teach that to kids and mean it if she doesn't mean it herself?

I dunno. I tell my kids stuff I don't really have a heart behind all the time.  ;)

I just don't want to fight over something like that where i'm telling them one thing and she's telling them another.  I don't care about stuff... but I think this topic is important.
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Re: Dating question. Not sure where to post this.
« Reply #21 on: May 26, 2017, 03:43:35 PM »
Even if she actually accepts abstinence for you, sex seems to me too great of a thing not to be important as a "common goal" (or a "common non-goal").
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Re: Dating question. Not sure where to post this.
« Reply #22 on: May 26, 2017, 03:45:11 PM »
Even if she actually accepts abstinence for you, sex seems to me too great of a thing not to be important as a "common goal" (or a "common non-goal").

Exactly, I feel the same way.
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Re: Dating question. Not sure where to post this.
« Reply #23 on: May 26, 2017, 04:26:58 PM »
Crap... I also just realized I shouldn't be posting about this here.  She might find this discussion and it would not be cool.  Is there a way to delete this discussion after a day or so?

You're dating someone from OCNet?

What?
I always wished I could date you, Mor.
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Re: Dating question. Not sure where to post this.
« Reply #24 on: May 26, 2017, 04:37:34 PM »
Crap... I also just realized I shouldn't be posting about this here.  She might find this discussion and it would not be cool.  Is there a way to delete this discussion after a day or so?

You're dating someone from OCNet?

What?
I always wished I could date you, Mor.

I'm sure you're not the only man around here wishing that.

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Re: Dating question. Not sure where to post this.
« Reply #25 on: May 26, 2017, 04:50:17 PM »
Crap... I also just realized I shouldn't be posting about this here.  She might find this discussion and it would not be cool.  Is there a way to delete this discussion after a day or so?

You're dating someone from OCNet?

What?
I always wished I could date you, Mor.

I'm sure you're not the only man around here wishing that.

Don't forget about oc.net's women ;)
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Re: Dating question. Not sure where to post this.
« Reply #26 on: May 26, 2017, 04:57:42 PM »
Crap... I also just realized I shouldn't be posting about this here.  She might find this discussion and it would not be cool.  Is there a way to delete this discussion after a day or so?

You're dating someone from OCNet?

What?
I always wished I could date you, Mor.

I'm sure you're not the only man around here wishing that.

Don't forget about oc.net's women ;)

:-*

But most of them end up hating me after a while.  On OCNet, I tend to have better luck with dudes.

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Re: Dating question. Not sure where to post this.
« Reply #27 on: May 26, 2017, 05:08:21 PM »
Crap... I also just realized I shouldn't be posting about this here.  She might find this discussion and it would not be cool.  Is there a way to delete this discussion after a day or so?

You're dating someone from OCNet?

What?
I always wished I could date you, Mor.

I'm sure you're not the only man around here wishing that.

Don't forget about oc.net's women ;)

Can we have one thread where it doesn't devolve into how many people are hot for Mor?
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Re: Dating question. Not sure where to post this.
« Reply #28 on: May 26, 2017, 05:21:31 PM »
Are you seeking a potential marriage partner in her?  If not, absolutely stop seeing her.  I hate to advise that, as I'm sure that will be painful on both sides, but it can hurt a little now, or worse later, and with more damage probably done.

If you are AND she seems remorseful either now or after some serious talks (in a well-lit, public place), then perhaps she will be willing to repent and you two could proceed with a firm commitment of chastity until marriage, and make quite certain there's no room for error.  Regardless of your own good intentions and hopefully hers, it's easy to be pulled down in the moment.  I pray she learns to respect and steward her body, and make you and others do the same.  I say this with concern for you both and without judgement, because I have no stones to cast.

Offline Agabus

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Re: Dating question. Not sure where to post this.
« Reply #29 on: May 26, 2017, 05:25:49 PM »
This thread is depressing.
Blessed Nazarius practiced the ascetic life. His clothes were tattered. He wore his shoes without removing them for six years.

