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Author Topic: My odd obsession  (Read 516 times) Average Rating: 0
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sakura95
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« on: October 26, 2014, 09:30:10 PM »

I have no idea why but I have an obsession with keeping my appearance "feminine". It's not like I want to become a female or am attracted to members of the same gender. I just want to look feminine for some odd reason which I mostly do by trying to keep my hair long.

I tried and tried my best to recall where and how I got this obsession. But I just can't seem to know where it came from. At one point, it was quite bad that I would wear my mother's hairband and put on her hair clips in secret. That however lasted for a short period of time. Still, I couldn't get over my obsession after that. I would refuse getting my hair cut each time my mother or father would ask of me to cut it. I would make all sorts of excuses just to prevent my hair from getting cut. On many occasions, my mother would often tell me how girlish I look with what she perceived to be my long hair(In all cases, my hair wasn't even shoulder length). This too was sort of settled after my parents promised that they wouldn't get the hairdresser to cut it short. I still have a hatred for going for haircuts till this day despite this promise my parents made.

The worst manifestation of my obsession though came not through action or thought but from a dream I once had. In short, I turned into a girl and enjoyed every bit of that dream I had.

Sometimes, my male friends would inform me of my femininity and ask me to cut my hair. Girls in my former school and in college simply encouraged the behavior. There was a phase during my high school years where girls would have the habit of feminizing me by placing all sorts of hairbands upon me. Now, I decided to question my obsession. Is it wrong? I mean I am not desiring to be a female or intend to put on makeup or anything. It's just somehow embedded in my natural form with my face resembling my mother's, long eyelashes and big eyes. Sometimes, it feels morally wrong. Sometimes it feels "normal" since my features are naturally that way unless my hair's short. I just don't know so I thought I might be best to seek your opinion.

Is it normal or acceptable for a male to want to look or appear feminine to some extent?

Just to be clear here, I don't intend to go all the way to cross dressing, pretending to be a girl or wanting to be one. I don't want to be feminine to the extent that I'm barely recognizable as a male.
« Last Edit: October 26, 2014, 09:32:33 PM by sakura95 » Logged

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« Reply #1 on: October 26, 2014, 11:07:08 PM »


Maybe you are like Samson, who also sported long hair.

We all know what happened to him when it was cut. Wink
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« Reply #2 on: October 26, 2014, 11:11:21 PM »

Many cross dressers are hetero... Have a conversation with a Priest ASAP
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« Reply #3 on: October 26, 2014, 11:14:09 PM »

It sounds like you might have OCD. I would encourage you to speak with both your priest and a therapist.

What you described is nothing to be ashamed of, but it sounds like it's bothering you and some of the rituals you've described aren't very healthy.
« Last Edit: October 26, 2014, 11:14:33 PM by lovesupreme » Logged

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sakura95
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« Reply #4 on: October 27, 2014, 02:43:08 PM »

Many cross dressers are hetero... Have a conversation with a Priest ASAP


But I don't cross dress. I would be repulsed myself if I looked too feminine.
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« Reply #5 on: October 27, 2014, 02:45:41 PM »

It sounds like you might have OCD. I would encourage you to speak with both your priest and a therapist.

What you described is nothing to be ashamed of, but it sounds like it's bothering you and some of the rituals you've described aren't very healthy.

I don't know. It didn't alter my life in anyway at all except whenever my mother wants to take me out for a haircut.

As for the rituals, I can happily say that I stopped doing them. It's been about three years since I did it.
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« Reply #6 on: October 27, 2014, 02:47:58 PM »

Is it normal or acceptable for a male to want to look or appear feminine to some extent?

My opinion?
No.

But fashion etc. is also cultural. I imagine that Scotsmen in kilts don't think of themselves as appearing feminine.
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« Reply #7 on: October 27, 2014, 02:55:52 PM »

Question for clarification purposes. Do you like long hair which you perceive to be feminine or do you like looking feminine which is why you wear long hair? Those are two very different things.
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« Reply #8 on: October 27, 2014, 03:08:39 PM »

Question for clarification purposes. Do you like long hair which you perceive to be feminine or do you like looking feminine which is why you wear long hair? Those are two very different things.

Well, it's more of the later.
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« Reply #9 on: October 27, 2014, 03:12:26 PM »

Is it normal or acceptable for a male to want to look or appear feminine to some extent?

My opinion?
No.

But fashion etc. is also cultural. I imagine that Scotsmen in kilts don't think of themselves as appearing feminine.

Of course.

From what I know, such is acceptable to some extent in East Asian society.
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« Reply #10 on: October 27, 2014, 03:16:08 PM »

Question for clarification purposes. Do you like long hair which you perceive to be feminine or do you like looking feminine which is why you wear long hair? Those are two very different things.

Well, it's more of the later.
Do you have a negative emotional response to "macho" type men?
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« Reply #11 on: October 27, 2014, 03:25:25 PM »

Question for clarification purposes. Do you like long hair which you perceive to be feminine or do you like looking feminine which is why you wear long hair? Those are two very different things.

Well, it's more of the later.
Do you have a negative emotional response to "macho" type men?

I do not find "macho" type men repulsive at all.
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« Reply #12 on: October 27, 2014, 04:08:41 PM »

IMO as long as you have no intention of changing your sex or intentionally dressing as a female, nothing wrong with that. God did not create gender roles and these things vary from time to time and from culture to culture. I like to sport somewhat androgynous look sometimes and I see nothing wrong with it. No reason to identify with anything just because you like this or that kind of look or because you had this or that kind of dream.

