Topic: Wife becoming Orthodox. I am trying but failing at it.

[Pne123]

Long story short.... My wife is becoming Orthodox probablh at Pascha or Pentecost. I am trying
to become Orthodox with her but not doing too well. Cant follow the liturgy, dont comprehendwhy all the motions and genuflections are important to her (or anyone). I feel upset when she leavess
all the Sundays and Feast Days. I dont really want to go but do because I
feel I want to be witb her. Our lives are divergjng and our marriage rocky due to this Church. Her priest encourages her as do her two siblings and I feel like they are part of pulling her asay from me. I feel so helpless and annoyed and upset I dont know what to do.

[Hiwot]

welcome to the forum Pne.

I am sure there are people here who have been where you are and can offer a helpful perspective. I think it will be helpful if you can tell us a bit about yourself , nothing too personal but issues that relate to your spiritual life. for instance , are you Christian? if so Which church are you affiliated with, if at all. May the Lord bless you and your wife with love , understanding , His guidance and His Peace. Amen Lord have mercy!

In Christ,
Hiwot.

[Asteriktos]

I'm sorry to hear of this. I don't have a lot of advice, other than to give my thoughts on the actions like crossing self and prostrations and such. First, some of it are supposed to be outward expressions of inward prayers, like crossing yourself--each time you do that you are saying a little prayer. Generally Orthodoxy tries to involve the senses more than just the standard. Yes, we always involve smell, but Orthodoxy tries to engage it more vibrantly. Yes we always feel/touch, but Orthodoxy tries to incorporate more movement, and so forth. It is not just our souls that are saved, but the whole person--body, soul and spirit, and we do well to be reminded of that.  It is also a way of participating in the liturgy (the work of the people for God in true worship) more fully.

[Nephi]

I've seen your past posts, and it seems that if you don't want to go to the Orthodox Church, then don't. If she does, then she can go. There's no need to force yourself, or her, to do something either of you don't want to do.

[Red A.]

I dont really want to go but do because I
feel I want to be witb her. Our lives are divergjng .....

Welcome to marriage scooter. My wife often performs in community theater. Not entertaining neil simon stuff, musicals. Show tunes and all. A bunch of middle aged, never will be primadonnas prancing and screeching. I am there every opening night. I hate it. I love my wife, so I am there. My inlaws? My father in law is a very bigoted pentacostal minister. Last time he came over he shared with me intimate details of his sex life. I'd rather eat a bug than answer the phone when he calls. I love my wife so when she goes to visit. I go. When they visit. I entertain my father in law. You want to be married? You gotta show up for the marriage even if it makes your ears bleed.

[Asteriktos]

I dont really want to go but do because I
feel I want to be witb her. Our lives are divergjng .....

Welcome to marriage scooter. My wife often performs in community theater. Not entertaining neil simon stuff, musicals. Show tunes and all. A bunch of middle aged, never will be primadonnas prancing and screeching. I am there every opening night. I hate it. I love my wife, so I am there. My inlaws? My father in law is a very bigoted pentacostal minister. Last time he came over he shared with me intimate details of his sex life. I'd rather eat a bug than answer the phone when he calls. I love my wife so when she goes to visit. I go. When they visit. I entertain my father in law. You want to be married? You gotta show up for the marriage even if it makes your ears bleed.

Listen to this guy. Marriage can be a cross at times. That's what they told us in pre-marital counseling anyway. And sometimes it is. One thing that helped me was the idea that you don't do 50/50, like with each person "meeting the other in the middle". That just gives a place for bitterness and grudges to get a foothold. Rather, commit to doing 100%, or as much as you can. Sometimes you'll do more, sometimes the other person will. But the point is not to keep track of who "isn't doing their fair share". Your "fair share" is doing whatever needs to be done to keep the relationship healthy. Of course this isn't a full-proof way of keeping relationships from falling apart, but at least if it does fall apart you'll know that you did all that you could, and not just all that society at large would expect.

[Hiwot]

I dont really want to go but do because I
feel I want to be witb her. Our lives are divergjng .....

Welcome to marriage scooter. My wife often performs in community theater. Not entertaining neil simon stuff, musicals. Show tunes and all. A bunch of middle aged, never will be primadonnas prancing and screeching. I am there every opening night. I hate it. I love my wife, so I am there. My inlaws? My father in law is a very bigoted pentacostal minister. Last time he came over he shared with me intimate details of his sex life. I'd rather eat a bug than answer the phone when he calls. I love my wife so when she goes to visit. I go. When they visit. I entertain my father in law. You want to be married? You gotta show up for the marriage even if it makes your ears bleed.

oh man! this is without a doubt one of the most genuinely romantic things I've read in quite sometime.

[Red A.]

