Looking for a husband…

[Aindriú]

lol

[Anastasia1]

Hey guys, I heard that visiting a monastery, getting to know people there and be known by them, and talking to the abbot if he knows any good men who are looking for a wife is a good way to find someone because single guys may visit.  What do you think about this?

[Asteriktos]

I stole my wife away from a monastery, though not by visiting one, but we met on the net. I don't know how much luck you'd have, but it's worth a shot. After all, even if it doesn't work, you should still be able to have a spiritually profitable experience anyway

[Ergib]

after Ergib gets married?

chances of me getting married, very slim. chances of me becoming a nun, very high. either way, i will be happy

[Ergib]

and talking to the abbot if he knows any good men who are looking for a wife is a good way to find someone because single guys may visit.  What do you think about this?

Father had two guys in mind for me, but they were't my type. Fathers/abbots don't care much about looks as long as they think the girl/guy is a good Christian...

[dzheremi]

after Ergib gets married?

chances of me getting married, very slim. chances of me becoming a nun, very high. either way, i will be happy

Good. Positivity goes a long way in these situations.

[vamrat]

and talking to the abbot if he knows any good men who are looking for a wife is a good way to find someone because single guys may visit.  What do you think about this?

Father had two guys in mind for me, but they were't my type. Fathers/abbots don't care much about looks as long as they think the girl/guy is a good Christian...

Yeah, my priest tried to set me up with a girl at church.  I have noticed a common trend in priorities.

1- Money
2- Looks
... ?
X- Christianity

[tuesdayschild]

and talking to the abbot if he knows any good men who are looking for a wife is a good way to find someone because single guys may visit.  What do you think about this?

Father had two guys in mind for me, but they were't my type. Fathers/abbots don't care much about looks as long as they think the girl/guy is a good Christian...

Yeah, my priest tried to set me up with a girl at church.  I have noticed a common trend in priorities.

1- Money
2- Looks
... ?
X- Christianity

A trend among whose priorities?

[Punch]

Yeah, my priest tried to set me up with a girl at church.  I have noticed a common trend in priorities.

1- Money
2- Looks
... ?
X- Christianity

A trend among whose priorities?

Women

[vamrat]

and talking to the abbot if he knows any good men who are looking for a wife is a good way to find someone because single guys may visit.  What do you think about this?

Father had two guys in mind for me, but they were't my type. Fathers/abbots don't care much about looks as long as they think the girl/guy is a good Christian...

Yeah, my priest tried to set me up with a girl at church.  I have noticed a common trend in priorities.

1- Money
2- Looks
... ?
X- Christianity

A trend among whose priorities?

Sorry, I was typing in a hurry.  Christian women.  The money bit refers to status as well as money.  Looks also takes bearing into account.  I could borrow a line from Rollo Tomassi and just say "Hypergamy doesn't care about your Christ".  Women are biologically inclined to look for various things in a man just like men want to find a young (good breeding age) and beautiful (i.e. healthy) woman.  Big boobs look motherly and a big bottom usually coincides with wide hips (therefore less likely to kick the bucket in childbirth).  Likewise, women want a man who is confident (less likely to bug out when the going get's tough) and exhibits higher status (better provider). 

What I am getting at is many young Christian men make the grave mistake that a good Christian woman (TM) is going to want a good Christian man.  In some cases this is true...so long as the man has already exhibited the traits that she is after to a level her market value will allow.  This is true for all women.  All people have a biological imperative to fulfill.  Christian women have the added complication in that they believe that Jesus has a special prince charming out there for them...which is patently wrong.  He has a cross for them to bear, not some fashion-accessory-man to show off.  Any Christian man who believes that he can rest on his laurels that his religion should be enough to entice her to marry him and then stay married to him is setting himself up for catastrophe.



And before you say it, no this is not about me being bitter about this one girl my priest wanted me to date not working out...and by not working out I mean she rejected me repeatedly.  I have dated several other Christian women and have noticed a similar pattern.  I have also dated agnostics, atheists, and non-religious women.  All three of these "heathens" I still have cordial relations with (one of them came over for dinner last week).  This is me pointing out something that should save my unmarried Christian brothers a lot of grief once they have learned this. 