THE OPINIONS HERE MAY NOT REFLECT THE ACTUAL OR PERCEIVED ORTHODOX CHURCH

Offline Ainnir

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Re: Dating question. Not sure where to post this.
« Reply #30 on: May 26, 2017, 05:35:54 PM »
So is life; that's the point of grace, no?  I personally hope so, anyway.

urg8rb8, pray for her, however it all turns out. 
« Last Edit: May 26, 2017, 05:36:18 PM by Ainnir »

Offline urg8rb8

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Re: Dating question. Not sure where to post this.
« Reply #31 on: May 26, 2017, 05:41:21 PM »
This thread is depressing.

How is this thread depressing?
« Last Edit: May 26, 2017, 05:41:33 PM by urg8rb8 »
"Open my lips, Lord, and my mouth will declare your praise." - Psalm 51:15

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Re: Dating question. Not sure where to post this.
« Reply #32 on: May 26, 2017, 05:43:53 PM »
This thread is depressing.

You asked for it:

Can we have one thread where it doesn't devolve into how many people are hot for Mor?

Offline Porter ODoran

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Re: Dating question. Not sure where to post this.
« Reply #33 on: May 26, 2017, 06:00:32 PM »
So is life; that's the point of grace, no?  I personally hope so, anyway.

Wait. Life is depressing? Grace is depressing? Grace makes life depressing?

Life is not depressing and not supposed to be, and grace is the aspect of God that showers all with gifts and his children with favor (his joy in them). But I'm curious what you really meant.
"Love ... is an abyss of illumination, a mountain of fire ... . It is the condition of angels, the progress of eternity" (Climacus).

Quote from: Seekingtrue
Yes we who are far from sainthood we can recognize a living saint and I'm talking from personal experience.Yes they are gentle soo gentle it can not be described it is like gentleness and humility in one and also they have this light this energy it's beyond words...and when you are near them you feel ecstatic and very happy

Offline eddybear

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Re: Dating question. Not sure where to post this.
« Reply #34 on: May 26, 2017, 06:23:53 PM »
To the OP, it sounds like this relationship is already on rocky ground, and IMO you're better off breaking it sooner rather than later - before you and she both get too hurt. What you've said about your and her differing views of sex in itself would be a pretty big issue. But more than that, it sounds like it is a symptom of a much deeper problem, an outlook on God, faith, life etc.

She may be a lovely girl, but if you want a wife who will work with you (and any future children) to live an Orthodox life, it doesn't sound like it's going to be her.

Offline Vladislav

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Re: Dating question. Not sure where to post this.
« Reply #35 on: May 26, 2017, 06:44:05 PM »
Dear friend urg8trb9,

I'm pretty sure the main deal we need to get is love. If you and her will really love each other, then the past could get to nothing. But the reality is, since she doesn't see fornication a sin, you both have different goals in your lives. Can she bear your belief all days? Will you always be able to love her despite she is still not an Orthodox?

So if she love you too, I'd advise you to carry on your friendship, but not to hurry it up. Tell her about your faith, ask her about her faith. Learn to love her. If she really is to be your wife, she will listen to you and will follow you anywhere. Let time and God open His idea upon both of you.

Offline Porter ODoran

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Re: Dating question. Not sure where to post this.
« Reply #36 on: May 26, 2017, 08:49:38 PM »
Dear friend urg8trb9,

I'm pretty sure the main deal we need to get is love. If you and her will really love each other, then the past could get to nothing. But the reality is, since she doesn't see fornication a sin, you both have different goals in your lives. Can she bear your belief all days? Will you always be able to love her despite she is still not an Orthodox?

So if she love you too, I'd advise you to carry on your friendship, but not to hurry it up. Tell her about your faith, ask her about her faith. Learn to love her. If she really is to be your wife, she will listen to you and will follow you anywhere. Let time and God open His idea upon both of you.

We should love everyone. Even if one thinks there is a special species of romantic love, it is certainly very foolish to think there is only one such opportunity or to marry only because one thinks one has found that love.
"Love ... is an abyss of illumination, a mountain of fire ... . It is the condition of angels, the progress of eternity" (Climacus).

