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Author Topic: My soul  (Read 201 times) Average Rating: 0
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Ashman618
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« on: January 08, 2013, 10:19:53 PM »

I find consciousness to be utterly pointless without God, lately everything I see and look at become a mass of tiny particles of energy arranged together in some kind of mystery.  I look at material goods such as food, clothing, every kind of gadget and gizmos and even the human body with a profound sense of utter meaninglessness but yet with a sense of wonder.  With an American education I have an idea of a basic function of the universe on a microscopic level which brings me to bewilderment while, at the same time, I can drive down a country road with trees set on either side; the sunset peeking through and gaze in amazement at the harmony of all things.  I long for a sense of contrition and heartfelt tears to draw close to the creator of these things but I don't know if it will ever come.  I find myself subject and tossed about by the passions of my mind and thoughts, and sometimes I don't think I can take the life long struggle.  I long for love, kindness and compassion, patients, humility but I'm unfathomably lazy when it comes to the effort to cultivate them.  Without my infinitesimally small seed of faith I feel like I would fall into despair at the loss of all hope in a purpose, I wouldn't know how to go on.  I pray for myself I never lose it, I pray for you who read this, pray for me! Lord have mercy, glory to Him.
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Justin Kissel
Formerly Asteriktos
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« Reply #1 on: January 08, 2013, 10:36:01 PM »

 Undecided

We look before and after,
And pine for what is not:
Our sincerest laughter
With some pain is fraught;
Our sweetest songs are those
That tell of saddest thought.
 
Yet, if we could scorn
Hate, and pride, and fear;
If we were things born
Not to shed a tear,
I know not how thy joy
We ever should come near.

-- Percy Bysshe Shelley
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orthonorm
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« Reply #2 on: January 09, 2013, 10:41:32 AM »

Undecided

We look before and after,
And pine for what is not:
Our sincerest laughter
With some pain is fraught;
Our sweetest songs are those
That tell of saddest thought.
 
Yet, if we could scorn
Hate, and pride, and fear;
If we were things born
Not to shed a tear,
I know not how thy joy
We ever should come near.

-- Percy Bysshe Shelley

Is this woman the author of those Twilight movies I hear so much about?
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Ignorance is not a lack, but a passion.
LizaSymonenko
Слава Ісусу Христу!!! Glory to Jesus Christ!!!
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« Reply #3 on: January 09, 2013, 12:31:43 PM »

I find consciousness to be utterly pointless without God, lately everything I see and look at become a mass of tiny particles of energy arranged together in some kind of mystery.  I look at material goods such as food, clothing, every kind of gadget and gizmos and even the human body with a profound sense of utter meaninglessness but yet with a sense of wonder.  With an American education I have an idea of a basic function of the universe on a microscopic level which brings me to bewilderment while, at the same time, I can drive down a country road with trees set on either side; the sunset peeking through and gaze in amazement at the harmony of all things.  I long for a sense of contrition and heartfelt tears to draw close to the creator of these things but I don't know if it will ever come.  I find myself subject and tossed about by the passions of my mind and thoughts, and sometimes I don't think I can take the life long struggle.  I long for love, kindness and compassion, patients, humility but I'm unfathomably lazy when it comes to the effort to cultivate them.  Without my infinitesimally small seed of faith I feel like I would fall into despair at the loss of all hope in a purpose, I wouldn't know how to go on.  I pray for myself I never lose it, I pray for you who read this, pray for me! Lord have mercy, glory to Him.

Hang in there.  You're just going through a dry spell.

Perhaps you are trying too hard.  You seem to recognize God's hand in everything around you....the harmony of nature, the beauty of the sunset, etc.

Maybe reading from the Church Fathers, or the Lives of the Saints, etc. might spark something within you.

Laziness affects us all.  Therefore, work around it.  Download some "good" reading material (perhaps to your phone, etc.) and when you have a moment read a few lines.  Subscribe to pages on Facebook that send you daily Church readings, proverbs, etc....so, when you are standing in the checkout line, you can surf through and read a few enlightening words.

Every little bit helps.

You'll always struggle...we all do.  Don't get discouraged.

You're doing fine...just take it one step at a time.

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Conquer evil men by your gentle kindness, and make zealous men wonder at your goodness. Put the lover of legality to shame by your compassion. With the afflicted be afflicted in mind. Love all men, but keep distant from all men.
—St. Isaac of Syria
Hiwot
Christ is Risen!
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Job 19:25-27


« Reply #4 on: January 12, 2013, 03:48:32 AM »

  I long for a sense of contrition and heartfelt tears to draw close to the creator of these things but I don't know if it will ever come.

it seems to me Ashman, if a heart can learn to sing and weep in wonder and joy first, the tears of contrition are soon to follow. so use that grace that has come to you, as not everyone sees the ephemeral beauty of the morning dew or the love that sustains it on the blade of grass until that infinitesimal moment of its evanescent transformation takes it up higher into rebirth. if you can hear such music in Creation, join in the song of joy you hear first..so out of love not fear, you will cry out...in contrition. you have been given the sense of wonder,you have been given much. Psalm 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God.

Quote
I long for love, kindness and compassion, patients, humility but I'm unfathomably lazy when it comes to the effort to cultivate them.
this is the human condition practical advise given to you already by Liza. just to remind you of the ambivalence that's in our heart, the longing and the dread of what it takes.
Song of Solomon 5:2-8

2I slept but my heart was awake.
Listen! My lover is knocking:
“Open to me, my sister, my darling,
my dove, my flawless one.
My head is drenched with dew,
my hair with the dampness of the night.”
3I have taken off my robe—
must I put it on again?
I have washed my feet—
must I soil them again?

4My lover thrust his hand through the latch-opening;
my heart began to pound for him.
5I arose to open for my lover,
and my hands dripped with myrrh,
my fingers with flowing myrrh,
on the handles of the lock.
6I opened for my lover,
but my lover had left; he was gone.
My heart sank at his departure.a
I looked for him but did not find him.
I called him but he did not answer.
7The watchmen found me
as they made their rounds in the city.
They beat me, they bruised me;
they took away my cloak,
those watchmen of the walls!
8O daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you—
if you find my lover,
what will you tell him?
Tell him I am faint with love.


May the Lord have mercy on us my brother.
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To God be the Glory in all things! Amen!

Only pray for me, that God would give me both inward and outward strength, that I may not only speak, but truly will; and that I may not merely be called a Christian, but really be found to be one. St.Ignatius of Antioch.Epistle to the Romans.
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