However if you feel uneasy about it I would definitely concur marc1152's idea. Talk to your priest.
« Last Edit: October 27, 2014, 04:14:22 PM by Alpo » Logged

sakura95
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« Reply #13 on: October 27, 2014, 07:40:47 PM »

IMO as long as you have no intention of changing your sex or intentionally dressing as a female, nothing wrong with that. God did not create gender roles and these things vary from time to time and from culture to culture. I like to sport somewhat androgynous look sometimes and I see nothing wrong with it. No reason to identify with anything just because you like this or that kind of look or because you had this or that kind of dream.

However if you feel uneasy about it I would definitely concur marc1152's idea. Talk to your priest.

I guess I can happily say that my obsession is alright then. Though I got that obsession long before I had that delightfully weird dream of becoming a girl.
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« Reply #14 on: October 27, 2014, 09:50:45 PM »

I wouldn't pay too much attention to dreams. I've had all kinds of dreams that I enjoyed that would certainly raise the eyebrows of any normal person.
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« Reply #15 on: October 27, 2014, 10:26:05 PM »

I wouldn't pay too much attention to dreams. I've had all kinds of dreams that I enjoyed that would certainly raise the eyebrows of any normal person.

Wait till you get to be an old crock like me, when sleep apnea and other age-related delights kick in. Salvador Dali had nothing on the things I've seen.  Grin
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« Reply #16 on: October 27, 2014, 10:29:11 PM »

So one more opinion here.


I think the issue is not the actual hair or preference for a more feminine aspect.

I think the potential issue here is that you keep describing it as an 'obsession'   which to me indicates you are spending mental time on the idea. Lots of mental time on the idea.

For -this- part of it I would both talk to a priest and like several have suggestion also a counselor. They can both help you determine whether this is just a 'preference' or something more truly an 'obsession' that might need some care.

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« Reply #17 on: October 27, 2014, 10:31:11 PM »

So one more opinion here.


I think the issue is not the actual hair or preference for a more feminine aspect.

I think the potential issue here is that you keep describing it as an 'obsession'   which to me indicates you are spending mental time on the idea. Lots of mental time on the idea.

For -this- part of it I would both talk to a priest and like several have suggestion also a counselor. They can both help you determine whether this is just a 'preference' or something more truly an 'obsession' that might need some care.



You beat me to it.  Smiley
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« Reply #18 on: October 28, 2014, 01:20:29 AM »

I think the potential issue here is that you keep describing it as an 'obsession'   which to me indicates you are spending mental time on the idea. Lots of mental time on the idea.

He's a teenager. Teenagers are often confused and spend a lot of mental time thinking whether there's something wrong with them. That's perfectly normal and for all things written in this thread he's perfectly normal too.

However it's never a bad idea to talk to someone who can help. Even if one might feel the question and/or topic is silly.
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« Reply #19 on: October 28, 2014, 05:11:57 AM »

I like to sport somewhat androgynous look sometimes and I see nothing wrong with it.

That's why you'll never be the menswear pope.

I wouldn't pay too much attention to dreams. I've had all kinds of dreams that I enjoyed that would certainly raise the eyebrows of any normal person.

Why would you think 'normal people' don't enjoy messed up dreams?
« Last Edit: October 28, 2014, 05:13:02 AM by Cyrillic » Logged

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« Reply #20 on: October 28, 2014, 08:35:41 AM »

I like to sport somewhat androgynous look sometimes and I see nothing wrong with it.

That's why you'll never be the menswear pope.

I wouldn't pay too much attention to dreams. I've had all kinds of dreams that I enjoyed that would certainly raise the eyebrows of any normal person.

Why would you think 'normal people' don't enjoy messed up dreams?
lol, not saying they don't, and I consider myself to be (generally) normal too. If I sit down the next day and think about my dream though, it is not unusual for me to think, wow, that was really messed up, my brain has some weird stuff stuck up in there.
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« Reply #21 on: October 28, 2014, 09:06:28 AM »

So one more opinion here.


I think the issue is not the actual hair or preference for a more feminine aspect.

I think the potential issue here is that you keep describing it as an 'obsession'   which to me indicates you are spending mental time on the idea. Lots of mental time on the idea.

For -this- part of it I would both talk to a priest and like several have suggestion also a counselor. They can both help you determine whether this is just a 'preference' or something more truly an 'obsession' that might need some care.

Yes, I do spent a lot of mental activity on it, particularly after every haircut I get. However, there are some times when I don't particularly think about it. Insofar, nothing significantly negative came from it unless I have to get a haircut.....
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« Reply #22 on: October 28, 2014, 09:08:30 AM »

I think the potential issue here is that you keep describing it as an 'obsession'   which to me indicates you are spending mental time on the idea. Lots of mental time on the idea.

He's a teenager. Teenagers are often confused and spend a lot of mental time thinking whether there's something wrong with them. That's perfectly normal and for all things written in this thread he's perfectly normal too.

However it's never a bad idea to talk to someone who can help. Even if one might feel the question and/or topic is silly.

I never thought wearing female headgear would be considered normal though to my defense, I seen men wearing hairbands before.
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« Reply #23 on: October 28, 2014, 02:24:54 PM »

I like to sport somewhat androgynous look sometimes and I see nothing wrong with it.

That's why you'll never be the menswear pope.

That title is reserved to all the miniscule vagante churches and their endless wardrobes of mismatched vestments.

Btw, I tried to google some pics for proof but the result was pics of our admin. Google is a New Calendarist conspiracy.
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