[Ergib]

and talking to the abbot if he knows any good men who are looking for a wife is a good way to find someone because single guys may visit.  What do you think about this?

Father had two guys in mind for me, but they were't my type. Fathers/abbots don't care much about looks as long as they think the girl/guy is a good Christian...

Yeah, my priest tried to set me up with a girl at church.  I have noticed a common trend in priorities.

1- Money
2- Looks
... ?
X- Christianity

Money is not my #1 or #2 priority.  To me, his looks and faith go hand and hand (#1). His got to have both; not one or the other. I have to be attracted to a man whom I will marry.

[vamrat]

and talking to the abbot if he knows any good men who are looking for a wife is a good way to find someone because single guys may visit.  What do you think about this?

Father had two guys in mind for me, but they were't my type. Fathers/abbots don't care much about looks as long as they think the girl/guy is a good Christian...

Yeah, my priest tried to set me up with a girl at church.  I have noticed a common trend in priorities.

1- Money
2- Looks
... ?
X- Christianity

Money is not my #1 or #2 priority.  To me, his looks and faith go hand and hand (#1). His got to have both; not one or the other. I have to be attracted to a man whom I will marry.

I clarified "money" above.

[dzheremi]

That does not seem like revelatory information, Vamrat. I don't think religious and non-religious people (of either gender) differ in that regard. If you thought it was enough to just be Christian and not work on yourself in any other way...well, I don't think anybody actually thinks that. It it one of the reasons why people in my church are encouraged to marry more in their 20s-early 30s than before, because you want to be prepared to be the kind of person who is marriageable: you want to have that degree, that good job, etc. No one wants to feel as though they are taking on a freeloader or an immature person in marriage, and women like men who are motivated, and most men would rather be seen as motivated than as lazy slobs, so that bit seems to work out okay. The stated goals of both genders seem to meet at some point, I mean.

As far as looks...I don't know...you are blessed with what you are blessed with, I suppose. I mean, I wish I were taller and more handsome, but I also know that I could clean up well if I would lose some weight and shape up a bit, so I think you also have to be realistic about what you bring to the table. For all the talk of the "princess syndrome" (which definitely does exist, but I don't know if it's more prevalent among Christian women than others), there has to be a male version out there, because I know plenty of guys who are out of shape, lazy, ignorant, and not interested in working on any of those deficiencies, yet still seem to think that they deserve "tens" and wouldn't look twice at a woman with a few extra pounds of her own, or glasses (how is this still a prejudice, anyway? I see a lady in glasses and she generally looks better to me), or the 'wrong' hair color, or whatever dumb thing. People should be more honest with themselves across the board.

[tuesdayschild]

and talking to the abbot if he knows any good men who are looking for a wife is a good way to find someone because single guys may visit.  What do you think about this?

Father had two guys in mind for me, but they were't my type. Fathers/abbots don't care much about looks as long as they think the girl/guy is a good Christian...

Yeah, my priest tried to set me up with a girl at church.  I have noticed a common trend in priorities.

1- Money
2- Looks
... ?
X- Christianity

A trend among whose priorities?

Sorry, I was typing in a hurry.  Christian women.  The money bit refers to status as well as money.  Looks also takes bearing into account.  I could borrow a line from Rollo Tomassi and just say "Hypergamy doesn't care about your Christ".  Women are biologically inclined to look for various things in a man just like men want to find a young (good breeding age) and beautiful (i.e. healthy) woman.  Big boobs look motherly and a big bottom usually coincides with wide hips (therefore less likely to kick the bucket in childbirth).  Likewise, women want a man who is confident (less likely to bug out when the going get's tough) and exhibits higher status (better provider). 

What I am getting at is many young Christian men make the grave mistake that a good Christian woman (TM) is going to want a good Christian man.  In some cases this is true...so long as the man has already exhibited the traits that she is after to a level her market value will allow.  This is true for all women.  All people have a biological imperative to fulfill.  Christian women have the added complication in that they believe that Jesus has a special prince charming out there for them...which is patently wrong.  He has a cross for them to bear, not some fashion-accessory-man to show off.  Any Christian man who believes that he can rest on his laurels that his religion should be enough to entice her to marry him and then stay married to him is setting himself up for catastrophe.



