As some of you may have heard/remember, our Priest, Fr. Jacob passed away last month. This has been a difficult time for our parish, but we are managing just fine thus far. (from what I can tell anyways...)
Fr. Jacob and I had become pretty close in the short year I was privileged to know him. Long story short, he wanted to do my Chrismation before Christmas so I could commune with everyone. I declined because I wanted to wait a little longer for my wife and see if she was going to decide to join. He offered again to do it at Theophany, but I declined again. Shortly after, he tragically passed due to complications of the flu/pneumonia.
We have another retired Priest, Fr. Chris, who I barely knew all this time. Now he, among a couple other local Priest, have stepped up to fill in for Fr. Jacob until we get a new Priest. The whole year i had been going to the Church, we only really met one time as he wasnt around as often on Saturdays when I would normally go since my work schedule kept me from going Sundays about half the time. This past saturday, he came up and introduced himself to me and asked if it was my first time visiting. I told him I was a catechumen and had been coming for a while. Although he didnt mean any harm, this for some reason hurt my feelings a little.
We had a meeting Tuesday, and are going to continue to meet every tuesday so he can get to know me better. Since he hardly knows me, I feel like I am taking a huge step backwards. I feel like I was so close to being Chrismated, and now Im so far. He asked me if I had any questions for him. I told him i didnt at the time and he joked "Oh, so you know everything!" I told him that certainly wasnt the case, but I have been a catechumen for nearly a year now and an inquirer for a year before that. Most of my "convert-like" questions have already been answered. Im convinced of the Orthodox Church.
Basically I feel like I am ready, but I feel like this whole thing has been a lesson in patience and humility for me. I felt like I had my conversion in the palm of my hand, and now I am realizing that isnt so. Maybe my catechumen period would have been a little short if I had been Chrismated at Christmas. Maybe Ill look back and be glad for this "step back" i feel like I am being forced to take.
I dunno. This is just sort of a rant. If anyone else has dealt with something similar, feel free to chime in. Or if anyone has any advice, feel free to chime in.
Thanks! and pray for me!