I dont really want to go but do because I
feel I want to be witb her. Our lives are divergjng .....

Welcome to marriage scooter. My wife often performs in community theater. Not entertaining neil simon stuff, musicals. Show tunes and all. A bunch of middle aged, never will be primadonnas prancing and screeching. I am there every opening night. I hate it. I love my wife, so I am there. My inlaws? My father in law is a very bigoted pentacostal minister. Last time he came over he shared with me intimate details of his sex life. I'd rather eat a bug than answer the phone when he calls. I love my wife so when she goes to visit. I go. When they visit. I entertain my father in law. You want to be married? You gotta show up for the marriage even if it makes your ears bleed.

oh man! this is without a doubt one of the most genuinely romantic things I've read in quite sometime.

Somehow I don't think my wife would agree.

[Hiwot]

I dont really want to go but do because I
feel I want to be witb her. Our lives are divergjng .....

Welcome to marriage scooter. My wife often performs in community theater. Not entertaining neil simon stuff, musicals. Show tunes and all. A bunch of middle aged, never will be primadonnas prancing and screeching. I am there every opening night. I hate it. I love my wife, so I am there. My inlaws? My father in law is a very bigoted pentacostal minister. Last time he came over he shared with me intimate details of his sex life. I'd rather eat a bug than answer the phone when he calls. I love my wife so when she goes to visit. I go. When they visit. I entertain my father in law. You want to be married? You gotta show up for the marriage even if it makes your ears bleed.

oh man! this is without a doubt one of the most genuinely romantic things I've read in quite sometime.

Somehow I don't think my wife would agree.

Oh I beg to differ, any woman worth her salt, knows that she has ' a prince among men' when she finds her man willing to trudge through what he considers as detestable muck and grime just because pleasing her pleases him.

[Red A.]

I dont really want to go but do because I
feel I want to be witb her. Our lives are divergjng .....

Welcome to marriage scooter. My wife often performs in community theater. Not entertaining neil simon stuff, musicals. Show tunes and all. A bunch of middle aged, never will be primadonnas prancing and screeching. I am there every opening night. I hate it. I love my wife, so I am there. My inlaws? My father in law is a very bigoted pentacostal minister. Last time he came over he shared with me intimate details of his sex life. I'd rather eat a bug than answer the phone when he calls. I love my wife so when she goes to visit. I go. When they visit. I entertain my father in law. You want to be married? You gotta show up for the marriage even if it makes your ears bleed.

oh man! this is without a doubt one of the most genuinely romantic things I've read in quite sometime.

Somehow I don't think my wife would agree.

Oh I beg to differ, any woman worth her salt, knows that she has ' a prince among men' when she finds her man willing to trudge through what he considers as detestable muck and grime just because pleasing her pleases him.

Well, do you think hallmark would put that on a valentines day card?

[Hiwot]

I dont really want to go but do because I
feel I want to be witb her. Our lives are divergjng .....

Welcome to marriage scooter. My wife often performs in community theater. Not entertaining neil simon stuff, musicals. Show tunes and all. A bunch of middle aged, never will be primadonnas prancing and screeching. I am there every opening night. I hate it. I love my wife, so I am there. My inlaws? My father in law is a very bigoted pentacostal minister. Last time he came over he shared with me intimate details of his sex life. I'd rather eat a bug than answer the phone when he calls. I love my wife so when she goes to visit. I go. When they visit. I entertain my father in law. You want to be married? You gotta show up for the marriage even if it makes your ears bleed.

oh man! this is without a doubt one of the most genuinely romantic things I've read in quite sometime.

Somehow I don't think my wife would agree.

Oh I beg to differ, any woman worth her salt, knows that she has ' a prince among men' when she finds her man willing to trudge through what he considers as detestable muck and grime just because pleasing her pleases him.

Well, do you think hallmark would put that on a valentines day card?

I will not demean it by saying yes. this is something far more beautiful for being genuine than that corny stuff hallmark sells .

[Red A.]

I dont really want to go but do because I
feel I want to be witb her. Our lives are divergjng .....

Welcome to marriage scooter. My wife often performs in community theater. Not entertaining neil simon stuff, musicals. Show tunes and all. A bunch of middle aged, never will be primadonnas prancing and screeching. I am there every opening night. I hate it. I love my wife, so I am there. My inlaws? My father in law is a very bigoted pentacostal minister. Last time he came over he shared with me intimate details of his sex life. I'd rather eat a bug than answer the phone when he calls. I love my wife so when she goes to visit. I go. When they visit. I entertain my father in law. You want to be married? You gotta show up for the marriage even if it makes your ears bleed.

oh man! this is without a doubt one of the most genuinely romantic things I've read in quite sometime.

Somehow I don't think my wife would agree.