And before you say it, no this is not about me being bitter about this one girl my priest wanted me to date not working out...and by not working out I mean she rejected me repeatedly.  I have dated several other Christian women and have noticed a similar pattern.  I have also dated agnostics, atheists, and non-religious women.  All three of these "heathens" I still have cordial relations with (one of them came over for dinner last week).  This is me pointing out something that should save my unmarried Christian brothers a lot of grief once they have learned this. 

Someone's been reading Dalrock's blog.

[vamrat]

and talking to the abbot if he knows any good men who are looking for a wife is a good way to find someone because single guys may visit.  What do you think about this?

Father had two guys in mind for me, but they were't my type. Fathers/abbots don't care much about looks as long as they think the girl/guy is a good Christian...

Yeah, my priest tried to set me up with a girl at church.  I have noticed a common trend in priorities.

1- Money
2- Looks
... ?
X- Christianity

A trend among whose priorities?

Sorry, I was typing in a hurry.  Christian women.  The money bit refers to status as well as money.  Looks also takes bearing into account.  I could borrow a line from Rollo Tomassi and just say "Hypergamy doesn't care about your Christ".  Women are biologically inclined to look for various things in a man just like men want to find a young (good breeding age) and beautiful (i.e. healthy) woman.  Big boobs look motherly and a big bottom usually coincides with wide hips (therefore less likely to kick the bucket in childbirth).  Likewise, women want a man who is confident (less likely to bug out when the going get's tough) and exhibits higher status (better provider). 

What I am getting at is many young Christian men make the grave mistake that a good Christian woman (TM) is going to want a good Christian man.  In some cases this is true...so long as the man has already exhibited the traits that she is after to a level her market value will allow.  This is true for all women.  All people have a biological imperative to fulfill.  Christian women have the added complication in that they believe that Jesus has a special prince charming out there for them...which is patently wrong.  He has a cross for them to bear, not some fashion-accessory-man to show off.  Any Christian man who believes that he can rest on his laurels that his religion should be enough to entice her to marry him and then stay married to him is setting himself up for catastrophe.



And before you say it, no this is not about me being bitter about this one girl my priest wanted me to date not working out...and by not working out I mean she rejected me repeatedly.  I have dated several other Christian women and have noticed a similar pattern.  I have also dated agnostics, atheists, and non-religious women.  All three of these "heathens" I still have cordial relations with (one of them came over for dinner last week).  This is me pointing out something that should save my unmarried Christian brothers a lot of grief once they have learned this. 

Someone's been reading Dalrock's blog.

The defendant is found to be quilty...

[vamrat]

That does not seem like revelatory information, Vamrat. I don't think religious and non-religious people (of either gender) differ in that regard. If you thought it was enough to just be Christian and not work on yourself in any other way...well, I don't think anybody actually thinks that. It it one of the reasons why people in my church are encouraged to marry more in their 20s-early 30s than before, because you want to be prepared to be the kind of person who is marriageable: you want to have that degree, that good job, etc. No one wants to feel as though they are taking on a freeloader or an immature person in marriage, and women like men who are motivated, and most men would rather be seen as motivated than as lazy slobs, so that bit seems to work out okay. The stated goals of both genders seem to meet at some point, I mean.

As far as looks...I don't know...you are blessed with what you are blessed with, I suppose. I mean, I wish I were taller and more handsome, but I also know that I could clean up well if I would lose some weight and shape up a bit, so I think you also have to be realistic about what you bring to the table. For all the talk of the "princess syndrome" (which definitely does exist, but I don't know if it's more prevalent among Christian women than others), there has to be a male version out there, because I know plenty of guys who are out of shape, lazy, ignorant, and not interested in working on any of those deficiencies, yet still seem to think that they deserve "tens" and wouldn't look twice at a woman with a few extra pounds of her own, or glasses (how is this still a prejudice, anyway? I see a lady in glasses and she generally looks better to me), or the 'wrong' hair color, or whatever dumb thing. People should be more honest with themselves across the board.

