I don't know if I'd say I'm content but it is interesting to be sort of in the middle as we are.
Sometimes it seems like being EC is like standing on a beach, just at the water's edge. I know it would be great to go all the way into the ocean -but I also know I'm not that great a swimmer and I don't want to drown! So for now, I am content with wading in the shallows, getting used to the feel of the waves, and hoping someone will come along someday who can take me further out and teach me to float. :-)
Nice to see you posting again theistgal!
Another analogy perhaps, if not for you, then maybe for another to whom it applies:
You are on a ship that instead of being adrift is anchored just off shore and within close sight of it, and they feed you, keep you safe, etc. However, it is not docked to shore. You want to get to shore. You would have to jump off the boat, and swim/walk. But occasionally you see sharks swimming about. You see people waving you to shore, and some even with dingies coming out to get you. They tell you there is not sign of sharks in the water right now. But still, you've seen jaws, and what if the rope breaks while you are being lowered into the dingy, or you can't hold on right and let go, or what if they were right but sharks are coming ashore right as you are ready to come ashore...
These are real concerns. May the Lord guide your safe passage to shore.
Analogies, analogies, I got a million of 'em!
But one that does strike home is the image of the EC church as my adoptive mother. She's a kind soul who's not really very well off, but is doing the best she knows how to take care of me. I sometimes think I'd like to go live with my "real" mother, but then one of her children says something mean about my adoptive mom, and I get angry and want to defend her against the unjust sneers. If my future brothers and sisters would realize this, and speak more kindly about the only mom I've ever really known, I might find it easier to listen to their praises of our "real" mom.
I love these analogies. Even though I am not Eastern Catholic, I really do sympathize. What is frustrating to me as a RC is that, when I read Catholic sources, it sounds like our Church's position makes a lot of sense and I feel as though I am in the right place. However, when I read Orthodox material, it sounds like it makes sense too. I'm not sure if anyone has been or is in the same boat as me, but it is quite irritating. There are times that I really feel drawn towards Eastern Orthodoxy, but yet I do not feel I am able to give up some of the beliefs that I have embraced after entering the Catholic Church. It took a lot of mental/spiritual energy to de-program from the Protestant mindset and accept Catholic teachings, and I am not sure that I could re-program myself to reject the certain teachings that it would be necessary to reject to become Eastern Orthodox.
Of course, some people would say that asking the Holy Spirit for guidance would be a good idea. I have my doubts about that. I mean, how many other people have asked the Holy Spirit to show them the truth, and yet there are still many Catholics and many Orthodox. Obviously, one side has to be wrong. Who am I to think that I am so special and in tune with the Spirit that I will be led to the correct path whenever there are millions of Christians seeking the Holy Spirit and yet follow all sorts of different paths. It is frustrating to say the least.
Plus, to be perfectly honest, there are some RC teachings that I have a hard time accepting. I do not know if this is just my weak, sinful human nature that needs to learn obedience and conform itself to my Church's teaching, or whether I am reacting to something that is actually wrong. How can one tell? Also, in a hypothetical situation, suppose I was received into the Eastern Orthodox Church. I am disabled and do not drive, and the nearest Orthodox Church is 45 - 50 minutes away from where I live. If I ever did get a chance to attend Church it would be very rare since I doubt people would be wanting to transport me that far on a regular basis. Would it even be beneficial to become Eastern Orthodox in such a scenario, or would be it be better to tough it out and remain where I am?
Coming back to my other point, since I do not feel like I can totally trust my judgment, I have the fear of being wrong...so what if I left my current Church and it actually is the true Church?
Anyway...sorry for rambling, I've just been thinking a lot lately and it felt good to put all of this in writing and get it off of my chest. For those of you who are on one side of the schism or another and are very confident in where you are, I envy you. To me, however, the decision is rather difficult and complex.