Oh I beg to differ, any woman worth her salt, knows that she has ' a prince among men' when she finds her man willing to trudge through what he considers as detestable muck and grime just because pleasing her pleases him.

Well, do you think hallmark would put that on a valentines day card?

I will not demean it by saying yes. this is something far more beautiful for being genuine than that corny stuff hallmark sells .

Thank you.

[Hiwot]

I dont really want to go but do because I
feel I want to be witb her. Our lives are divergjng .....

Welcome to marriage scooter. My wife often performs in community theater. Not entertaining neil simon stuff, musicals. Show tunes and all. A bunch of middle aged, never will be primadonnas prancing and screeching. I am there every opening night. I hate it. I love my wife, so I am there. My inlaws? My father in law is a very bigoted pentacostal minister. Last time he came over he shared with me intimate details of his sex life. I'd rather eat a bug than answer the phone when he calls. I love my wife so when she goes to visit. I go. When they visit. I entertain my father in law. You want to be married? You gotta show up for the marriage even if it makes your ears bleed.

oh man! this is without a doubt one of the most genuinely romantic things I've read in quite sometime.

Somehow I don't think my wife would agree.

Oh I beg to differ, any woman worth her salt, knows that she has ' a prince among men' when she finds her man willing to trudge through what he considers as detestable muck and grime just because pleasing her pleases him.

Well, do you think hallmark would put that on a valentines day card?

I will not demean it by saying yes. this is something far more beautiful for being genuine than that corny stuff hallmark sells .

Thank you.

you are very welcome, honestly it is me who should say thank you, reading that did me a lot of good.

[Maria]

I dont really want to go but do because I
feel I want to be witb her. Our lives are divergjng .....

Welcome to marriage scooter. My wife often performs in community theater. Not entertaining neil simon stuff, musicals. Show tunes and all. A bunch of middle aged, never will be primadonnas prancing and screeching. I am there every opening night. I hate it. I love my wife, so I am there. My inlaws? My father in law is a very bigoted pentacostal minister. Last time he came over he shared with me intimate details of his sex life. I'd rather eat a bug than answer the phone when he calls. I love my wife so when she goes to visit. I go. When they visit. I entertain my father in law. You want to be married? You gotta show up for the marriage even if it makes your ears bleed.

oh man! this is without a doubt one of the most genuinely romantic things I've read in quite sometime.

Somehow I don't think my wife would agree.

Oh I beg to differ, any woman worth her salt, knows that she has ' a prince among men' when she finds her man willing to trudge through what he considers as detestable muck and grime just because pleasing her pleases him.

Well, do you think hallmark would put that on a valentines day card?

I will not demean it by saying yes. this is something far more beautiful for being genuine than that corny stuff hallmark sells .

Thank you.

you are very welcome, honestly it is me who should say thank you, reading that did me a lot of good.

I agree. That post is a nominee for Post of the Month.

Unconditional love, where one does not count the cost, is the glue that holds marriages together. The Dance of Isaiah performed at the marriage ceremony reminds us that marriage is martyrdom.

[Thomas]

PNE,

You initially wrote: "Cant follow the liturgy, don't comprehend why all the motions and genuflections are important to her (or anyone)."
Have you addressed these very specific issues with your priest or catechumen director? These are usually answered in the catechumen classes, if they have not they need to be addressed before you are  Chrismated. As to the following of the liturgy a reading of the Book of revelations I have found is key to understanding that the worship provided during the Divine Liturgy mirrors the eternal worship of heaven. A child's Book on the Liturgy also helped me as I sought to understand the Liturgy after all we enter the church as a small child in knowledge and understanding. As far  the motions and genuflections, the reasons are piety and the actual function of worship of the Most Holy Trinity---your priest should be able to explain the why and how for these practices.

Thomas

[Opus118]

I dont really want to go but do because I
feel I want to be witb her. Our lives are divergjng .....

Welcome to marriage scooter. My wife often performs in community theater. Not entertaining neil simon stuff, musicals. Show tunes and all. A bunch of middle aged, never will be primadonnas prancing and screeching. I am there every opening night. I hate it. I love my wife, so I am there. My inlaws? My father in law is a very bigoted pentacostal minister. Last time he came over he shared with me intimate details of his sex life. I'd rather eat a bug than answer the phone when he calls. I love my wife so when she goes to visit. I go. When they visit. I entertain my father in law. You want to be married? You gotta show up for the marriage even if it makes your ears bleed.

oh man! this is without a doubt one of the most genuinely romantic things I've read in quite sometime.

Somehow I don't think my wife would agree.

Oh I beg to differ, any woman worth her salt, knows that she has ' a prince among men' when she finds her man willing to trudge through what he considers as detestable muck and grime just because pleasing her pleases him.