Quote from: Seekingtrue
Yes we who are far from sainthood we can recognize a living saint and I'm talking from personal experience.Yes they are gentle soo gentle it can not be described it is like gentleness and humility in one and also they have this light this energy it's beyond words...and when you are near them you feel ecstatic and very happy

Offline Ainnir

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Re: Dating question. Not sure where to post this.
« Reply #37 on: May 26, 2017, 08:59:58 PM »
So is life; that's the point of grace, no?  I personally hope so, anyway.

Wait. Life is depressing? Grace is depressing? Grace makes life depressing?

Life is not depressing and not supposed to be, and grace is the aspect of God that showers all with gifts and his children with favor (his joy in them). But I'm curious what you really meant.

 :D No grace is not depressing.  It's the remedy for a depressingly broken life (we live in a fallen world, remember?).  Life in Christ might not be depressing, but that's not really what I was referring to--more like our temporal existence is depressing.  I'm sorry I wasn't clearer the first time.

And I agree with Vlad, only qualify love.  Think Christ and the Church instead of Hollywood.  OP's situation surely can work out favorably with a Christlike love, if both are fully willing to be guided by it.  That's sort of the catch in his situation, and why I think Vlad is counseling friendship and discourse instead of dating.

Offline Porter ODoran

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Re: Dating question. Not sure where to post this.
« Reply #38 on: May 26, 2017, 09:08:09 PM »
Natural life is not depressing either. The Curse let conscience and suffering into the world, but left man capable of hard work and resilience. Few have felt compelled into depression by a world that's not always Paradise. Contemporary living in highly-contrived soul-sickening environments is what has led to widespread depression, and there are fairly easy ways out of that as long as one is not too obsessive or defiant.
"Love ... is an abyss of illumination, a mountain of fire ... . It is the condition of angels, the progress of eternity" (Climacus).

Quote from: Seekingtrue
Yes we who are far from sainthood we can recognize a living saint and I'm talking from personal experience.Yes they are gentle soo gentle it can not be described it is like gentleness and humility in one and also they have this light this energy it's beyond words...and when you are near them you feel ecstatic and very happy

Offline CarolS

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Re: Dating question. Not sure where to post this.
« Reply #39 on: May 26, 2017, 10:35:21 PM »
Dear brother in Christ,
It seems you already have doubts about this woman, which prompted you to post here. Is this a person you see as a potential life partner: someone with whom you can pray with and work together on your salvation, who will value raising your children to love God and follow His
precepts, who will respect your religious faith if not follow it, who will value and strive to be faithful to you?
You cannot expect a relationship to turn out well if you are already judging her or have wishes for her to change who she is.
Please have more confidence that God will help you to find a worthy partner.   Do not just settle for less. You cannot expect to find an absolutely perfect person, but she should be one that you respect and can grow to love.
If this persons idea of dating involves freely giving sex to whomever she is dating, she may not be right for you, or will be too great a temptation.

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Re: Dating question. Not sure where to post this.
« Reply #40 on: May 26, 2017, 11:04:30 PM »
Be careful in the future!
"The soul is dyed the color of its thoughts. Think only on those things that are in line with your principles and can bear the light of day. The content of your character is your choice. Day by day, what you do is who you become. Your integrity is your destiny--it is the light that guides your way." - Heraclitus

Offline Indocern

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Re: Dating question. Not sure where to post this.
« Reply #41 on: May 27, 2017, 07:57:38 AM »
Pray to God for decent girl for you.

Offline Porter ODoran

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Re: Dating question. Not sure where to post this.
« Reply #42 on: May 27, 2017, 03:41:00 PM »
On the other hand, you could do like me and marry a godly young virgin and find she changes considerably and abandons your values and you. Or you could suffer in some other way, like the death of a spouse or a child. Be anxious for nothing, as St. Paul said, and give glory to God for all things, as St. Basil said, but striving for the best is still worthy.
"Love ... is an abyss of illumination, a mountain of fire ... . It is the condition of angels, the progress of eternity" (Climacus).

Quote from: Seekingtrue
Yes we who are far from sainthood we can recognize a living saint and I'm talking from personal experience.Yes they are gentle soo gentle it can not be described it is like gentleness and humility in one and also they have this light this energy it's beyond words...and when you are near them you feel ecstatic and very happy