I have no idea why but I have an obsession with keeping my appearance "feminine". It's not like I want to become a female or am attracted to members of the same gender. I just want to look feminine for some odd reason which I mostly do by trying to keep my hair long.
I tried and tried my best to recall where and how I got this obsession. But I just can't seem to know where it came from. At one point, it was quite bad that I would wear my mother's hairband and put on her hair clips in secret. That however lasted for a short period of time. Still, I couldn't get over my obsession after that. I would refuse getting my hair cut each time my mother or father would ask of me to cut it. I would make all sorts of excuses just to prevent my hair from getting cut. On many occasions, my mother would often tell me how girlish I look with what she perceived to be my long hair(In all cases, my hair wasn't even shoulder length). This too was sort of settled after my parents promised that they wouldn't get the hairdresser to cut it short. I still have a hatred for going for haircuts till this day despite this promise my parents made.
The worst manifestation of my obsession though came not through action or thought but from a dream I once had. In short, I turned into a girl and enjoyed every bit of that dream I had.
Sometimes, my male friends would inform me of my femininity and ask me to cut my hair. Girls in my former school and in college simply encouraged the behavior. There was a phase during my high school years where girls would have the habit of feminizing me by placing all sorts of hairbands upon me. Now, I decided to question my obsession. Is it wrong? I mean I am not desiring to be a female or intend to put on makeup or anything. It's just somehow embedded in my natural form with my face resembling my mother's, long eyelashes and big eyes. Sometimes, it feels morally wrong. Sometimes it feels "normal" since my features are naturally that way unless my hair's short. I just don't know so I thought I might be best to seek your opinion.
Is it normal or acceptable for a male to want to look or appear feminine to some extent?
Just to be clear here, I don't intend to go all the way to cross dressing, pretending to be a girl or wanting to be one. I don't want to be feminine to the extent that I'm barely recognizable as a male.