Well, do you think hallmark would put that on a valentines day card?

I will not demean it by saying yes. this is something far more beautiful for being genuine than that corny stuff hallmark sells .

Thank you.

you are very welcome, honestly it is me who should say thank you, reading that did me a lot of good.

I agree. That post is a nominee for Post of the Month.

Unconditional love, where one does not count the cost, is the glue that holds marriages together. The Dance of Isaiah performed at the marriage ceremony reminds us that marriage is martyrdom.

I was also moved by Red A's post. At the same time, I cannot help but admire both Hiwot and you. Your posts touched me as well.

edit - yes  I tend to be overly sentimental. But it is examples like this that bring me joy.

[thethinker]

Greetings Pne1231 

[Pne123]

Hi All.  I think I will sign off and close my account.  I am a man who is genuinely perplexed and upset over my wife becoming hyper ++ spiritual.  In these events she has found many new Orthodox friends, left out our joint socializing and moved in her own direction.  It is all I hear about: Orthodoxy, new friends, "the priest said.....", etc.  So I am left in the postion of being where I am, mostly on my own, while she moves "away" to Orthodoxy.  We used be be rowing our boat in the same direction.  She got into someone / something else's boat when I wasn't looking and rowed away.  It is like a spiritual and emotional separation.  She has many people to talk with her who have her world view, and of course support her.  I view them as people who are assisting in taking her away from our marriage.  Anyway when I wrote it was genuine but I found the responses, in part, who are part of her world view.  Some of the remarks seem to be less than helpful, mocking perhaps.  At times when I to to gain some perspective and trying to process my pain on my wife walking away to Orthodoxy via this .net I have found some help, then ....??  So I will close this up.  Over and out.

[dzheremi]

Hi All.  I think I will sign off and close my account.  I am a man who is genuinely perplexed and upset over my wife becoming hyper ++ spiritual.  In these events she has found many new Orthodox friends, left out our joint socializing and moved in her own direction.  It is all I hear about: Orthodoxy, new friends, "the priest said.....", etc.  So I am left in the postion of being where I am, mostly on my own, while she moves "away" to Orthodoxy.  We used be be rowing our boat in the same direction.  She got into someone / something else's boat when I wasn't looking and rowed away.  It is like a spiritual and emotional separation.  She has many people to talk with her who have her world view, and of course support her.  I view them as people who are assisting in taking her away from our marriage.  Anyway when I wrote it was genuine but I found the responses, in part, who are part of her world view.  Some of the remarks seem to be less than helpful, mocking perhaps.  At times when I to to gain some perspective and trying to process my pain on my wife walking away to Orthodoxy via this .net I have found some help, then ....??  So I will close this up.  Over and out.

If you consider her conversion to Orthodoxy as "taking her away from (y)our marriage", then, yes, you're unlikely to find any people here who will reinforce that view. Is this fact reason enough alone to stop seeking answers to your questions? Your wife will, I'm assuming, fully convert to Orthodoxy at some point. It behooves you for the good of your marriage to try to understand what is behind that decision, right? I mean...you clearly love your wife, and would like to be one with her rather than having her "taken away", as you put it. But she is not being taken away from you so much as reconnecting with God. It's a good thing. She was His first, and remains His. Your choice is to support her and grow in understanding and love for her even as she's not the same as she was when you two met (you aren't, either, I'm guessing). I'm sure it's very difficult, but as other posters have very eloquently put it, marriage and love themselves are very difficult. But you can do it! I am sure she prays for your conversion or at least understanding, and I will too, for whatever it is worth. God be with you both.

[Hiwot]

Hi All.  I think I will sign off and close my account.  I am a man who is genuinely perplexed and upset over my wife becoming hyper ++ spiritual.  In these events she has found many new Orthodox friends, left out our joint socializing and moved in her own direction.  It is all I hear about: Orthodoxy, new friends, "the priest said.....", etc.  So I am left in the postion of being where I am, mostly on my own, while she moves "away" to Orthodoxy.  We used be be rowing our boat in the same direction.  She got into someone / something else's boat when I wasn't looking and rowed away.  It is like a spiritual and emotional separation.  She has many people to talk with her who have her world view, and of course support her.  I view them as people who are assisting in taking her away from our marriage.  Anyway when I wrote it was genuine but I found the responses, in part, who are part of her world view.  Some of the remarks seem to be less than helpful, mocking perhaps.  At times when I to to gain some perspective and trying to process my pain on my wife walking away to Orthodoxy via this .net I have found some help, then ....??  So I will close this up.  Over and out.

pne,

I am sure you know that relationships like people grow and mature. it seems to me you guys have  issues other than the new religion that your wife is interested in. we know how sacred orthodoxy holds marriage. taking her away from her marriage is not what orthodoxy is about. so that leaves me to speculate on the nature of your relationship given what little you have said here. looks like you need to sit down and talk with one another and find a balance between your wife's new interest and all  the previous interests you might have shared. I am sure you know that  you do not have to share everything with your wife or her with you, but you can support one another in pursuing each others interests and in being the best each is capable of being in life.

that's all I can say. God be with you.