I considered basic hygiene and the absence of physical deformities to be obvious enough not to have required mention.  Likewise, being lazy or an a**hole is unChristian behavior so I assumed that a decent Christian man would have these traits.

I am not talking about base line requirements in a mate, there will always be several, but the level of importance.  You have to be willing to give and take.  For me, religion has usually been a major requirement, if not THE major requirement.  If the girl in question is Christian I will lower some standards in other areas.  If she is Orthodox I will go through my list of standards with a flamethrower.  I have been a fool in the past and hoped that women might do the same.  I have yet to find one who will consider religion to be her top priority.  Ergib, who's honesty is commendable, has ranked religion to be on par with physical appearances.  (And she ranks religion higher than many girls I have talked to.) 

[dzheremi]

I am not talking about base line requirements in a mate, there will always be several, but the level of importance.  You have to be willing to give and take.  For me, religion has usually been a major requirement, if not THE major requirement.  If the girl in question is Christian I will lower some standards in other areas.  If she is Orthodox I will go through my list of standards with a flamethrower.  I have been a fool in the past and hoped that women might do the same. I have yet to find one who will consider religion to be her top priority.

With a flamethrower?  Hmmm...well, no, I don't know anybody (male or female) who will do that. I don't really see the problem with that, though. Like I wrote (and you acknowledge), it's not enough to just be Christian. Anybody (theoretically) can do that. I imagine women must compromise in other ways without really consciously advertising that fact, and that might account for the many you've met who don't list religion as the top priority, as they probably don't want to attract a guy who is otherwise unappealing but has his Christian bona fides on display for all to see (which I suppose would be unappealing and un-Christian in its own way). I dunno...never been a woman...not going to start just for this conversation...but it seems to me there might be some advantage in not making faith a stated top priority, as what if you meet someone who is compatible in all other respects and willing to explore the religion, but not quite there yet? (Just a hypothetical.) Or any of the many other situations that you don't want to close yourself off to in the search for a mate. Sure, it would be best if we all met faithful, attractive mates in church, but obviously this thread shows how unlikely that is.

Ergib, who's honesty is commendable, has ranked religion to be on par with physical appearances.  (And she ranks religion higher than many girls I have talked to.) 

Yes, Ergib is commendable. Axias, axias, axias, and all that...my only point in replying to you as that I don't think she's so atypical in wanting a man who is both attractive and faithful. Perhaps I was reading you wrong, in which case I apologize, but parts of your post such as "He has a cross for them to bear, not some fashion-accessory-man to show off.  Any Christian man who believes that he can rest on his laurels that his religion should be enough to entice her to marry him and then stay married to him is setting himself up for catastrophe" made me think that this was meant to be revelatory material, which struck me as odd to say the least. I'm as single as can be and actually in the current period of singlehood I've become much more religious than I was in my most recent relationship, so it seems obvious to me that the two are not necessarily connected (i.e., we didn't break up because I joined the Orthodox Church or whatever; she was an agnostic cultural Catholic -- I was in a state of spiritual and existential purgatory...heh).

[admiralnick]

Church?

I never heard anyone OC say that he/she met his/her spouse at church. There is a great chance of meeting a future mate by becoming a Sunday school member, but I don’t want to join for the wrong reason. Wanna see if there are other options…

I met my wife at church.

-Nick

Did you meet her through your confessional father or are you an active member at your church?

She sang Soprano and I sang Bass in the choir. We stared at each other for numerous services.

-Nick

[JamesR]

If you're looking for a younger, Mexican stallion, I'm game  if not, then why not just get a mail-order spouse from some old Orthodox country or something?

[biro]

If you're looking for a younger, Mexican stallion, I'm game  if not, then why not just get a mail-order spouse from some old Orthodox country or something?

They don't do that with men.

[JamesR]

So once I hit 18, how do I tell my parents that I am getting a mail order bride from Greece/Russia without them looking at me like I had lobsters crawling out of my ears?

[WPM]

I think you have to actively seek out your girlfriend/spouse/wife by talking to her thru a public venue ... could be a streetwalk,bar, a dance hall or whatever social activity that exists.

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