[3.14159265358979323846264]

I am a man who is genuinely perplexed and upset over my wife becoming hyper ++ spiritual. 
In these events she has found many new Orthodox friends, left out our joint socializing and moved in her own direction. 
It is all I hear about: Orthodoxy, new friends, "the priest said.....", etc. 
So I am left in the postion of being where I am, mostly on my own, while she moves "away" to Orthodoxy. 
We used be be rowing our boat in the same direction. 
She got into someone / something else's boat when I wasn't looking and rowed away. 
It is like a spiritual and emotional separation. 
She has many people to talk with her who have her world view, and of course support her. 
I view them as people who are assisting in taking her away from our marriage. 
Anyway when I wrote it was genuine but I found the responses, in part, who are part of her world view. 
Some of the remarks seem to be less than helpful, mocking perhaps. 

You should go and become a Jehovah's Witness, then!
The Orthodox absolutely hate Jehovah's Witnesses,
and you will get to be even MORE spiritual than her,
you will get BETTER friends who will be willing to DIE for you,
and you will have the ammunition you need to explain
NOT ONLY to HER, but to everyone in the Orthodox Church as well
that what they are doing is wrong, and they should be ashamed of themselves
for isolating you, and acting so selfishly toward you on your wife's behalf.

Orthodoxy is supposed to be about Mutual Self Sacrifice,
not "expressions of piety" or whatever other nonsense they are doing at that church.
Treat them like the Protestants that they are,
go and Study the bible for REAL with the Jehovah's Witnesses,
and then you will even be able to tell of the Priests with what you know.

And, don't worry about getting baptized or going door to door,
just tell the JW's you ONLY want to study the bible and that is IT!!!
They will understand, and you will learn more about the bible
than all the PhD level Orthodox Priests know in less than 6 months
of studying with the Jehovah's Witnesses.

You need to get the spiritual strength and bible knowledge background
to STAND UP for YOUR MARRIAGE, and TELL OFF THESE HYPOCRITES!!!!!!!!

[orthonorm]

I am a man who is genuinely perplexed and upset over my wife becoming hyper ++ spiritual. 
In these events she has found many new Orthodox friends, left out our joint socializing and moved in her own direction. 
It is all I hear about: Orthodoxy, new friends, "the priest said.....", etc. 
So I am left in the postion of being where I am, mostly on my own, while she moves "away" to Orthodoxy. 
We used be be rowing our boat in the same direction. 
She got into someone / something else's boat when I wasn't looking and rowed away. 
It is like a spiritual and emotional separation. 
She has many people to talk with her who have her world view, and of course support her. 
I view them as people who are assisting in taking her away from our marriage. 
Anyway when I wrote it was genuine but I found the responses, in part, who are part of her world view. 
Some of the remarks seem to be less than helpful, mocking perhaps. 

You should go and become a Jehovah's Witness, then!
The Orthodox absolutely hate Jehovah's Witnesses,
and you will get to be even MORE spiritual than her,
you will get BETTER friends who will be willing to DIE for you,
and you will have the ammunition you need to explain
NOT ONLY to HER, but to everyone in the Orthodox Church as well
that what they are doing is wrong, and they should be ashamed of themselves
for isolating you, and acting so selfishly toward you on your wife's behalf.

Orthodoxy is supposed to be about Mutual Self Sacrifice,
not "expressions of piety" or whatever other nonsense they are doing at that church.
Treat them like the Protestants that they are,
go and Study the bible for REAL with the Jehovah's Witnesses,
and then you will even be able to tell of the Priests with what you know.

And, don't worry about getting baptized or going door to door,
just tell the JW's you ONLY want to study the bible and that is IT!!!
They will understand, and you will learn more about the bible
than all the PhD level Orthodox Priests know in less than 6 months
of studying with the Jehovah's Witnesses.

You need to get the spiritual strength and bible knowledge background
to STAND UP for YOUR MARRIAGE, and TELL OFF THESE HYPOCRITES!!!!!!!!

OK. I thought this was ironic. Then sincere. Now I am confused.

[orthonorm]

Hi All.  I think I will sign off and close my account.  I am a man who is genuinely perplexed and upset over my wife becoming hyper ++ spiritual.  In these events she has found many new Orthodox friends, left out our joint socializing and moved in her own direction.  It is all I hear about: Orthodoxy, new friends, "the priest said.....", etc.  So I am left in the postion of being where I am, mostly on my own, while she moves "away" to Orthodoxy.  We used be be rowing our boat in the same direction.  She got into someone / something else's boat when I wasn't looking and rowed away.  It is like a spiritual and emotional separation.  She has many people to talk with her who have her world view, and of course support her.  I view them as people who are assisting in taking her away from our marriage.  Anyway when I wrote it was genuine but I found the responses, in part, who are part of her world view.  Some of the remarks seem to be less than helpful, mocking perhaps.  At times when I to to gain some perspective and trying to process my pain on my wife walking away to Orthodoxy via this .net I have found some help, then ....??  So I will close this up.  Over and out.

pne,

People get all cerebral and theological around here and don't know you or the situation you are in.

I doubt most people are going to saying anything that sounds remotely sympathetic to you right now.

But yes, things, even good things, can alter relationships for the worse. In case you didn't see it anywhere else, losing someone or even feeling like you are losing someone you care about can be terribly painful.

Sorry you are going through this. No one here is going to help you very much I think. Nor should they try too hard to do so. Much of what you read could be easily filed under projection. Folks might like Red A.'s post, but I am not sure what it has to do with your life (saying welcome to x is never a great way to start to talk to someone in pain even without scooter). I don't know how it could have much to do with it as he doesn't know you very well as far as I know.

Sounds like you need to vent somewhere maybe you would like something else.

What you would you like specifically from people here within the confines of the Covert Issues forum?

Before you close that account, maybe you want to try to give this option and few others you've been trying another shot. From your post it seems like you are feeling a bit alienated. Maybe try to avoid increasing that feeling by remaining open to some other folks. Even some strangers on the internet.

Again you might find it more helpful here if you can be very specific about what you want. Otherwise, you are counting on the mind reading ability of others who don't know you to offer it.

For what it is worth.

[Putnik Namernik]

Hi All.  I think I will sign off and close my account.  I am a man who is genuinely perplexed and upset over my wife becoming hyper ++ spiritual.  In these events she has found many new Orthodox friends, left out our joint socializing and moved in her own direction.  It is all I hear about: Orthodoxy, new friends, "the priest said.....", etc.  So I am left in the position of being where I am, mostly on my own, while she moves "away" to Orthodoxy.  We used be be rowing our boat in the same direction.  She got into someone / something else's boat when I wasn't looking and rowed away.  It is like a spiritual and emotional separation.  She has many people to talk with her who have her world view, and of course support her.  I view them as people who are assisting in taking her away from our marriage.  Anyway when I wrote it was genuine but I found the responses, in part, who are part of her world view.  Some of the remarks seem to be less than helpful, mocking perhaps.  At times when I to to gain some perspective and trying to process my pain on my wife walking away to Orthodoxy via this .net I have found some help, then ....??  So I will close this up.  Over and out.

I did not wish to comment because I am not in the same situation as you, but perhaps could be of some help...hoping you will be reading this...

For better or worse, right? So, do not give up on your wife or on your marriage...from my reading of your comment I don't think she plans to give up...It is unfortunate that your situation is as you mention it, but perhaps you need to mention this to your wife. Is she aware of how you feel? Talk with her and then talk some more...that might answer some of your doubts.  Do not think that your wife became Orthodox because of something you did which drove her away from you...that is not the case...

Orthodoxy is not your enemy and it does not plan to take your wife away...Each one of us has that spiritual thirst; some (as your wife in this case) choose to satisfy that thirst, while others do not. We all are at different levels of understanding and believing in Christ...do not be afraid to ask questions and do not simply assume that things are as bad as you perceive them. No two people perceive anything in a same manner...that goes the same for the faith. 

How about this...put your situation aside for a moment (and remove all conclusions) and ask yourself:
Why would someone need to go to a church?  What is it that your wife seeks? Is it something that you will find useful as well?

Forgive us if we have misunderstood you...We are humans as well...If you wish, talk to us and we will try our best to understand...The best way of resolving issues is through dialogue...hope that you have not give up.

 

[jah777]

Anyway when I wrote it was genuine but I found the responses, in part, who are part of her world view. 

You are upset that your wife is drawing toward Orthodoxy and adopting a different world view, and are surprised to encounter people on an Orthodox forum who seem to reflect a similar world view as your wife? 

You clearly have been taken by surprise by this change in your wife and her taking a great interest in something which you don't understand.  What is is that you fear?  Does your fear prevent you from being open to your wife, from taking an interest in what interests her, from exploring Orthodoxy yourself to understand what it is that draws her to this faith? 

My wife was once in a very similar position as yourself.  She feared that I was going in my own direction in drawing close to Orthodoxy.  She feared that if we became Orthodox I would want to be a monk and leave the family.  She had no real rational basis for such fears, but it prevented her from being open to Orthodoxy for a long time.  Eventually that changed, we were received together into the Church, and our marriage and family life has been very much blessed and enriched by our common Orthodox faith.

People have different "problems", fears, and ideas that may keep a person from even seriously considering Orthodoxy.  In my experience, however, the spouse that "doesn't understand" the interest of the other is often not even trying to understand by reading about the faith, asking sincere questions of the clergy, and directly confronting and exposing one's doubts and fears. 

Really the only advice that can be given is to love your wife, listen to her, take an interest in what interests her, make an effort to understand her, and your marriage will be enriched.   

[3.14159265358979323846264]

Orthodoxy is not your enemy and it does not plan to take your wife away...

Each one of us has that spiritual thirst;
some (as your wife in this case) choose to satisfy that thirst,
while others do not.

The (die) Nile (nial) is a river that runs deep and wide!

Try taking you wife to a Kingdom Hall, to satisfy that "spiritual thirst"
and then watch all the Orthodox start to squeal like PIGS!!!

A wife (especially an Orthodox one) is supposed to listen to her husband!
Tell EVE she is eating from the wrong tree if they are all shutting you out,
of her life and destroying YOUR marriage (not theirs, apparently)?

Thanks for your denial of reality, it helps to reinforce "The TRUTH", better.
Being in "The Truth" for over 23 years and the Orthodox still hold my wife captive!
Why don't you let her out of prison then, and allow her to decide her own spiritual path?

Obedience to What?
Your Hypocrisy and Lies?
If you really had "The Truth" then it wouldn't matter, would it?
You do not even believe in yourselves, do you?

[3.14159265358979323846264]

You are upset that your wife is drawing toward Orthodoxy and adopting a different world view,
and are surprised to encounter people on an Orthodox forum
who seem to reflect a similar world view as your wife? 

You clearly have been taken by surprise by this change in your wife and her taking a great interest in something which you don't understand.  What is is that you fear? 
Does your fear prevent you from being open to your wife,
from taking an interest in what interests her,
from exploring Orthodoxy yourself to understand what it is that draws her to this faith? 

My wife was once in a very similar position as yourself. 
She feared that I was going in my own direction in drawing close to Orthodoxy. 
we were received together into the Church,
and our marriage and family life has been very much blessed and enriched
by our common Orthodox faith.

People have different "problems", fears, and ideas that may keep a person from even seriously considering Orthodoxy. 
In my experience, however, the spouse that "doesn't understand" the interest of the other
is often not even trying to understand by reading about the faith,
asking sincere questions of the clergy, and directly confronting and exposing one's doubts and fears. 

Really the only advice that can be given is to love your wife, listen to her, take an interest in what interests her, make an effort to understand her, and your marriage will be enriched.   

This is Robotron 2084 Orthodoxy robotic computer program replacing those inefficient humanoids.
We are all a part of the Orthodox Unimind and want to brainwash you according to our dogmatic traditions!
We will even forcibly inject you with Haloperidol if you do not learn to act properly and obey us!

What is it that you Orthodox fear?
when one of your Wives enters the Kingdom Hall of Jehovah's Witnesses
for their more advanced style of brainwashing that you can't compete with?

This hypocrite thinks it's okay for Orthodoxy to steal YOUR wife,
but if you ever tried to take HIS wife to a Kingdom Hall, he'd throw a FIT!!!

How nice it is for HIM to expect YOU to go and ask Orthodox clergy questions
and here YOU are NOT EVEN ORTHODOX???

HIS wife listed to HIM and converted to Orthodoxy!
Your wife is NOT listening to you, and is being TAKEN from you BY ORTHODOXY!

Is not the WIFE supposed to be in subjection to the HUSBAND?
Why are YOU required to talk to Orthodox Clergy to save YOUR marriage,
when YOU are NOT EVEN ORTHODOX???

How "Blessed and Enriched" would HE be, if his wife divorced him,
instead of following him into Orthodoxy?

Is not the wife supposed to listen to the husband too?
Or does that NOT apply to Husbands who are NOT Orthodox???

 Use placed on Moderation due to his hostile post in the Convert Section. User needs to contact, via PM, the moderators to explain his actions.

[Ansgar]

Orthodoxy is not your enemy and it does not plan to take your wife away...

Each one of us has that spiritual thirst;
some (as your wife in this case) choose to satisfy that thirst,
while others do not.

The (die) Nile (nial) is a river that runs deep and wide!

Try taking you wife to a Kingdom Hall, to satisfy that "spiritual thirst"
and then watch all the Orthodox start to squeal like PIGS!!!

A wife (especially an Orthodox one) is supposed to listen to her husband!
Tell EVE she is eating from the wrong tree if they are all shutting you out,
of her life and destroying YOUR marriage (not theirs, apparently)?

Thanks for your denial of reality, it helps to reinforce "The TRUTH", better.
Being in "The Truth" for over 23 years and the Orthodox still hold my wife captive!
Why don't you let her out of prison then, and allow her to decide her own spiritual path?

Obedience to What?
Your Hypocrisy and Lies?
If you really had "The Truth" then it wouldn't matter, would it?
You do not even believe in yourselves, do you?

Bad experiences?

[Putnik Namernik]

Orthodoxy is not your enemy and it does not plan to take your wife away...

Each one of us has that spiritual thirst;
some (as your wife in this case) choose to satisfy that thirst,
while others do not.

The (die) Nile (nial) is a river that runs deep and wide!

Try taking you wife to a Kingdom Hall, to satisfy that "spiritual thirst"
and then watch all the Orthodox start to squeal like PIGS!!!

A wife (especially an Orthodox one) is supposed to listen to her husband!
Tell EVE she is eating from the wrong tree if they are all shutting you out,
of her life and destroying YOUR marriage (not theirs, apparently)?

Thanks for your denial of reality, it helps to reinforce "The TRUTH", better.
Being in "The Truth" for over 23 years and the Orthodox still hold my wife captive!
Why don't you let her out of prison then, and allow her to decide her own spiritual path?

Obedience to What?
Your Hypocrisy and Lies?
If you really had "The Truth" then it wouldn't matter, would it?
You do not even believe in yourselves, do you?

Bad experiences?

I have a feeling that 3.14159265358979323846264 and pne are the same person...but nevertheless.

Dear 3.14159265358979323846264
It is unfortunate when a husband and a wife have different outlooks on life which usually happens when they believes in different gods or in the same God in different manner...it is upsetting offcourse, but that is not a reason to feel angry.

One can only be obedient the other as long as the other is being truthful...So obedience has its limit.  In Orthodoxy, a monk listens to his spiritual father as long as that spiritual father is following our Father...Adam made a mistake of following Eve without questioning her decision as did Eve listening to the snake...I repeat, obedience is not unlimited nor unquestionable except in being obedient to Jesus Christ.

How are they destroying your life? Has your wife become a worse person? Has she disobeyed any of your reasonable requests? You cannot force somebody to something they do not like nor can somebody else force you to become Orthodox or to do anything you dislike...

What reality have denied? To what hypocrisy and lies do you refer? I know you hurt, but things do not get resolves in such a manner...Anger is not an answer...I do not judge you, because perhaps I would react similarly as you have, but it does not make such reaction correct.

One thing that you need to distinguish is Orthodox Christianity and Orthodox Christians.  Orthodoxy I find to be the right way of life, but Orthodox Christians as any other human being regardless of their religious belief can be good or bad...You will find some Orthodox priest who would be more open to discuss your situation (as some forum members have mentioned their priests suggested that they should take longer in order to have both individuals - husband and wife - feel that this is the right decision to be made), while others might just simply say one of you is ready then you can convert while the other can convert if they want if not then too bad without taking into a consideration the impact such a decision it might have on that person's marriage.

Again the key question is what is it that bothers you the most? Is it disobedience? If, so then how is she disobeying you? I am just trying to understand it better.

God be with us...do not despair.

[Ansgar]

I have a feeling that 3.14159265358979323846264 and pne are the same person...but nevertheless.

Well, pne joined the forum in 2012 and 3.14159265358979323846264,a whole year earlier. For some reason though, he hasn't posted anything until yesterday.

[Putnik Namernik]

I have a feeling that 3.14159265358979323846264 and pne are the same person...but nevertheless.

Well, pne joined the forum in 2012 and 3.14159265358979323846264,a whole year earlier. For some reason though, he hasn't posted anything until yesterday.

I have to admit that I nevertheless admire his care and love towards his wife even though it has been expressed on this forum as anger and dissatisfaction...for failing to see what is it that his wife sees in Orthodoxy.

[Ansgar]

I have a feeling that 3.14159265358979323846264 and pne are the same person...but nevertheless.

Well, pne joined the forum in 2012 and 3.14159265358979323846264,a whole year earlier. For some reason though, he hasn't posted anything until yesterday.

I have to admit that I nevertheless admire his care and love towards his wife even though it has been expressed on this forum as anger and dissatisfaction...for failing to see what is it that his wife sees in Orthodoxy.

Oh yes, definately.

[Iconodule]

This is Robotron 2084 Orthodoxy

Dude, you have no idea how excited you just made me. Robotron 2084 is one of my all-time favorite arcade games, and you're saying there's an Orthodox version now?!